i've been opposed to smoking all my life practically. lately though i've really been wanting to do it, even though i am fully aware that it will do nothing but steal my money and rape my lungs/other organs. obviously it i stupid, and i am a pretty logical person i would say, but i really want to smoke. it's not peer pressure, it's completely a mental struggle.

could anyone venture as to why i all of the sudden want to slowly kill myself? it's so mind-numbingly retarded even to think about. there is no point to it, yet i am faced with this bullshit urge. soon i'll totally be able to bullshit rationalize myself into smoking, then use addiction as an excuse. please, i need some advice...