This thread is too hard.

Pain turns into pleasure as I fist >>2 into submission.

I invite >>3 to fist me and he accepts, but is unaware of my rectum full of razor blades and stinging antiseptics.

I plague >>2-5, wait a bit, then take them out one-by-one with broodlings.

i punch you >>6 in the stomach

I first kneecap >>7 with pliers, then proceed to use those same pliers to rip each of his fingernails out and feed them to him.

i pull >>8's hair

I tear out >>9's midsection and beat him unconscious with it.

i shove >>10's face into a bowl of jello pudding, then smush it around a bit, then lift it out and look into his eyes, and shove it right back in the pudding again. and this continues until he falls asleep.

I tear into >>11's chest and remove his intestines. I then garrotte him with said intestines.

I point and laugh at >>12.
His self-esteem suffers greatly.

Using a ball-peen hammer, I smash >>14's toes, one by one

Using my teeth, I break every bone in >>16's hand.

Using my boner, I penetrate >>17's eye socket.

Using a 16th century Tanto, I slice off >>18's tiny boner.

Using a 16th century Tanto, I give >>19 an unpleasant razor burn.

Using a ballpoint pen, I remove >>20's eyeballs.

Using a 7MW laser beam, I weld >>21's retinas to the back of his eyesockets.

Using a stack of thin, tough paper, I give >>22 paper cuts on every inch of his body, and reachable orifices.

Using his pants zipper, I painfully pinch >>24's scrotum.

>>23 here... ahhh, that's much better, thank you. I've been meaning to do something about that.

However, using a turkey mallet, I still beat you to within an inch of your life, leaving you in a pool of your own blood.

Using a rusty teaspoon, I perform an amateur vaginoplasty on >>26.

Using my hand, I shape it into a fist and hit >>27 on the nose.

Using my foot, I shape it into a... foot and kick >>28 in the shin.

Ow...

Using my Beretta 92, I shoot >>29 in the head.

Fucker... that hurt.

Suddenly, without warning, >>26-30 are inflicted with acute renal colic!

Using my pinky, I lift >>31 up in the air by his left nostril.

I inject >>33 with a mycotoxin, rendering him unable to punch deck ever again.

I repeatedly poke >>34 with a Klingon painstick.

I pry open >>35's eyes with toothpicks and mace them heavily, then show cruel mercy and stop just before he passes out from the pain.

I recite old 4chan memes at >>36 until blood pours from his mouth, nose and ears.

I recite new 4chan memes at >>37, killing him instantly

>>39
O RLY?

-9999 HP

>>40
YA RLY

-10000 HP

I arrive in my FedEx truck and finalize the same-day service for the 15 croutons >>41 ordered online.

I roll around on >>42 's bed in a shit-filled diaper while reciting the pledge of allegiance.

I swiftly punch >>43 in the face with gentlemanly class, then walk away.

I drop a steamroller on >>44, then stand on top of it shouting "WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!"

I stare disapprovingly at >>45

I fart in the general direction >>46 and his hamster mother and father who smelled of elderberries.

I dismember all of >>47's limbs with cold steel, but he insists it's only a flesh wound. So I kick him in the nuts.