Alone Time Vs Time Together (12)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-23 03:37 ID:Rk7iqCmJ

Alright. I'm sorry if this is a kind of long post, but I've just gotta get it all out there. The other night, my boyfriend and I, with whom I've been with for well over a year, had a discussion over time together. He's been trying to get a job, but he's been busy hanging out with me and his friends, and he's stuck in a rut. I've tried to help, like finding him jobs and such, but whenever I did give him alone time, he didn't get much accomplished. Now, he told me that he needs more alone time til he gets a job, so I won't be seeing him much( probably only 2-3 days a week). Since it's summer time, I've been seeing him more, but on average, we spend time together about...3/4 times a week. He has a job now, so when he has work, I'm by myself, and I get super lonely.
I'm an only child, and I've always hated being alone, so it's hard, but I manage. I understand that he needs alone time, and I'm not stopping him...yet...why am I feeling uneasy? What can I do to ease my mind about all this and not feel as though I'm not wanted or if he's sick of me? I'm always feeling like I'm alone, and I hate it. I can't stand it. In the beginning of our relationship, we only saw each other once a week, and I couldn't imagine going back to that, (that was due to my mom, but that's not the case anymore).
I know we both love each other, and this is beneficially for both our futures, (since we want to live together), but what can I do to make my mind stop thinking and getting so paranoid about it? I suppose I'm just worried about the whole guy line, "I need space.." and then dumping me. I know that's not the case, but damn, what can I do to not cry myself to sleep over the loneliness and not fret about when I'm going to see him next? Help?

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-23 03:48 ID:YsMpzIWo

You're lonely? GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! Go to the single rant thread then we'll talk about lonely..jeezes christ, I hate mankind.


3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-23 03:55 ID:Rk7iqCmJ


OP here. I know that sounded a bit excessive, and I should feel grateful for having someone in the first place, but my past is complicated and myeah. I had to use the word, lonely. I'm sorry I offended you, replier. I suppose I have nothing to complain about, but I've never been in a situaion like this, so I don't know how to feel. ><;

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-23 03:59 ID:Rk7iqCmJ

OP here again. Not to troll or nothing, but I forgot to add this. Even though your comment was harsh, I realize that I was being a stupid human and should enjoy my time spend with my boyfriend, even though it may not be as much as I would have wanted. a really odd way, I guess.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-23 04:06 ID:Rk7iqCmJ

/end thread

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-23 05:07 ID:0Xx8A25v

> He has a job now, so when he has work, I'm by myself, and get super lonely.

This is one of the tragedies of modern life.

Women like successful men. Men like being successful too. And everyone needs money to avoid being on the street. Unfortunately, successful men are too busy being successful to have much (or any) time left for their partner. Likewise for successful women.

There's no good solution. Chances are when he gets home he just wants to sleep, but that doesn't change your feelings. I think your feelings may be justified, but what can he do short of cloning himself or learning to go without sleep, which is unhealthy and will probably get him fired due to subsequent lack of productivity.

The only thing I can suggest: get a full-time job yourself. Then you'll both be exhausted so neither will complain. :(

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-23 15:26 ID:dt0PBGTh

Ok... First of all, don't be discouraged by the any harsh answers you were given in this thread thus far, OP; It's understandable that some people not currently in a relationship would feel put out to see that someone in a relationship is concerned over their loneliness, and we can't begrudge that (I've been there myself, many times)

As a guy who works from morning to early afternoon, dating a girl who only has a some classes in the late morning/early afternoon (thus, to her it's fine to sleep till noon, or stay up until 3-4 AM), it's hard to make someone understand our point of view; In our relationship, it's actually myself that has the hard time, as I want to spend time with her, it's just hard to stay up past midnight when I have to get up for work in the morning;

Now, we've never had any kind of "serious talk" about how often we can spend time together, but in our case, I talk to her every day on the phone, whether we're getting together or not, and I think if you're already committed to each other, it's generally understood between you that there should be no concerns... I'd say it should be the same way in your case, unless there's some past history or evidence of anything he's doing without your knowledge? If not, then I would say he's just trying to vocalize that he needs to relax and get some sleep & sit-down time after work, which is a hard thing to put into words, that's all;

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-23 20:45 ID:Rk7iqCmJ


Thanks for your honest answer, and no, I know that my boyfriend isn't doing anything behind my back, and I realize that he needs time to relax and such as well, so thanks for pointing that out.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-23 21:29 ID:lENcYBp5

its totally understandable to be feeling lonely because naturally you're going to miss the time you normally spend with him. The whole "needing space" its natural and well relationships are compromises right? Soo its just something you're going to have to deal with.

even if you dont see him, maybe it'll set you at ease more if say he called you at night and you guys talked a little and said goodnight? You're physically seeing him but it gives you that reassurance thats he's still there for you etc. I dont think asking him for a few minutes out of his day just to say goodnight and see how everythings been is asking for too much. Esp. if you guys been together for so long.

Also during the day i would just say distract yourself from thinking about him too much. Its just gonna make you feel more sad and miss him more. Go out with your friends or do w/e that you enjoy. Hope that helps. Being a girl too i know exactly how you feel. And im kinda going through the same thing with my bf except he's far away...

so dont think too much about! thinking and fretting over it will just make you feel worse.

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-23 21:30 ID:lENcYBp5

sorry i meant "not physically seeing him"

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-23 23:20 ID:Rk7iqCmJ


Hm, you're right. I've just gotta keep myself distracted and not think about him so much. It's just the hardest at night time, when I'm alone in bed, ya know? Maybe some music would help with that.

And, I must just ask him to do the calling thing, if the time we see each other does change drastically.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-25 01:02 ID:IQdg2Dyw

Is there something wrong with me? The OP mentioned she is bothered because she only sees her boyfriend 3-4 times a week. I'm really the independent type and if I'm in a relationship, I'm satisfied with 1-2 times a week. Four time in a week? That's over half of the whole thing!

::::is greedy with me time:::

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