Congee
Pilau rice
Five hundred orange peels
30 rounds of live ammunition (.357 Magnum, hollow-point to taste).
A dead moth
Dehydrated steer pizzle
3. Mix the peels, steer pizzle and pilau rice (uncooked) for 54 hours while watching Judge Judy.
4. Place the dead moth in a computer to cause trouble.
5. Stare at bullets and contemplate own mortality. Weep profusely. Your congee is now done. Serve cold, cold like your icy black heart.
http://i.imgur.com/llyyduW.jpg
The ingredients (more or less).
★★★★☆
3,652 of 86,059 people found the following review helpful
Taste Like Mother Sadness
By D. Kyun on September 7374, 1993
I first tried this dish in my aunt's ex-cousin's girlfriend's trailer after a drunken night of Corrupted Mario Party. I woke up with a hangover and she told me she knew a great cure. While she masturbated, I dutifully collected orange peels from the graveyard out back. Soon enough, she had prepared the fake congee and was mixing away, watching Judge Judy re-runs all the while. She had all 740 seasons on Blu-Ray. She assured me the wait was worth it.
The journey to the Hall of Dead Moths was not an easy one, as the street was lined with slimy pimps and blubbering thugs. I avoided their gaze and focused on the Antifuturist post-punk blaring through my cheap earphones. The computer emporium was not far off, and as I ripped open a random case and shoved the dead moth inside, I caught a glimpse of the universe. This recipe is not for the faint of heart.
We met up at the edge of a volcano to feast on our congee and cure the unending hangover called Life. Together we stared at the bullets, contemplating our mortality. The tears we wept were the tears of our mothers, of all mothers. The dish came out of the oven covered with bears, sweet and charming. We poured a drop of the resulting True Congee into the volcano and the lava turned to ice. The ice of our hearts.
Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has bears on it, attracts ants
Cons: Bears would have been better if they glowed in the dark.
139 Comments Was this review helpful to you? [Yes] [No]
★☆☆☆☆
9,306 of 9,414 people found the following review helpful
utter crap (literally!)
By Modd on September 7374, 1993
While this dish may be a good punishment for your worst enemy, I would not recommend eating it personally. I don't know what it is; perhaps the dead moth, or perhaps the lead from the bullet, or maybe one of the other ingredients, but I suffered explosive diarrhoea for days, and the toilet seat became so firmly attached to my posterior that it broke when was finally able to get up and return to my daily life.
Needless to say, this is not your mother's congee that you ate a child when you came down with a cold. This is quite hardcore.
Also, you're all banned.
2 Comments Was this review helpful to you? [Yes] [No]
★☆☆☆☆
I have a habit of highlighting shit
