No desperate situations or horribly entangled feelings in this thread, just some light-hearted discussion about something I'm curious about.
So, what do you look for in a lover? What makes you love someone?
Please specify your gender and sexual orientation when replying, or at least the gender of the person you're looking for.
In my case:
I'm a dude who's into girls, but I haven't been really in love for ages. (I've felt sincerely in love with an imaginary girl from my daydreams, but I'm still not sure if that's really the same thing.)
At this point I think the most important trait of a girl would be that she could fall for someone like me. It would be best if she would want a mild-mannered guy, someone sweet and romantic. She should be open-minded to odd and a bit childish habits and quirks (think of not wanting to step on the lines in the pavement), and maybe even consider them cute.
She should also be a sweet person, kind and friendly. Which doesn't at all mean she has to be shy and timid, and can't also be spirited and optimistically daring.
Where style is concerned, it would work in her favour if she'd prefer dresses and long skirts to pants, and sturdy, comfortable shoes to sandal-like, high-heeled monstrosities. She should be feminine, but not in the American bimbo sense. Modesty is definitely a virtue there. And I think a cosy sweater looks so much more attractive than a small top showing a lot of cleavage.
It would probably also be an advantage if she'd be just as new to romance and sexuality as me.
If I would find and get to know someone like that in the real world, I think it would work out with us. :)
Female, hetero.
When I was new to love and sex, I wanted a guy similiar to the girl you described, >>1. Nice, caring, not-threatening.
But when you gain some experience, you start to look for more challenging companions ;)
So, atm I'm in a relationship with a guy who resembles most of the features I like in men.
Personality: independent, self-confident. A little bit of a chauvinist attitude is fine, I'm really misogynistic myself.
He has to share my sense of humor, which means laughing at little children hurting themselves and calling movies like "Saw" and "Hostel" comedy.
He should be smart and interested in politics, knowledge about IT and mechanics in general is a big plus. Not afraid of written words and culture.
Being smarter than the majority and knowing it, thus acting like an asshole = teh sex
(Being stupid, but thinking you are great and acting like you are better than people around you = total failure)
Looks: doesn't really matter. He should be taller and stronger than me. A big belly is sexy <3
(Like Obelix, you know? ^^ Strong and big)
I'd like him to toss me around sometimes, not being too understanding, but with enough common sense and social skills to keep me interested and realise the really important things and critical situations in a relationship.
Asshole on the outside / reasonable, mature man on the inside.
>>2 = describing all the things I hate about myself.
>>3 If you hate yourself, you are not self-confident. So you can't be the man of my dreams, sorry.
Male, 23, Hetero.
What I'd be looking for in my ideal lover is a connection on every level; that is, physical, emotional, intellectual.
The girl would have to be a bit quirky, a bit of a daydreamer, intelligent and very curious about stuff. Not afraid to pick up challenges, or to talk to new people and such. She would be feminine, but more in the "cute" sense than in the "hot" one. A sweet soft voice is a must-have, and I noticed that I am very sensitive to some persons' scents. I also am more attracted to girls that look somewhat fragile.
And as I'm probably kind of a "giver" persona, she'd need me in some way.
>>2 = describing all the things that make me avoid people. But to each their own. :)
>>2 Describing everything that she'll end up hating and bitching about to "nice guys."
>>7 I've been with this guy for the last 4 years of my life. He's just perfect, yay <3
>>2 is a troll, or a self-destructive retard
/thread [?]
Girl, Hetro
Definatly need a guy who is nothing like me but totally like me in the same way :P as in we have to have some of the same interest and a common sense of humor but the guy i really need is the kinda guy who can complete me and help me in areas that i suck.
aka. he needs to be patient, kind, gentle, loves kids, quirky, able to deal with some of my more odd habits, (dancing in public, singing in public) so on and so forth
as for physial, he HAS to be taller, i am pretty tall for a girl, not monstrous but tall enough that i am taller then alot of guys i know and it sucks!! he should also be stronger. hair and eye colour and general build dont really matter, healthy is key. the one deal breaker though is teeth. i CANNOT stand bad teeth.... gah
>>9 Why would you say that? The harsh reaction on my post start to confuse me.
>>11
Posters on this board just hate it when nice guys lose. On the other hand, I'm glad you're happy on a complex rather than superficial level. Good job at understanding someone truly.
>>11
I don't see anything wrong with it, but most people would see your guy as a jerk. As long as you're happy.
Girl, hetero
Smart, he has to be smart--preferably smarter than me. He should know how to behave like a gentleman when he needs to, and how to dress himself for nice occasions (having someone else pick out his dress clothes doesn't count.) I have a very odd sense of humor, and many geeky interests--sci-fi, fantasy, anime, historical reenactment--I need someone who is a geek too. He needs to share my sense of humor, which is very odd and perverted, and be a bit kinky, too.
As for physical? Hair and eye color are all optional, as is height (although red hair and glasses are both major plusses, as is not being a foot taller than I am.) But he does need to be bigger than me in some way--i don't want a tiny or scrawny man, I'd be afraid of crushing/breaking him.
Luckily, I have found someone who's like this and more; and have been with him for over a year now.
A Virgin Female, I had some fun with Mary ho ho ho!
>>15
stop being unfunny please
Male, hetero
A gamer girl. Not just casual kinda games, but games rpgs, fps, action, whatever. It is very selfish to ask for someone like that, but it's really all I want. I waste most of my time on games, so I'd like to be able to talk to someone about what I'm doing beyond 'saving the princess' or 'beating the level.'
Beyond that, really sweet, funny, smart, generally easy to talk with. Looks don't matter, I find most girls very attractive. However, cute or laid back sense of style preferred. I'm not a fan of the 'hot' kind of fashion.
Anyone who can put up with all my moping around would probably be best. I guess I'm too demanding...
>>17 I don't think you seem too demanding. I know girls like that--and mostly what they want is a guy who'll understand and not think they're really weird for being a gamer.
Female, Hetero
Has to be smart, but not necessarily genius. Willing to debate about things but not persuade me to switch my opinion completely. Gamer, definitely. Someone who doesn't care about gender and gender roles. Like, if I were to have a baby but had to keep working, he would be willing to stay home and take care of it. (Haha, what are the chances?) Wouldn't mind if he was a jackass, as long as he wasn't that way with me. It would be nice if he was clean and well organized, because I certainly am not and it would help if one of us was. Talkative, too, and not shy to start a conversation.
I found out that I'm not big on looks, surprisingly. But to get my attention he has to have good hair. And a nice body, hee. Not a requirement, but it's nice to have some eye candy while looking at your love, right?
Male, 23, Hetero
She must at least look average and must not be obese (a little chubby is okay), I don't really care about other physical features. I don't really care about how smart she is as long as she's not trying to be somebody else she's not, I'd love an idiot for being an idiot rather than a very intelligent woman pretending not to be intelligent so that she can come down to my level. She must be at least clean (like have a decent hygiene). She must be nice, like you know, the kind that gives food to stray dogs. She must be productive and responsible. And lastly, she should be someone who's always smiling, just because I think she'd look beautiful if she smiled genuinely even if she looks average.
And lastly, someone who'd enjoy her time being with me, even if we're not talking.
Female, 19, Hetero.
I don't want a flashy looking type of guy, I just want a nice guy who is laid-back, modest, yet possesses self confidence. Like an understated level of coolness in my opinion. He has to be funny, or at least have a good sense of humour. I love laughing, and I think it's important to be around cheery/optimistic people. I also want him to be intuitive, having regard for how his actions affects others, or even noticing my slight change in mood. It would make me feel really secure when I'm with him, and trust him moreso. If he had a special talent in something, that would be really hot. Not necessary but.
Looks-wise, he has to be considerably taller than me as I'm quite short myself. Don't like buff guys, more into the slightly toned figures. Dress, anything as long as it's clean. Love the smell of a clean guy. Hair, whilst styled hair is good to look at and gets my attention initially, I've found that guys that I've been attracted to don't have styled hair. That could be reflective of their personality, perhaps. As I said, I like a laid back sort of guy, none of that high maintenance metro crap.
>>22
Sounds a bit like me. Or maybe not at all, I guess, depending on who's the beholder.
male, 18, hetero
Sadistic sense of humour, not like the "haha, the guy fell off a ladder" but more a "drop him down a trapdoor into a pool of phiranhas" type thing. If I can see them leading a legion of doom to conquer the world, then they're perfect. Another thing that's important is that they're apathetic and just as willing as me to lie in bed awake doing nothing for a few hours each morning.
Lookswise, id prefer pale skin, medium to long length straight hair. looks don't matter too much, as long as shes not horrible looking, it's fine.
Male, 20, Hetero.
I think my current girlfriend fits most of what I'm looking for. Fairly quiet and shy, but not to the point where neither of us can start a conversation. Confident of herself and her abilities without being cocky. Into Anime and manga and much prefers a quiet night in to a big night out on the town. Likes physical attention and being hugged/cuddled/kissed, but at the same time not being a sex-maniac (had an ex like that, completely wore me out and got on my nerves in the end. Current gf is a Virgin, so that'll be interesting to see what happens).
We get along great, and she's Asian so that's a bonus :D
how's an asian a bonus lol >>25?
well, >>22 has got my words. i'm looking for that type of guy. i guess most realistic n sensible sort of gurls usually get put off n disgusted by guys who seek too much attention or r too sure of themselves. cockiness is not wat a gurl looks for.
i think guys who r understanding n hav a caring nature r cute. it shows their soft side, i guess.
i also tend to look for some1 "secure", some1 who i can trust n rely on. as for "cockiness", it just proves their arrogance n leaves me a feeling of insecurity. gurls usually like to b safe n protected around the guy they like.
i also want guys to take control of situations n able to snap their brains at a click of a sec. like take a scenario for eg: a bf takes his gf out to dinner but didn't make reservation. when they got there, it was full. instead of looking helpless, the guy takes control of the sitaution, leaving the gurl feel "secured".
however, too much control can scare me away. guys shouldn't press too hard or get angry too easily. violence n temper is a definite NO-GO!!!
-sorry about the length of this-
Because I find shy asian girls very attractive :3
Because I find shy asian girls very attractive :3
Nearing 20, Male, Hetero
As far as personality goes, they'd have to be willing to put up with my antics; those of somebody balls to the wall and over the top.
Interests: I'd want either your typical otaku or gamer, or both. Ordinary people bore me.
For their physical appearance, I don't care if they're taller or shorter than me; I don't mind if they're slightly overweight. They have long and well kept hair, nothing bothers me more than short or dirty hair.
As a girl, I would want a guy who is taller than me >.<
Someone who is confident and can make good decisions, but not someone who is over confident, there is a fine line! Basically just a geniuen guy who is honest, loyal and trustworthy. Someone I know I can trust and will not betray me, someone who I can share everything with and not feel awkward, someone who brings the most out of me :D
>>32
Marry me. Haha, no seriously, you've pretty much described me except that I suck at singing. You give me some hope lol.
>>33
Well if we ever meet, who knows what might happen.
Let's just hope there are some other people with the same criterion out there.
Although I'm a bit tired of hoping.
Female, 18, primarily hetero. (Girls are hot but I don't get along well with most.)
I like fun guys. I like to be teased, and I like us to keep each other laughing a lot. I want someone who will go out and do stuff with me - go to concerts, movies, etc. Someone who has an interest in good entertainment without being pretentious. Being willing and able to defend me in a mosh pit is a must.
He also needs to be someone who honestly loves me, and is willing to protect and emotionally support me if need be.
Male 17..
Well what i basically look for in a lover is that she's funny sweet and smiles alot. as for appearance, it could be anything, just as long as i'd find the girl cute in some sort of way. and as for hobbies, anything fun would be great.. ^^
16, male.
I want... a mature and introspective girl who would sit with me and talk, play vidyas, watch a movie, cuddle on a cold day, or just do nothing. Appearance doesn't matter for me.
I'm boring.
a guy that's funny, nice, non threatening, not a control freak, not an attention seeker, not a pedo/ephebo/rapist, doesn't have rape fantasies or other f**ked up fetishes, honest, modest, intelligent, inquistive, wants to get married and have kids and doesn't drink and do drugs.
21, female
I want him to be my best friend and of course i want to be his best friend too. If i think more about it i want some like my dad... big oedipus and narcissus there since i'm similar to my dad. Meaning: overconfident, competitive, egocentric, prideful, and fun... and by fun i mean, no alcohol included and no dancing (because i'm immune to alcohol and hate crowded hot places), also playing cards and family games (UNO is a must in my family), talking while drinking coffee, going fishing, watching movies... also, kids follow me everywhere because i'm one of them; meaning he should like children and not be surprised at looking a 21 years-old girl climbing trees, playing hide & seek, football and other stuff with 6-15 kids. Sunday is sacred, he better doesn't bother me when my favorite football team is playing. Also it would be nice if he liked physical contact, since i'm... not afraid but uncomfortable with physical contact (i'm tsundere about hugging).... now that i think about i'm tsundere about anything in a romantic relationship, my poor SO is going to have a hard time breaking my shell, hahahaha.
Ah! one important thing i almost forgot, he must be able to wait for marriage, i'm saving my virginity for my life partner and no-one else. If he can't wait, then he doesn't worth my time.
About physical appearance... hmm, as long as he is taller than me and not hideous looking, i don't care (tho glasses usually make me stare twice a guy, that without them, i wouldn't look once).
>>10
exact same thoughts as me! LOL!
It totally sucks being a tall girl coz so many guys are shorter than you, and then when you get together with someone shorter than you, you get teased about it, and also makes your guy loose a bit of confident because he feels that he isnt the "dominate" one anymore...
One thing I am starting to look out for in a guy is their hygiene. I like a guy who keeps clean, even just the simplest thing, remember when we were kids and we were taught to wash our hands before eating? Well I noticed that no one ever does that anymore after they grow up, so yea...I like a guy who is clean and hygienic. I mean, I dont want to like start dating a guy and then always get sick because he was messy and dirty. You get my drift?
>>39
If I didn't know any better, I'd say you and me would be a perfect match.
It may seem I was modest in my post(>>30, by the way) but I was just aiming for a few specifics.
I'm an egoist, I think there should be more things to do than get drunk, I love card and board games, and I do get along with children.(my niece absolutely adores me)
I'm a girl and in a girl she should be pretty, honest, loyal, trustworthy, have a sense of humour, fun and likes to mess around doing silly things, not have alot of issues and moan alot and stuff... >_<
>>43
perhaps, but long-distance relationship never work. And i assure you, we probably live 6 hours away.... by plane. Anyway it's funny that you talk about hair. I have a huge complex about my curly hair so i iron it once a week and apply conditioners. Fucking frail hair.