>>0 gets an honorary mention in nearly all ITT threads relating to the previous poster, despite never making a single contribution of his own.
>>64 is able to string symbols and shapes, such as these, into advanced concepts known as "words."
>>65 knows all words in all languages, but is incapable of speaking or writing most of them.
>>69 can force a new meme without any of the participants in the thread ever realising.
>>72 Can duplicate himself an unlimited number of times, so long as he destroys the previous copy immediately at the creation of the new one.
>>73 can transform any coin minted after 1965 into a newer, more recent version of the same coin.
>>74 can identify a horse's pedigree by the taste of its excrement.
>>75 can make any sentence wax scatological, as long as he's the one writing it down.
>>77 can count how many pushups someone has done without looking
>>80 can muster up the energy to care about threads after a sage post.
>>82 can instantly memorize any book, but only if it's on the Korean War.
>>84 can turn a TV on with his mind, but still has to use a remote to change channels.
>>85 can change the distance between the Earth and the sun by up to 5 cm after a savoury meal.
>>86 can predict the lifespan of the nearest seagull by gouging out one of his eyes.
>>90 Can fart without laughing about it, causing someone else to get blamed for farting.
>>92 can stick anyone's face in dough and make gorilla cookies, even if the person isn't ugly.
>>95 able to imitate the air pressure from a compressed can of air
>>94 able to fart very loudly, especially when in the presents of girls he likes.
>>96 can fit himself into tiny boxes which he somehow proceeds to gift-wrap, then gives himself away as presents to the girls he likes.
>>98 can watch 3d movies with one eye shut by shifting his whole head back and forth 24 times per second.
>>100 can liquefy his own brain at will without moving his head.
>>107 can tell how many months past its expiration date a carton of milk is.
>>109 can put his right hand in, put his right hand out, in, out, in, out, and shake it all about.
>>110 can mismatch his socks in such a way that his color choices aggravate others.
>>111 can instantly distinguish between a Nintendo DS and DS Lite at 1500 meters.
>>112's sleeves roll up on their own whenever he wears a long-sleeved shirt.
>>113 can predict which chamber a bullet is in while playing Russian roulette, but only after the gun has fired.
>>114
Can regenerate her hymen after sex an unlimited number of times.
>>115 can smoke an ungodly number of cigarettes at once in the same time it would take a mere mortal to drag on a single cancer stick.
>>116 can make people around him happy, but only if no one is watching.
>>117 is invincible when he does battle against zombies, but only the p-zombie type.
>>121 Can read the entire New York Times while taking a crap.
>>122 can crap any newspaper you ask him for, but it will always be the September 24, 1993 issue.
>>123 can time travel to September 24, 1993 as often as he wishes, but he can't do anything differently than he did the first time.
>>126 can eat depleted uranium and crap weapons-grade plutonium, but only up to fifteen micrograms a month.
>>127 can predict the future, but only up to 10 seconds from the present
>>129 can build a functioning public telephone out of index cards. Unfortunately, the only currency it will take are Roman Denarii, and all phone numbers have to begin with 555.
>>130 can scary anyone away with his ugly foot‼ Shamefully, a skin on it is too sensitive to light.
>>131 has super strength, but in an ironic twist of fate, everything posted in the "Previous Poster is Unfathomably Weak" thread applies to him.
>>135's poop is slightly more nutritious than the average stool.
>>136 can name any thread's 999th post, but only after it has been posted.
>>137 has the ability to predict when a thread will reach 1GET
>>138 can accurately predict what's for lunch. 97% of the time.
>>139 can determine the precise composition of any radioactive substance by eating it.
>>140 Is able to take an expression out of context further than anyone else.
Can serve as the post I reply to in order to see what the current timestamp is so I can judge if DQN is still active after me being away for more or less years.
>>146 can detect glow in the dark butt hats from Guam. But only when he is in Guam.
>>149 is able to take personal offense at widespread cultural trends.
>>150 can regrow any limb he loses, much like a lizard. Unlike lizards, however, he must eat the lost limb first.
>>152 can gain any ability possessed by an ancestor of his. Sadly, the ancestor is picked at random and herding, plowing and stone-knapping aren't very useful skills.
>>155 can tell what time it was exactly 10,000 years ago from the present moment.
>>156 can create THE HARDEST METAL KNOWN TO MAN... by playing his guitar.
>>157 owns a pet neutrino. At any moment, he is able to tell its exact position and velocity. He keeps track of this data on a mildly successful blog with the title "Suck It, Heisenberg".
>>158 knows instantly whenever threads on any bulletin board reach their 157th post and can always achieve 158GET through psychokinesis, regardless of his proximity to a computer with Internet access.