We return to the show. Luckily we are given time to compose ourselves with a recap of the little old dear in her little old kitchen on some little old island off Kagoshima guiding us through the process of cooking once more.

15 minutes have elapsed since we were first privy to the existence of this magical local delicacy but now it is time. Cue music again, camera slowly pans down towards kitchen bench again. Talento jizz faces again. Huueeerr again.

We are allowed to see that inside the pan is mushed fish. Bird in stupid hat confirms that it looks delicious. Studio audience reasserts this fact. That’s not what we came here for though. The fish mush is just the warm up. We still don’t know what the secret ingredient is. WE MUST KNOW. Fear not. It is time.

The two hosts announce energetically and in tandem, “KAGOSHIMA, COMING OUT!”

Cue music for the final time. The camera, positioned on the old dear’s face ever so slowly pans out, the people at home, the studio audience, the panel in their little boxes in the corner of the screen, are all wetting themselves in anticipation…

Until…

Finally…

…

Miso paste.

HUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRR???!!!!

It is absolute fucking chaos in the studio. Nobody can fucking believe it. The bird in the stupid hat looks almost incredulous that someone, Japanese no less, would use such an ingredient in such a dish. The knob in thick rimmed glasses nods as if he has unlocked one of the great complexities of the world.

Just when the atmosphere couldn’t get any more electric, the two hosts announce that the mystery dish is here, in this very studio. It is ushered out into the waiting mouths of the talento, who clap in wonder. The bird in the stupid hat can finally say with conviction that the dish not only sounds, looks, but tastes delicious. The smug cunt from Kagoshima has a face which beams “I told you so!” and welcomes his new brothers and sisters to the higher plane of regional knowledge.

Commercial break. People eating.