Well OP sucks to be you since apparently you made this thread just to get sympathy. What's the point in asking for advice and then having a million and one excuses for not being able to follow it? It's insulting to the people who actually take the time to write you long ass replies. Don't waste our time or yours.

If you don't get over yourself you'll never be able to make a difference in your life. It's like a band-aid. If you think too much about it you'll never pull the damn thing off. Instead of just sitting there wondering about what to do why don't you pick up a hobby? learn guitar, teach yourself to knit, write a book.