I want to see Claire, she's driving me a tad insane and I think about her over and over again. But when we meet I trip over my words. I wish we could meet up for more than an hour a week. I just want to cuddle her.
Last night i danced with Claire. She didn't know who i was, but our eyes met and a fire started burning inside me. I knew she felt it, too. As the people around us waved to the DJ we were fixiated upon each other, slowly moving towards each other.
However, my intoxication lead to her rejecting me, leaving me with a broken heart and hours of nightmares of humiliation. This morning I did not know what would be worse: Waking up without her or keep having the same nightmare over and over.
Oh and I should add that I think I had a dream tangentially related to her last night. But I forgot what it was.
When I was a wee boy at nursery my mum used to make me my favourite piece every day. Meat and salad cream pieces cut into triangles.
Damn it I'm in love with a yaoi fangirl.
Man I just.. feel like ive been dead ended.
I think she doesn't like me back.
Ive stopped thinking of her all the time. Hence I no longer get that bittersweet, somewhat nice-in-a-mashocistic-way feeling all the time. On the upside I dont feel totally rejected and suicidal, I guess?
there's only one thing you can do: tell her about your feelings. if she rejects you it'll be painful but better than the limbo you're in now.
Every time I this stuff, I imagine Clare from Claymore.
There's only one answer to your heartbreak, op;
bumsex bumsex bumsex
A man named claire!
I guess I should make an update or make some kind of post every day.
Basically I'll tell you why I dont think she likes me. I went on MSN messenger, and tried to make a conversation with her, and she basically just made like the minimum amount of words to not be rude. If she actually liked me she would have probably been more fixated on the conversation and said more. I know shes somewhat shy, and went to a girl's school so she might be overwhelmed by the prescence of boys, but conversing over the internet is a different story.
Infatuation/limerence thread? Count me in!
It's really fucking depressing when you fall for every relatively good–looking male that was nice to you/cared about you at some point.
Maybe I'll eventually find a gay guy to fall in love with (and have him return those feelings*!!*); I'm not good with socializing IRL, though, and it will be much more difficult to start a working relationship if I meet someone from the Internet.
This reminds me that I stopped crushing on IRL guys about two years ago, when I confessed to my crush (and came out) and got my heart broken~~ I have only had a relatively significant (long-lasting) crush (this time an online one) this New Year's. Thankfully, I avoided (albeit barely) properly crushing on anyone else since then.
Today's update is... There is no update. I didn't see her today or anything.
I do get to see her tomorrow though.
Im going to ask her some questions about dating.
i want to have sex with claire
Today is the day of our weekly 'math meetup'.
I didn't prepare my math questions beforehand so it would have been pretty useless.
Sadly I came about 20 minutes late and she wasnt there
;_;
I hope she isnt angry at me or waited too long. I went back and sent an email to her saying sorry for it. I hope she isnt angry at me..
I fear that I have suffered defeat at the hands of an implied rejection.
I constantly second guess myself. The problem is that the second guessing is reasonably correct. I get the feeling she does not like me and wants to get away from me.
The evidence:
-She
-
fuck i want to kill myself
This case is closed. I will not be talking about Claire any more on DQN. Mods are welcome to close this thread.
kureeru
>>23 I once drew a picture for my mum, it was her name in katakana with trippy stuff all around it and she framed it.
Beyond all reasonable doubt, she doesn't like me back.
When I got home I had an 'acute attack of multiple negative emotions' as I realise the above fact. I felt like shit.
Later on, Claire went on MSN Messenger and I told her I was sorry. Thankfully, she said she only waited five minutes and it was all alright.
Then we had a long conversation. I basically.. Told her I wanted to ask her about my 'hypothetical girl problems'. I asked her what kind of place would be suitable to take a 'girl', who I was relatively unfamilar with, for lunch. She asked me whether I was asking HER out for lunch, and whether it was as a friend or as an act of dating with her. I said no, I wasnt going to ask her out, and I figured our relationship didn't swing that way anyway. Then we had a long conversation and during the course of that conversation implied that she didn't see me sexually.
I respect her decision and Im starting to forge I ever liked her already. Claire is such a good friend, she always helps me, meanwhile I don't ever have anything to give to her.
vc: coy
TRAIN MAN GE-
Oh, wait, nevermind.
I was in the library late at night, sitting at one of the quiet side desks facing the window on one of the isolated upper floors. At this time of night, nobody else was there, and I was sitting there alone trying to finish what remained of my fluid mechanics assignment. It was stupidly hard, I didn’t understand a thing and I was poorly motivated. Half way through, I started to lose focus and just plonked my head on the desk. Before I realised, I had begun writing the name of the girl I liked in my notebook. Just writing her name over and over again. Claire. Claire. Claire. Claire. And before I knew it, I became drowsy and fell asleep.
And I dreamed.
I dreamed that Claire was making her way out of the library, but then she saw me. She saw me sleeping soundly on the desk, and her eyes gravitated to my hand which was still clutching the pen, and then to the lines of writing in my notebook, and then to the endless columns of her name which slowly became illegible and then abruptly stopped. She smiled, brushed her hair from her cheeks, and then gave me a peck on the cheek. And then she briskly skipped away.
When I finally came to, I looked at the clock in front of me and saw that I had slept for more than an hour. I still felt the softness of her kiss lingering on my cheek and slowly brought my hand close to her kiss as if in religious reverence. Was it all just a dream? I was about to say so. But then I realised there was a distinct coolness on my cheek. A trace of some moisture from her lips was unmistakenably, definately, there.
I leapt out of my chair and began searching through the aisles, trying to find her. I wanted to find Claire and explode all my love and feelings for her at once. But she had long already disappeared in the labyrinthine corridors of the library.
One time, I fucked a Taiwanese male model in the ass at a pirate party. His ween was tiny, and the fag drooled on my copy of Dubliners.
>>32 this post is mind-blowing because there's a lot happening. you have posted here a while yes
Don't give up, >>31. And if you end up choosing between her and
fluid mechanics, choose her ‼
It's better to be a hopeless romantic who had a dream than a bitter man who is full of regret.
>>36 If that makes you happy then I'm happy for you. I love girls and girls love me!
My captcha is wi, which is how I felt when I typed this post. Weeeeeeee!
>>38
Girls love me as well. Maybe I should love them too? Probably I'd be perceived as more successful by people who always judge, if I do that.
Having lunch with Claire tomorrow.
Sage because I promised myself I wouldnt update this anymore.
Whoops, I fucked it up somehow. It was a mistake, honest.