tonight things exploded. we were talking on msn. the topic went to our r/s again...and since i asked her to always be straightforward about what she felt, she was.

she said all the problems are making her rather go out with her friends/classmates than with me. this friday i actually had plans with her...but she called it off cos of class outing. i asked if it was an easy decision...she said quite easy. about this friday thing...i felt damn frustrated cos we already made plans, but i wanted to be less clingy so i even told her to go ahead have fun.

she actually asked me to go hang out with my friends more and get more of my own life. don't let everything in my life revolve around her. she said if its like that i won't survive after she goes.

she said she knows i'm controlling myself not to get pissed off about her not choosing to spend time with me (out of the whole week, she's only giving me saturday afternoon). she said i should naturally be fine with it...cos whenever i have outings on she doesn't whine about it at all cos she's not so dependent. and she said she gave me too much of her time that's why i end up like this...told me to stop being so dependent and clingy.

and this is the worst...she said she doesn't feel kan cheong at all that we have little time left to go out (she's leaving in 2 weeks time.) i asked her would she mind if we dont meet at all until she flies...she said she don't mind and got no feeling about this... sad.gif

she said she doesn't think she'd feel like that if all the problems didn't happen. the thing is the problems are all built up for several mths...

i feel like the girl in the relationship...and she is the man. i've become so wimpy. the entire frame of the relationship is wrong. she knows it, i know it.

i'm not the person i was...i wasn't so needy before. and she's not who she was also...now so cold and distant...even she realises it but says that she don't know why she's like that. should i end it? i dunno if this can be saved...cos the problem seems too deep rooted already. she doesn't respect me as a man anymore...its like even if we stay together i'm not sure if there's any way to solve this. her sadness has evolved to impatience and contempt...

another option would be to take a time out for couple of months...since she's going overseas but will be back in july to apply for a visa.

i am really on the verge of ending it...i still love her, but i dunno if i can love her if she views me like this..i dunno if i can take a relationship where she obviously doesn't care as much about anymore. and she has the upper hand over me. maybe i should just stop torturing myself. let her move on and let myself move on.

any advice?