ITT: We help each other's problems. [HELP] [QUESTIONS] (47)

1 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6540 13:40

( ・∀・)

2 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6540 14:20

I need some motivation to stop masturbating. Every time, I fail after between 3 or 10 days of abstinence, even though I don't really derive pleasure from it.
I'm addicted to it and that makes me feel weak and bad. ;_;

3 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6540 14:38

( ・∀・) < Cut off your hands, or alternatively, your dick.

4 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6540 14:47

>>3
That would be admitting my defeat against the evil forces of sexual addiction. Also, a non-erect dick is actually incredibly useful for urination and slightly cuter than a creepy hole.

5 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6540 15:13

>>2
Why would you want to stop to masturbate completely? Doing it once every three days sounds perfectly healthy to me.

6 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6540 15:19

>>5
You mean once every three hours?

7 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6540 16:03

( ・∀・) Don't.

8 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6540 16:50

Actually it's healthy to masturbate often, a few times per week or to do it rarely, less than once per week. At least there was some kind of study about cancer. So, fap all you can and be healthy.

9 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6540 18:25

I find myself having amorous feelings for a fictional character. What should I do, DQN?

10 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6540 18:39

>>9 Make the reel after this degree, and truth must exercise viciously.

11 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6540 18:57

>>9
Cultivate your literary skill through the obsessive description of her character, gradually branching off into other areas of interest. Soon you will have enough material/experience to complete several books, which you can then publish, using the revenue of course to further supplement your one-sided love with figurines, posters, dakimakura, and junk like that.

12 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6540 20:23

>>9

Well, there are two options.

You can either go the anime route, and make her your waifu, or you can go the "normal" route and keep it a secret.

13 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6540 20:43

>>9 Find someone in the real world who looks like your object of affection and stalk him/her until he/she loves you.

14 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6541 01:12

>>9 Print a picture of that character on a pillow and hug it. If the character is fat, print a picture of it on a mattress.

15 Name: >>9 : 1993-09-6541 14:48

>>10 What.

>>11 Minus the book publishing part, that was pretty much my plan.

>>12 I have considered this at great length, and I'm leaning slightly more towards the waifu route.

>>13 Can't see anything going wrong here.

>>14 I have wanted to do this for quite a while now. No more procrastinating! I AM GETTING A DAKIMAKURA!

Thanks, DQN! I knew I could rely on you!

17 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6545 19:55

>>16
I got as far as printing out a picture of my waifu, but then instead of burning it I accidentally caressed her face lovingly and stuck the picture onto the wall next to my computer.
Also I couldn't get hold of a fire extinguisher.

18 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6556 01:08

>>17 Does your waifu smoke? If she does, light up a smoke for her. It might end up burning the image.

19 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6556 11:44

I'm lonely in my LDR and there's a cute girl at work who is not so subtly hitting on me. How can I stay true?

20 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6556 14:45

>>19
( ・∀・) Cheat on your girlfriend
( ・∀・) She is probably having sex with another man herself this very moment.

21 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6556 15:32

( ˃ ヮ˂) >>19 Find an attractive guy; it's not cheating when it's with the other sex!

22 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6556 15:48

>>18 Neither I nor my waifu smokes. Alas, it appears it was never my fate to burn a picture of my waifu.

>>19 First I'd have to ask how you managed to get inside a Light Dependant Resistor...

But seriously, you should probably make it clear(er) to the cute girl that you're taken. Not that I'm a particularly good person to be advising others on relationships.

23 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6614 16:46

I want to start an exciting and novel thread but I'm afraid it'll be buried under another avalanche of shitposting. What should I do, DQN?

24 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6614 17:25

Ask me to bump it.

25 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6614 23:12

>>20
( ・∀・)I would have to agree!

26 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6624 12:18

( ・ヮ・)HAI GUISE WUT'S GOIN ON IN DIS THRED

27 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6624 14:04

NUTHIN MUCH LOL ¯\(°ヮo)/¯

28 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6687 15:01

I have a feeling that a certain girl I know is interested in me, romantically. How do I break it to her that she has one too many dimensions?

29 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6687 15:19

>>28, tell her she's 3DPD and there will be no kiessness for her.

30 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6688 08:54

>>28
Show her your eroge collection.

31 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6688 10:46

Wait, wait. >>28, do you mean you have a 2-D complex, or do you mean this girl is an alien abomination from the fifth dimension?

32 Name: 28 : 1993-09-6707 16:44

>>31i
Yes, I do.

33 Name: Actually >>28 : 1993-09-6707 18:48

>>32
Erm, no, you aren't me. Is this what it's like to have your identity stolen? It's a bit unsettling. I'm not sure I like this.

But anyway, thank you for the advice, >>29,30 (and thanks for giving me a brief chuckle, >>31) Turns out the situation more or less resolved itself anyway.

34 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6744 02:17

My girlfriend is a fragile little flower but she gets really upset with me if I don't let her finger my bumhole. How can I get her to stop without hurting her feelings?

35 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6744 02:55

>>34
Stop wiping that hole.

36 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6744 21:08

My sleep schedule's messed up! how do I fix it?

37 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6744 21:23

>>36
oh boy me too!

1.Melatonin
2.Don't go to sleep during the day
3.wake up early
4.No large meals in the evening
5.Get off computer/screens 1-2 hours prior to sleep
6.Establish scheduled sleeping time

But what the hell I'm a hypocrite

38 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6744 21:26

>>37 if you must stay on the computer screen, it would be a good idea to use f.lux ( http://stereopsis.com/flux/ ) so that the more bluish tones don't fool your circadian rhythm as badly

39 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6744 21:55

>>38
Seconding this suggestion. This program has changed my life.
There's a free/open source clone called Redshift in case I sound viral markety or you hate those proprietary capitalists.

40 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6745 17:59

I cannot figure out if I am gay or not. I consider myself straight. I look at straight hentai hen I fap. But fapping for me now is a chore no diferent than when I am forced to stop whatever I am working on and go take a dump. When I look at gay hentai I get a boner too, but its more simply because the content is sexual and not because its guys. Am I gay, and if not, what is wrong with me?

41 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6746 01:38

>>40
Sexuality tends to be more complicated than gay and straight. The Kinsey scale tries to acknowledge this with a scale between homosexuality and heterosexuality, but that's still only two-dimensional. It's more of a multi-dimensional spectrum where different factors turn different people on in varying degrees.

I've never been into guys either, but these days I've started to get a boner from seeing cocks just because I've started associating seeing a hard cock with my own sexual pleasure. Besides, in a lot of gay hentai the guys look so similar to girls they may as well just be flat-chested futanari. There's nothing wrong with you, you like what you like.

42 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6746 03:06

>the guys look so similar to girls

That's true in real-life Japan too.

43 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6750 07:39

I drink too much diet cola. What should I substitute it with?

44 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6750 10:15

Water, >>43. Consider: it is inexpensive, unless you insist on bottled water from vending machines. It contains no chemicals, dyes, or flavorings. It is what our species evolved over millions of years to consume.

If the tap water in your area is unpleasant-tasting at room temperature (and this is not uncommon), drink it with ice cubes.

45 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6751 00:24

What's the best way to deal with depression? Barring alcohol, which is how I currently deal with it.

46 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6751 00:32

Go to a psychiatrist, and take the medicine perscribed.
It is the only thing that ever worked for me.

47 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6751 00:52

>>45
I deal with depression by working longer hours and throwing myself into my job so that I don't have as much time to brood about my life. It is less expensive than alcohol, and might possibly be slightly less unhealthy. Maybe.

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