What are we doing? (57)

1 Name: CinemaGirl : 2008-05-22 17:35 ID:Ig97Uqkn

Hello people.
I need some help here!

It's quite a long story:

I've got this colleague of mine at college, well, I can call him a friend, since we do spend some time together...
The thing is that I might be interested in him. But I don't have the guts to or the determination to make that clear to him. I'm not the type of girl that makes the first step!
And although we do spend some time together (most of the times alone, because we skip the same classes), we go to the cinema and all...but he either made the first step or anything like that.

I supose we're friends and that's it...Besides he treats me like he treats anyone else...he has equal behaviour towards everyone.
We do have a lot of fun in movies and only chatting and catching some sun etc, but...what if he thinks the same way I do?
What if he's expecting some sign out of me? Because I've never demonstrated anything like that to him, because I'm afraid he'll step away from me because he's not interested...I mean, you get the idea, right?

What should I do?

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-22 19:06 ID:nQwQ6868

hmm... try dropping some very subtle hints. dont go too far out though or else it may backfire. like a slight touch on his shoulder or torso or something typical like that. of course dont just do it at random. you gotta time it like after he says a funny joke or something or when you two might be clowning around. then just gauge his reaction.

try changing something, very subtle. your hair style, a new shirt, new makeup or whatever, i dont know lol. just to see if he notices it.

thats all i can think of, im not that great at this stuff either lol.

3 Name: CinemaGirl : 2008-05-22 19:32 ID:Ig97Uqkn

Yeah I know what you mean. The thing is, I'm not exactly the type of girl who cares about clothing. I don't wear make-up, and honestly, this isn't lack of modesty, I think I'm not bad-looking. I know this might sound a bit egocentric but I don't dress up for guys, I want them to notice me first for my personality (don't we all).
And he does gives me small touches once in a while, like...massaging my shoulders but really quick as in saying: "I'm here."
But he does that to everyone. The massage thing. And the touches. You know what I mean? He's ... "him" ... to everyone. No special touches for me.
But the next time he touches me like I mentioned Ill try to "answer" him equally. And watch his reaction.

Thanks! ^^

4 Name: 43 : 2008-05-22 21:49 ID:Znq+c4bV

>I don't dress up for guys, I want them to notice me first for my personality

You sound like a great chick.

5 Name: CinemaGirl : 2008-05-22 22:00 ID:Ig97Uqkn

Thank you! ^^

Although the truth is that girls who dress up "hot" and wear make-up and do really care about their appearance, appeal more the guys.
Which is fine for me, I'm not in a hurry and I think it's better to wait to get the guy who's really into the "whole me" than change myself and begin worrying more than I should about my appearance.

The thing is that, I don't get to worry about my appearance, but about my personality. Maybe I'm too hiperactive and that somehow scares people. And sometimes I can be really childish and most guys don't like that.
Oh well, I'm not trying to impress "most guys" anyway -sigh-

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-23 01:56 ID:pzobxym5

It sucks to say, but honestly if you have already notice that he treats you the same as everyone else, he probably doesn't like in that way. From my experience, I treat girls that I am not romantically interested in the same as anyone else.

The best advice I can give is the most terrifying: you have to tell him that you like him and just see what happens.

7 Name: CinemaGirl : 2008-05-23 11:18 ID:nbHMTiLL

Yes, I've always considered that he isn't into me because he treats me like everyone else. But the thing is, I treat him as everyone else too, it's not like I've gave him any sign.
Perhaps he's too afraid of a rejection and is waiting for me. That's my positive irrealistic thinking.

The thing is, I would never confess to him. Not that my feelins aren't real. They are, but I guess I?m too afraid of a rejection and that stuff between us get's weird and awkward, and god knows how we enjoy spending time together. I make him laugh, he makes me laugh. But then I supose that's just it right?

I dunno what I'll do....but confessing isn't an option.

8 Name: CinemaGirl : 2008-05-23 13:21 ID:nbHMTiLL

So I've been thinking and maybe I'll do nothing about it.
Better do nothing than risk our friendship. I dunno what'll do if we stopped talking and things got awkward between us. I'll just be even more depressed about it.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-23 14:11 ID:VgAmi7Gk

"I would rather regret something I did do than something I didn't."

if you don't, you may stay friends, but you may never find out. I guess it depends on how much you like this guy.

And if he's a true friend, it won't ruin your friendship.

10 Name: CinemaGirl : 2008-05-23 14:25 ID:nbHMTiLL

I really care about him. I just don't have the courage to face him and say: "I love you".
I prefer to take things slowly, maybe I'll start giving small hints and signs and see if he gets it!

Or you think that saying it straigth ahead is better?

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-23 14:46 ID:VgAmi7Gk

DO NOT SAY I LOVE YOU.

If he doesn't feel the same, there's no greater guarantee to scare a guy off. Start giving hints and then lead up to confession. But even in confession, you should try something like, "I really like you."

12 Name: CinemaGirl : 2008-05-23 16:07 ID:nbHMTiLL

Thank god I shouldn't say something like "I Love You".
Even if I should, I probably wouldn't have the guts. Not that my feelings aren't real.
I'm just too inexperienced and have no idea how to start things.
This is due mainly because I'm a bit immature for my age. I always take things lightly and try to cheer up the mood, trying to make everyone laugh and stuff, and maybe people don't see anything else in me because I'm always like this. If people don't take me seriously, how can they think of me as a girl who can have real deep emotions? I mean, I think a person like me isnt exactly what a guy is looking forward to is it?

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-23 19:45 ID:Mrm2pwAh

Why would you want to keep the friendship? You won't be his real friend because as soon as he meets someone else, you're going to be torn and heartbroken. You're only option is reaction.

"Nothing worth having in life comes easy."

If you do nothing, nothing will ever happen. If he does reject you, you'll still feel better because at least you went down fighting. At least you went into the game and came out a stronger person. And what if he doesn't reject you? Then you you'll end up suceeding. Weighing the pros and cons, its obvious you need to tell him how you feel. Don't wait too long.

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-23 19:48 ID:Mrm2pwAh

And one more thing, I personally like girls like you, the kind that are funny and don't take things too seriously. It means your not the type who likes drama. It's scary and terrifying, but all you have to say is, "I like you."

You feel so great if they feel the same and the times I got rejected...I still felt okay because I went for it and did all I can do, so doing my best was enough.

15 Name: CinemaGirl : 2008-05-23 20:20 ID:gW8TKuO1

I guess you're right. I have to do something before I regret it.
Gotta gather the courage though, wether if he says something positive or negative, I dont know what Ill do next so I gotta think of something!

Thanks ID:Mrm2pwAh (lol)

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-23 22:42 ID:u7mGvgfm

Bold and direct, "I really like you, we could go out" would be alright. We guys are usually simple; a simple and direct approach will work best, instead of all that hinting crap we have a hard time interpreting. Life should be simple and nice. You say what you want, you get it if it's possible. Good luck!

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-24 15:55 ID:497FuoQt

your welcomecome cinemagirl, good luck

18 Name: CinemaGirl : 2008-05-24 18:52 ID:gW8TKuO1

I'll write updates after I meet him.
Probably Monday or Tuesday!!

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-24 22:53 ID:497FuoQt

Cool, don't forget!

20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-25 03:02 ID:I7//e0qq

>>16

Is a clear-headed guy. Listen to him! Us guys are straightforward simple creatures, we don't pick up well on the whole world of female subtleties.

Here's the thing, if you tell him how you feel and he doesn't feel the same way right now, it doesn't mean he'll never feel that way. Sometimes guys need some time, especially if they're initially surprised and begin to see you differently.

Go for it! Even if it doesn't work out, you can be proud of yourself for trying and it'll make the next time that much easier.

21 Name: CinemaGirl : 2008-05-26 07:33 ID:q5haZFzR

Tomorrow will be THE day, hopefully.
It's the only day I'm 100% sure we'll be together alone for some time.
But one thing is bothering me lately.
I mean, aren't boys the one who effectively are the more straighforward about this types of confession? I mean, as I mentioned before, i'm not the type of girl who actually likes to take the first step. You can call me old-fashioned, but that's how I am.
Although I might say that, indirectly, I might have confessed to someone before, years ago, but it didn't go very well.
If he's really interested in me, why isn't he the one who says something?
And I know, I'll feel better telling him and being rejected than not tell him, but I don't really like the idea of him noticing me in other way and considering having something with me only after I confessed.
Shouldn't he think that way of me before? I think it's more real and romantic than only noticing me after.

Or am I being completely silly thinking this way?

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-26 18:22 ID:Z28TajRW

There are a lot of ways to indicate affection.

The - is he into me - game is pointless. It takes too long and you might never find out. Here's also another tibbit about guys. They're never into you, but they're always into you.

To guys, every female is a potential fuck buddy. If you're attractive, then you should have no problem. If they give no indication, it means that they're not thinking of that at the moment, but that's fine. If you show them that you're open to it, they will bite. So, even if they're not into you, it's easy to make them be into you. It's always a possibility at the back of their mind.

You need to take some steps, out of what you already do with everyone else. Usually go to the cinema? Go somewhere else distinctly romantic.

Plan a special event, invite him to a party, as a date. There's no need for any dramatic confession, just keep on dating the guy until you become a couple.

23 Name: CinemaGirl : 2008-05-27 20:33 ID:Slkrfkkq

I appreciate you being so direct and honest, but, although by disagreeing I do not mean to say that your theorie "every female is a potential fuck buddy" isn't true. I believe it is.
But

I don't want to be a "female who might be a potential fuck buddy".
This totally goes against what I wanted to happen.
As I mentioned clearly before, I do not want him to think of me as in: "well, why not? let's give it a try. I may start to like her"

God if there's anything that totally ruins the romance, is THAT THOUGHT!

So I supose that, based on your theorie, then he doesnt like me at all in the way I wanted him to. And yes, it may take ages until a man notices me the way I want, (this being, falling in love with me after knowing me, and still liking me although I haven't confessed and without thinking "why not?") but hell, I can wait.

24 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-27 20:33 ID:JBgYLvcy

He probably hasn't done anything yet because he doesn't like you! That's why you have to go for it, because maybe he hasnt thought it of it!

25 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-27 22:32 ID:u7mGvgfm

>>21 and >>23 :

> i'm not the type of girl who actually likes to take the first step. You can call me old-fashioned, but that's how I am.

Have you considered the possibility that he's the type of guy who actually likes girls to take the first step? You could call him new-fashioned, but that's how he is? The only way to be sure is to take the first step. Also, I'm sure you're not old-fashioned in other things that did not traditionally favour women.

> If he's really interested in me, why isn't he the one who says something?

Because he may think exactly like you. And if that's the case, nobody would.

> I don't really like the idea of him noticing me in other way and considering having something with me only after I confessed.

Why not?

> Shouldn't he think that way of me before? I think it's more real and romantic than only noticing me after.

It's more romantic if he does. But some girls get pissed off at guys for thinking like that. So we just don't know what to do with you, really.

> Or am I being completely silly thinking this way?

Yes, you are being completely silly thinking this way. I have no doubt about it.

> I don't want to be a "female who might be a potential fuck buddy".

Then let him know clearly. Anything you want him to know, just tell him. It's simple and straightforward, and he'll love the sincerity and easyness. And contrary to what you might think, not all guys just think of fuck buddies. Many of us also think about serious relationships and love, but girls tend to assume we're only in for the fucks.

> God if there's anything that totally ruins the romance, is THAT THOUGHT!

You're unusually romantic for a girl. I like it. I have discovered that, contrary to popular belief, males aged 20 and over can be much more romantic than females of similar ages. If he's a good guy (good as in caring, nice, not the typical loud jerk scum most girls go after), chances are that he'll be romantic.

> but hell, I can wait.

Okay, take a seat because you sound like you'll wait until your 60s.

26 Name: CinemaGirl : 2008-05-28 07:16 ID:Soh3g6xY

Because it's like waving a red flag in front of his eyes and say "I'M HERE! YES, I'm A GIRL...and quite an interesting one!!!"

27 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-28 07:38 ID:H+SBW5Qc

How old are you CinemaGirl?
I personally would just ask him if he could think about a relationship with you and if he's not interested in more than friendship then that would be OK too I guess? There are other guys.

28 Name: CinemaGirl : 2008-05-28 07:49 ID:Soh3g6xY

19

29 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-28 07:53 ID:H+SBW5Qc

That's still young. But you're still older than I am...

30 Name: CinemaGirl : 2008-05-28 08:01 ID:Soh3g6xY

Yes.
I supose I'm too immature for my age. My friends say that all the time (although they don't mind that about me. only if it leads towards a silly argument), and I completely admit that sometimes I can be extremely childish. I live with it for years :P
Maybe that's my problem.
Maybe that's why I can't move forward with this...maybe I'm afraid of both reactions HE can make. Wether positive or negative, I won't cope with it in a mature way.

31 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-28 08:06 ID:H+SBW5Qc

>>30
You are afraid of positive answers of him too?
What's this topic about then...?
What is your goal with that boy?
If you're afraid of anything that could happen once you confess, why would you want more than friendship?

32 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-28 09:33 ID:Heaven

>"every female is a potential fuck buddy"

As a guy, to this I would say both yes and no.

I don't think of all girls as "potential fuck buddies", even if they look good. To me, attraction is much more than just visual appearance.

On the other hand, most guys don't share my opinions about this. Nearly all of my friends would desperately say yes to any good looking girl who wants to have sex with them, the number of guys that I know who wouldn't, can be counted on one hand.

33 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-28 22:24 ID:u7mGvgfm

>>26
The problem with that being...?

>>30

> I supose I'm too immature for my age.

No, most girls around your age are very immature. At least you admitting it and discussing this whole issue in 4-ch is a step ahead of most.

And if you know you're immature, then you have walked the first step towards fixing it. You know what's wrong, now stop doing it, and you'll have a better, happier life!

34 Name: CinemaGirl : 2008-05-30 01:21 ID:OJexHNZ4

Ok, time for updates

35 Name: CinemaGirl : 2008-05-30 01:31 ID:OJexHNZ4

We went to the cinema again.
But before I explain what really happened (or what didnt happened), I think I ought to explain how we ended up in the cinema, so you can understand a bit better our friendship:

I was at this class I really shouldn't be in, because I had no work donne to show, so actually I was merely...stalling.
He (let's call him Indy, since we went to watch Indiana Jones today). So

Indy sent me an email saying he was skipping that class, that he was going to the cinema, and asking me if I was into it.

I said I wanted to, but I couldn't just leave the classroom like that. (I need to explain our classroom system: you sign at the end your presence, on the book. so basically many people skip the class and signs later, because some teachers dont seem to care)
I could ask someone to sign for me, but the problem was leaving the classroom as if ...you know...
So I sent him a message saying that I just didnt know how to leave the room unnoticed (btw, the classroom is really big and has tons of tables and people are always coming in and out, but my case was, I was a girl all dressed up (with a college band uniform, which is quite...eye-catching) and I couldnt leave the classroom with my pack and all that without the teacher noticing).

Indy's answer was:

"Try getting out the classroom by the door. I think that if you jump out the window, the teacher will surely notice."

He's mocking of course. We do this a lot. Use sarcasm like way of having fun.
So I totally lost my mind (I really wanted to spend time with him) so I pretended I was making a phone call (we're at college. in my country, my college and this subject, teachers dont really mind if you go out the class without warning for lunch or phone calls or bathroom. its a class where you work your ideas for projects and all, and its a 4hour class, so they wont keep you locked all that time.)

Back to the point, I pretended I was making a phonecall (made sure my pack was well hidden beneath my band uniform cape) and just....disapeared. Went to meet him and we went to the cinema.

Now comes the real story:
(writting in a new thread)

36 Name: CinemaGirl : 2008-05-30 01:45 ID:OJexHNZ4

Ok, so, he payed me the cinema (I warned him before-hand that I was short on money, but he still insisted me to come, that he would borrow me the money) ---> Although I must say that he would do this for anyone, he's this nice to everyone.

So we get to the cinema nearly on time, we missed like, 30 seconds of the beggining. Still...

We went to our reserved seats, which were near this couple, but he said as the room was quite empty, we could pick our seats and have nicer position of the screen.

So we did.
We sat at the middle. Almost isolated. Excluding this young teenage couple that was on the back row.
So we watch the movie.
Like we always do...silently and making mocking commentaries about the film, etc...
But around 1/5 of the movie, the young teenage couple behind us (let's call them the Sucky Couple, you'll soon understand why) begun obviously making out. Believe me, we could hear them. The sucking sounds and all. Which obvioulsy was a bit awkward.

At least for him. I was feeling quite frustrated. Couldn't stop thinking about us doing the same. BUT I JUST COULDN'T throw myself at him like that. I should say something before. But I got my throat all dry and my tongue stuck. I nearly said anything the whole movie.
Anyway, still during the film, and I could swear it was after another "sucking sound", Indy stared at me, was about to say something, I asked: "What?" and he said, like, 5 seconds after: "Nothing" and went back to the movie.

I should've insisted. But i let it pass, stupidly.
Anyway, I know this might sound a bit whori-sh of me, but as I'm sually dressed casually, everyday I wear casual trousers and jumpers and all, today i was wearing the band uniform, which consisted on a skirt and all that fancy stuff, I could swear, well maybe not, that he might've stared a bit at my legs.

I mean, in the interval the lights went on again and I noticed the skirt was a bit too up than it should.

Sounds so silly saying this here...maybe because it might only be my imagination.

Anyway, really close to the end of the movie, I was really frustrated and really considered doing something. Mainly because there was this line at the ending of the movie (dont worry, no spoilers) that said something about...time wasted always regret...well it included those words and it sure was a huge sign for me to go ahead and tell him how i felt, but I didnt,
the movie ended, we both caught the same metropolitan, he went out on a station before me and I felt like shit for 2, 3 hours. Than I had the band practice so I was a bit distracted.
But I still feel a tad depressed.

Im a coward.

37 Name: Thunder!RQhIqRxs5I!!QiI33I8Q : 2008-05-30 02:44 ID:VgAmi7Gk

Well, CinemaGirl, I can't say that my advice will be very good, since it didn't seem to work very well for me (or it did work, until recently XD) but who knows, you may have better luck with your boy.

But don't feel like you have to make a dramatic move, like kissing him in the movie theater - do what feels right for you. Even something small like reaching for his hand can be significant.

I'm probably your opposite, though, since I do like to get made-up, and dress-up, and I'm a very direct person. (But how is it whorish if you were wearing your uniform? And if the skirt was a bit too high, why didn't you fix it?)

38 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-30 05:41 ID:c7fMZFa0

It seems like that he wanted to make out to from what I read. I think he might be interested. Guys don't ask girls to the movies because their buddies. And since that's the case, I change what I said earlier (I'm #13 & 14), I think now he should make the move. If he doesn't, he's a coward.

Of course, I made an out-of-character phone call today so I'm feeling oldly bold ^_^

But its obvious something was going on between you two. lol maybe you should bring up that couple in a conversation heh. Update soon!

39 Name: CinemaGirl : 2008-05-30 10:11 ID:AyNCOyJE

Thing is, if you're thinking he's interested in me because he chose another seats on the cinema (well, it really was so we could face the screen in the middle, i supose) or because he wanted to say something and he didnt, well, maybe because he was going to say something stupid like joking with the movie and thought it was too silly and decided not to

40 Name: CinemaGirl : 2008-05-30 19:49 ID:z9m/4Ndm

Oh and there's something I forgot to mention about him, once, long time ago, like, 6 months or something, me, my best friend and him were talking about life in general and she asked Indiana if he had ever dated and he said he didnt.
When I asked why, he simply said, shrugging:
"It just didn't happen"

Now that I think of it, he's 20 and didnt ever date? Believe me, he could've. He's handsome, funny, and intelligent and all those qualities together. It's a thing that's been bugging me for long. I mean, I know im 19 and didnt date before too, but it's different.

Oh and I didn't update you guys about today.
We had a class until 1pm and then we went walking to the metropolitan station (around 20 mins) and we went talking and all. I mentioned trying be less impulsive and not talking about futile silly things all the time, and he said I shouldn't worry about that, because if that's how I am I shouldn't try to change.
Anyway I didnt talk much, so he kept looking at me, puzzled.

We arrive at the station. Awkward silence. We part into different directions, because we do catch different metropolitans, depending on the station we catch them, and he extended his hand as in saying "hi 5" or handshake so I did
Although it wasnt quite a buddy hi5 or handshake. it was like an expanded version of two hands releasing each other. Since we were still walking into different directions.

I know this might sound a little detail, but I bet that people around us wouldn't think we were just friends saying goodbye.

41 Name: CinemaGirl : 2008-06-01 00:07 ID:Al2zvt9c

I really need your opinions of what to do because we've just entered the exams season and we won't see each other much since he lives far away...
I supose that if he was interested he would've said something about meeting for study or something else.
I'm really losing my hopes here.

42 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-01 00:22 ID:RXpbIdaG

>I supose that if he was interested he would've said something about meeting for study or something else.

Propose the idea?

The "it just didn't happen" line really makes me think he's just too shy to pull the move first without being sure. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about. I would quite fit the description you made (I've been told it before), and the two things that make I never really had a date before now (well, nothing really concluding) are: one, I have way too high standards; two, when I meet someone who meets them, I'm (or at least used to be) way too scared to do anything.

Well, that's something he might overcome in some near or distant future. But you have to ask yourself one question: do you wish to wait, and more probably, to lose any chance you might have, because you want him to take the first step? If you're ready for this, well, I think that's where you're headed right now. At least, if you really don't want to do it yourself, be sure to drop heavy hints, and to encourage any movement like the "fake high five".

Also, you can move back to the relationships topic. Use that curiosity you have; it's a clear indicator that you're interested, without you really saying it. Simply ask him "You know, I was wondering... that time when we were talking about relationships, you told me you never dated because "it just didn't happen"... If it's not too indiscrete, care to tell why it didn't happen?". Might well trigger something in him.

Good luck!

43 Name: CinemaGirl : 2008-06-01 11:31 ID:Al2zvt9c

>>42 Thank you for the tips, now I understand a bit more of what to do ^^ I'll keep updating!

44 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-01 19:35 ID:7uJDaQSf

>>40

>Now that I think of it, he's 20 and didnt ever date?

It happens. I'm 29 and I've never dated. Partially because I didn't even know what dating -was- until my early 20s. Other reasons are because I was too concerned with getting my own life in order, I kept moving to different cities for work/school/etc., I don't socialize outside of work/school, and the only girls to ever show interest in me weren't interested in an actual relationship [if you know what I mean], so I turned them down.

Now that I'm this age it seems like everyone's already taken, so I'm kinda' SOL. Oh well. Just don't let his age and lack of dating experience bother you, it's not really a big deal.

45 Name: CinemaGirl : 2008-06-01 22:11 ID:aK0FhlUC

>>Just don't let his age and lack of dating experience bother you

It doesnt bother me his age, because we're actually almost the same. Only one year difference. It bugs me the fact that I don't know his reasons. Maybe he didn't offically date, but he must have the ocasional...i dunno, adventure. I know him very well, but when it comes to very personal stuff I may say I dont know him. So I dont know if hes the type of person who doesnt want to be on a relationship. Thats one of the reasons why I dunno if I should be more clear to him on how about i feel...

46 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-02 02:40 ID:7uJDaQSf

>>45
44 here.
I've never had any.. "adventures" myself, so maybe he hasn't either, but maybe you know something we don't about what he may have done in his past. I think 42 has it pretty much covered on how to bring it up, though. Just trust your instincts when he replies. Good luck!

47 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-02 17:30 ID:497FuoQt

46, you need to get out!! Maybe you should socialize outside of work/school....it's called having a life! Nobody wants to date a guy who doesn't go anywhere.

There's more to life than school and work ya know...

48 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-02 18:01 ID:RGGtwt0b

>>47
Kinda' hard since most of my not-in-class time is spent doing homework/projects, and I can't budget anything since I'm living on school loans and don't know what the next payout amount will be. I don't even really know where I could go to socialize anyhow [especially in the summer in 90+ degree humid weather..ugh.]
Anyway, let's not derail CinemaGirl's thread with my problems. =]

49 Name: CinemaGirl : 2008-06-02 18:39 ID:mVAo2Ch0

>>Anyway, let's not derail CinemaGirl's thread with my problems. =]

Honestly I don't mind, since somehow it's connected to mine.
>>47 There's plenty activities you can do without spending much money. I know this might sound silly, but I do spend many time alone (by choice), like going to solve something I need, nothing in particularly really, but i walk a lot alone and go to gardens and all, just enjoying it for the sake of it, and that's probably how I met many people.
If you get, let's see, 30 mins freetime, dont spend it at home in front of tv or reading books (ive donne this alot). go out. you dont need a destination really. Go to parks. Get into free workshops, etc. Workshops or social activities won't fall on your head if you stay quiet. Get informations about it.

50 Name: CinemaGirl : 2008-06-02 18:40 ID:mVAo2Ch0

I mean >>48

51 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-03 18:36 ID:gxpu1PfZ

Yup. Even with a lot of home work, life can't be all work and no play. It's just not worth it.

52 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-03 22:34 ID:Heaven

>>51
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy D:

53 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-04 03:51 ID:A1Vz+rdl

Well...I know there's things other than work/school/homework, but for me those are primarily sleep, cooking myself dinner, occasional Touhou related stuff (playing the games, archiving story threads, etc.), and trying to squeeze in a round of TF2 every so often. The only thing I have resembling free time is on weekends, and even then only after 2PM since I like to sleep in. I'd like to do the park/garden thing, but in 95+ degree weather nobody else is outside, heh. I'll try that one when the weather cools down! Any suggestions where could I get info on weekend activities that are free, indoors, and preferably require minimal driving?
Oh and while I'm at it, how does one start conversations with complete strangers? "Hi" only gets so far before awkward silence sets in, and somehow I don't think "Well I wanted to start a conversation because I found you attractive" would make for a good conversation starter, heh. [I usually wait for others to start conversations, then things seem to go fine.]

54 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-04 03:56 ID:7KjQG1JJ

>>48 I understand the monetary and homework worries, and am just curious if you're also reserved because many social activities appear to be or end up being boring. Perhaps the issue is more of needing to find activities that you find enjoyable so that going out isn't a waste of time, even if you don't meet up with someone cool.

>>49 Walking sounds like it may be a good idea to meet people in general,though I'm not so sure it'd work for everyone, since meetings are casual and with diverse people.

Regardless, perhaps you should take such a casual approach to the guy? He said he hasn't dated (and there are billions of possible reasons for this), so suggest that the two of you get to know each other better and try dating because you're attracted to him. (Use the word because.) This is simple and straightforward, and puts him in a position where he realizes that he hasn't really given it a shot, and now there's a good reason to do so. If he says he isn't sure, just ask what harm could be done by trying it out, then suggest a date for not too far off (place, time, etc.).

Will this take guts on your part? Yeah, but not nearly as much as otherwise, since it wouldn't be nearly so bad.

Finally, this approach deals with what may be the cause of his lack of dating and approaching girls: He's perhaps just figured it's less messy to try getting involved with women because he may not end up liking them, and thus is waiting to see that someone actually fits very well with him. Of course, the likelihood of him finding this out without dating is significantly small.

55 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-04 04:04 ID:RXpbIdaG

It's amusing that this kind of line is lame until you get confident enough to say it jokingly, and then it becomes a funny one. But until then I highly advice against it, heh.

As for conversation openers... well, just asking opinion over something trivial (and I insist, something trivial) works well, like the name of a recently adopted cat or something. Even if it's bullshit, just say it's for a fried who can't decide or whatever. Then use what they say to you to fork the conversation and keep going. A good idea is to start by telling people you won't bother them long (ie you've got something to do elsewhere), so they don't immediately label you as "annoying person". If the conversation is doing well, you can then ignore this, if it doesn't go well, you have an exit door all ready. If they remind you about it, try to guess if they say so because they want you to stay or go. If it's stay, say you have a change of plans, that it can wait or whatever. If it's go, just go.

>occasional Touhou related stuff (playing the games, archiving story threads, etc.), and trying to squeeze in a round of TF2 every so often

By the way, this is "free time". Especially the touhou archiving, seriously. I really don't see why you think it's not.

56 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-05 16:40 ID:7jDhh32X

>>53 This is going to be long... Okay first thing you should do is cut down on the videos games. And I have NO idea what archiving story threads even is, but archiving for fun doesn't seem that important and seems sort of like a waste of time.

Also you're acting like after 2PM is wasting most of the day! I usually don't do anything until late afternoon when it cools down! ::::from Los Angeles::::

Go check out where your favorite bands are playing and check them out at clubs, if you go to school and work a lot, make plans to hang with them outside of those places. It's easy to do so.... just find a common interest.

Here's the best advice I can give you. It seems like you're not used to socializing and being around people....last year my life was all school and work too, I didn't know any girls, I really didn't have any friends, etc. Then I made one new friend and even though it was weird at first, things get easier. The more you go out and the more you socialize, the easier it becomes so don't even worry about it if things are wierd at first. Just consider it a step up. One way for you to start is for now on, accept EVERY invitation you get to hang out. It doesn't matter if you want to sleep or play videos games, JUST GO.

57 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-05 16:41 ID:7jDhh32X

>>53 This is going to be long... Okay first thing you should do is cut down on the videos games. And I have NO idea what archiving story threads even is, but archiving for fun doesn't seem that important and seems sort of like a waste of time.

Also you're acting like after 2PM is wasting most of the day! I usually don't do anything until late afternoon when it cools down! ::::from Los Angeles::::

Go check out where your favorite bands are playing and check them out at clubs, if you go to school and work a lot, make plans to hang with them outside of those places. It's easy to do so.... just find a common interest.

Here's the best advice I can give you. It seems like you're not used to socializing and being around people....last year my life was all school and work too, I didn't know any girls, I really didn't have any friends, etc. Then I made one new friend and even though it was weird at first, things get easier. The more you go out and the more you socialize, the easier it becomes so don't even worry about it if things are wierd at first. Just consider it a step up. One way for you to start is for now on, accept EVERY invitation you get to hang out. It doesn't matter if you want to sleep or play videos games, JUST GO.

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