You claimed to be a hikki who I assumed stay in your room most of the time. I want to get an indication of your situation by knowing your age.
You are young who still have lots of time to change your circumstances.
If you are over 25, I have an impression it is much harder for you to return. In addition, as you age, you regret more and more, along with depression, it only gets worser by the age.
And who am I to ask?
I'm in my mid 20's, I've already contemplated suicide, actually I've plan it in future in the likelihood that if I fail miserably by the time I get to mid 30's, I will execute a plan to suicide by burning charcoal. Luckily there is still this option left where I can choose die so easily and painlessly using this procedure without going through the pain from other methods.
I hope you don't end up like me.