Although I have had friendships in the past, I do not maintain those friendships once I move from the geographic area. For the past year and a half, I have not had any friendships to speak of. At present, I don't have any friends and do not try to have friends. Moreover, I have little to no desire to have friends, probably because it is easier to avoid socializing than risk the general anxiety that comes from the rejection and humiliation.

With a "winning" personality, even the worst people can be successful. In the United States, a mass murder named Ted Bundy had such a tremendous personality that he cultivated many friends from all walks of life (before he was caught). With a "losing" personality, even the most intelligent, friendly, honest people will not be successful in life. Success is meaningless if you have no one to share it with.

I stay away from social situations and push people away when I am in social situations. Just recently, I reflected on my life and realized that I had nothing in my life to keep me from participating in life. I know that I am smart, attractive, honest, and have a high paying job -- everything people strive for -- and yet I have low self esteem, no friends and no social life. I've worked on all aspects of my life driven by the need to understand what is wrong with me. Maybe I was too dumb. I now have several college degrees. Maybe I wasn't athletic. I drove myself to be strong in swimming, running, and weightlifting. Maybe I was mean spirited. I bent over backwards to help everybody out. I am now at the point where all obstacles have been removed to reveal my social under development.