>>20 "life is ultimately enjoyable"

Eeeuhm no. Life is subjective all the way. Some had a shitty life or others have anything yet they feel dead inside. I'm sorry, but you are giving "life is jolly" advice which does not work.

You have two choices OP: Continue your quest, seek some professional help (seeing money is no issue) and at least do that. Isn't your family worth it? Think about it, if not for you, do it for them.

The other choice is killing yourself, seeing we will die anyways , the suffering is not worth the pointless existence.

Both choices make sense, both create suffering.

goodluck