Hi, I haven't posted in a while although I have been watching the thread.

I think it makes sense for me to post now because I'm lost. The last week I've barely eaten (today I ate 2 bagels and some toast, which for a guy over 6 foot and a muscular build just isn't enough). I've stopped sleeping as much, yesterday I had just over an hour but I average 2-3 per day now. I've had real mood swings from apathy to depression to blind rage (more often than not I'll get really angry over nothing and sit around crying). Plus to top it off I've had a lot of headaches/tummyaches and my skin looks awful.

My guess is I can't take the stress anymore and it's finally getting to me. Today I woke up and cried because I hoped I would have died in my sleep.

The only release I have from this relentless depression is this girl I like. I haven't told her yet but I'm sure she knows, maybe I'll tell her soon.

But, back on topic, I really don't know what to do - I'm sure it's not normal to fantasize about dying. A few nights back things got a little overwhelming and I almost went through with it. "Luckily" in the time it took for me to find the major artery in my wrist I found someone to talk me out of it.

I don't know what I'm looking to achieve with this post, I'm almost certain that if things don't change soon I'll disappear before the end of the month. It is relieving that I can tell you guys this stuff though. I just hope a certain someone doesn't read this or I'll have some explaining to do.

Anyway: if you ever get the chance to save someone in my position, take it. You'll never know how serious they were until you realise you haven't seen them online for a few weeks and they don't respond to any emails.