This thread is too hard.
I invite >>3 to fist me and he accepts, but is unaware of my rectum full of razor blades and stinging antiseptics.
I plague >>2-5, wait a bit, then take them out one-by-one with broodlings.
I first kneecap >>7 with pliers, then proceed to use those same pliers to rip each of his fingernails out and feed them to him.
I tear out >>9's midsection and beat him unconscious with it.
i shove >>10's face into a bowl of jello pudding, then smush it around a bit, then lift it out and look into his eyes, and shove it right back in the pudding again. and this continues until he falls asleep.
I tear into >>11's chest and remove his intestines. I then garrotte him with said intestines.
I point and laugh at >>12.
His self-esteem suffers greatly.
Using a ball-peen hammer, I smash >>14's toes, one by one
Using a 16th century Tanto, I slice off >>18's tiny boner.
Using a 16th century Tanto, I give >>19 an unpleasant razor burn.
Using a 7MW laser beam, I weld >>21's retinas to the back of his eyesockets.
Using a stack of thin, tough paper, I give >>22 paper cuts on every inch of his body, and reachable orifices.
Using his pants zipper, I painfully pinch >>24's scrotum.
>>23 here... ahhh, that's much better, thank you. I've been meaning to do something about that.
However, using a turkey mallet, I still beat you to within an inch of your life, leaving you in a pool of your own blood.
Using a rusty teaspoon, I perform an amateur vaginoplasty on >>26.
Using my hand, I shape it into a fist and hit >>27 on the nose.
Using my foot, I shape it into a... foot and kick >>28 in the shin.
Suddenly, without warning, >>26-30 are inflicted with acute renal colic!
Using my pinky, I lift >>31 up in the air by his left nostril.
I inject >>33 with a mycotoxin, rendering him unable to punch deck ever again.
I pry open >>35's eyes with toothpicks and mace them heavily, then show cruel mercy and stop just before he passes out from the pain.
I recite old 4chan memes at >>36 until blood pours from his mouth, nose and ears.
I recite new 4chan memes at >>37, killing him instantly
I arrive in my FedEx truck and finalize the same-day service for the 15 croutons >>41 ordered online.
I roll around on >>42 's bed in a shit-filled diaper while reciting the pledge of allegiance.
I swiftly punch >>43 in the face with gentlemanly class, then walk away.
I drop a steamroller on >>44, then stand on top of it shouting "WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!"
I stare disapprovingly at >>45
I fart in the general direction >>46 and his hamster mother and father who smelled of elderberries.
I dismember all of >>47's limbs with cold steel, but he insists it's only a flesh wound. So I kick him in the nuts.
I'm laughing too hard at >>45 to harm anyone. He wins. Thread over.
With a devious contraption, I force >>50's knees to bend 180º in the wrong direction.
I tie >>53's mittens together to incapacitate him, then tie his ankles together and I suspend him from the ceiling by fishing hooks.
I decide to test the ultimate question on >>56.
"Will it Blend?"
---
τCheesy Music♫
Whrrrrrrzzzhkchkchkchkzzzz
---
"It Blends!"
♫Closing jazzy notesτ
I cut >>57 with a razorblade cuz thats me and I'm HaRdCoRe EMO.
I tell >>58 where I keep my razorblades, tell him that I scratched his Dashboard Confessional CD in such a way that none of the tracks will play the whole way through anymore, and leave him alone for half an hour.
I kick >>59 in the kidney, and then again in the other kidney. And in the balls, too.
I switch >>60's testicles with a pair of goat's eyes in a heretofore unseen esoteric medical procedure. He perishes three days later from goat-eyes-for-balls-itis.
I secretly replace >>61's regular coffee with dark, sparkling, finely ground broken glass.
>>62
There is no dark glass when in powder form. This is a fact.
I hit >>63 in the throat with a mace, because he posted in the delivering pain thread rather than the correcting minor nuances without regard for context thread.
I delicately puncture >>65's brain with the end of a rather large fishing hook. Unfortunately, as there are no pain receptors in the brain, I also have to kick him in the nuts just to make it count.
I inject >>66 with a paralyzing agent and bring him to a medical school to be used for scalpel practice by aspiring surgeons.
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>>63
http://www.anonib.com/bookchan/images/1564/learnings_anonib.png
Also, I poke >>69 in the eyes.
I shove a sandwich made entirely out of cheap Chinese ingredients that failed the tests, but were shipped out anyway. I then forcibly shut >>70's mouth, and punch him in the face so that he reflexively swallows the meal.
I shove a suppository made entirely out of my foot in >>71's ass.
I place shackles around >>72's feet, weld them to the bottom of a steel drum, fill it with used motor oil, and set it ablaze.
I weld shackles to >>73's feet, chain them to a steel drum, fill his bottom with used motor oil, and set it ablaze.
I thrust a porous catheter into >>75's urethra, and pump pure Capsicum extract through it.
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I tear out >>79 's heart, lungs, and liver, chop them up, then cook them in his/her own stomach and serve it all to his/her parents.
Because I feel like it.
I apply a trephine to >>83 without the proper medical training.
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I'M GOING TO FUCK >>85 UP WITH MY MINDGAMES
WAVESHITTING ACROSS THE STAGE UNTIL HE COMMITS SUICIDE BECAUSE HE CAN'T HANDLE MAH MIIIIIIIIIIINDGAAAAAAAAAMES
I force >>87 to read http://4-ch.net/dqn/kareha.pl/1205890118/ from start to finish. Twice.
>>88
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I bump into >>90 while not paying attention, then give him a dirty look as if it was his fault.
I pass by >>91 on the street at night, and then ruthlessly jab his leg with my poison-tipped umbrella and continue walking.
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dicks out for Harambe