So here is my story, its a bit lengthy, so kudos to anyone who reads the whole thing.
So, there is this guy that I really like, hell, I love him. We went to high school together, but we are 3 grades apart (he is 16 I just turned 18 2 weeks ago). We met in the hallway at school; we were both wearing black trenchcoats and I made a comment to the effect of "hey, nice coat"; we've been great friends ever since. He would often seek me out in the mornings before class, when I would sit in the cafeteria scowling because of how tired I was. He would always brighten up my face though, with his antics and conversation. He would also call me during the evenings, we would talk for hours about all kinds of things. The conversations I had with him started out as idle chit-chat, but quickly became serious and dee. We would spend time together outside of school, and we would tell eachother everything. when he found out that I was gay, it didnt phase him at all. Rather, it increased his desire to spend time with me. As a friend of mine put it, if I walked into a crowded room, he would notice and run towards me in mid-conversation, from the other side of the room. To be honest, I always thought he was cute and charming, but one I got to know him, I fell in love with him. Whenever we were alone, or out of the public eye, he would always open up to me -he showed me a side of himself that few ever really saw.
Last February, his parents found out that I was gay, an hence, decided in all wisdom and logic to give me a ring at 2:00 am on a goddamn school night, and quite literally scream at me for a 1/2 hour, calling me a "sick fuck" and how they "[were] going to seize all the computers" and that I was "going to prision" and all sorts of lovely things. My personal favourite was the little thing his Dad thew in at the end : "If you ever go near our son again, I'll fucking stab you in the throat.". Naturally, I spilled everything to my parents 3 hours later, when they were leaving for work. "Good morning Mom & Dad! So guess what?". I didnt go to school that day because when two grown adults tell you they're going to fucking kill you at 2am, you tend to get a bit scared out of your mind. When I talked to people later that day, it seems that someone went to the school's in-house police guy, and the whole school knew what was going on, and the general concensus from all sides went something like "OMG WTF, Outraged.". Things quickly settled after they tried to pull some stuff from my web site to use as "evidence" against me. I didnt find out till a few days later that they thought that I was 19 (17 at the time), and that I was stalking their son for rapes. This made me lol, and with the comination of the "evidence" they had, the 6 pages of legal policy I posted on my web site, the phone recording of their little escapade the niht before, and my family name (huge local political power there), we came to an agreement of mutual hatred and as long as they STFU and I GTFO, all is well. And myself and this guy have been secretly communicateing and getting together ever since!
So, I told you that story ot tell you this story, and I apologize for the length:
Now I am going to college, 2 hours away from where I used to live. I talk to him mostly through letters. Over the summer, we got together and spent some quality time: particularily during a movie, wherein we held hand through most of it, and another time in my basement on the sofa, cuddling in front of an old 007. I went hme for Thanksgiving and stayed there an extra week, just so I cold see him. I didnt tell him I was going to be there so I could surprise him. I waited by his locker at the end of the day and he came walking down the hall. When he saw me his eyes lit up lke no other, and he bolted down the hall screaming my name and knocking over two football players in the process. He lept on me and gave me the most enthusiastic hug I've ever had in my life. After about 10-13 seconds, enough time for me to steal a quick kiss, he regained his composure. We spent 2 hours with eachother everyday after schol that week, he told his parents it was a thing for Creative Writing club.
We sat around and tlaked mostly, when noone was around he would get really close to me and we would enjoy one anothers company. One day, he asked me where the ring I used to wear went. I told him I gave it away because white-out spilled on it. He quickly responded, "oh I see how it is. Yo udont get me a ring.". I asked if he wanted one, and he blushed a little and said yes. He also expressed an interest in movin in with me when he finished school.
He is the most amazing person I ahve ever met in my life. He is funny, smart, sensitive, creative, caring, and deep. I am fascinated by him in every way, and I love him very deeply. The problem thouh is that I live two hours away., and his parents hate me. It is difficult to communicate without help from a third party. He has not openly admited that he is gay, but he has talked to other people about it -who then mention it to me- that he is totaly in the dark when it comes to his sexuality. From my experience, he keeps sending me all these mixed signals and messages. For instance, when we are alone, he becomes very open and very affectionate. Sometimes when I confront him on the issue, he quickly changes the sucject. He may say one thing and act oppositely, or vica-versa. One time I even caught him looking at a gay porn thread on my we site -server logs- for 10 minuites. Any attempts to ask him about it lead to complete ignorance of my question or an immediate subject change. According to friends, all he ever does in school is talk about me.
Of late however, it seems that our strong relationshp is not so strong. He's been acting unusually lately, I havent reccieved any communications from him, except one 5min IM session. When I ended the conversation with "<3" it was responded to by a "GROSS" and then a 'usr has signed off'. From what I'm told, he has been hanging around this video gamer/evangellist, who I'm told further, hates gays. This was made all the more clear to me when I found out he was the one who was screaming "**** Does not want to have sex with you! Go away faggot!" when I visited in November.
So my question to you is this: What the hell should I do?
I'm totally lost here. We live far away and we don't talk except via the weekly letters which never came this week. I still love him, and I still want to believe that we can be happy together. I know he loves me too, I hear it all the time from girlfriends of mine who talk to him. But I dont know what to do. It seems that whenever I meet a guy I really really like (only twice), some variety of hell breaks loose that makes it near impssible to have a meaningful relationship with them. And that is really all I want; to have a meaningful loving relatinship with him. But I need some direction: should I take my leave, or should I stick with it and hope for the best??
I feel like such a terrible person for even considering giving up, but I jsut dont know anymore. So here's to years of soul-crushing melancholly I have to look forward to! Er, I mean life! And sorry this is such a long post, but I needed to get it out there and this seems like a good place to start to get some real advice.
-Thanks.
What do you gain if you do run away?
Give me a one GOOD reason to run away and you may do so.
That's sad, but you can't change other people or force them to do anything - so just do the best you can, right?
Another thing is he sounds like he might be gay, but many from environments like that will try to deny it for awhile and run away...and I don't know if there's anything you can really do about it.
Good luck to you, though. I hope these things will work out.
And if you're going to be soul-crushing meloncholy, at least be trendy and go emo. (^^)
I'd wait it out. Still attempt friendly (not romantic) conversation with him. He's in a period of denial/self-loathing, so try not to aggrivate him. Chances are he'll come out of it after a while and learn to deal with being gay. Then you can swoop in and steal his heart or whatever.
He is younger than you, and he is surrounded by people who are homophobic. He is at a confusing time in his life, and he has many many influences and so much pressure. Give him time, let him figure himself out, and don't pressure him yourself. It'll work out how it's supposed to, so just hope for the best. One way or another, he'll probably be bi or gay, and once he truly finds himself(which may not be until he graduates and is away from the high pressured situations) is when you'll find out that it'll work out.
if I were in your situation, I would seek to distroy that evangelist guy that's influencing him so. What do your girlfriend's think about him?
Good Point.
Thanks for the advice. I am going back home for a week for the holidays so I will try to get together with him. It makes sense that nothing will work until after he gets out of high school... I just dont want things to change between the two of us until then, but what can you do? Wait it out as planned.
Eliminating that little prick is something that crossed my mind. Of the people that know him, the general consuensus is: "arrogant religious fanatic with a flare for manipulating and destroying all things good in the world with the Jesus.". I dont have a problem with religion or religious people. But when they start talking shit because I'm gay, and telling people not to associate with me becasue "I am going to hell", then we've got issues. I may be gay and slightly femminine, but I am certainly not above kicking someone's ass. ^___^
damn straight. destroy him!
LoL, I'll be making a surprise visit this Friday. I only told one other person exactly when that might be, so I should be able to confront the son of a bitch. BTW: I'm told this evangelsist "totally hates [me]". But I think that it won't matter... I'm told I can be intimidating at times. >:3
Sont get me wrong, I dont want to fight him or anything. I just want to figure out WTF his deal is.; apparently some things have been going on to cause more complications, and guess who the cause might be? You gotta give it to those religious nut-jobs though; they sure are tenacious.
Just let them fanatics be. It's not like you can make them refuse their beliefs just with a chat. Or with a fighting or torture.
I've yet to see a flaming homo beating someone up.
Though I wouldn't want to fight them, since I might get aids.
I'm happy for your ignorance about aids prevention. Remind me not to ever sleep with you, because you're statistically more likely to have it than a random homosexual. /golfclap
>>4 is absolutely right. if he means that much to you, you'll only regret it if you run away.
i wish your relationship the best.
keep your chin up, ignore those mean people! T_T
OP, good luck!
Ganbare Densha! ..Err, Homoqueerfag-Blackcoat! <3
It seems as this kid has charmed your heart and as sad as it may be it may be time [for at least now] to let him go. Allow him to have some contact with you, as in talk to people that know him, talk to people that are his friend (if he is social with people you can talk to) and have the same email address as you.
Being gay is a hard life, it's even more so harder if you start believing in what people say about the bible - so much for the priests to never give their view of the bible.
All the best and be strong in this world of despising hate.
After having some time to think this whole thing over, I believe that this course of action is best. I know that he wont soon forget about me and sometime in the future, we can be together –if even only as friends.
Those mean people have been dealt with! Thankfully, nonviolently.
Clearly, you have never made the connection between AIDS and STDs. But don’t worry, you’ll get there. And contrary to popular belief, not all gay people are overly feminine. Im not saying I’m butch by any means, but I am certainly not weak nor beyond the point of implementing a little force when nessesary.
I didn't know you were a gay guy until halfway into your second post. Thought you were a little minx lesbian that his parents were afraid of XD.
Anyhow. He sounds super cute, totally into you and I'm very sure he's just confused and pressured about his sexuality. Hence don't make it look like you're influencing him to become gay (that's probably why he freaked with the "<3"). Keep talking to him as a friend, and I guess let him make the first move. Just don't distance yourself as far as to lose him. As a girl, I would love to have a guy would be so happy to see me.
Dude, that SUCKS! Your ex-boyfriend has a(n un-healthy) crush on Jesus n'shit.
...moving on...
SEVEN Billion People Live on Earth. Get with SomeBody who Respects-&-Appreciates ...YOU!