>>3's puny fists could not cause his mouse button to budge, so he had to ask his mommy to come click 'Reply' for him.
>>5 tried to smear some butter on a slice of toast this morning, but as it had spent the night in the fridge instead of on the counter, he broke his wrist and splintered his ulna instead.
>>8 is responsible for this thread, which is the weakest DQN has seen in quite a while.
>>9 typed that on his custom keyboard with hair-trigger weighted keys.
>>12 Appeared as a guest star in Axis Power Hetalia. Italy killed him by complete accident
>>13 is actually Niccolo Machiavelli, history's most prolific armchair general.
>>14 would like to read Machiavelli, but the pages are too heavy to turn. He tried reading it on an e-book reader, but could not press the page flip buttons either.
>>20 prefers the Text Art formatting because it makes the letters look less heavy.
>>23 has twice received severe concussions from blobs of pigeon excrement.
>>25 cannot dive more than 3 feet below the water surface before the water pressure crushes his ribcage.
>>26 is seriously bruised up by the process of putting on underpants, but otherwise his junk would just swing a little too far and rip away from his body entirely.
>>27 once tried to masturbate, but his arm got tired after the third stroke.
>>28 would be propelled backwards by the force of his own ejaculation, if he ever got around to achieving that of course.
When >>30 builds a sand castle, he has to lift the sand one grain at a time.
>>31 Tried to play a guitar once but the strings cut off his fingers.
>>32 took one sip of cold beer, and had to be rushed to the hospital to be treated for alcohol poisoning and hypothermia simultaneously.
>>34 tried to derail a thread once, but the passengers felt only the slightest of bumps as it ran over his miniscule e-peen, snapping it like a twig.
>>35's unobtrusive, soft-spoken attempt to rob a convenience store got him laughed out by the clerk and everyone in line.
If >>37 doesn't take a whiz every five minutes, his bladder ruptures from the pressure.
>>44 ordered a steamed carrot in a fancy restaurant but it was too spicy for him
>>46 cracked an egg and the shell cut him up so bad, that he has scars on his hands for the rest of his life.
Being able to crack an egg is >>47's lifelong dream.
An egg fell on >>48. He was crushed to death. The egg was undamaged.
>>51 once attempted to pluck a chicken. His hand tore off at the wrist, still grasping the first feather.
>>53 needs months of steroid injections in order to gain the strength to make his own bed.
>>54 Has serious difficulties in 2 story and taller buildings.
He doesn't have enough muscle to climb 1 flight of stairs, and blacks out due to acceleration when he uses the elevator or the escalator.
Smilarly, when >>55 stands up, he immediately gets altitude sickness, and the force of the resulting projectile vomit is enough to send him into a triple backflip.
>>58 dearly wished to employ the PokéWalker, but was unable to take a single step under its burden.
>>59 can only use ghost Pokémon. Anything else would result in impacted shins.
>>62 tried to sing once, but the vibrations tore up his larynx.
>>65 Has a house with automatic opening doors that are also found in food stores. He has them because if he had to open doors the old fashioned way, or had to push a button, he would never be able to enter or exit his house.
>>67 jaws were sealed shut forever after trying to chew gum.
(also automatic sliding doors do not work that way)
>>68 was crushed and horribly maimed by an automatic sliding door, ironically enough.
>>76 couldn't justify the Brobdingnagian effort of typing out a post to insult just one person.
>>77 nearly died from fatigue after spelling out "Brobdingnagian" on his keyboard
>>78 got fired from his job at the chip shop after 1 day because he couldn't batter a fish.
>>81 asphyxiated while trying to read his post out loud in a single breath.
>>83 died from the mental effort of imagining a weaker method of dying.
>>84 faints from the heat regularly because he can't unzip his jacket
>>85 died from Dave's Syndrome about 25 seconds after submitting his reply.
>>89 popped all his zits at once by briefly holding his breath. Then his chest ruptured.
>>90 popped a zit once and required an emergency blood transfusion afterwards.
>>93 tried to eat grapefruit once, but when he stuck the spoon in, juice sprayed into his eyes. It nearly blinded him.
>>93 tried to eat grapefruit once, but when he stuck the spoon in, juice sprayed into his eyes. It blinded him.
>>95 tried to eat grapefruit once, but couldn't manage to stick the spoon in.
>>99 was unable to press the enter key to post his reply which would have been a 100 get
>>100 is so shy and timid he's afraid of bumping threads, nonetheless ones in which he obtains landmark GETs.
>>101 tried to bump a thread, but it wouldn't budge and he got the most terrible muscle ache.
>>103 tried to SAGE a thread, but it wouldn't go down. It took him several hours to do it because in order to type, he had to lift multiple 100 Mg weights in order to make a keyboard key go down to type. >>103 also sweat until he was dehydrated and passed oyt from exhaustion. He didn't wake up for 3 days.
>>104 cracked his ribs and burst his gallbladder during a bad case of hiccups.
>>105 had to type so hard to write this that his moustache fell off
>>106 face is all saggy and limp because when he hit puberty and started growing a little bit of facial hair it pulled his face down greatly
>>112 Died from watching Hokuto No Ken. He really was WA SHOCK
>>113 cried during CLANNAD before he was even done watching the opening of the first episode.
>>116 broke his ulna by trying to push his hand into a mitten.
>>119 Tried brushing his teeth once, but the toothbrush knocked out all his teeth.
>>120 used a waterpick once, and it bored straight through his teeth and the back of his throat on the first pulse.
One day >>121 stumbled over the doorstep and spent a weekend in the intensive care.
Last night >>122 walked into a bar--and died from the impact.
Last night >>123 walked into a bar and instantly fell over drunk from the mere smell of alcohol.
>>124 went to a party and immediately fainted from overstimulation.
>>127 tried to eat chips with salsa that contained just a tiny bit of chopped jalapeno pepper, and burst into flames.
>>128 tried to eat chips plain. His teeth shattered and his mouth was badly lacerated.
>>131 almost got in a fight but the suspense gave him a heart attack.
>>133's head exploded when he tried to watch Hokuto no Ken.
If >>134 was a liquid and you mixed 9 parts of him with 1 part water, you would only taste water.
>>137 tastes like lemons on Sundays. Because he is weekly flavored. (yes, I know, juvenile puns are MY weakness)
>>142 had to use hydraulic power typing assist to write his words.
Upon seeing that, >>145 vomited so energetically that he prolapsed his stomach right out his mouth.
>>148 died from the pressure of seeing 147 prior posts atop his.
>>149 dropped his pencil and nailed his foot to the floor with it.
>>151 can't get a full erection, because he would black out due to blood being taken from his brain.
>>152's blood pressure is so low that when he gets a cut, the wound inhales.
>>153 almost had a heart attack when he noticed his ban in [ITT]We ban the person who posted before[Moderation] thread.
>>154 tears the skin off his penis whenever he tries to masturbate to Espeon porn.
>>156 has to breathe into a paper bag if Sailor Moon comes on
>>158 failed to fight his way out of a paper bag. Also, doesn't Sailor Moon have that effect on everyone? :3
>>159 had to be carried to bed when his cousin gave him a friendly pat on the back.
>>160
Was already in the bed dying of aids. The two tried to make love afterwords but were unable to penetrate eachother's butts.
>>162 was ripped apart at an atomic level when he felt the minuscule rumblings of an earthquake on the other side of the world.
>>166 is a flower. Its subtle, alluring beauty and delicate contour has left me feeling vaguely content with life.
>>167's puny heart struggles to pump sufficient oxygen to his brain, leaving him too feeble-minded to understand the concept of this thread.
>>168 couldn't do anything himself, but ended up as a famous theoretical physicist.
>>169 tried to become a theoretical physicist but met his demise in a freak accident involving a perfectly tight frictionless piston, a massless frictionless chain, and a spherical horse in simple harmonic motion.
Actually, it was a result of suffocation in imaginary vacuum.
>>170 accidentally scraped his knee; now he is terminally ill because of sepsis.
>>171 got slammed into the bathroom wall when he popped a zit.
>>172
Got knocked out after being flogged by a warm lettuce leaf.
>>173 died from hypothermia after warming a lettuce leaf on his bare skin.
>>182 When he had a tiny amount of static electricity and touched something metal, he looked like a man in an electric chair. He also exploded into flames.
>>184's hand was crushed to a bloody pulp when a butterfly alighted on it.
>>186 suffered severe radiation poisoning after being exposed to an unpeeled banana.
>>188's attempt to smoke a single cigarette caused his lungs to implode.
>>189's spine was broken in 7 places when a shiver ran down it.
>>190 required a blood transfusion after drinking a can of coke.
One of >>191's eyelashes fell out and he passed out from the pain.
>>192 broke every bone in his fingers when he attempted to crack his knuckles.
>>194 was crushed to death by his awareness of his own mortality.
>>195 is instantly dehydrated whenever he spits on the ground or cries.
>>197 suffered chemical burns after being sprinkled with a water.
>>199 died of cardiac arrest when he saw a football rolling towards him.
>>200 accidentally choked to death on a delocalised electron.
>>201 went outside for a walk in the sun and overdosed on Vitamin D.
When >>204 scratches an itch, it creates permanent scars on his skin
>>207 sneezed once and simultaneously broke all his ribs, ruptured his lungs in three places, dislocated his collarbone, soiled himself, and one of his toes fell off.
>>209 tore his skin away when he covered himself in a soft blanket
>>210 Permanently crushed his penis when he put a condom on it.
>>211 became horribly malformed after a terrible head-on collision with a parked kids bike.