I imagine being born someone else, someone who deserves to be loved and happy. Someone with a beautiful soul and a heart full of reciprocated love. But I'm not anyone at all and no one will ever love me the way I am and I hate it. I hate me so badly. And I am so, so scared of changing me because I feel like no matter what I will do people will always be disgusted by me and hate me the way I have been my entire life. I have no friends and I have never felt loved or understood. I want something I haven't felt and have never experienced but I want it so, so badly. I want someone to love me. I want to love someone so badly it hurts. I want to love someone who loves me. No matter what I do though I will always be fucked up.
every day crushes me to the point of death. i'm drowning. it gets harder and harder to get by but i have no other choice. i'm swimming for a shore that's been out of sight for so long i'm no longer sure it exists but i want to believe so, so badly.
it's like i've been swimming for so long and every day i tell myself if i can make it through today i will be alright and i tell myself everyday and the only thing that keeps me going is the fantasy that someday there is somewhere someplace waiting for me where i can feel at home but i've been swimming for so long that i can't remember what it's like to be there and every day my arms are heavier and heavier and heavier and i know one day i will lay them down and sink and there is a shadow so deep and dark beneath me and i am so, so, so scared of what it is.
i'm praying for a strength i hope is still coming.
i think i deserve to be happy one day.
i'm sick. i' mreally really sick and there's something wrong with me but i can't name it and when i try to look at it it's too bright to see and it hurts my eyes to look and when i try to hold it burns me so badly i want to scream.
it's like i've been screaming so long i don't remember how to speak anymore in a way that anyone can understand.
>>1
we think you should be happy too. we think you should not care about anyone. we think that you have something to offer to the world, and everyone who hates you is missing out on that.
we understand what it is like to not see any worth in life. we hate life because no one is there for us and there is no one to talk to. we hate life because there are no friends for us. we want everyone to be happy but no one wants us to be happy. so we spend our time listening to music and trying to get away from life. we stopped caring about being loved a long time ago, because it was obvious that it would never happen. we don't want anyone else to feel this way.
we believe in the good in everyone too much. we were too nice to everyone and got taken advantage of. we stopped being nice and lost everything we had. we only live through the day in order to believe in the hope that tomorrow will be better.
we wish you the best, we wish you to believe in tomorrow as well.
tl;dr
This is some pretty heavy stuff, my guys
>because I feel like no matter what I will do people will always be disgusted by me
You're half way to realizing the secret to happiness, but based on the rest of your post, you still have a long way to go!
Bros... This is so deap
I remember feeling this way, but it's a dim memory. It will soon be decades. The realization that there simply is no future for us in this world can be burdensome, and you may avoid the truth, or be liberated by it; find peace. Seek solitude. Strengthen your spiritual connection to the non-human world, live as if the people around you are imaginary. Travel to the distant past and foreign lands by the flickering candlelight upon the stone of the cave wall. Paint portraits with the blood of your enemies.
You'll realize you're letting the image of others bring you down, haunting you, torturing yourself with every imagined failure, like a curse that never lifts. You need to clear your head of that haunted imagery first.
went to therapy and it turns out i suffer from gender dysphoria, among other things, my bad fellas, sorry to bother you all
>>11
Just don't become a tranny. Nobody likes trannies.
>>11 Don't worry. It usually goes away after puberty.
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