this post is rated: [emo][stupid][hikky][confused]

I don't feel worthy of my girlfriend. She's a beautiful, wonderful angel. She needs me right now, but I'm thinking of leaving her when she gets better. Somehow I just can't stop feeling as if she deserves so much better. She has a lot more money than me, and we're dating over a long distance. She keeps having to cough up cash to visit me, but I can't afford visiting her. I can't hold down a job because my studies suffer too much every time I try. I can barely handle school because of my stupid mental problems. I'm trying to become a better person, but it still feels as if I'll never reach her level. I especially feel embarassed when it comes to how her family must feel when it comes to me. Her father's a rich doctor, and the ambitious type of bloke. Hard worker too, and so is her mom. She runs a successful company. It feels as if I'm a financial leech, since my girlfriend keeps having to visit me, and pay for everything she wants to drag me to. Now, I'm no delusional macho bloke who wants to pay for "his woman", but being able to go dutch would be really good. She's even payed twice to have me flown to to her place. Now, she's not a rich, spoiled brat. She had to work for her money. Her allowance isn't particularly big and goes mostly towards her tuition fees.

What do I do? Where do I try to fix things? I'm madly in love with her. I would love to spend the rest of my life with her.. She's already expressed desire to spend the rest of her life with me. We've known eachother for half a decade, however we didn't get together until a year and a half ago. But somehow, no matter how hard I try, I just can't manange to kill the feeling that she's sacrificing too much by being with me. That she's getting deprived from tons of awesome stuff she could be doing instead, spending her hard-earned money on better things and being with someone better. Someone more equal to her. Someone as very wonderful as what she deserves to have in her life.