(serious)
>be me
>have a hot 2nd cousin
>she wears shirts/dresses a lot
>want to look up her skirt
>she always wears shorts under them
>opposes incest so I have to keep this a secret
>how can I convince her to not wear shorts under her skirt/dress?
>help.png
>bonus if you can also tell me how to convince her to not to wear panties under her skirt/dress
Have you tried asking on /r9k/? They're probably more willing to help you.
>Heaven
why do you think im here?
Behold, I am Heaven, the scary hacker who can change his ID!
>>1 I grabbed your IP code with the help of a hacker,
who is one of the best five hackers in Osaka, who is a drunk friend of my friend.
If I already know your name, age, and the name of the school you go,
so I'll send you an agent who is a distant kinfolk of my father's acquaintance
in his company.
And it's too late to make an apology to me.
>>Heaven
what makes u think im from nippon? what do you even plan to do to a neet like me anyways?
We are >>7's courtiers. We are sorry that our lord has opened such a stupid THREAD.
After the last war we had completely lost, our lord got mental illness. Everyday, he kidnaps girls from the village. Every night he gets drunk
and tries to chop courtiers with his katana.
Now the lady of the house is ill in bed. The people in our country are suffering badly from famine. The neighboring Daimyos is taking advantage of this situation, they try to pass across the border and take over our land.
Quite a few of our fellow courtiers have intention to rise in rebellion.
We are now in dire straits. Our clan would be destroyed.
But, don't worry. We arranged that our Lord become a Buddhist priest.
In his way to the temple, our skilled assassin should take his life.
That is arranged perfectly. After that we will all hail Master Monaminokami, the nephew of our lord, as our new lord. We, all courtiers, would do our best to serve this new lord with faith.
We apologize for any inconvenience our lord may have caused you.
Please wait for just a while. Please forgive the evil deeds done by our lord.
I am >>1's sperm, sir! (Salute! Crack!)
To be precise, I am the 2536512584521st spermatozoon produced in >>1's seminal vesicle today, sir!
According to my superiors, our fleet is always gushed out into tissues, never have experienced actual fighting...What a shame!
Oh! Now again Mr. >>1 seems begin jerking off, sir!
How many times does he do that today?
Does Mr. >>1 have nothing to do but masturbate?
Ah! What is more he is now trying to erect our Admiral Timpo, sir!
Poor Admiral Timpo is very exhausted...But Mr.>>1 overworks him. (Tear
What is more, the admiral doesn't get cleansed. Now he is covered with dusts, sir. (Weeeen! Weeeen!)
A siren is wailing, sir! It seems my turn comes soon, sir!
Oh, but it's too fast, sir!! (Bitter smile
Our battleship is swinging badly, sir!!! She swings...from right to the left...
Aaaaggghhh!!!! (GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO
Oh just now General Cowper in the vanguard slowly moves with solemn air. His face looks as if he accepted his fate....
"Hey, boys, follow me soon...." Oh, General!!
He has gone, sir. Next will be our squadron's turn. (Weeeen! Weeeen!)
(Admiral Timpo: [Emergency! Emergency! Sailing order to Great General Akadama!])
What!! I cannot believe it. He, the ultimate weapon of our fleet is now...
Without any actual fighting, our fleet is vanishing, sir!
"Fall iiiiinnnnnnnnnnnn!!!" (Cracccckkkk!!!)
Behind me is Great General Akadama. I may be the last private.
But, but Admiral Timpo is only seventeen years old too.
Does that mean our fleet is a defective article...?
"The 2561567464th squadron, No. 2536512584521!!"
Ay, ay, sir!!!!
Good-by everyone. My time has come!!
Although I am not to be used in the actual fighting, I am determined to fly as far as 10 meters long, proudly, with my head held high, sir!
Now I can see the light, sir...All right! Let's goooooo!!!!!
We flew to the hinterland of Africa, for we had gotten the information that there were religious cult worships >>1, the starter of this worthless thread.
">>1 Mansei, >>1 Mansei" We heard strange voice from the depth of the thick forest.
We walked stealthily lest they catch us, and succeeded in filming the scene.
There was an old PC on the altar in the middle of the village.
The dim monitor was showing the thread which >>1 had started.
The several hundreds of natives were worshipping >>1's rotten thread.
They continued this horrifying ritual earnestly.
We could not nothing but watch them, the bunch of mad people.
"Aoori...Aoori". Suddenly the tall man who seemed to be the tribe leader walked out of the crowd.
"That man is >>1, isn't he?" I could hardly believe my eyes.
We could see his dirty, filthy face through the opening of the fur, which was covered from >>1's head.
The thick lips looked like cod roe. His skin color was yellower than other natives'; obviously it was Mongoroid's skin.
">>1...why are you here?"
We knew >>1 had disappeared suddenly. But we didn't think that the ringleader who spread this diabolical religion was >>1.
"Reloadoooooo!"
Suddenly >>1 raised his hands high, made strange cry.
In a sudden panic we hid ourselves in the grasses.
>>1 gripped the mouse with his long nailed hand, and then clicked the RELOAD button of IE.
The monitor began showing new responses written in Japanese.
But they were all flame letters such as "Pardon?" or "THE END".
"AaaaooocOoOoxkfdshfavo!!??"
"Jijijijikkiiinmfjaniurievl!!!!"
The natives looked those flames, and then they were getting into great confusion. They raised sharp cries each other.
It seemed that the contents of the messages were not what they had expected.
"Jiji, Jijiisasaskukuujijijieenn!!! Yoooooggoyooooogo!!!"
>>1 turned to the crowd, and shouted "Jisakujienyougo!!"
Then he sat in front of the PC, showing terrible expression, began to write many messages that support himself.
What is >>1's purpose?
Why does he do that?
We could not resist this curiosity, took a step.
Then "Chuuboo! Abooorn!"
By the voice of the watch, we were founded out.
"Avoooorrnnnnn!!"
When >>1 raised a queer cry, natives with terrible faces began attacking us.
We barely escaped from them by using our guns that we had carried with us.
We suffered heavy damages. The heaviest blow was that the natives destroyed the video camera with which we filmed that ritual.
"But we are lucky, at least we were not eaten up by them"
We comforted each other, returned to Japan as if we were escaping.
I am >>1's mother. I am very sorry my son has troubled you.
He seems to have found 2-channel recently, always tell about
the so-called bulletin board very cheerfully.
The other day, he suddenly pleaded me for pocket money.
He said, "Mom, I want to buy 'Hotaru'"
"A firefly? It is not summer", I answered.
But he got exited, and pressed me "No, I mean "HOTARU"!
The game of the love between men!
It is now very popular in 2-channel".
You probably call me a doting parent, but I ended up giving
him money because he is my dear son. And I myself had some expectation from the words "the love between men", for I had trouble with this unsatisfied sexual drive in those days.
To tell the truth, I knew that my son often bought...well...
obscene games.
He thinks I cannot use the PC, left the start menu
with many short cuts of those erotic games, even though he hid the boxes themselves.
I turned on the power of his PC to know what kind of game this "Hotaru" is. This game is...oh! Well, this is very...wonderful.
I get exited now...I'm in heat!
I cannot hold myself,
Ah, ah...ah.... ah-h-h-h-hg! Ah...ah...ah-h-h.
Oh! Dear, you come home so early! What? Oh, dear, I was cleaned your room,
then I accidentally turned on the power, but I did nothing, I did nothing wrong,
and I completely deleted the cookie of 2ch...Yaaa! Stop it! I'm sorry, yes,
I was wrong! Yaaa! Forgive me! Yaaaaaaaaah!!!
We made a call on Prof.Serizawa at the Developing Clinical Psychology Center in
the department of education, Kyushyu University, to make a deep analyses of
>>1's mind with which he had set up the thread like this.
Prof. Serizawa welcomed us with smile, regardless of our sudden visit.
We begged him to give us his opinion on this matter immediately, being led his smile.
"Well, there are so many kinds of people. But most of them are just normal really.
In this heartless world, it's rather eerie of you to say that no one has any stresses."
With his carefree smile, he gave us such words.
We decided to show him the thread in question with no hesitation,
being encoouraged in his attitude.
Like always, he smoothed his hair and smiled leisurely, having taken a look at the thread.
Thank goodness, It seems to work out well about this problem.
But just as we had got to be sure about it,
"… ?"
We noticed unexpectedly to Prof.Seizawa, examining the writings which had been done by >>1
with wondering face, with absentminded-eyes, posturing like a doll lost its soul.
And on the very next moment,
"Ugh,,,,gheeeeeeeeeeeeegh!"
A lot of vomit gushed from his mouth, like a cataract, like throwing up everything of his stomach.
"Professor! Are you all right!?"
With the sudden incident, we ran up to Prof.Serizawa in a panic.
"Don't come any closer!"
Our act got stopped with shrill voice, which was none other than the voice of rage from Prof.Serizawa.
"Get out and go home! ,,,Get out now!!"
He stared at us with ogreish eyes, instead of gentle smile which we had seen only a few minutes ago.
With flame of anger in his eyes, his tears of despairhas been running down the cheaks.
"God damn it! Don't talk rot, you Goruaaaaaaaaagh!"
Crash!
At the next moment, Prof.Serizawa got started to tearing the PC down in front of him,
with such crazy screaming.
He kept kicking it into garbages with full of his might, over and over, excessively.
The only thing we could at there, was just gazing at the sight,
sweatting like a waterfall on our foreheads.
"There must be something wrong here..."
In front of the display, >>1 is typing a keyboard in great fear.
Eyes fill with tears. It's hard. He wants to make an end. But...it's impossible.
Everyone is touching his tender spot, is it so hard on him?
Everyone is coming the acid to him, is it so painful for him?
Nobody knows the true reason. >>1 doesn't know it, either.
However... his hands move alone.
He continues typing to abuse for everybody.
Whose volition this is? This hands, this fingers, did they come into someone's possession?
"...!"
And again, >>1 finds an abusing message for >>1.
Tears don't stop running down. Subbing doesn't stop.
Why? How could such a thing happen to me...
Truthfully, I wanted grinning. Truthfully, I wanted to make a hit with everyone.
"Truly... I wanna be your fri...e...n...ds..."
GUASHAAAAGH!!
Charged with emotion, >>1's arm bashes about the display.
I will accept anything but that. I just refuse it.
'Cause if I accept it... I'll not be myself.
I'll not be... cool one...
How amazing we still have this kind of thread on 2 ch.
A decade and a few years has passed since the Fraudulent Access Law was
enacted. After the first case was decided in favor of libel compensation, Japan is
now the litigation superpower like America.
A few sentences of criticism would start a law suit, which in turn evokes a
muddling series of suits and countersuits.
The Two Channel, a big BBS which once allowed its users to post free and
completely anonymous writings, lost its energy, is now choked with dull and loose
messages.
Now we have this kind of thread. Rather than discomforting us, this fact
impressed us with a kind of excitement. "A person is still there, with a free will and
willingness to go against the law." We felt it was too early to lose our faith in
Japan yet.
With awe and respect, we praise the statements and actions of No 1, even if they
come from the youthfulness of No 1. With great respect, we will bestow the title of
厨房 upon 1.
In the beginning, Hiroyuki created the lobbies.
Hiroyuki said,
"Let there be Bulletin Boards. Separate Anonymous from Fixed Handles."
And there was a gathering place!
There was anonymous, and there was fixed handle, a second day.
Hiroyuki said,"Let electric waves gather together. Let there be fun places."
Hiroyuki called the fun place "flower gardens," and the darkness "chubo!"
Hiroyuki saw that it was good.
Hiroyuki said,
"Let the bulletin boards produce threads:
threads grow according to their kainds and topics."
It was so. Hiroyuki saw that it was good.
There was anonymous, and there was fixed handle, a third day.
Hiroyuki said, "Let separate responses from craps."
And this thread is CRAP.
I am his first girl, working at a "massage parlor." Yes, he was really weird. He never watched me
in the eye, even though I tried to keep talking with him.
It was my job, but I'm human. He never answered me, and his smell, you know how it smells at a
public toilet abandoned for two days. I'd rather die, but with will power, I pulled his underwear off.
He had not spoken a word yet.
Well, what should I call it? Retracted? I tried to pull his foreskin off, but it seemed to hurt him
hellova lot. He stared at me like a demon. Something red were woozing from his part. Oh, that
was it.
I couldn't do it any more. I put a condom on his, and let him in. I was crying to myself, like "let him
finish fast." But this kind scum won't finish easily. At last, he growled and stopped shaking. He
took the condom off. I saw his skin open up a little, just like a dying bud opening its orifice. His
juice, greenish one, came out of it. I feel sick just as I remember it. Oh, I can't help b, but
bbbbBaaaaaaarrrrrrf. Sorry. Well, now, I can continue.
He was the real worst. I don't want him to come up to me again. After that, I just wanted to finish
real fast. But he stuttered out words, out of blue.
"D-D-D-Do you know the T-T-Two channel?"
I thought like, hell, stop bullshit. No such a channel is there. But I found it was a bulletin board on
the net, right?
He insisted that the page, the threa, or whatever, he created and he was No.1 there and that I
should come see it.
Now I understand. The guy who started this kind of CRAP, had such an eerie sex for his first time.
Shame on you, No.1. See you never. Mind your retraction!
Are you still there, >>1? I must tell you there is a fool who fell in love with you.
It is me.
First thing first, I'm not a fag. I have no interest in the homo stuff. I feel it's rather gross.
But after reading your message, something in me started to grow.
I often found myself searching for your messages, and thinking of you while I was playing with my thing.
Yes, I hated it. But one day, something banged in me.
I started to play with your image from start to finish.
38,847 times ...That's the number I jerked off thinking of you.
You might reject me. But remember this.
I'm always near you.
★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★
このスレッドは、痴呆老人とシルバー介護士によるやりとりです。
キーボードを叩くことによって脳を活性化するトレーニングなので
一般の方の書き込みはご遠慮ください。
★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★
This thread is an archive of communications between nursing care staff and senior citizens
suffering from dementia. The main purpose here is to maintain and activate patients' brain
activities by giving them a chance to practice keyboard typing. General public are strictly
prohibited to access this thread.
Assuming that ONE, who started this thread, must suffer from a severe psychiatric disorder, we looked
into psychiatric hospitals all over the country. Before long, as had been expected, we found the
information about a possible patient at a home page of one psychiatric hospital. We rushed to the spot,
asked the attending doctor to let us meet the patient.
The patient seemd to have sensed some danger, uttering unrecognizable shrieks, and throwing
excerments. The patient looked uncontrollable.
"The guy behaves better normally," said the doctor apologetically. Letting the doctor handle the
situation, we started up an aged computer we found at a corner of the room. There on the screen, we
found a bookmark for this thread. It confirmed our suspicion. This guy with a psychiatric disorder was
ONE.
We told the doctor that ONE must be monitored more closely, that ONE should not be given a PC, and
gave other precautions. We left the hospital room as silently as possible, trying not to agitate ONE
again, who now became calmer with a gag in the mouth.
To those who may concern:
I am an attending doctor of >>1. The said patient lost his psychological balance recently,
and we have been seeing him at our outpatient clinic. Our initial diagnosis was manic psychosis.
We locked him up, but we did not notice that he was using his computer secretly in his room.
It is to our greatest dismay that he started this pathological thread and insulted more people
over the net.
Although we deny any responsibility to his deeds, we regret that he behaved in such an improper
manner.
I know it would be hard for everyone, but I must ask your forgiveness. After all, he was not only
a manic, but he also suffered from borderline personality disorder and subclinical form of
schizophrenia.
Thank you in advance.
Sincerly yours,
A doctor in charge of >>1.
"Well, what's kind of response on my sight?"
>>1 turned on the PC with stoked feeling. His honorable writing was done little while ago.
Even for himself, it's an unbelievable nicely instigate phrase.
There is nobody on the Internet who unreactive for his writing.
He felt confident of the results to this writing.
"Heh, heh..."
>>1 is perfectly satisfied and smile.
The elementary school, junior high and high school, he was treated harshly wherever he went,
so at one time >>1 thought about attempting suicide, but he got live with hope recently at all.
All thanks to this PC.
When he uses it, he will not be his own self.
Throwing away his past life, the past himself, this machine grants dream of newborn himself to him.
It is surely a magic box. Fascinating Pandora's box.
>>1 was proud and in high spirits, clicking the thread he wrote little while ago.
However.
The harsh realities of life stroke from unthinkable place suddenly.
"N, no...way..."
There's the >>1's writing. But no one reacts for his writing.
In fact, another discussion is running as if there was not >>1's writing.
The moment of pressing submit-button, >>1 ejaculated hotly.
He couldn't save his emotion cause of the beauty thread made by him.
"Haf, haf.." >>1 held his excited lower half of body with hands desperately and run to toilet
Wearing off his dirty pant, tissue off, then his sighed deeply.
…His pupils damped with unspeakable accomplishment and sense of lift-up.
Up to now I made many bummer threads, but it's different in turn!
>>1 felt something sure in himself.
Well, I'll check the response for this crowning work.
>>1 backed to room having a very delicate flavor of gluepot and faced on monitor.
Then seeing the unexpected message with >>1's own eyes.
Look and behold, everybody. Can you predict how far this thread goes?
What is your expectation? Mine is the second, if you ask me.
>>1 may mock conversations and activities before the fate of this thread is decided,
just pretend not seeing >>1.
Those who have plenty of idle time, who are withdrawn, and who lost jobs recently,
join in this thread.
Let's energize!
I will come back and see a few hours later.
>>1, you remind me of that critical day. August 25th, 2001, when the 2 channel was
on the verge of shut down. An announcement released that seven million yen per
month is needed to maintain the channel due to high transfer rates, and that the
channel would close in a few days if this problem would not be fixed. On the same
day, boards were closing here and there. The guys at the UNIX board were really
cool. That's what "all-out" means. Cut the transfer rates to a third, or shut
down. That was the condition. So they started programming, and behold, just a few
hours into, they came up with an improved one. What's more, they succeeded to
compress not into the target of one third but up to one sixteenth. It was not
craftmanship, but the hand of God. While they were working, those morons here
enjoyed starting up crap threads like "my anus is going to close." We would like
to compress your silliness into a sixteenth. But even the hand of God won't make
it, I'm sure.
New morning. He stopped growing taller five years ago. >>1 checked his
height as usual. No change. He was 163.0 cm tall yesterday. Now it was
162.8 cm. Even in recession, and young as >>1 was, he was promoted to the
manager of a Yoshinoya franchisee. But his height was just 162.8 cm. Even a
bit potbellied now.
Of course, his answer to others was always 165 cm. Nobody would find a
difference, just a few centimeters. Even for trivial matters, he pretended.
He talked to a friend over a lunch that he hanged out with college girls,
but a friend simply ignored him.
He had been short since he was a child. He never forgot to drink milk.
Nothing happened. He once started a thread asking if he could gain height
after 20 years, only to face with bad languages saying "Just give up!" and
"Cut off your wire and your wrist." and alike. He faked a massage like "I
grew 5 cm taller after 30 years." but something remained empty.
He always felt being looked down. Today like in other days, he must be
looked down. He booted up the PC. To let out his frustration he chose the 2
channel. Here >>1 can look down upon others.
OK, everyone, today, we are going to give an analysis of the brain that a person like
>>1 have. Hey, there, I'm talkin to you. Chuck the damn Duel Dragon's card away right now.
Well, a person like >>1 here, has a characteristic features that doesn't know about
search engine. Or, even if he know about it, he won't dare to desterilize it, may be he
doesn't have a wit to use it actually. A fool is annoyance of our society, you know.
Now I've told very important point. You may see it on the coming exam.
Talking back to the subject, he would never think up going to see the correlate site
with it. Or, he might already know but dosen't want to find by himself, thinking it is
troublesome. A person like him tends to do nothing by himself, so oftenly grows very fat.
Watch out, everyone. Let's not to be pigs just sitting at PC monitor and getting good
ajility with his fingers on keyboard. It's enough to American.
And, a people like him oftenly get seeing red instantly, when you point up those things
in this way. Everyone, better give care about his tendency that making an issue of being
touched himself on the raw, burking his own inexertion and imbecility. It's seen not
infrequently.
A person like him never understand the word "self-responsibility", so the most proper way
to deal with him would be "leaving as he is".
Someday, he might get to understand how he was wrong.
On coming examination, you need to lead the consequences that "It's gon'na be troublesome
things if such person have his child", so better prepare the way to testify it properly.
OK? WEll, that's all for today, see you next class.
There's one thing that I want to ask you.
Please remember #1, who disappeared after building the crap thread,
even on occasion.
I'm the HULK and my cousin is She-hulk.