Singles aren't the only ones with problems. Or just gloat about how great your sweetie is.
I'm the anon who started the "Has my time finally come?" thread. Shes very cute and nice to talk to, but right now I'm not quite sure if she wants to stick it out with me. The way we met was so neat though, and we've already been on one succesful date. I'm probably jumping to conclusions, I'll be able to better judge our situation from here on out. My only problem is to be a better conversationalist and not go on and on about geeky things like I have before......
>>9-10
I was very much aware of that she wasn't "perfect", I just saw her as very much above me.
Thanks though. I feel a bit stupid for being blinded because of being scared, thanks for the reality check. I need to not use incorrect measures for the things she does. We talked and she said it didn't really matter to her, and that she doesn't feel she's missing out on anything, and by golly I believed her. Meh. I'll just have to work on feeling better about myself, and not feel as if I'm in the way when I'm not.
>>7 Here's an idea: don't. Study after study after study has shown that couples who cohabitate before marriage are more liikely to end their marriage in divorce than those who wait until after marriage.
>>13
Requesting data for "why", and potentially sources.
he can't there are none.
Interesting. My girl admitted to me today that she's been dating two other guys before she met me, and she hoped I wasn't mad. The only reason why I'm not too angry is because we JUST met, and we're not really at the exclusivity point yet, far from it at this point. THings will change over time, but I'm glad she was honest about it.
>>15 Nonsense, it's common knowledge in family sociology.
http://www.psychpage.com/family/mod_couples_thx/cdc.html
http://www.family.org/cforum/fosi/marriage/cohabitation/a0025248.cfm
http://www.divorcemag.com/news/cohabitation.shtml
however, this article provides an interesting rebuttal:
http://www.unmarried.org/cdc2002.html
But really, if you're going to move in together and commit to each other anyway, why not just get married? And if you're not ready to take that step and especially if you're having serious doubts, live apart.
well i believe he is assuming that they are the same culture.
>>17
Financial reasons may the why for one doesn't get married.
A real wedding is rather expensive you know, since usually your family and relative feel rather insulted if you do not invite them, along with other people who consider themselves important in your life.
Another thing.. Have you ever considered the fact that people who get a divorce after living together perhaps do so because they're more aware of their choices?
Take my parents for instance. Both come from very family-oriented, religious backgrounds. Catholics, in fact. In their world (disclaimer: their own, i am not talking about catholics in general), people meet, court, get married and move together, and stay married with the same person until the day they die. People who get a divorce generally are looked down upon, and looked funny at as if there's something wrong with them. My parents separated half a decade ago (thank god), but they're still married. They try to spend some time together with us kids, but the less time they spend together, the better. They bloody can't live together, they make eachother seriously miserable.
I on the other hand grew up in a different culture (parents moved to a big city, and spent a lot of time working and avoiding eachother, leaving me to spend minimal amount of time with them, and more so growing up with the local culure). I've got a S.O., hell, I've even slept with my S.O.. I've lived with my S.O. on repeated occasions for several weeks at a time, and we'll be moving together at some point in time, when our studies will allow for such a thing to happen (both of us are students, in different cities, no less). I'm damned sure I'll never leave my S.O. though, because I'm bloody picky about who'd I'd let so close. I've only been in another relationship prior to the one I currently am in (by the age of 23), and I was very serious about it (having been in a relationship for two and a half years). Fortunately, thanks to living with my at-the-time S.O., I discovered after two months that it was very much not a relationship that was going to last, and we ceased to be a couple. Personality-traits that were easily overlooked and ignored when just dating were vastly magnified once we actually lived together.
Now, I don't know about you, but as a very picky person, of course I'm gonna make sure I know for certain that it's very likely that I will be able to have a successfull longterm relationship before actually getting married with someone. Some things you can't discover unless you've been in a situation that's relatively close to what you'll be having after you've involved a lot of red tape.
Marriage is serious business (zomg!), and should not be taken so lightly that you just haphazardly toss yourself into it, which too many people do, in my opinion. And then they think they're stuck there. Either because of shame, or the same attitude that makes hobos content with living on the streets - they've resigned to that situation, thinking there's no good way out. That the positive consequences of getting out of the e.g. abusive relationship are outweighted by the negative, or that one partner is too heavily reliant on the other one financially, and that the partner cannot survive alone.
Though that definitely can work in the opposite way too, that people take marriage too lightly, since they can always get divorced, or they have unrealistical ideas about what a marriage is supposed to be like. Marriage is hard work. But a marriage is supposed to make your life better, not worse. If it's worse and cannot be mended with the existing components (the couple, that is), then you definitely need to get the hell out of it.
Marriage is far more than love. It's love and so much more. For a successful marriage you need love (doesn't have to be passionate, but love of some sorts definitely needs to exist), friendship, relatively stable finances, compatibilty personalitywise, understandment, communication, and a willingness to get through the hard times TOGETHER. A good partnership is when both parties benefit from it. If one suffers, or both, then it needs to either be fixed, or terminated.
Your life-partner is supposed to be your team-mate. Not your subordinate or superior, not a leach nor sugar daddy/mommy.
Having seen my parents' relationship, as well as my grandparents', whose marriage were just as bad, and probably worse, there really is no way I can take someone seriously if they claim that any kind of living together before marriage is a bad thing. Not when you're picky, at least. It's like sex before marriage. It can be a very good thing, and it can be a very bad thing. Depends on why people are having sex, how the relate to it and how they're having it. Especially having unsafe sex when you're not trying to get pregnant/catch STDs is just plain idiotic. And having sex just as a form of masturbation using another human body is rather stupid and inconsiderate too (unless both are in on it, then we enter the "Why" area).
I'm horribly picky, and yet I'm pansexual :-p Go figure. I guess that's the only way to ensure that I actually will be able to find a life partner, seeing how horribly picky I am about who I let how close to me emotionally. There's nothing quite as mentally scarring as seeing your parents stay together in spite of that they clearly shouldn't, because they foolishly got married after only two years and then had a child after only yet another two years, and then only staying together because of the children. I would rather have been raised by a single parent, to be honest.
(sorry for making this the tl;dr type of post)
Well, 45minutes ago I proposed myself to my girlfriend. And she said Yes... I guess things will never be the same from now on... Goind to get rid of some Emo stuff I've gathered from many years, and start saving as much money as we can. Hope it was the right decision.
Congrats Saw-Square. I hope you have a happy future.
>>23 after only 45 minutes from proposing, you are on 4ch...
thx for sharing your happiness :) cong rats rats rats rats
Thank you all for your kind words! I must admit I'm a bit scared. I'm 26 Years old and we have been dating for 6 years. I think it was the right decision because It's getting really hard to, everyday, say goodbye to her (we live 100Km away (62 Mile)). Theres so much things to do first, and that's why we don't have a date for the weading yet. There's a lot of savings to make, be sure that our job's will last long, find a not-so-expensive place to live... I hope everything goes fine.
Sorry for my terrible English, but it's not my native language.
Thank you all!
My husand and I were best buddies for the first 2.5 years of our relationship. It was purely platonic. I dated guys and would tell him all about it. He gave me a lot of advise about dating. After a while, I got sick of dating and I felt disappointed with it. I gave up on men for a while. But he was still there for me as he'd always been.
After going on for a while with no love life, I started to see my good friend differently. I began to realize that the man for me was right under my nose the whole time! I learned that all the high ideals I had for the man that I thought I WANTED, wasn't really want I NEEDED. It was then that I began to fall in love with him. He was such a good friend to me and we had so much in common. During our platonic relationship, out of all the stupid dates I went on, I always enjoyed spending time with him the most. I called him on the phone everyday and loved talking to him. I felt stupid for not seeing what he really was sooner.
However, I know that if I hadn't dated all those rotten apples, I wouldn't have grown enough, and had the maturity to finally appreciate the angel that had always been by my side.
While hanging out with him at his apartment one day, I paused the movie we were watching and I confessed my love for him. He confessed back! Shortly there after, I moved in with him. We dated for about 2.5 years and got married April 2005. I'm happy that I married my best friend. Its great, because eventhough we have a great romantic relationship, our original friendship hasn't changed. He's still my best buddy and my most favorite person to hang out with. ^.^
Am I gonna get flamed for saying all of this? T^T;
My husand and I were best buddies for the first 2.5 years of our relationship. It was purely platonic. I dated guys and would tell him all about it. He gave me a lot of advise about dating. After a while, I got sick of dating and I felt disappointed with it. I gave up on men for a while. But he was still there for me as he'd always been.
After going on for a while with no love life, I started to see my good friend differently. I began to realize that the man for me was right under my nose the whole time! I learned that all the high ideals I had for the man that I thought I WANTED, wasn't really want I NEEDED. It was then that I began to fall in love with him. He was such a good friend to me and we had so much in common. During our platonic relationship, out of all the stupid dates I went on, I always enjoyed spending time with him the most. I called him on the phone everyday and loved talking to him. I felt stupid for not seeing what he really was sooner.
However, I know that if I hadn't dated all those rotten apples, I wouldn't have grown enough, and had the maturity to finally appreciate the angel that had always been by my side.
While hanging out with him at his apartment one day, I paused the movie we were watching and I confessed my love for him. He confessed back! Shortly there after, I moved in with him. We dated for about 2.5 years and got married April 2005. I'm happy that I married my best friend. Its great, because eventhough we have a great romantic relationship, our original friendship hasn't changed. He's still my best buddy and my most favorite person to hang out with. ^.^
Am I gonna get flamed for saying all of this? T^T;
>>29
No. Been there done that. Sans the married bit, we haven't gotten hitched yet.