I am becoming increasingly obsessed with the concept of ultimate reality.
At some level, I am worried about a model on the individual level. The only thing I cannot deny is the very experience of the sensory input that I experience at any given moment.
Everything else is a story or a narrative.

I know there is a separation between the real world and the online world, at least for me, meaning that in the real world people are not like they are in the online world. I wonder what to make of all of this. What is even there to do in life. The things I thought I would enjoy do not look that enjoyable anymore.

I come here and write this, I guess I enjoy it at some level, but I wonder why my eyes fixate my gaze on a certain area or object when I am trying to observe what is in front of me. What drives my eyes to do things. Must be the same thing that drives me to come here and type all of this.
Reasons and causes can be many, so much so, I cannot make sense of anything.

I sense that the real world out there, away from the online world is nothing like I imagine, but talking with others seems like a mutual cooperation in illusory making that both parties might or might not enjoy.

Is authenticity even a thing, I wonder. Things weren't always like this.