[Emergency] Emergency mittens release thread [MITTENS] (68)

1 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5546 09:54

( ´° ヮ°`) Please, every time you use emergency mittens release system write a report here.
Those reports may be used during maintenance to improve system performance and increase mittens throughput rate!

2 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5546 12:23

Dear Maintenance,

Today Station 5 suffered an attack from a small raid party, I took my station partners down into the safe room, and initiated protocol, Everything seemed fine, But alas, The emergency mittens had not released, I pressed the button several more times.

Much to our dismay, it did not activate, after 10 trys, the mittens finally rained down upon us.

Please try to rectify this issue immediately, Next time we may not be so lucky down here. ( ﾟ -ﾟ)

Thanks in advance,

Station 5 Crew.

3 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5546 14:31

( ﾟ -ﾟ) http://i33.tinypic.com/9zvku8.png

4 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5546 20:41

I also have an error to report in regards to the Emergency Mittens.

Earlier today I was undergoing an emergency and as such I released the Emergency Mittens. Mittens were released as expected, but upon further inspection, these Mittens did not meet Emergency Mittens quality standards. While they managed to serve my purposes, in a dire emergency, these Mittens could fail leading to physical harm if not death.

It is of the utmost importance that this error be rectified immediately. Countless lives are on the line.

5 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5547 14:23

Hi, I had a mitten failure and I was here to inquire about a refund? ( ・-・)

6 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5547 22:58

Some of emergency mittens got stuck in mechanical parts of the complicated machinery. What are you going to do about that?

7 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5547 23:24

Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂)
Date: September 5547, 1993
Reason: Unspeakable horrors. Also, my hands were cold.
Result: No errors or complications, all issues resolved.

8 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5550 00:04

EMERGENCY MITTEN STATUS REPORT # 116XLV_9
Today, (September 5550, 1993) was the 50-day-inspection for the emergency mittens, and upon further inspection, the mittens were made out of lint. As you know, this fails the mitten quality check amendment to the DQN section of the articles of 4-ch, Paragraph 4, line 6, subsection 26A. Please rectify this immediately.
SURVIVOR # 11569 OF ENCAMPMENT 4A-6X12-7

9 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5550 07:29

On February 13th, 2007, D-Wave demonstrated the Orion system, running three different applications at the Computer History Museum in Mountain View, California. This marked the first public demonstration of, supposedly, a quantum computer and associated service.
The first application, an example of pattern matching, performed a search for a similar compound to a known drug within a database of molecules. The next application computed a seating arrangement for an event subject to compatibilities and incompatibilities between guests. The last involved solving a Sudoku puzzle.

10 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5550 18:23

It´s an emergency! I repeat, an eme...cy...
Everyth...s ...rning...
HEL... SOME..DY... P...SE...ELP!!

11 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5550 19:25

A. MAINTENANCE STOP REPORT 11 STOP AFTER DOUBLECLICK BUTTON MITTENS SUSPEND STOP KNOCKED OUT EMAIL USED TELEGRAPH TO SEND STOP

12 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5550 22:06

>>9
HOLY SHIT STOP 2007 IS FAR AWAY STOP IN THE FUTURE STOP

13 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5551 00:30

　　　　　　　　　　　　　 ＿,.　--　..__／|
　　　 　 　 　 　 　 /￣　　　　　　〉 龍 ＞､
　　　　　　　　　 _/i , -‐ｧフ⌒￣ｰ‐┐ | 　 ＼
　　　　　　　　 / {. // / / /　/　 / /￣ヽﾍ ,ハ
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　　　 　 　 　 /// l ﾊ　|! ﾄ:ｸ`　　　__Ｔ7ﾅj j　いヽ}
　　　　　 　 // l　 小ﾄ | ｀¨　　　 /ラv/ //　jﾊ jﾉ ROOM CLEANING STOP
　　　　　　// ｌ l l/f７ ハ　 ､__, '　ゞ' .ｲ/ ん'jﾉ jﾉ
　　 　 　 〃|! ﾚ‐こ__八ﾘヽ._　＿ ,／/ﾉ　|l　|
　　　　　 {! ﾚ勺‐弖/〈 _＿/ {l__ク--､_l　＼
　　　　 Ｆﾆくこんr__／|　　 r‐ナフ￢ｰ ､.　 ＼ `ー---　､_
　　　　 ﾄ､,ィ７´￣l/ r_|　　,ﾚ'/ / 　　　　 ｀　＜_￣｀　 ｰ　 ｀ヽ.
　　　　_j〃ヽ》,.イ下ﾆ廴.ィ{　{/ ￣￣ ｀ヽ､　　　 `ヽ､　　　＼　ヽ
　　　〈　,{　 《ﾒ//ﾊﾄi-一'´ 〉/ ,ﾊヽ　ヽ.ｒ‐rへ、　　　 ＼　 　 ヽi }
　 ／i /|i　/ﾚ',/ | Ll　　 〃 _/ /7ヽニﾆ__}＞ .ヽ、　　 〉　　　∨
／　　　 | 〈/´ トﾘ l　　 　il／///　　ヽ　＼ ＼ヽ、￣￣　 　 　 }
　　 　 く.|　　 ｌl/ Ll 　 　 ll／　l　　 　 ヽ　 ヽ　ヽ,＼_　　 }　　 /

14 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5551 02:44

HELP I'M STUCK IN THE PAST AND I CAN'T GET OUT

15 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5551 06:37

... .- -.- ..- -.-- .- -....- ... .- -. / ... .- -.- ..- -.-- .- -....- ... .- -. / ... .- -.- ..- -.-- .- -....- ... .- -. / -.-. .-.. . .- -. .. -. --. / ... - --- .--. / .-. --- --- -- / -.-. .-.. . .- -. .. -. --. / ... - --- .--.

16 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5552 22:43

I had to wait in a long line, but in the end I received a pair of gloves instead of mittens. I want a replacement immediately or I will sue.
What are you going to do about that?

17 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5554 23:09

The emergency... The horror...

18 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5559 06:12

My mittens got stuck on the top of the page. What should I do?

19 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5559 23:33

I have to sleep, but I can´t. Why are these emergency mittens not helping?

20 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5560 05:35

>>18
It's an emergency! Release more mittens!

21 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5563 09:10

Has crisis affected the price of emergency mittens? Is there any way to increase the effectiveness of each mitten?

22 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5563 11:57

I used the emergency mittens on 5000 of september, was that acceptable?

23 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5570 00:55

So this morning, I was minding my own business, and suddenly, mittens start raining down. There was no emergency. It looked like some little brats released them as a joke! Please find them and deal with them accordingly. Those little jokers need to learn what an emergency really is!

24 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5579 04:48

>>19
The emergency mittens contain small amounts of caffeine to counteract drowsiness, which often results from it being winter.

25 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5579 16:29

I'm not exactly sure what happened. When I pressed emergency button I noticed that page background is not the same as before!
I believe some sort of malfunction happened during mittens release.

26 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5579 16:35

EMERGENCY CODE ⑨ IS NOW IN EFFECT.

PLEASE STAY CALM AND KEEP YOUR TENTACLES WITHIN THE VEHICLE AT ALL TIMES.

27 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5579 16:40

Finally, a DQN on par with this board

28 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-5579 17:53

http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1146#comic

i do believe this calls for emergency mittens

29 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7377 07:34

Urgent! Emergency mittens has been depleted.

Report: it was impossible to release emergency mittens during this emergency.

Possible temporary solution: keep a pair of mittens near your personal computing machinery's I/O devices. Try to administer yoga to remain calm.

30 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7378 05:33

Copy and paste the code from this link into your Javascript console to release Emergency Emergency Mittens:
http://pastebin.com/raw.php?i=JZyN251L

(Chrome: Ctrl Shift J, Firefox: Ctrl Shift K to open the console)

31 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7378 11:52

Keep calm and don't execute dubious scripts.

Find mittens.gif on google, right-click on missing picture next to "Release Emergency Mittens" button, click Inspect Element, replace its and neighbouring elements' paths to "mittens.gif", press "Release Emergency Mittens" button.

Open all links in new tabs, don't refresh page.

32 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7378 13:12

SIR
I think the mittens were switched with snowflakes because it's winter soon! That's the case for me at least!
SIR

33 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7378 17:19

Houston, we have a problem. I repeat, we have a problem.

34 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7378 17:31

>>33
Same thing happens to me when I use chrome. Firefox gives me the asterisks.

35 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7378 17:41

Safari gives me cute blue questions.

36 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7379 13:44

Release emergency snowflakes

37 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7379 15:53

( ﾟ -ﾟ)

javascript:for(var i=0;i<10;i++){document.getElementById("snFlkDiv"+i).firstElementChild.setAttribute("src","data:image/gif;base64,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");}

( ˃ ヮ˂) ... MITTENS!

38 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7379 15:59

( ˃ ヮ˂) ミトンが大好き！

javascript:for(var i=0;i<10;i++){document.getElementById("snFlkDiv"+i).firstElementChild.setAttribute("src","http://i.imgur.com/utJHPkq.gif");}

39 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7379 17:07

I hate myself and I want to die
Because it's winter
Turned the mittens into snow

40 Name: MeltedMitton!0lfTWceBkg : 1993-09-7380 13:05

The Desperate Superdesperation of Desperados.

41 Name: MaskedMitton!ZEWoLmqaz2 : 1993-09-7380 19:47

Emergency intensifies.

42 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7932 20:58

Emergency mittens had been released due to a sudden influx of blueness, self and outwards directed loathing and contempt in this poster. Otherwise unmanageable without use of nasty medicine which wasn't available at the time, this situation necessitated the release of emergency mittens.

43 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7933 01:52

I released them for fun. I'm so sorry.

44 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7933 07:57

My hands were getting too warm and I thought maybe the mittens could cool them down. However, the mittens only exacerbated my predicament. I would like my click refunded.

45 Name: !ESpeoN/nPA : 1993-09-7935 14:53

I released emergency mittens because I've found myself amidst a large crowd.

46 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8418 01:31

Emergency mittens have been released due to a misclick on a banner.

47 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-8599 19:22

Emergency mittens have been released to test http://4-ch.net/dqn/kareha.pl/1489758081/ complaints

48 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-9898 15:14

Emergency mittens have been released due to unexpected font and moderation changes

49 Name: (　´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-9904 05:48

Emergency mittens have been released due to the addition of the "Mittens" stylesheet.

50 Name: (　´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-9904 19:27

Emergency mittens have been release due to stress. I feel safer now.

51 Name: (　´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-9904 23:03

Emergency mittens have been released to prevent the picking of any noses.

52 Name: (　´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-9905 21:32

>>49
Celebratory emergency mittens have been released.

53 Name: (　´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-9999 00:31

Mittens released for the 9999th day.

54 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-10000 00:09

Emergency mittens released for the 10000th day!

55 Name: ( ﾟ ヮﾟ) HAPPY 10000 : 1993-09-10000 05:10

　,-. 　 ∧_∧　.,,- 、
　と,`;. ( ﾟ ヮﾟ) ,` _ち　Big puffy mittens on my hands!
　　 ＼　　　　/
　　　.｜　　 〈
　　 　/_／＼」


＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿__
|＿＿|＿＿|＿＿|＿＿|＿||
|＿|＿＿|＿＿|＿＿|＿＿||
||＿＿|　　　　　　　 |＿|＿| 　 　 ∧_∧
|＿|＿|　从.从从 　 |＿＿| ,-.,-. (ﾟヮ ﾟ )　Warming my mittens by the fireplace
|＿＿|| 从人人从.　|＿|＿ とと,`;_　　 )　　
|＿|＿|／//ヽヾ＼　||＿＿|　 　 ⊂⊂.ﾉ
───────────

56 Name: (　´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10000 05:17

dis is awfule. u shoudlve used a period insted of a comma on the bottom rite part of the middens.

57 Name: (　´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10000 05:20

>>55
cute

58 Name: (　´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10000 05:23

>>56
your stupid

59 Name: (　´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10000 05:26

>>58
it was a joek ;________________;

60 Name: ( ﾟ ヮﾟ) HAPPY 10000 : 1993-09-10000 06:02

>>58
no, it's constructive criticism!

61 Name: (　´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10001 01:18

Emergency mittens released for palindrome day!

62 Name: (　´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10001 02:24

Next palindrome in 100 days!

63 Name: (　´_ゝ`) : 1993-09-10001 16:05

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　/＾`''-..,
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 　//　　/｀〉ﾞ'.,
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 //　　/　/ ;;::|
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 //　　/　/ ;;:::/
　　　　Get in.　Bring the mittens.　　　ﾔ,＼/　/　;;::/ 　ミ
　　　　 No time to explain.　　 　 　 　 　ﾔ,　V/　;;::/ ミ　ﾊﾞﾘﾊﾞﾘ
　　　　　　　　　　　　 　　,... -―――――ﾔ, //7::/　　＿＿
　　　　　　　　　　 　,,..-''"（´･ω･｀） 　　　　ﾔ,/_;;:::/ヽ､＼皿#,,＼
　　　 　 ,,.. - ''"ﾞﾞ;＞ー―---――;=''''"゛゛⌒ヽ,￣ｨ7 　/〉　　''´￣`i
　　 ,,. '"　　,,. '"　　　　　　　　／　　　　／　　　ヽｪｿ　乃▲　/,r'⌒!' 　　　　　　　!?
　∠二フ／_＿＿，＿＿＿／∠二フ／　　r'⌒ヽヽ＿/´ 　 // ∩ ｉ 　　 lヽ,,lヽ
〔｀ﾞ`ー―――――――――'''''"ﾞ´ 　　ﾉ/ ∩ |　 ￣＿＿!/ノ ∪ﾉ　　　(　　　 ）
　〉同〉―― [MTNZ] -――ｊ同＞=:;つ＿ﾉ　∪ﾉ／￣ 　　｀ー―''´ 　　 と　　　i
　￣￣ー―￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣　　｀ー―''´ 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　しーJ

64 Name: (（●）ﾄｪｪｪｲ（●）) : 1993-09-10332 23:13

Emergency mittens released to warm my cold, cold hands so I can type this!

65 Name: ( ﾟ ヮﾟ) : 1993-09-10634 12:17

( ˃ ヮ˂) I released the Emergency Mittens because I've misplaced my wank-rag!

66 Name: ( ﾟ ヮﾟ) : 1993-09-10702 20:36

Emergency mittens have accidentally been released by an untrained intern.

67 Name: ( ﾟ ヮﾟ) : 1993-09-10705 14:47

Emergency mittens released to test barely-trained intern's ability to pack the mitten emergency backpack correctly. Expect further testing.

68 Name: (　･ิω･ิ) : 1993-09-11020 06:49

So I pushed a button without knowing what it was going to do. Pure innocent curiosity, or so I'd thought at the time. I mean..it was kind of an emergency.. But before I knew it they were falling rapidly and skewing my vision. I had set off a false alarm, and now I was panicking. Just how many were there?! What should I do? How do I make it stop? Should I just subtle walk away and pretend it had nothing to do with me? What if the police got involved? What's the sentence for crying wolf? But I'm too young to go to jail! I'm still a virgin! Oh god, Oh god. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I caught them all in my mouth.

The end.

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