I think I can understand what you're feeling, OP. Seeing other people's heartaches and other problems kind of puts you back where you are: an human. It's way more "real" than the fake perfect life modern world wants you to believe in, as you may see it on TV or what else. And it's even more real than the fake "awful" life the very same TV shows you, with all its diseases, wars, and the like.

It's that average guy, that average girl, who might be any of us, and that suffers from its human condition. No, you're not different, because you too have the same feelings.

But I noticed something else. You say that as you think you are weak (which probably is true, not being offensive on that though - everyone has weaknesses), you like to see others might be, too. That seems rather rational: when you're late at a meeting, you're always comforted when you see others are, too. Well, I think that there is something more; I'll speak in my case. When I see other people showing anxiety, distress and the like, I try to help them whenever I can. And that feels great. As if by helping them, I'm helping myself a little. It's almost like I can put my armor and fight for them, you know, the knight that comes from nowhere to fight evil. That's the picture one might get; and this need to be a savior most probably comes from my own lack of feeling of safety. But, hey, everyone is winning, so why not?

I learnt something though: not being dominated by that urge to help other people. If you ever come through this, you imperatively have to know when to say NO. Otherwise, you'll lose yourself even more. Oh, and trust me on that one - 99% of the people you'll help will either turn their back on you (precisely because you've seen them when they were weak and exposed), or simply won't seem to care about you. The percent left might call you a friend. Remember the age-old phrase: "When you always put other people before you, you'll always stay behind."

And that's precisely what's so great with these anonymous boards: you need help, you ask - you do not have to fear to expose your weaknesses. You want to help, you do so; you don't have to involve yourself in a tangible way. You don't have to stand aside because of our natural tendancy to avoid problems, furthermore problems that basically doesn't concern us.

About being uneasy around happy people, well you seem to know yourself well about that and don't want advice, so I'll just quickly use myself as a reference once again: happy situations (being aroung happy people, that is) might be hard to manage if you rely too much on weak people to "know your place". Back to that old "Live and Learn" thing...

I think I understand what you mean when you talk about what you call "positivists", although I don't get the thing about french sportsmen. Clarifications, if you will? That interests me.

>>7
That is an interesting track. Yet I think that even if some trauma may be the cause of that "sense of being completely different from other human beings", it's not necessarely true. I believe that, for example, a lot of people with higher intellect feel that way; and not only because of their intellect and the social potential (ie through education & work) it confers them, but essentially because they don't analyse the whole "life" concept under the same angle. That's why basic emotions make them feel more attached to their human fellows.
That would also be true for people with certain philosophies of life.

Sorry for the long post, I might have written a nice load of crap, but that's how I feel these days; I won't give any scientific fact or whatever to back my sayings, that's what I think and feel. So whatever. Thanks to OP, anyway - this thread gave me some interesting thoughts.