OP here: I agree totally with >>3. I hadn't really though about the whole "using" the kid to look good thing, but yeah I guess that is what I did in some ways, I mean I do like kids and I get really into playing with them, but yeah at the back of my mind I was thinking "this makes me look good."
The "white knight" thing is totally not me, i'm to scrawny to stand up to anyone, so I could not do the "tough man" thing even if I wanted to.
As for the whole not divorced yet thing; I am basically just totally letting her set the pace, i'm not forcing anything, if she says she want's to go out we go out, she has explained it is too complicated for her to be in a relationship right now so I am letting her do what she wants. The problem here is that I do really like her and I am kinda putting myself totally in her control already, which I guess does not bode well for a future relationship...