i kind of just go unnoticed at school, or atleast i try too. i'd rather just chill by myself than hang out with the other douche bags my age. i've realized really how big of assholes most of my peers are (age 16). i feel very different compared to my peers. my views on things are a lot more open minded, and free while theirs can be quite close minded. i believe the cause of my social deterioration is my interest in psychedelics. it changed my personality, and mindset which completely affected my life at the time. doing acid kind of disconnected me a bit, but its opened me up to so much more. its made me realize the big picutre of things and mature probably about ten years. i feel like i'm in the midst of elementary kids when i go to school every day. it made me realize how lame & fake everyone really is.

so i began isolating myself last year, and slowly but surely, i finally achieved pure isolation from a real social life. i could never decide whether this was good or bad. sometimes i enjoy it, and other times i feel sorry for myself because i never go out. i might go out like every two or three months with friends. but the thing is that i don't like to hang out with anyone my age. i feel like i'm on another level compared to them, and find that i have nothing in common with anyone. so due to isolating myself, i'm left with close to no real friends. i feel awkward hanging out with my old group of friends because i've realized just how deceptive their relationships to each other are. so what i've been forced to do at lunch now, is leave school. i'm way too embarassed to be seen by myself at school so i just leave and walk as far away as possible and then just come back a half an hour later once my next class begins. i'm worried that people will begin to notice what i do, and make fun of me. i hate being judged by other people, it kills me.

but i'm not completely alone. my mom and i get along grandly, and i would choose her over anyone anyday. so whenever i make plans with people, i usually end up flaking out on them because i'd honestly just rather hang with my mom. she's a the type of mom that lets her kids do pretty much everything. we smoke weed together pretty much every day which is quite pleasant. it has made our relationship incredible, and we're now the best of friends. i understand her, and she understands me. being with her has kind of made me realize what love really is.

i've also honestly realized that i prefer animals over humans. they are so much better in so many ways.