Should I be angry... (23)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-18 19:30 ID:ZUdHWyIb

...that my girlfriend calls my best friend almost every day and they talk for hours? It just doesn't seem right, but maybe it's none of my business. What do you think?

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-18 20:12 ID:MsJPqZxz

I would be really jealous....

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-18 20:30 ID:BF6Y5dKX

thats, something to be suspicious of. What do they talk about?

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-18 21:35 ID:7nKZ4ftQ

He said they just talk about random things, but it might be better if I explain the situation. In our group, there are two couples. The two girls (including my girlfriend) always call him and they talk on three-way for hours and I don't get so much as a ring. I asked my best friend if he ever pitched the idea for them to call me, and my girlfriend said something like "I don't feel like talking to/calling him" and they just continued on talking about nothing in particular, but still talking. I find this very unsettling.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-18 22:23 ID:BF6Y5dKX

>>4
Is he gay? If so, you may have nothing to worry about, atleast from him.

Does he talk to your girlfriend ALONE? Meaning no other party?
If he does. It might be better to look into this a bit more.

If it's just the threeway, then you may be overreacting just a tad. Although regardless, I do see why you would get uneasy about the whole thing.

6 Name: mega orc : 2007-07-19 02:08 ID:lMKNUoe4

lawl powned

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-19 14:34 ID:f841nQ2z

>>4

Whats your relationship with her like? Does she phone you normally? Hell, does she even get into in depth convo with you?

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-20 07:14 ID:/TjD//yv

OP is a trophy boyfriend.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-20 13:09 ID:kUKB81ms

if you want to find out about what they are talking.. I suggest putting up your MP3 (if you have one) on record mode (make sure it can record long, and somewhere she can;t find it, but close to the phone..). you can trace everything back. in your case I would be supsicious as hell >_<

check her mail, (you should know her password) and see for any messages for him. check instant message history from any application and do w/e it is to find out what's going on.

I would aswell check up on her sometimes if they meet up together. keep a close eye on them.

it might look getting a bit far but.. it's for your own sake. you don't want to see her walk of with that friend. you'll hate him FOREVER.

hope this helped you a bit ^^

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-20 18:29 ID:Heaven

>>1
I'd suggest you ignore the advice of crazy stalkers (I'm look at you, >>9).

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-21 03:33 ID:Heaven

>>9
I think this person needs more help than OP.

12 Name: ND : 2007-07-21 04:03 ID:sHfSzSDx

You know, they might actually planning something behind your back..and you might just be thinking too much. Like my friend's gf calls me for hours on end, and he's been suspicious before, and then we had to reveal that we were planning on holding a surprise party and stuff.

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-21 04:05 ID:MccrsBNK

OP here again.

>>4
Yes, he talks to her alone sometimes. I asked him today. He says sometimes they even talk for up to an hour.

>>7
Yeah, she calls me normally. Almost every day, but thing is, she calls my best friend just as much. She also gets in depth with me, but of course, not him, but that's not the point. Does she like that guy that much that she has to call him every day?

I'm just going to talk to her. This is an ISSUE that needs to be ADDRESSED. I'm not going to act like it doesn't bother me, because it does. I'm going to ask her directly, why are you calling this guy so much? This is her first relationship so she may not see what's wrong with it, but there are certain things you just don't do in a relationship and this is one of them.

I don't care if I'm overracting. My girlfriend talking to my best friend for hours on the phone is not acceptable. If we don't come to terms, we won't be together, and that's that.

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-21 21:40 ID:TDYWoZQk

>I'm just going to talk to her. This is an ISSUE that needs to be ADDRESSED.

There, you answered your own question! You didn't need our help after all.

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-22 00:47 ID:kutgExpX

>>13
Try and keep a cool head in that discussion, or all is lost.

16 Name: FuFuFu : 2007-07-22 02:44 ID:6ENzSU+z

>>13

You're overreacting. Besides, an hour each day on the phone isn't very much. Just because she chooses to converse with someone on a regular basis you're going to break up?

Honestly, You're being incredibly immature.

I see nothing wrong with her behavior. Rather, you seem like someone with jealous, overposessive tendencies. So she calls him often. Tell me, why is this not acceptable? Certain things that you don't do in a relationship? Why? So if there are some things that in your eyes you deem unacceptable, they are automatically taboo? Don't be irrational.

At any rate, I would say that talking to her about this issue is important, but the attitude with which you use to address the situation is entirely wrong altogether.

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-22 03:13 ID:EFj7h04Z

OP here and gah, you're probably right. I talked to her about it the other day and she didn't see how it was a big deal, but if it bothered me she wouldn't talk with him anymore. You know what, maybe I'm just not ready for a relationship yet. So I'm just going to call her in a few and tell her that I don't care and that I was probably out of line. So yeah, this isn't the first problem where it seems like I'm the one that's the cause of it, so I just don't care anymore. Really. About her, about us, just fuck it.

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-22 07:33 ID:TDYWoZQk

Now you're overreacting again! Calm down a bit. First of all, I disagree with >>16. Hours on the phone talking with another man - instead of talking to you - is a bad sign, especially considering that your girlfriend said she didn't feel like including you in their threesome talks. If she spends more time with him than you, you are justified in being bothered.

I'm biased because I have a girlfriend too. Yeah, maybe it's selfish, immature and possessive to want her all to myself. But fuck, I'd rather be selfish, immature and possessive than risk losing her, especially to my best friend.

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-22 09:39 ID:BF6Y5dKX

>>18
I agree. You are overreactiong a bit too much about everything right now.
You did have the right to know why she was talking with him for so many hours. Any man would get jealous over it.

At the same time, you shouldn't demand she stopped talking to him. You could just suggest that she limit herself or something similiar. You are her boyfriend, and if she gives another male more attention than you, somethings up.

But you could just chalk this up to her inexperience in relationships.

Just giving my cents.

20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-22 10:03 ID:RoROv4Km

>>14

Well, we did help in a way as we might've unlocked his rage by saying it wasn't normal.

OP, just be reasonable about it..if it's her first relationship, you don't want to frighten her by saying that there are these RULES THAT SHE MUST FOLLOW. No one likes rules to be dictated to them.

21 Name: ND : 2007-07-22 23:51 ID:sHfSzSDx

Demanding that she cut off all contact with your friend is a bit over the top. OP, be reasonable...I agree with >>20. Saying that there are strict rules you have made that she must follow or be smited by whatever higher force you hold holy is overwhelming. ('o') be careful not to scare her to death or whatnot. At any rate, I think that >>16 was probably pissed that you were all "Gahh!" and stuff in >>13 but I kinda think it's good that you got to vent.

But honestly, do you really NOT care about her and everything? Do your really want to give her up? Cause I think you do. You're just insanely fustrated. Patch things up and come to a compromise before running off and doing something rash again. Because I really think that you do care about your girlfriend. Not all relationships are going to be sunshine and lollipops. Besides, talking to another man on the phone for hours, considering he is your best friend...is your friend likely to snatch her from under your nose? Maybe she needs someone to talk to about how to handle a relationship with you, since she doesn't know what she does is upsetting you so much.

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-23 01:05 ID:n0ddSnui

OP here again, and I may have sounded a bit hot headed during my posts, but I didn't demand that she stopped talking to anyone. The conversation a few days ago went like this, for the most part.

I first asked her why she was talking to this guy so much. I didn't yell or shout or anything during the whole conversation. She said that he was her friend and that she calls her friends every day. I said yeah, I shouldn't have a problem with that, but it still bothered me that she was talking to this guy so much, sometimes even more than she talked to me. I didn't make any demands. Something was bothering me so instead of not saying anything about it, I came to her directly about it.

She didn't get why it would bother me, but if it did, she said she wouldn't talk with him that much like that any more. She said it was no big deal not talking to my friend like that any more, so she wasn't upset or anything. I then tried to make her understand where I was coming from. I asked her how she would feel if I started talking to one of her friends daily like that, and she understood a little how I was feeling.

After that we proceeded to talk about random things for two hours when we finally went to sleep at like 4AM in the morning. Not once did I make any demands during the conversation. I mean several times during the call I said I wasn't trying to tell her who to talk to or what to do, I was just telling her about something that was bothering me. She insisted not to talk to him if it was bothering me.

The call I made in >>17, I told her that I felt I was out of line to say what I said the night before. I told her if she wanted to talk to my friend like that, that's cool, because I have no right to tell anyone what to do or who to talk to (I didn't say it directly the night before, but I kind of implied). If it was anyone besides my friend then I wouldn't care, but I don't trust my friend like that (I didn't tell her that though). Anyways she began to say that she was of course going to take my feelings into consideration and not just behave selfishly. I told her she was pretty cool for that, and then we proceeded to talk for another two hours.

That's what happened. Resolved? I don't know, but she said she wouldn't talk to him like that anymore. At this point, I don't really care about anything. I even insisted that today she took him and his girlfriend to this pool party at her relatives house (she can only take two other people, so I decided to be the one out since my friend hasn't been there before).

Like I said, I just don't care anymore. This whole relationship thing, the set up we have going on, it's just stressing me out. I know a relationship isn't going to be all sunshine and lollipops, but I can safely safe I've never felt crappy like this until I got involved with her a few months ago. I mean yeah, I do like her. I like her a lot, but I don't like the way I've been feeling.

23 Name: : 2007-07-23 04:37 ID:TDYWoZQk

It sounds like you handled it well, even if you did come across as slightly passive-aggressive. But I think this is not resolved. What exactly is making you feel crappy? If you can figure this out, maybe we can give you more advice.

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