I feel like venting onto 4channel right now.
I have a long distance relationship with my Girlfriend that has a lot of problems. She often gets very upset and impossible to communicate with whenever she can't have her way as far as what is true and what is not.
An example is she is postponing moving in with me for another month in order to see her Brother. I pointed out that this is because seeing her Brother was more important than being with me in that month of December. Although she agreed to this, she spent hours arguing with me and trying to warp the truth to something that put her in a more favorable light. Saying that it didn't mean anything and did not reflect on how important I am to her, when she had previously agreed that it did.
She also believes that she cannot live with anyone, and actively talks about how it will fail, and how she is a failure, that she is a 'broken' person. I have a lot of reason to believe that this and many other issues can be worked on with enough positivity, but when we most need it she will not be positive. She's actually very depressing.
I can't say these things, or point them out because she will never get over them. She still mentions the negative things I said months ago as a reason to not believe in aspects of our relationship.
I have changed so much in order to respect her way of life. She demands that she needs to have sex with other people, live apart from me, and she needs to be in control in order to 'feel safe' in our relationship. She has never changed, or tried seeing life in a different way for me. She either gets what she wants or she's gone.
She tells me that she loves me and always will, even when her actions do not show it. She gets upset that I don't believe her and I have trust issues, even though she has only compounded them into greater, more real issues. She cannot be critisized without a breakdown in communication and love. When we lived together before she kicked me out because of money issues, she was also incredibly cruel and would leave me all by myself when I was deeply upset from the way she treated me.
I have reached a point where I can't go on anymore, but the only reason is because she refuses to give our relationship any positive, reaffirming action. I do love her, I know a lot of people would probably jump on this with righteous and poorly-placed advice, but you need to realize that right now I'm venting the negative stuff. Although the positive stuff hasn't been seen in some time.
What a trainwreck,... it's hard to be positive with the info you are giving us. Your girlfriend comes off as immature, manipulative, energy sucker, blackmailer, etc... By indulging into her, you not only are not helping her, but continue to lock her into this deadlock of passive-aggressive way of relating to others.
The interesting aspect about this is why are you still going for this relationship? She is simply not fit to have a boyfriend at the moment, why don't you let her sort out her issues and come back, if she's still interested?
I only see lots of pain in store for you and her in the future. But perhaps this is for the best, you are maybe the kind of guy that needs this kind of clingy girl to feel relevant... Maybe it's rather you who needs to sort himself out, before thinking about her case?
>>2
I definitely need to sort myself out in some fashion, but I don't desire someone clingy as much as I desire the kind of affection that I do get from her. We are friends and we mesh very well sexually, that isn't easy to find. I guess this isn't so much me excusing why I want to be with her still as much as it is filling in the details of why I think there are positive aspects to the relationship.
She claims that she will always want me, so leaving this for a while would definitely be an option given that what she says is true. I feel that she wouldn't develop any positivity though, she would probably just get worse.
>I desire the kind of affection that I do get from her.
A kiss and three punches? Methinks this kind of relationship doesn't work in the long and short run.
>We are friends and we mesh very well sexually, that isn't easy to find.
Fine, then downgrade your relationship to being fuckbuddies. That would probably be healthier for both of you. Think friends with benefits, but avoid any idea of sentimental relationship, that girl seems to be highly toxic.
Just go, man. Selfish people like this aren't worth it, trust me. I'm guessing you've been in this relationship too long to remember what love is supposed to be like, huh?
There may have been some good times, but anyone can have their moments. Heck, even Hitler did :P
if she "loves" you then she will change, sometimes you gotta get some balls and tell them what you want.
if you've been in a long relationship it's time for her to trust you and let you in, if not i don't think her "control" will lead you to happiness
>I pointed out that this is because seeing her Brother was more important than being with me in that month of December.
Well I see some manipulation on your part, maybe you are as bad as each other.
>Saying that it didn't mean anything and did not reflect on how important I am to her
Sounds reasonable to me.