>People, I find, are much too quick to jump to the sex aspect of a relationship. Especially males.
Dang! I have been spotted as a male. But honestly, I think most females would also be quite upset with an unsatisfactory sex life, don't you think? Actually, it may even be the case that in the long run women are more in that game than men, but I can't confirm that. I have heard that women's libido increases once they reach their thirties, but that may also be an urban legend...
>How about taking time to get to know someone first before you go and place that much emotional investment in them?
Well, for me sex is also part of the discovery process. Of course you can't know someone just by having sex with, but you do get to learn some aspects of this person. At least, in my experience I got to discover intimate aspects of my partner that I would not have perhaps noticed otherwise, or much later. Maybe part of the difference in our views is that you seem to criticize sex as a goal, whereas I see it as a process (among others) within a relationship.
>purely sexual relationships aren't relationships and are not healthy.
100% agreed
>I say sex is [...] overrated and overvalued. Nowhere am I saying it is "bad".
This is probably where we disagree. I understand that for different people the level of importance of sex will vary, but in my view, and in my experience, sex does have a lot of importance within the context of a relationship, so far that it can make or break it, unfortunately. (of course, there are many ways of breaking a relationship, those involving sex being only part of them). I believe sex is one of the essential components of an healthy relationship, and I think you disagree with that.
>I'm saying people don't take their time and rush too quick into things. If a girl isn't willing to wait until you at least know a little bit about her or or you aren't willing to do the same then it will not work.
If the girl does not want to have sex, then there will be no sex. I can see no other way of proceeding within an healthy relationship. However, if our views on sex are too distant, and for instance she insists on waiting excessively, then I will discontinue the relationship. It's not that I view her opinions as bad, but simply that they do not correspond to mine.
Now if she suffers from difficulties or anxieties, then it's a totally different thing, and I can be a lot more patient. For instance in the case of my current partner, she was virgin and was pretty anxious about the whole concept of penetration. So much that although we started having sex within the first or second week of going out, it took us ONE YEAR to finally be able to do it naturally. For me it was not a problem to be patient during that time, because I knew she was doing her best, and I needed to respect her pace. But I would not have waited one year without sex. (As an aside, I can't understand the fascination with virgins... If I ever get again a virgin as a new partner, I'm going to cry...)
>life isn't some video game where someone is keeping score about how many women you bed, how many men you kill, or how much money you have.
This depends on each person's personality (male or female). I prefer stable relationships, so having many "hits" is for me a failure, since it means the relationships were short-lived. In terms of numbers, my score is abysmal, but in terms of relationship quality and duration, I could hardly be more happy with myself. Of course, for someone who needs to bed a new partner every week, that would be meaningless.
>It's all rather obscene.
More a question of tastes and values. I don't think valuing stability over numbers is inherently superior. I think you just need to find people with compatible values and views.
>Pet Shop Boys has a new song called "Love Etc." that I think just nails it.
Hey, they don't seem to have anything against sex ^_^). And I do think they should have added sex to love, in terms of important fundamentals, instead of conceding on the importance of beauty.