Please make my ween happy
Use peanut butter.
Give it a slice of cake!
I'm sorry, but we're going to have to ween both you and it off happiness. A HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
...well, okay, I'm amused, anyway.
Rub it and say nice things to it!
Flowers and chocolate?
push th' little daisies and make em come up
I'm a skinny short man who usually doesn't want to have anything to do with anyone. I never rub others the wrong way, and tend to stay out of trouble. But one day I met my match. At a pub, I met a tall, huge, lumbering woman with copious amounts of fat covering her body, not quite chubby but rather in a well proportioned manner. Her breasts were large and generous and her thighs looked like a soft and wonderful heaven to rest one's tired sleepy head on. Her hips were wide and flabby and you sort of wanted to slap it to hear that satisfying 'plap' sound and watch it wiggle. She rather had a certain look to her, as if she would make a good mother. If I could describe her body in one word, it would simply be 'pudding'. Ah, pudding, a word which immediately reminds you of feelings like soft, warm, sweet and comforting. A melt-in-your-mouth moment that seizes your tastebuds in a trance of pleasure. Yes, pudding.. Thats the word.
Her face was a different story though. Framed by an aggressive straight locks which suddenly changed their minds and curled at the end, she always peered up at you from under her eyebrows as if to say "What are YOU lookin' at?". Her lips, coated in shiny gloss, was always shaped with the slight pout that you see on African-American women who had an attitude. And she always stood around with her weight resting on one leg, with one hand on her hip, as if she were judging you- no, as if she was staring you down. Objectively, she was beautiful, but trying to chat her up would just be an invitation for her to open up her butch, tomboyish, vitriolic personality.
Which leads me to the problem I see before me now. I have no clue what I did or what I said, but suddenly I found that she has stood up from her bar stool and hiked across the room to stand towering in front of me. She smelt like brandy and visibly seemed to be drunk.
Suddenly, she lunges at me, grabbing my shirt by the collar and lifting me into the air with her immense strength. She tosses me a short distance across the room and I uselessly try to stand back on my two feet using a table for support. Before I could fully adjust my balance, she chases after me and delivers two whopping uppercuts through my gut, causing me to buckle and nearly hurl my internal organs out. I am dazed and confused. Whats going on? Just what is happening to me right now? Before I realise it, she grabs me face-first and locks me inside what seems to be some kind of exotic wrestling hold. Just what is this? Her body is pressed up against my eyes, stopping me from seeing what shes doing to me. What is this odd feeling? This odd, familiar feeling? Wait.. No way. She's hugging me!! She's plunging my face between her huge breasts!! She is going to smother me to death!! My head, no, my whole body seems to sink into the warmth and softness of her generous body as we melt into one entity. I try to breathe but I can only pathetically manage to take in uselessly short gasps of air. The scent of her skin fills my nostrils, a smell thats sticky sweet, with a hint of brandy.. This is the greatest.. She is literally a delicious pudding, she is such a soft, warm, sweet, moist, delicious pudding and I am literally having her right at this moment!! As the last vestiges of my consciousness fades away and my eyeballs roll backwards to expose the whites of my eyes, alternating waves of sexual ecstasy and panic at my impending death convulse through my body in a seizure-like trance, an orgasmic pleasure climaxing in this perfect moment of bliss clouds my mind. A glob of her fat fills my mouth and I taste the sugary moisture of her sweat as I utter my final word.. "..Pudding...".
>>8 My ween died after exposure to this post. I hope you've made him happy by sending him to heaven.
ween
(・-・ ) We're going to have to ween you off the use of that word, >>1.
Feed it and take it for walks and play fetch with it.