Previously: http://4-ch.net/dqn/kareha.pl/1335873482/
Prologue: Mr Gray and his Exploding
Meanwhile in a park somewhere in New York City, a chess game that would decide the fate of the universe was taking place.
"I cast Dark Ritual" said Clonepa, as he
cast dark ritual.
And then the Universe exploded. Which was actually getting pretty old at this point. Seriously, everyone could tell it's just a cry for attention. Everyone just rolled their eyes and moved on. The chess game continued, ignoring the Universe and instead determining the fate of those sentenced to imprisonment in the tanasinn chamber.
"Black rook to white rook 7!" Yelled Yelleneh Dupo Command Merlon
. The Universe, meanwhile, became upset that no one was watching it explode, so it started making a high pitched whining sound.
"eeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEeeeee!"
"eeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEeeeeee!"
A cute little girl was deployed to appease the Universe by rubbing it behind the ears and giving it sweet things to eat. The
universe was not pleased and deployed a black hole to gobble up the girl. The girl was stretched like spinach until she was completely gone.
"Hiss hiss hiss" said the universe
"Hiss hiss hiss" said the universe
"Hiss hiss hiss" said the universe
"Hiss hiss hiss" said the universe
"Hiss hiss hiss" said the universe
"Hiss hiss hiss" said the universe
penis
," said the universe.
But the evil penis was gone.
And the universe was Espeon. It craved for some soup after throwingliterally a (literally) hissy fit.
Lil B came and shared his wonton soup because he loves meeting new people and making new friends.
Meanwhile, the little girl who got sucked into the black hole was transposted to all points in space and time, becoming one with the universe while being separate from it, existing outside and inside of it at the same time.
Then she materialized in a new form in a different universe entirely. She became a god of this universe, and was known as the Great Gaia Loli. She had many great, well-written adventures, none of which, unfortunately, will appear in this book.
What will appear in this book, however, is a highly detailed account of the history of Lil B's wonton soup, beginning with
The bag served as inspiration for Lil B's masterful soup.
It was actually more of a quiche.
In fact, if we're being totally honest, the soup might be better described as a sort of cake; that is to say,
it was soft, and moist, and in actuality, it wasn't really a cake at all, was it? Hell, we're not even sure it was food. But, we do know it was soft and moist, so we think it was a
a Victoria sponge cake, which is more of a sandwich than a soup.
Except in Finland, where it is considered
a kind of licorice-flavoured
piece of meat
ghost.
Possession of licorice-flavoured meat ghosts is, however, illegal in Finland.
Which is irrelevant since Lil B was somewhere in the Bay Area
of Osaka at the time.
What was most unique about Lil B's masterful soup, however, was the fact that
it contained more than 20,000 different
herbs and spices
. Heheh. Herbs if you know what we sayin'
and spices if you know what we playin'.
Meanwhile, in a bar in San Francisco, two men were a gayin'.
And then DQN Short Novel exploded.
"Damn," said
the entire cast of every chapter of every iteration of the novel, simultaneously - even including the mute girl from Part 2: Vultures on the boundary of the river wheel Battle Tendency Electric Boogaloo Stardust Crusaders: EXTREME EDITION:‚¿‚ñ‚±+ who, miraculously, had just learned how to speak - before being consumed by the unforgiving fiery explosion of death. There were no survivors.
CHAPTER MXMIII: The Pure Love of
Of was really angry that he was only capitalized when in the beginning of a sentence. "I want title capital rights! I get no love at all from the Capitalization Council!"
Nobody really cared what of had to say, though. Most peole were just worried about the
Spider Mix
, which, as the reader should know by now, has
taranchula legs and little brightly colored marshmallow bits
to mask the darkness of its heart. The peole had good reason to fear the Spider Mix; it had already claimed the lives of dozens - if not hundreds - of lives.
Its usual method of killing was to
hire some illegal Mexicans to dig a deep trench, then he put a tied up victim there and
bury them alive in discarded
sepulchers filled with cling wrapped Roy Orbinson clones, not unlike the
Boy Rorbison dones.
But then the Spider mix grew
an appreciation for hipster music and resigned from killing things, choosing instead to spend all its time online trying to convince people and peole that In the Aeroplane Over the Sea is the greatest album ever released.
Of course, this meant that
he was constantly noided.
Who could have suspected, at this time, that
the hipsterization of the spider mix would later cause the DQN Short Novel to re-form, just so it could look disapprovingly at the spectacle of shit. The DQN Short Novel would then go on to keep on living its life as though nothing had happened, spending the rest of its days living on the US Virgin Islands, making boats for cash whenever it wanted more than its pension checks provided.
Inside the DQN Short Novel, however, things were getting strange. The ghost of Penelope drifted about the Abyss of Canon, a strange place where the events and characters all flowed in and out, never quite staying there for more than a few posts. She drifted for so long she forgot where she even was. And then, she found a door. Floating in the Abyss of Canon, a door. She grabbed the knob, turned it, and opened the door. And inside, she found
Smoopy, Goscone, Druid, and Paul Prudhomme playing Mahjong.
Some dark silhouette yelled, "FIRE!" and firing squad promptly started shooting at the players.
Penelope gasped, closed the door and ran. After some time she stopped and looked around. Nobody was following her.
Then she realized since she and everyone else there were ghosts
there was no danger. She went back in through the door.
Meanwhile, Mr Gray was urgently attempting to escape the shadowy assailant who was intent on raping his Graynus.
It was no use, his Graynus was about to lose its "r" and turn into
a black hole.
Which was attractive to any
thing with mass that happened to be nearby, which included quite a lot of things. Thankfully, the black hole merely swallowed Mr Gray and his assailant before exploding and ceasing to exist.
The queen of France
, Pfarchie Julnemarn, was actually a man. People thought he was a woman because he was wearing an orange t-shirt. He tried telling them he was actually a KING and not a QUEEN, but the people had all went deaf due to
eating too many Casserole of No Returns.
The infamous casseroles, of course, cause deafness when eaten by any organisms other than cats.
Thus it was that Queen Julnemarn decreed that
"You fucking idiots I'm a man! Look I've got a beard! You're deaf not blind, you fucking idiots! I hate you all so much! Aaarrerggghhh!"
pen0r
did not hear this decree. He, like everyone else, was deaf. And so, Julnemarn made another decree, and made sure to put this one out in the form of informational flyers. This decree was that a new form of medicine was to be developed by the doctors and scientists of France, a sort of cure-all to remove the deafness as well as the inability to correctly identify the gender of their monarch.
BUT THEN A DOG CAME AND HE'S SO ANGRY
HE'S THE ANGRY NINTENDO DOG, HE'S THE ANGRY ATARI SEGA DOG, HE'S THE ANGRY VIDEOGAME DOG
OH SHIT I FORGOT THERE WERE NO VIDEO GAMES BACK THEN IN FRANCE. SORRY. THE DOG GOT EVEN ANGRIER BECAUSE OF MY MISTAKE!
THE DOG IS THE DOGGIEST DOG DOGGERSON IN THE DOGGEDLY DODGED DOGGER DOGS. DOGGING THE DOG DOG DOG DOUGAN DAGGER DIGGED DOG DOGS. THEN THE DOGDAG DUG DRUG DREGS DOGGITY DOGGEDY DOGGEDLY DODGETY DOGDODOGDOGGOD GOD GODDERDOG DOGGG DOGS SMOOPY DOG DOGGER WAITING FOR GODOT'S DODGY DOGGY DOG.
Indeed, the Universe itself became afraid of holding such a dangerous creature in its midst, and decided that the responsible thing to do would be to explode, thus ending its existence once and for all.
Before it could do so, however, our
good old Mysterious Tragic Sniper X appeared out of nowhere to save the world once again.
"Probably for the last time... Hopefully for the last time," he was getting tired of having to do this time after time. A single tear of blood
ran down his cheek, dripped off his chin and created an unsightly stain on his freshly dry-cleaned white shirt.
Upon noticing this, he became so upset that
he released another tear of blood. This Second Tear ascended to the heavens, the hurtled off towards the center of the universe, where it
had sex with movie stars!
Suddenly, Prosnorkulus
ceased to exist. Nobody noticed any difference.
"I'm so sick of
vingt-temps
assassinating
was about to bet 70 DQNcoins in his game of poker with Druid, Smoopy, and Paul Prudhomme
but they were all killed by a massive diarrhoea dump from above.
Oh wait they're ghosts that makes no sense.
Jesus farted.
Jesus, sense no makes that ghosts they are. Wait, oh, above? From dump, diarrhoea! Massive! A by killed all. Were they? But Prudhomme Paul and Smoopy Druid, with poker of game, his in DQNcoins. 70 bet, to.
About: was who Goscone snapped? Princes! Nigerian assassinating vingt-temps of sick!
So, I'm difference. Any noticed. Nobody exist to ceased. Prosnorkulus suddenly stars, movie with sex. Had
the author not been struggling with crippling depression while writing this, the whole novel would have made a lot more sense. But, it doesn't really matter, does it? The fandom would have made him hate writing anyway. But he's under contract. He can't stop now. Even if they slash the budget, gotta keep writing. Come up with some more crazy plot twists. Write write write. Work work work. Maybe sometime later he'll make another thing, another novel to explain what was actually going on during >>483 out there in reality. Maybe he'll remake the whole thing. Maybe he'll get shot in the back of the head, dragged out to the dump, and left for dead. Maybe he'll live through it, run away, and live the rest of his life in
ZOUNDS!
And then the author exploded.
The GSL
was thinking about going into retirement. She hadn't really been working much lately anyway, and the GSS could probably handle taking over for her.
Just then, she heard a knock at her door.
you wondered, gripping the pages tightly.
It was just the sitcom on television.
AND IT WAS OUT FOR BLOOD
AND THEN ITS DOG CAME AND HE WAS SO ANGRY!
THE DOGGED DOG, AGAIN WITH THE ANGER, WAS ANGRY AT THE ANGULAR ANGLERS! THE ANGULAR ANGLERS HAD ANGERED THE DOGGITY DOG BY GANGRAPING GRAINS GARNISHED WITH GANGRENE!
OH GOD! WHY IS THIS DOG SO ANGRY?
MALATHION AND ITS OXYGEN ANALOG MALOXON ARE CARCINOGENIC IN OSBORNE-MENDEL AND FISCHER-344 RATS.
JESUS CHRIST! IT'S ALL OVER!
But it wasn't over. It was just beginning.
THE DOG GOT EVEN MORE ANGRY THAN HE WAS BEFORE! HE WAS SO ANGRY! SO SO SO SO ANGRY!
HE WAS SO ANGRY AND HE WAS ALL rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr AND grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr AND rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
He was so angry, in fact, that he didn't notice the 500 GET sneaking up on him from behind. The 500 GET swallowed him whole before quietly slinking off to the next thread.
The GSL, having witnessed the whole thing, felt