Hello. I've never posted here before, but I have been lurking for quite some time. Of all the boards I've seen online this seems the most mature, so hopefully I'll get some advice at least.

I have a problem. And that problem is other people who think I have a problem. I'm a paranoid schizophrenic who sees, hears and feels people who aren’t there. You know what? I'm fine with that. I've always been fine with that. The problem is that I've never told anybody about it. I guess you could say I'm "in the closet" about my insanity.

A few people have found out, though. Soon after, friends stopped talking to me. I spoke with one of those who had discovered (Through a stupid coincidence) I was mad, and she said that "I could be helped" and that she was "Talking to some people about it, and they know of some really good therapists you can talk to."

Okay, I can understand the need to see a therapist if you see, say, dead people with their limbs torn off, or demons torturing you at night or something like that, but "My pal Tim" and "That Nadia chick" are not generally something you should have to see a doctor about.

But here’s the worst part. The part that nobody is likely to believe, but is still true. So far as I know, I'm the only person with this... Situation:

I'm in love with a girl named Nadia. She is not real. But she is a diffraction of me. She has a completely independent personality, exclusive from my own. Somehow, I ended up falling in love with her. Later on, I found out she was a figment. But I still love her!

This is something I've never told anybody; for fear that they would hate me. Schyzos like me are not treated well these days.

People want me to just be myself, live a normal life, get married, raise kids, retire and die. I can only do one of those things, and I'm not going to let that happen any time soon.
Everybody who knows about my madness wants me to "get better." They don't realize that if I were to take whatever pills the doctor gives me, I'd basically be killing my friends.

Nadia says I shouldn't worry, but I still do. Hell, I don’t even know what I'm asking for here. I guess I just want to ask if there is anybody else out there who knows what I'm talking about.

So let’s hear it. Are there any schyzos here on Wakachan? What are your thoughts on your condition? Is there any way to deal with ignorant people who think you're in some way broken?

just to do a bump, i have read this and i'm thinking about it. will respond if i got something.
by the way this is not wakachan, its 4-ch.net

Same here, I've got nothing to say yet but I'm thinking about it.

The thing that is wrong with your friends is that you caused them. They aren't individuals, its only yourself, fake memories and fake people. No matter how real it looks you are in love with something that doesn't exist, its as fruitless as being in love with a fictional character in a book. I know i am stupid for saying this line but lemmi say it: "blue pill or the red pill?"

I think it would not hurt you to see a doctor. Just sit down and listen to what the person who have seen many people alike has to say, I'm sure no one will shove pills down your throat and you can always pretend that you are taking them if it comes to worse.

"The thing that is wrong with your friends is that you caused them. They aren't individuals, its only yourself, fake memories and fake people."

I don't think you understand fully.

They are, indeed, reflections of me. I have no illusions about that.

However, they are individual and exclusive personalities, having nothing to do with myself. I see no problem with this. It causes me no harm, and causes others no harm. Their personalities are not my own. They are theirs.

This happens quite often, actually. It's a sort of split personality disorder. The only difference is that I see and experience the other personalities externally, rather than "Become" the other mind internally.

Frankly, I find it quite hypocritical of people to tell me that I have a problem with this (I.E. "You’re crazy" "It isn't healthy"(WTF?)Or "You can be helped"). I mean, it's not like I have cancer or anything, so how can a smoker tell me I'm sick (The girl I mentioned in the OP was a smoker, BTW)? I'm not going to be schizophrenic to death, so why all the concern? I have an active social life, so it's not like I'm locking myself in my bedroom talking to myself all day. People just hear "Schizophrenic" and think "Psycho" by Alfred Hitchcock.

I'm not asking for help in dealing with my psychosis. I've been doing that well enough. I'm asking for help in dealing with people who think I'm sick.

You know, even though this a big derail, I'd like to ask you another question out of sheer curiosity.

How is it like seeing fictional people and actually KNOWING that you've created them? I mean, when go to sleep in your bed, are they just there, standing idly beside you? And when you have sex with a girl, does it happen that they are just there? You know, while I understand that those personas probably don't just pop out of nowhere in front of you, how do you interact with them? Do you just go down a street and then that Tim guy walks out of somewhere and you start to chat? Or have you ever made exclusive appointments just for your made-up friends, like, say, just go to a bar or cafe with them? That must seem odd for the normal people(not critisizing you here, just curious).

I understand that you kinda like them, but.....it isn't also kind of depressing to know that they are actually made up? That you could never truly experience love with your Nadia, or punch Tim for being dumb, or having them both help you in your life through your hardships with real, physical means like standing up for your, giving you ressources or providing connections or something?

Please answer me, I understand that it doesn't have a thing to do with your original question, but, well, I'm really interested. Do you perhaps mind exchanging some messages?

How does the paranoia fit in?

Surely you've been to doctors before. Have you been formally diagnosed and stuff?

We're probably not helping much. But, the people you know in real life might have similar concerns to random people on the internet. If they think you're sick, prove otherwise. Make sure you know what's going on and that it won't hurt you. Reassure them of that.

To be honest, I keep thinking "That's so cool!" about this thread. I guess I don't understand it at all.

There was a film about that guy who won a nobel (mathematics IIRC), and who has a schizoic problem, just like you, being able to interact with these people. It's a little romanced I guess, but based on a true story. Well during his life, that guy became more and more paranoiac. He almost killed his kid. All of that due to persons he imagined.

So for now, you may think it's cool, but the situation may slowly shift to the point it would become dangerous for you or people around you, without even noticing.

I guess it was a little bit different, because the guy learnt only afterwards about his psychic situation, but anyways: take care.

suck my cock! and fuck a pig! and taste my cum u hairy cockbag!
how's that for diverse u nasty criminal pig fucker!!! with a tranny hanging off ur arm!!!!

(1) "You know, even though this a big derail, I'd like to ask you another question out of sheer curiosity."

It's only depressing at times of real crisis. Though you have to remember that these are not my only friends. I do have flesh and blood friends who can help me with physical problems.

Basically, I think of it as a long-distance relationship. If I had a girlfriend in Taiwan, she couldn't help me deal with certain problems here in Canada, could she? But she does supply emotional support, input her opinion on matters and helps me make decisions.

Oh, and there's no reason why I can't punch Tim for being stupid. I've done it before. So has Nadia, actually.
"...Do you perhaps mind exchanging some messages?"
I wouldn't mind it through Email. You can get me at hen24601@yahoo.ca

(2) "How does the paranoia fit in?"

Paranoia means neither "They're out to get me!!" or "I was charged to be the protector of the infinite!"
All it means is one has delusions at which one's self is the center, or which provide a form of mental shield against trauma.

"If they think you're sick, prove otherwise. Make sure you know what's going on and that it won't hurt you. Reassure them of that."
This is advice I can use. It's basically what I've been trying to do, but unfortunately I have no idea on how to start. any suggestions?

"...To be honest, I keep thinking "That's so cool!" about this thread."
Awww, thanks!

(3) "There was a film about that guy who won a nobel (mathematics IIRC), and who has a schizoic problem, just like you, being able to interact with these people."

I saw it. I didn't like it that much.

"suck my cock! and fuck a pig! and taste my cum u hairy cockbag!
how's that for diverse u nasty criminal pig fucker!!! with a tranny hanging off ur arm!!!!"

.........................
And here we have what is called a moron, ladies and gents.

In fact, I also think this is awesome. It's almost like a (rational) lucid dream, but you're awake. Or am I wrong?

"In fact, I also think this is awesome. It's almost like a (rational) lucid dream, but you're awake. Or am I wrong?"

Not really. In a lucid dream, you have control over your environment and the actions that people take. In my case, I have as little control over Tim and Nadia's actions as I would anybody on the street.

Hey, if it's bothering you and you don't know how to fix it, it's worth seeing a doctor. If it's just a chemical imbalance, you should consider medication as you would for any other illness.

You don't need to tell people around you about it, if they know, tell them that you saw a doctor and its no big deal. if you don't wanna lie, go see a doctor, but don't take any pills from him. Also, you can try explaining to them that you are well aware that these personalities are not physically real and you don' take what they say as facts. (eg, tim can't tell you that your gf cheated on you for example, cause how the hell would he know if YOU don't know)

Commence nitpick: You're mixing both schizophrenia & DID/MPD (MPO?). Since they're not the same thing; why are you doing that?

Other than that, uhm, hmmm. I can relate to some of what you're discussing.