I'm a first year student at a fairly well-to-do college that I don't really think I can afford. I keep telling other people half-jokingly that I want to become a chef or truck driver and drop out.

I don't find anything I'm learning to be particularly important or interesting. More and more, I think colleges are little more than some sort of system set up by the ruling class to keep the poor in their place.

Really, the only reason I see for going to college that plays a major part in my life plan is that college is supposed to be a good place to meet people. As a person who no longer has any friends and has never had a significant other (AnoniDate, LOL), it was such a disappointment to find out that commuting equals social stagnation plus loneliness compounded by hour long drives to and fro.

I don't really give a shit about my major and I think a simple life of working full-time would be best (have you considered trade school? Some trade school occupations can pay just as well as jobs requiring college. Be an electrician or something; maybe you could be one of those lazy-ass mechanics you undoubtedly see skulking about your workplace).

Whatever you do, suicide is really a terribly thought out and selfish option. If you don't want to live anymore, join the peace corps or something. Don't hurt your family; how much do you think a life insurance policy could console a parent burying their child? I hope someday that your thoughts on suicide appear just as absurd as they are.

Also, I'm pretty sure antidepressants only serve to increase the risk of suicide. I'd stay away and see if you could afford an honest-to-god therapist or maybe really make an effort to talk with your mother, no matter how much you think she doesn't get it.

Anyway, good luck with whatever you decide, OP. You seem very intelligent and you're still quite young. I'm positive you can make something of yourself. Plus, you have Anon, though that's a bit of a double-edged sword at times.