>>18 here.
There's been some good advice here, from 31, 34, et al. What I really need to do is better myself. I'm certainly not drooling or unclean, but I'm still a fucking whale. I've tried to do something about this.

I spent over a year going to the gym three times a week. I worked so hard that there were days where it was hard to raise my hand above my waist and stand up out of chairs by the time I was done. I tried, I really truly did. I gave it everything I had. I was even watching my diet. And it didn't do me a lick of good. I didn't lose a single fucking ounce. In fact, the muscle building up underneath the mountain of blubber caused to me gain weight. But not one single milligram of lard disappeared. But I'm getting off on a rant.

So, anyway, that failure reinforced my own self-doubt. I've looked at myself in the mirror, and I know that not only am I undesirable, I'm downright revolting. And when I talk to someone, it almost feels like I'm insulting them by insinuating that there's even a 1% chance that they would want to talk to me.

But if I can't even see value in my own existance, why should I expect other people to see any? I need to keep trying to make something of myself so I can walk outside with my head held high. Then everything else will come naturally.