Around the time when I first started liking him, I realized that I was ready to stop being so protective of my feelings and open up to others. I even considered actually dating, but that was pretty much it. Then our mutual friend said someone liked me and I couldn't figure out who it is and she wouldn't tell me. I started to like him but only a little bit and then I felt like I was really ready to try dating and the relationship stuff and a month later I said I would be willing to date this mystery guy, but decided I'd rather not know to keep from making any preconcieved judgements.As the days passed I became more impatient and started wondering if it was him, I mean he was always nice and friendly to me and flirted a little, so maybe he was the one but I didn't want to know, because if it were him or anyone else I saw it'd probably get awkward, but to make a long story short I found out it was someone else THROUGH MY LITTLE SISTER. Fun. I agreed to the date before I knew it wasn't him and I didn't want to back out because of that. I was annoyed at the fact that I needed to make all of the moves to even set up a date and I didn't realize it was because the guy who liked me was afraid to get rejected like I was.
To make a long story short, the guy I liked was everything I wanted in a relationship or thought I did. I don't need someone, I need him. Or what he represents, kindness and playfulness without being too serious. I guess I was indulging myself by thinking he liked me.
tl;dr I'm a dumbass and wanted a perfect relationship
>>18
And lie to myself to make someone else feels better. I'm not into him and lying would end up hurting whatever 'relationship' that ends forming. I'm not going to sacrifice myself to make someone else feel better, and I don't expect anyone else to do the same. I don't want to date him not because he's nice, but he expects me to live up to some ideal and I can't do that, it's too much to live up to and trying to do that would drive me insane. Wow, that sounds pretty hypocritical when I look back at my other posts and what I expected the guy I liked to be. But even then I retained some idea that love doesn't mean sacrifices and not everything was going to be perfect which is part of what held me back (the other being what our mutual friend told me about him) I can tell this other guy can't deal with the not so good things about me from the date, he felt uncomfortable whenever I mentioned something a little unpleasant (not in the OMFG I WAS ABUSED AS A CHILD BAWWWW way, but in the I like horror and scary things way) and was amazed that I even knew what DnD was let alone that I liked to play. I think he's doing the same exacting thing that I was, except I gave him a chance.
>>19
Exactly because I couldn't see us together. I thought it would bring me down to earth, but I think distancing myself a getting punched in the face by reality is doing the same thing. I'm slowly becoming disillusioned, though I hope it doesn't spring back to life if I do see him again.