I've been considering writing my story here for a long time, but I tend to get exhausted with how many details there are, how deep the story goes, and I'm someone who can easily write huge posts to fulfill how much I feel I need to write sometimes.
That being said, I felt like writing a shorter version of an otherwise long saga in my life that has occurred over the past 12 years.
In 2006 I met someone who permanently became a huge influence on my life. It wasn't long after I got my first computer after I turned 15, and after I turned 16 I met her. (I'm a guy).
We fell in love quickly and overcame many trials together, facing a daunting long-distance relationship, family issues, and life-complications. Our relationship was very special and it wasn't just my opinion- we were a couple everyone rooted for and knew pretty well back in the Myspace days. We traveled across the country several times over 5 years and talked every day. Both of us were faithful and true to each other, and we took pride in proving the naysayers wrong who didn't approve of our long distance love. We experienced many things together (watched movies, shows, talked all day and night, gamed together a little) and more whether we were far away or beside each other. She gave me an energy I have never felt since those days, caused me to face fears- made me feel it was possible to overcome even the big ones I hadn't faced yet- some that are beyond impossible for me since. She was everything to me and I loved her fiercely. Our love was so strong that everyone we knew, knew it well, like we were some kind of protagonists in a movie. You get the point.
A time came where she made a poor decision with her family to host a school friend who was a guy who had nowhere to stay. We had met in Junior High, and made it all the way to the end of our last year of High School, already having college plans together where we'd finally begin living together. In the final days before the big 5 year wait was finally up, when we could both taste the excitement of nearly being together for good- he did some unspeakable things to her. The guy had a past record of robbery and praying on girls or something, and he intimidated her. The guy, his friends, and her brother's friends never liked me because they never knew me, and didn't like the idea of such a sweet and innocent girl moving 2000 miles away from a rural country town to a place like Cali where I'm from. With a lot of pressure, and his taking advantage of her, she had a nervous breakdown and one night cheated on me with him after giving up. No matter what anyone said I knew her better than anyone, I knew she had no intention to hurt me, and from the way things looked no one ever believed me back then. She cried to me on the phone for being so ashamed of what had happened, she lost it, wrote terrible things on her walls, totally broke down that she failed me, even though a lot of the pressure and crime was coming from him. After that I raised nearly 2 grand in a month to fly her to my place to stay for the holidays and see her after such a thing, and we spent a month together through Christmas and New Years and had a really special time. However over the months that followed, the guy was still there, pressuring her and her and I regrettably had our first fight ever and we started drifting apart as I got irritated that she wasn't communicating with me enough. (Going half a week without a word, where we were both used to talking daily or almost daily).
Part 2
At the very end of it all her friends were telling me they were starting to have a relationship, around each other all the time, even talking to her he was sitting practically on top of her right there while I was on the phone- then I saw it...she went to prom and he was her date. I felt defeated...it hurt, so much. People counseled me, so many people, but I couldn't believe that this was just some teenage love crap that would go away. It hasn't. Its been with me daily since 2009...Life since wasn't the same, and I have this constant feeling like something isn't right. I kept in contact with her, because I love her to this day in a way that no one does. Later on in '09 I spoke with her and she was having a baby with him...that seemed to seal the deal that it was fate that we were officially done for good.
I unfriended her for a while, time passed, and a friend of mine who was a girl was there for me, we eventually started going out, and started dating. Thing was, as much as I cared about my next girlfriend, deep inside was still an emptiness I couldn't explain. I eventually accepted that I had to move on, and I put nearly all of my energy into my hobbies and work and created some amazing things with my time, propelled my career into great heights, and started an almost new life altogether.
I got married in 2013, but am getting divorced as of 2015...that one is a whole different story which hurt my life more than it hurt me, but after it all I felt free. And I immediately went to sort of confess to the original girl I still love so much.
She's changed a little, but I don't care. I love her unconditionally, and everything I said to her when we were teens I mean today and still uphold in my heart. She's been traveling the world, taking different jobs and career paths, but can't fully decide what she wants to do. We became friends again, but she tried to shy away from the subject of our relationship.
Talking to her as I was recovering from some life drama and pain, and the divorce I was going through, was nice but hard...I love her so much, and she was right there with me but avoided all talk of our relationship- then finally it became too much and my mother noticed, and messaged her a confession for me- then when I found out I knew the cat was out of the bag, so I told her all of my feelings...
Her outlook is judging me on who I was in the past, she remembers some of the small things like a few things I was immature about, some beliefs of mine that are long gone, left in my teen years, and she's more political, which I don't care about. She came to dislike that I put her on such high of a pedestal back then, but I always treat women the best and bragged of how much I always loved her. It made her eventually feel like she had to be better or something- even though I explained it wasn't that way. Over the years I guess she ended up feeling completely different about things she was fine with when we were together- but I still don't care, because I love her...
part 3
We're still friends on social media, but we haven't talked in a couple years....and the sad part is, our messages- every entry is a happy birthday because thats the only thing we say to each other anymore...
I have dreams about her, holding her like I did the last day I did, waking up alone with the bitter reality. I feel all the time like she should be beside me, but no one's there. Like none of this was supposed to happen but it did. Somehow. Our chance meeting and beautiful, unbelievable story together that I'm pretty sure if someone knew all the details of and could somehow see it, would become a movie or something- somehow it didn't go the right way at the very last second...I constantly feel like I'm living an Alternate Ending of a video game...every day is grey without her, and she doesn't know how much I'm suffering at all. She thinks I live a new life full of my career and happiness, but I'm quite sad. I love her always and forever...I don't know what could ever be done to get through to her...
v_v Its like a pain I bear...I love her so much, and it hasn't gone away in almost 10 years...
Thats all for now. :/
Geeze that felt good to get out.
Take some comfort knowing that at least one other person who's browsed this board is going through a similar ordeal. All we can do is enjoy the fact that we had the opportunity to love at all, and go into our lonely endgames with some dignity.
I thought I was in the same boat. Then I met the woman sleeping next to me. Yes, this is a different route, but it doesn't have to be a bad or grey end.
I can't relate. I've been in relationships with boundary issues like you've stated but toil and travail have taken the relative luxury of that sort of naïve love from my reach and thankfully from my mind. I work so much that I could scarcely imagine putting so much time into talking to a woman or anything else for that matter.