ITT the Previous Poster is Unfathomably Weak (216)

1 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6294 04:21

>>0 gets beat up by Richard Simmons.

67 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6306 20:10

>>66's heat signature is so weak that he cannot open >>65's door.

68 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6306 20:16

>>67 jaws were sealed shut forever after trying to chew gum.

(also automatic sliding doors do not work that way)

69 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6306 22:02

>>68 was crushed and horribly maimed by an automatic sliding door, ironically enough.

70 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6306 22:49

>>69 was crushed by the irony of his own existence.

71 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6306 23:58

>>70 Can't shit without making his anus bleed.

72 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6307 00:50

>>71 got sucked into the toilet when he flushed it

73 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6307 01:28

>>72 got sucked into the toilet without flushing it.

74 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6307 01:28

>>72 got sucked into the toilet without flushing it.

75 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6307 01:59

>>72 got sucked into the toilet. flushing it.

76 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6307 03:31

>>74 and >>75 are mentally feeble.

77 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6307 09:10

>>76 couldn't justify the Brobdingnagian effort of typing out a post to insult just one person.

78 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6307 23:29

>>77 nearly died from fatigue after spelling out "Brobdingnagian" on his keyboard

79 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6307 23:34

>>78 got fired from his job at the chip shop after 1 day because he couldn't batter a fish.

80 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6308 10:06

>>79 was rushed to hospital after visiting >>78's chip shop because the floor was quite hard.

81 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6308 10:43

>>80 on the other hand was rushed to the same hospital because of 3rd degree burns from the mild warmth inside >>78's chip shop. No, >>80 didn't walk into the shop, >>80 was carried into the shop by their pet squirrel, while bruising all over because of the grip before the "heat" got to them.

82 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6308 12:15

>>81 asphyxiated while trying to read his post out loud in a single breath.

83 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6308 13:54

>>82 also did that.

84 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6308 14:41

>>83 died from the mental effort of imagining a weaker method of dying.

85 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6308 20:00

>>84 faints from the heat regularly because he can't unzip his jacket

86 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6308 23:05

>>85 died from Dave's Syndrome about 25 seconds after submitting his reply.

87 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6308 23:26

(　･ิω･ิ) >>86 has terminal bonitis.

88 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6309 02:04

>>87 broke his neck when a fly landed on it.

89 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6309 18:24

>>88 will drown if the atmosphere is more than .01% humid.

90 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6309 19:22

>>89 popped all his zits at once by briefly holding his breath. Then his chest ruptured.

91 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6309 21:11

>>90 popped a zit once and required an emergency blood transfusion afterwards.

92 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6309 21:12

>>90's zit-popping shenanigans left >>91 permanently deaf

93 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6312 02:39

>>92 was bitten by an ant and passed out from the pain.

94 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6312 15:40

>>93 tried to eat grapefruit once, but when he stuck the spoon in, juice sprayed into his eyes. It nearly blinded him.

95 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6312 15:43

>>93 tried to eat grapefruit once, but when he stuck the spoon in, juice sprayed into his eyes. It blinded him.

96 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6312 16:29

>>95 tried to eat grapefruit once, but couldn't manage to stick the spoon in.

97 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6312 17:21

>>96 licked a grapefruit once, but it was just too sour for him, so he gave it to someone else. However, they didn't want it since >>96 licked it, so it went in the bin.

98 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6312 18:01

>>97 caught glandular fever from looking at >>96's saliva.

99 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6312 18:32

>>98 couldn't lift the spoon.

100 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6315 01:45

>>99 was unable to press the enter key to post his reply which would have been a 100 get

101 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6315 03:46

>>100 is so shy and timid he's afraid of bumping threads, nonetheless ones in which he obtains landmark GETs.

102 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6315 19:10

>>101 tried to bump a thread, but it wouldn't budge and he got the most terrible muscle ache.

103 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6317 03:20

>>102 cracked his shoulderblade bumping a thread.

104 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6317 13:47

>>103 tried to SAGE a thread, but it wouldn't go down. It took him several hours to do it because in order to type, he had to lift multiple 100 Mg weights in order to make a keyboard key go down to type. >>103 also sweat until he was dehydrated and passed oyt from exhaustion. He didn't wake up for 3 days.

105 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6357 16:34

>>104 cracked his ribs and burst his gallbladder during a bad case of hiccups.

106 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6357 16:45

>>105 had to type so hard to write this that his moustache fell off

107 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6357 17:32

>>106 face is all saggy and limp because when he hit puberty and started growing a little bit of facial hair it pulled his face down greatly

108 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6357 17:34

>>107 broke his jaw on a grape.

109 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6359 23:24

>>108 broke several teeth the last time he ate Jell-o.

110 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6364 09:33

>>111
WAS CRUSHED BY MY BOULDER-LIKE FIST

111 Name: 🔰!ESpeoN/nPA : 1993-09-6364 09:58

>>110 had to use an exoskeleton with an attached fist-shaped boulder...
BUT IT FAILED.

112 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6364 18:20

>>111 couldn't even defeat a Magikarp.

113 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6364 23:46

>>112 Died from watching Hokuto No Ken. He really was WA SHOCK

114 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6365 02:08

>>113 cried during CLANNAD before he was even done watching the opening of the first episode.

115 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6365 04:00

>>110 couldn't even stop the text describing his own weakness from slipping down the screen.
">>110 couldn't even stop the text describing his own weakness from slipping down the screen." fell on >>114's head and crushed him to death. Needles to say, he died.

116 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6365 04:02

>>115 meant >>109 and died from embarrassment.

117 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6372 19:28

>>116 broke his ulna by trying to push his hand into a mitten.

118 Name: 🔰!ESpeoN/nPA : 1993-09-6373 00:04

>>117 broke his spine when he was coughing.

119 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6378 17:49

>>118 's innards exploded after he ate 1 bean and farted.

120 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6380 01:30

>>119 Tried brushing his teeth once, but the toothbrush knocked out all his teeth.

121 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6380 02:43

>>120 used a waterpick once, and it bored straight through his teeth and the back of his throat on the first pulse.

122 Name: 🔰!ESpeoN/nPA : 1993-09-6380 10:31

One day >>121 stumbled over the doorstep and spent a weekend in the intensive care.

123 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6380 14:32

Last night >>122 walked into a bar--and died from the impact.

124 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6381 16:16

Last night >>123 walked into a bar and instantly fell over drunk from the mere smell of alcohol.

125 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6381 16:58

>>124 went to a party and immediately fainted from overstimulation.

126 Name: 🔰!ESpeoN/nPA : 1993-09-6381 18:16

>>125 barely survives required daily physiotherapy.

127 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6381 20:17

>>126 gets horrible train-wreck comedowns from chocolate

128 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6381 23:57

>>127 tried to eat chips with salsa that contained just a tiny bit of chopped jalapeno pepper, and burst into flames.

129 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6382 00:00

>>128 tried to eat chips plain. His teeth shattered and his mouth was badly lacerated.

130 Name: 🔰!ESpeoN/nPA : 1993-09-6382 10:55

>>129 tried to pick up crumbs left after >>128's demise, but couldn't even achieve this!

131 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6382 23:44

>>130 got in a fight and he didn't win

132 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6383 02:30

>>131 almost got in a fight but the suspense gave him a heart attack.

133 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6383 11:15

>>132 fought the law and the law won.

134 Name: 🔰!ESpeoN/nPA : 1993-09-6383 12:51

>>133's head exploded when he tried to watch Hokuto no Ken.

135 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6383 20:23

If >>134 was a liquid and you mixed 9 parts of him with 1 part water, you would only taste water.

136 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6383 21:19

>>135 is confusing weakness with tastelessness.

This is >>135's weakness.

137 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6383 21:52

>>136 is weakly flavoured.

138 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6384 00:23

>>137 tastes like lemons on Sundays. Because he is weekly flavored. (yes, I know, juvenile puns are MY weakness)

139 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6384 01:47

>>138 Tried playing Mega Man 2 but can't defeat Air Man.

140 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6384 04:36

>>139 was rendered unconscious by a light breeze

141 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6391 04:29

>>140 was carried off by a light breeze

142 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6391 13:24

>>141 was carried off by >>140.

143 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6391 14:52

>>142 was carried out and was w

144 Name: 🔰!ESpeoN/nPA : 1993-09-6391 14:52

>>142 had to use hydraulic power typing assist to write his words.

145 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6391 15:25

>>143 and >>144 stumbled into each other in the hallway and collapsed into a pile of torn up, bloody body parts.

146 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6391 19:30

Upon seeing that, >>145 vomited so energetically that he prolapsed his stomach right out his mouth.

147 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6391 20:02

>>146 went into shock as the faint smell of >>145 and >>144's mishap wafted into his apartment, three floors down.

148 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6391 22:03

>>147 suffered cardiac arrest at the sound of >>146's prone body gently alighting on the soft, carpeted floor.

149 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6392 20:31

>>148 died from the pressure of seeing 147 prior posts atop his.

150 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6392 20:57

>>149 dropped his pencil and nailed his foot to the floor with it.

151 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6392 22:46

>>150 tried to type "150GET" but died from the excitement.

152 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6400 21:04

>>151 can't get a full erection, because he would black out due to blood being taken from his brain.

153 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6400 22:29

>>152's blood pressure is so low that when he gets a cut, the wound inhales.

154 Name: 🔰!ESpeoN/nPA : 1993-09-6401 00:39

>>153 almost had a heart attack when he noticed his ban in [ITT]We ban the person who posted before[Moderation] thread.

155 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6401 00:46

>>154 tears the skin off his penis whenever he tries to masturbate to Espeon porn.

156 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6401 01:54

>>155 died because of terminal gettodge

157 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6402 08:29

>>156 has to breathe into a paper bag if Sailor Moon comes on

158 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6402 15:45

>>157's body tears asunder more easily than said paper bag.

159 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6402 16:50

>>158 failed to fight his way out of a paper bag. Also, doesn't Sailor Moon have that effect on everyone? :3

160 Name: 🔰!ESpeoN/nPA : 1993-09-6402 22:19

>>159 had to be carried to bed when his cousin gave him a friendly pat on the back.

161 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6404 07:18

>>160
Was already in the bed dying of aids. The two tried to make love afterwords but were unable to penetrate eachother's butts.

162 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6404 10:21

>>161 has terminal bonitis.

163 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6404 11:46

>>162 was ripped apart at an atomic level when he felt the minuscule rumblings of an earthquake on the other side of the world.

164 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6404 14:16

>>163 drowned in a wet paper bag.

165 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6404 18:02

>>164 drowned in a dry paper bag.

166 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6404 21:12

>>165's nickname is "Flower"

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