Ok, so the story goes like this. I went for a 1 week vacation to Lloret de Mar, Spain. For those who don't know, this is, among Ibiza and Mallorca, one of the most famouse "fuck towns" Spain has. Mostly Dutch, British, German and Russian people come there to party around and fuck around.
So, me being the lucky guy, on my third day, I meet a girl who is from Sri Lanka but was adopted to Dutch parents when she wasn't even 1 month old. Later the evening I learn she's a virgin. Even a bit later I learn that she was somehow abused by her grandfather when she was 11, and I also learn that this memory sticks really hard with her, as she felt extreme pain when I stuck a finger in her pussy. I, in my drunk state, have held an epic speech to calm her down and make her feel better about herself. Man was this speech dramatic and grandios, I tell, should've written it down.....but I digress...
So, I meet with her another couple of days because she just somehow interested me. I forfeited fucking and actually partying around to meet this girl for the rest of my Spain vacation, and I even dunno why. Luckily, every night I tried to get her to feel better but it didn't work. Well, at least I got a half-assed handjob and blowjob out of it, woo.
So, the thing why I'm posting this is: we live pretty close to other. Well, she's in Holland, I'm in Germany, it's maybe a 2 hour drive with a train. Understandably, if you were abused by your grandfather, you have trust issues, but I saw that she has somehow fallen for me. I got her MSN, we talked, she told me that I'm one of the only persons she can really trust in a long time. Ok, now, how the hell can I make her forget all this shit and enjoy herself with sex? Because by God, she tried, but sticking a finger inside isn't the problem, now the real pain comes when I take it out. What could be the cause, what could be the cure?
I seriously have her own wellbeing in my mind. I know, HUR HUR I JUST WANT TEH SEX well I can get it elsewhere. Of course it'll be a nice bonus, but if I could make someone else feel better about herself and her life, well guess how fucking great I will feel
This is not interesting at all. We need epic stuff man, that's entertainment, not this generic emo garbage. You should know better than this. Listen up, I'll give you another shot at it but make it count, okay? >>2
stop posting in fucking pre, retard.
Her trust seems thoroughly misplaced. You know what, motherfucker, if you like her and want to help her, spend time with her and let her loosen up in her own pace. If you can't do that you really just want to fuck her, and I bet you'll be out the door and on your way as soon as you've tired of that, and then her trust-issue will be fucking worse of than it was to begin with.
I agree with >>4
work with her emotionally. just be there for her. it sounds like she has a sexual disorder (for good reason). maybe you guys should seek out a pyschologist that specializes in sexual psych. I remember reading about this in one of my psych courses, there are things you can do. Sort of like easing her into it.
>>6
Well of course she got a sexual disorder. I mean, yeah I know it should hurt the first time, but not to this extent. Of course I'm not going to push her because she is also nice to just hang around like this. It's just, I know how it sounds like I'm just thinking about myself, but it will be burden for her future life if she can't get over it. I mean ok, she's 19, plenty of time, but still, the sooner she can let go the easier it'll be for her.
I'll try to talk to her about the psychiatrist option
Psychiatrist is a modern solution for a society where the people who matter to the sick can't afford the time and effort to be there for them in a way that they need. Sure a shrink may "help", so might pills in some cases, but if a bonebreak don't heal the right way your limb will be weaker than it could be for the rest of your life. If you really care about her, find her a guy who will love her and stick with her, or be that guy yourself. If you think you'll help her by making sure she can fuck, fuck her and then move on, you will do her no good, perhaps you will even turn her into something worse.
This still rings in my head:
>>Well, at least I got a half-assed handjob and blowjob out of it, woo
Shit like that make me feel like the best you could do is just leave her alone. Were you trying to be 4chan cool or something? As you said you can get pussy elsewhere, then get your pussy elsewhere and help her in other ways, like either staying the fuck away from her, or smarten up and give her some thoughtful support.
>>8
Thanks, I'll try to be a good support for her. Oh and if I seemed to be a selfish dick, seriously, I'm not, it's just the writing style I absorbed from 4chan :)
Wait a minute. She got raped with 11 what?
Stop manipulating weak girls and grow yourself some testicles.
At the very least, suggest to this girl some therapy. Incidents like that, especially at that age, tend to become pretty deep rooted in a person's psycological and sexual development, and usually therapy's the only good way to help this.
>>12
Huh? Me, trying to manipulate? Tell me how I am manipulating her. If you maybe care to read my posts, I'm asking how to HELP her get better with the whole incident!
>>1
Take your time. If you care about her, let her set the pace for your relationship. Otherwise, if all you care about is that half-decent handjob and blowjob you got out of it, please gb2/4chan.
But seriously, give the relationship time. That's the only way to develop love and trust with somone with that kind of baggage; I should know. My girlfriend of ~2 years was abused by her father, a couple of times - I'm the only one she's ever told. That kind of trust doesn't come from a quick fuck, it comes from caring and just being there.
>>14
The thing is, I don't even know if I want a relationship with her. She's obviously more or less in love with me...well it seems like that anyway. But I, I dunno....I kinda just want her to get well and so I wanna be there for her. Not as a boyfriend, but as someone she can trust. Well, the whole thing is still fresh, there'll be enough time to figure things out. Thanks anyway 4ch/love
Fuck her asshole and cum on her tits and face. Then ponder if it was good or not. If it was, then do it again. If not, you should /quit.
I'm going to have to agree with this fellow.
I live in the netherlands and speak fluent german. :3
but that is totally irrelevant to this story...
unfortunately I can't be of help. I only know a little freud, and everybody knows freud is just one letter away from fraud. Possibly there might be no cure. Think about what you want from a long term love relation. If sex is part of it (and why should that be wrong?) then you have to draw a line.
If you go at this with an impure motivation, it'll end up in misery, more for her than for you probably.
BTW, what cities? I used to live in Frankfurt
Well if you don't want to stay with her, that probably means you will have to break it off with her. Perhaps it's good to look up the best ways to break up with her, or maybe you can somehow find a way to be only friends, though having sex so early really hurts the chances of that. I suppose give her what you can to her for love and support.
You don't to be in a relationship with her, but you want her to get over her sex-problems. Do you know what kind of a message that would send her?
If she were to get over her sex-problems, that would imply her having sex and being okay with it. Otherwise, how would she know if she was over it? And if so, who would she turn for for having sex? The guy who helped her (you), right?
But you would turn down having a relationship with her. I think that would just end up hurting her.
So just leave her alone.
Hmm. I think differant things work for differant people. but...
be there for her, obviously.
there'll be time when she wants to talk lots, and there'll be times when she wants to stay silent. If she doesn't wanna talk about it, leave it be.
Let her control sex a little. If she says no, then no it is. If she's messing about, you get aroused, get halfway and she says no, it sucks, but no it is. Don't pressure for it.
"Well, at least I got a half-assed handjob and blowjob out of it, woo"
that sounds a bit like she wants to keep you, maybe. I'm not sure. Especially if she loves you.
This is all if you love her, of course. Its odd, but if you don't love her, theres not a lot you can do. she needs to learn that sex CAN be associated with love.
I'm speaking as a rape victim here ^^; And of the female persuasion.
You people seem to be misunderstanding my situation. I am not in love with her...well I think that I'm not in love, at least. I dunno how to describe it, the reason I'm with her is not some dumb "lol just stick with it and then you'll get teh sexorz", but it's also not some heroic "I'll be there for you and help you with life". I dunno if you know it, but maybe it's this feeling you get that you just have to...well, "protect" someone.
It does actually feel really good when I see that she seems to have found a support in me. I think, not that I want it, but if I would actually break off the contact, it would hurt her even more because she kind of trusts me with all these things. I'm not selfish. Neither am I a saint.
>>21
Well of course it's common sense that you don't force a rape victim to go with sex. That would be kind of moronic. And with the blowjob....well, neither that she wanted nor that she could, but she tried, so I guess that counts as something. She said it looks like a long mushroom :-/
Well I suggest you keep helping her out no matter what! And when the time comes when she'll most likely confess her feelings for you tell her what you now feel at that time! Sometimes love needs to develope, At first you won't like them and all of a sudden you realize your in love. So if your in love with her then say it if not, then take it easy on her and tell her that you only see her as a friend.
what are you ...Jesus? Do you gotta go around saving all the abused Victims on the Planet. Are you Addicted to Victim Consciousness? (deep sigh, whatever)
If you Love this person, then stick around; but let her know that you're seeing other bed-partners, because you ENJOY sex, and you know she doesn't. Who CARES if she understands or not; the Truth is you Like-to-have Sex; and she's addicted to suffering & living in the past. Speaking as someBody who was Raped... i learned to let it go, so that i could enjoy living TODAY. And just because i'm not a (week)Chick doesn't mean chicks can't do the same.