This thread is too hard.
I invite >>3 to fist me and he accepts, but is unaware of my rectum full of razor blades and stinging antiseptics.
I plague >>2-5, wait a bit, then take them out one-by-one with broodlings.
I first kneecap >>7 with pliers, then proceed to use those same pliers to rip each of his fingernails out and feed them to him.
I tear out >>9's midsection and beat him unconscious with it.
i shove >>10's face into a bowl of jello pudding, then smush it around a bit, then lift it out and look into his eyes, and shove it right back in the pudding again. and this continues until he falls asleep.
I tear into >>11's chest and remove his intestines. I then garrotte him with said intestines.
I point and laugh at >>12.
His self-esteem suffers greatly.
Using a ball-peen hammer, I smash >>14's toes, one by one
Using a 16th century Tanto, I slice off >>18's tiny boner.
Using a 16th century Tanto, I give >>19 an unpleasant razor burn.
Using a 7MW laser beam, I weld >>21's retinas to the back of his eyesockets.
Using a stack of thin, tough paper, I give >>22 paper cuts on every inch of his body, and reachable orifices.
Using his pants zipper, I painfully pinch >>24's scrotum.
>>23 here... ahhh, that's much better, thank you. I've been meaning to do something about that.
However, using a turkey mallet, I still beat you to within an inch of your life, leaving you in a pool of your own blood.
Using a rusty teaspoon, I perform an amateur vaginoplasty on >>26.
Using my hand, I shape it into a fist and hit >>27 on the nose.
Using my foot, I shape it into a... foot and kick >>28 in the shin.
Suddenly, without warning, >>26-30 are inflicted with acute renal colic!
Using my pinky, I lift >>31 up in the air by his left nostril.
I inject >>33 with a mycotoxin, rendering him unable to punch deck ever again.
I pry open >>35's eyes with toothpicks and mace them heavily, then show cruel mercy and stop just before he passes out from the pain.
I recite old 4chan memes at >>36 until blood pours from his mouth, nose and ears.
I recite new 4chan memes at >>37, killing him instantly
I arrive in my FedEx truck and finalize the same-day service for the 15 croutons >>41 ordered online.
I roll around on >>42 's bed in a shit-filled diaper while reciting the pledge of allegiance.
I swiftly punch >>43 in the face with gentlemanly class, then walk away.
I drop a steamroller on >>44, then stand on top of it shouting "WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!"
I stare disapprovingly at >>45