[CYOA] Choose your own adventure! [DQN STORYTIME] - The Elitist Superstructure of DQN @ 4-ch

[CYOA] Choose your own adventure! [DQN STORYTIME] (64)

1 Name: DQN Storyteller : 1993-09-6498 12:17 [No]

Time for a DQN edition choose your own adventure!

Information:

> There will be a set number of options (probably between 2 and 3)

> Option with the most votes is taken

> If there is a tie, the earliest post wins

> Choosing an option I didn't give you will result in your post being ignored

> Updates will be exactly once every whenever I get round to it

> I will try to keep updating as long as this thread is alive

> If there's been no updates in a few weeks/months you are welcome to revive this thread and start a new adventure

> Don't believe for a second I'm not just making this up as I go along

> Adventure starts in the next post!

2 Name: DQN Storyteller : 1993-09-6498 12:19 [No]

You slowly return to conciousness, your gummed up eyes peeling apart like tectonic plates.

As you begin to make sense of the blurry and indistinct world around you, you see something that makes you immediately jump up, alert.

Before you stands a terrifying monster! It appears to have feline features, yet it stands on its hind legs in some mockery of a human. It wears something brown and coiled on its head. It stares straight at you with its beady, unblinking eyes.

Without warning, it calls out in a shrill, squeaky voice:

　　　人　　　　　
　　（＿_）　　　　
　（＿＿）　　　
　（＿＿）　　　　
　（　・∀・）　＜ My name is Squeeks and what do you think of my hat?
　（つ　　つ　　
　｜｜　|　　　　　
　（_＿）＿）

You gather your wits and give an answer...

[ ] Why do you have choko-aisu on your head?
[ ] Why do you have shit on your head?

3 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6498 13:08 [No]

[X] Why do you have shit on your head?

4 Name: DQN Storyteller : 1993-09-6498 14:47 [No]

[X] Why do you have shit on your head?

The "Squeeks" stares at you with an indecipherable look, then speaks once more:

　　　人　　　　　
　　（＿_）　　　　
　（＿＿）　　　
　（＿＿）　　　　
　（　・∀・）　＜ My name is Squeeks and INDIVIDUALISM! INDIVIDUALISM!
　（つ　　つ　　
　｜｜　|　　　　　
　（_＿）＿）

Before you realise what's happening, you find yourself crying "Oppai! Oppai!" while waving your arms in front of you in an autistic manner.

~~~~

You take stock of your surroundings. You appear to be in front of a computer with a browser window open. The URL reads "http://4-ch.net/dqn/".

You feel in the mood for browsing.

[ ] Browse bookmarks
[ ] Browse web history
[ ] Browse DQN

5 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6498 15:53 [No]

[X] Browse web history

6 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6498 17:47 [No]

[X] Browse web history

7 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6498 19:27 [No]

[X] Browse web history
[x] Put the mouse over the edge of the sidebar
[X] Increase the amount of existence the sidebar has

8 Name: DQN Storyteller : 1993-09-6498 20:00 [No]

[X] Browse web history

Dextrously, you simultaneously strike the "ctrl" and "H" keys. Your eyes scan through the index of websites like a lighthouse beam.

The most recent entries are of a site called "The Elitist Superstructure of DQN @ 4-ch", namely a "Choose your own adventure" thread. The idea strikes you as absurd and you continue reading.
_______________________________________________________________________________

History
_______________________________________________________________________________

Today - Thursday, September 6498, 1993

http://www.yourworldoftext.com/dqn

http://buttersafe.com/

http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/

http://www.ibiblio.org/lifepatterns/

http://tanasinn.info/wiki/Main_Page

http://chingu.prkorea.com/main.jsp

http://prillalar.com/drabbles/

http://www.netliberty.net/dreamachine.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shinto_shrine#Structure_of_a_Shinto_shrine

http://www.yyyyyyy.info/

http://www.guidetojapanese.org/learn/complete

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qsbL04pUGdQ

http://mitpress.mit.edu/sicp/full-text/book/book.html

http://books.google.com/books?id=mP4sprI726IC&printsec=frontcover&hl=ja#v=onepage&q&f=false

http://bunbunmaru.com/nitori.html

http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/osseocarnisanguineoviscericartilaginonervomedullary

http://www.japantoday.com/category/crime/view/3000-pairs-of-stolen-panties-found-in-home-of-underwear-thief

_________________________________________________________________________________

Try as you might you can't seem to find any incriminating pornography. They must use incognito mode or some such.

Further excavation reveals some wikipedia pages on organic chemistry and various Touhou gameplay related sites.

[ ] Read about organic chemistry
[ ] Read about Touhou

9 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6499 07:17 [No]

[X] Read about Touhou

10 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6499 09:08 [No]

this thread got boring halfway through >>2 but it makes me happy yyyyyyy.info got mentioned... oddly i was clearing out my bookmarks the day before yesterday and took a lovely trip their for old time's sake

11 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6500 21:02 [No]

>>10 i meant "there", I only make typos when I'm fucked.

12 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6501 03:24 [No]

( ・ω・) their the same thing anyway

13 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6501 04:34 [No]

( ・ω・) ( ・-・)

They're the same thing anyway.

14 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6502 08:12 [No]

[X] Read about Touhou

15 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6502 10:04 [No]

[X] Read about organic chemistry

16 Name: DQN Storyteller : 1993-09-6502 11:08 [No]

[X] Read about Touhou

Despite having little prior knowledge regarding the Touhou project, you gradually become engrossed in the many articles and writings you can find about it. You begin to fall in love with the characters, noting how much more personality they have than your old childhood friends.

Your mind readily absorbs the controls, scoring mechanisms, tactics, strategies, spellcards, bullet patterns, character names and backgrounds, storyline and whatever else you can lay your hands on.

Hours pass. Your anticipation peaks, and you finally feel ready to play for yourself.

You start up Perfect Cherry Blossom selecting normal difficulty and Sakuya attack type B, your mind already charging ahead thinking about when to time Supernatural Borders, which Spellcards to try to capture, when to use your bombs...

　　　　　　　_,,..-=ﾆ二7
　　　　r'ｱ´
　　　　ﾉノ　　 r'ｱ'"｀ヽ.,_　_,,..-=-､　　　 _,. -rｧ
　　　r'ｧ⌒ヽ､i7::::::::;＞''"´::￣￣｀"''＜´:::::::::!(
　　 .||　　　　r!:::／::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::ヽ:::::/i'
　　 ||　　　 ^Y:::::;:::::i:::::::::/i::::::i:::::::;:::::::;::::Y (_
　　 ||　　　　./i::::::i:::/!--/　|:::;ﾊ_!_::i::::::i:::::::i r'ヽ.
　　 !!　　　く:::L__ﾊ/-‐‐'　ﾚ'　_!__;ﾊ::::ﾊ:::::|_,ゝ:::',
　　 ',',ヽ.　　ヽﾍ「7""　　　　　　｀ﾚ7´）/:::iヽ;:::i
　　 i´｀とﾝ' ´｀ヽ!,人　　「'￣｀i　""7_/'´':::::::!　i:::!　 Touhou wasshoi!
　　ヽ.,_//」､_,ノ:::::ﾉ＞.､､,___,ﾉ_,,.イ:::!､__!7ノ__. ﾚ'
　　　　 i　　　ゝ-ｧ'/　/)_iヽ／　/(/ゝ､.,_ノ　　￣「iｰ-､
　　　　ﾉ〈)　　　｀　 /::::ソ^ヽ､/」::_r' _/ /」　　　|つ-'
　　　<.,　　_____,,,... イ::::くr-､_」:::::::::Y^ヽ､　　　　[] ',
　　　　￣　　ﾚ' 　 l＞-､::;;_______;;::」〉'ノヽ.　　　__　〉
　　　（(　　　　r'ｱ'"／:::/ i　ヽ;::::ヽ｀''::ｰｧ､`''ｰ-┴'"
　　　　　　　ｒ'i:::／::::::/　.l　　';:::::::::::::::::!,」
　　　　　　　　`ゝ､:::::/　　l　　　ヽ;::::::::::/」
　　　　　　　　　 └へ>､,_!_______,,..>ｧﾆﾝ!
　　　　　　　　　　　　'r-- 'i　　￣ヽ,_ノ
　　　　　　　　　　　　ヽ二ﾉ

~~~~

You barely have time to scream "OH GOD EVEN THE BULLETS SHOOT BULLETS" and you've already lost. Those fine ladies of Gensokyo had no mercy, thoroughly sodomising you with hundreds of brightly coloured pellets. They look on pitilessly in their frilly dresses and ridiculous hats as you lie curled up in the foetal position, your anus nothing but a metaphorical torn and bloody mess.

The screen goes dim, the music softens. Your field of vision - already blurry with tears - is dominated by a line of words, heavy with silent mockery:

DO YOU CHALLENGE AGAIN?

[ ] Yes, I'm a masochist
[ ] No, go read about organic chemistry instead
[ ] No, go browse DQN instead

17 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6502 14:43 [No]

[X] No, go browse DQN instead

18 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6502 15:26 [No]

Doesn't it seem a little sad to any of you that you are playing a game identitical to what you would be doing if you weren't playing at all?

19 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6502 19:01 [No]

>>18
But this is meta-humor!

20 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6502 19:58 [No]

[X] Yes, I'm a masochist

21 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6502 20:40 [No]

[X] No, go browse DQN instead

22 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6502 21:10 [No]

[X] No, go browse DQN instead

23 Name: DQN Storyteller : 1993-09-6509 20:44 [No]

[X] No, go browse DQN instead

You select "NO" and your finger descends on the "enter" key with the weight of a thousand crushed dreams. A single tear rolls down your cheek.

You play some smooth jazz to calm yourself down and get to browsing DQN.

Deep in the archive of old threads - somewhere between "[REI] May I take your order? [Part VI]" and "You are tsundere! [tsundere]" - you think you catch sight of a certain familiar coiled hat, but you can't be certain.

You enjoy the peaceful and relaxed atmosphere, participating in a few threads but mostly just browsing. You are so engrossed that the thumping noise from downstairs doesn't even register in your mind.

Time passes. You find that something sits heavily in the pit of your stomach and you have a feeling like an itch in a limb you don't have. It's almost as though... something is actually going to happen in the next post? No, that can't be it. It must be that:

[ ] You're wondering what that thumping noise was
[ ] You want to go read about organic chemistry (last chance!)

24 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6509 21:07 [No]

I can't decide...

25 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6512 04:18 [No]

[X] You want to go read about organic chemistry (last chance!)

26 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6512 08:01 [No]

[X] You want to go read about organic chemistry (last chance!)

27 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6512 10:48 [No]

[X] You want to go read about organic chemistry

You pry open the massive, bug-squishing textbook and turn to the chapter you and your class are working on this week on organometallics and Grignard reagents. You pore over the diagrams and equations, reaching the end of the chapter then starting again from the beginning. The sunlight coming through the window slowly slants across the room as the hours pass and shadows lengthen, motes of dust occasionally sparkling in the beam of light. You turn back to your notes on carbon-13 NMR spectroscopy of organometallic compounds.

After reading all afternoon without eating anything, you have a whanging headache. However, as you are a penniless college student, you have nothing to eat but Top Ramen and a can of Spaghetti-Os with a sell-by date of 1991, so you decide to take an aspirin and a nap. You lie down exhausted on the lumpy futon and have oddly vivid dreams of chains of carbon atoms spinning and writhing like queasy serpents above a shadowy sea of quantum foam, and electrons skittering and flickering as they dance on the hypergeometrical surfaces of hybrid orbitals.

Suddenly you are awakened by a thumping noise from downstairs, this time far louder.

[ ] You're wondering what that thumping noise was
[ ] You want to go read about organic chemistry some more

28 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6512 11:15 [No]

[卍] You want to go read about organic chemistry some more

29 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6512 14:28 [No]

[X] You want to go read about organic chemistry some more

30 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6512 19:23 [No]

[×] You're wondering what that thumping noise was

31 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6512 23:01 [No]

[卍] You want to go read about organic chemistry some more

32 Name: DQN Storyteller : 1993-09-6516 18:44 [No]

[X] You want to go read about organic chemistry (last chance!)

In a display of what appears to be becoming a regular occurrence, you become more and more engrossed in your latest exploit.

Minutes turn into hours; passing interest turns into raging obsession. Unsatisfied with the wikipedia articles you start browsing the websites in the citations, before moving on to textbooks and university published papers.

Having achieved an accomplished understanding of the general mechanics of the subject, you set about learning the titles of common molecule formations, which you do in the obvious way - moe anthropomorphism.

Your unidirectional concentration on whether Pyridine-3-carboxylic acid-tan's ribbon should be red or blue is broken by a soft light appearing behind you, accompanied by the sound of angelic choirs and an inexplicable sense of wellbeing and euphoria. You turn to see 2-Methyltetrahydrofuran-chan descending from the ceiling in a halo of stolen SJIS art.

　　。　　＊　　＿,. -──=ﾆヽ、　　　　　　
　　　　　　/ﾚ'´ 　　　　　　｀ヽ、　　＊　　　　
　　　　　　 //● / ,　,､ヽヽヽ　ﾄ、　　　　。　　　　　　
　　＊　。./7Ｏ　ｊ_ﾉ_/ハHl､_j　l　lN　　　　　　
　　　　〈７ｲ　´|/l/ 　｀ﾍﾉ}　jrく)j 　　＊　　
　　　　r‐ヶﾊl 　ｃ⌒r─ｫ⌒ｃ,ﾊヽ〉　。　　　
　　　　　Y//,ﾊ>､j＞ｌ､_ノ.イﾚ1l ﾚ′　　　　　　
　　　　＼l l//｀｀￣´　ｊｌﾚ'　　　　　　
　。　　　_'＞′r｡~｡ヽ　ﾚ'´　　　　　　＊
　　　　　　(_ゝ、<ゞﾆｱ<　|　　　　　　
　　　＊　　　＼｀＾＾´ 　l　　＊　　　　
　　　　　　　｀ｰｒ-､ノ　　　　　　。
　　　　　　　　　　　　し′

"Good morning, Protag-onii-chan!" she calls cheerily.

"Whuh- fuh- guh- ," your attempts at articulation sound more like the last breaths of a beached whale. Instead, you cast your gaze across the apparition-like figure of beauty standing before you. At the sight of her young nubile body you feel an uncontrollable urge manifesting deep inside you.

"O- onii-chan, you aren't thinking anything... perverted, are you?"

You can't hold back any longer; you simply cannot stop yourself from...

[ ] Hugging her adorable little body close to yours
[ ] Kissing her tenderly on the lips
[ ] Groping her

33 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6516 19:04 [No]

[X] Groping her

34 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6517 00:11 [No]

[X] Kissing her tenderly on the lips

captcha: dere

35 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6518 09:35 [No]

Unfortunately for you, 2-Methyltetrahydrofuran is not only a very potent and aggressive nonpolar solvent, but also a fairly strong Lewis base and reducing agent.

The very moment you make contact with her, Very Bad Things happen, which we shall not attempt to describe here in a family publication.

Fortunately for you, it was all just a dream. Perhaps you hallucinated it all from the 2-Methyltetrahydrofuran fumes.

Suddenly you are awakened by a thumping noise from downstairs, this time even louder than before.

[ ] You're wondering what that thumping noise was

36 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6518 12:04 [No]

...

37 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6519 18:59 [No]

...

38 Name: DQN Storyteller : 1993-09-6519 19:59 [No]

>>36,37
Couldn't have put it better myself. Regardless, the previous options still apply.

>>35
Don't worry, we'll go investigate the thumping noise in the next installment, I promise!

39 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6519 20:30 [No]

[X] Kissing her tenderly on the lips

40 Name: DQN Storyteller : 1993-09-6519 22:07 [No]

[X] Kissing her tenderly on the lips

You cup your hand behind her shoulders and lean forwards swiftly, bringing your faces irresistibly closer. Her eyes widen with surprise as your mouths meet. Her lips are as soft as peach skin and as sweet as cherry nectar.

That moment stretches out forever, the two of you mutually conjoined so securely it seems nothing could bring you apart again. An eternity later, your lips part and you lean back once more.

Her face swivels towards yours like a sunflower turning towards the sun. Her cheeks are sanguine and a single line of blonde hair is caught in the corner of her mouth.

"Onii-chan, I- I didn't know you felt this way..." Her voice sounds muffled, and she can't seem to stop her pitch climbing.

"If it's for you, 2-Methyltetrahydrofuran-chan, I wou--" You begin. She interrupts with an uncontrolled burst of speech;

"Haha, silly onii-chan, forgetting my name - I'm 2-Amino-3-(1H-indol-3-yl)propanoic acid-chan! You know, 2-amino-4-(methylthio)butanoic acid-chan's sister!"

Well that explains why your face isn't melting, you think to yourself. Your musings over your unbelievable luck and/or stupidity are interrupted by a repetition of that mysterious thumping noise.

You should probably go check that out...

(Part one of two)

41 Name: DQN Storyteller : 1993-09-6519 23:10 [No]

(Part two of two)

You stalk down the leering staircase towards the source of the noise, your new lover remaining a safe distance behind you.

You begin to have a strange feeling that had you made a less tactful decision she may not be quite so amicable towards you, then decide you have had quite enough of "strange feelings" and should really be concentrating on what's happening in front of you.

It is well past midnight and the darkness is complete. Unintruded by the feeble streetlights outside, it lies in wait before you, its inky blackness harbouring untold secrets.

Panther-like, you make your stealthy way through the lower floor of the building. You halt in front of the kitchen door. A sliver of light is visible, spreading from the crack beneath the door. You take a deep breath and burst in.

　　　　　　　　　　∧＿∧.　　　　　　　人
　　　　　　　　　（　´∀｀）　　　　　　（＿_）
　　　　　　　　／　　　　|.　　　　　　.（＿＿）
　　　　　　　/ 　　　　 .|.　　　　　　（＿＿）
　　　　　　 / "⌒ヽ |.ｲ |.　　　　　　（　・∀・）
　　　＿＿ |　　　.ノ | || |＿＿.　　　（つ　　つ
　 .　　　ノく＿＿つ∪∪　　＼　　｜｜　|　
　　　＿（（＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿_＼..（_＿）＿）
　　￣￣ヽつ￣￣￣￣￣￣ | |￣　　　　　　
　　　＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿__| |　　　　　　
　　￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣| |　　　

You give an involuntary sigh of relief to see the perpetrators are mere animals. It would appear that the shit-hatted man-cat has returned, this time with a friend who has currently taken to lounging on the kitchen table.

"My name is Squeeks and you're going to pay for saying my finest choco-aisu hat looks like shit!"

You return the two felines' scrutinising glares, still confident you have the upper hand in this battle. It only takes a split second for the situation to turn from negotiable to irretrievably dire.

Three women descend from the ceiling, each bearing a hat so ridiculous they could only be from the Touhou project. Your eternal enemies - the stage 4 endbosses, better known as the Prismriver Sisters - have returned to destroy you once more.

"Hoho, thought we'd forgotten about you eh?" Chuckles the one you recognise as Lyricia Prismriver.

"My name is Squeeks and FUCK YOU AND YOUR ORGANIC CHEMISTRY!"

A tug at your sleeve reveals a tiny pale face, eyes wide with fear.

"P- protag-onii-chan, what are you going to do?"

[*] This question is open choice; any answer is acceptable. Usual rules still apply.

42 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6519 23:45 [No]

[*] Sing "Tomorrow I'll (Robotnik's penis song)"

43 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6520 01:22 [No]

[*] Sing "Tomorrow I'll (Robotnik's penis song)"

44 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6520 09:28 [No]

You spelt Lyrica wrong. Also I like their hats!

45 Name: DQN Storyteller : 1993-09-6520 13:31 [No]

>>44
God damn it, I did as well.

Even so, their head garments cannot compare to Suwako's amazing frog hat.

46 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6521 09:33 [No]

[*] Check party to properly prepare equipment and skill sets before battle.

47 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6521 19:21 [No]

[*] Attempt to disbelieve

48 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6521 19:46 [No]

[*] Go back upstairs for more edge-of-your-seat Organic Chemistry action

49 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6521 21:49 [No]

[*] Go back upstairs for more edge-of-your-seat Organic Chemistry action

50 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6521 21:56 [No]

[*] Don't think, feel and become tanasinn.

51 Name: DQN Storyteller : 1993-09-6521 23:42 [No]

Because I like you all so much, instead of choosing a single ending I will write scenarios for every suggestion given. Enjoy!

[X] Sing "Tomorrow I'll (Robotnik's penis song)"

You know what must be done. Thinking fast, you realise you don't have time for the intro and therefore skip straight into the first chorus. You feel it doesn't quite have the same weight as a full rendition, but the effect is sufficient.

"Tomorrow I'll invent those blueprints,
Tomorrow I'll start!
Tomorrow I'll invent a PINGAS
Tomorrow I'll -blargh!"

Your audience halts their intimidating approach, looks of mild confusion and intrigue on each of their five faces. Being a rather bright young girl, 2-Amino-3-(1H-indol-3-yl)propanoic acid-chan cottons on to what is happening immediately and takes Tails' role. Her shrill voice is perfect for the part.

"You guys aren't going to get away with this!
You guys aren't going to get away with this!"

"TOUCH MY PINGAS!" you shout, complete with jazz hands. Six pairs of eyes descend to your crotch, which you are thrusting for emphasis.

From the second chorus onwards, your audience becomes more appreciative. Tablecat nods in time to the music and the Prismriver sisters provide musical accompaniment.

At the first cry of "Cut the monitors!" Squeeks dives into the centre of the room, breakdancing so fluidly he seems to ignore gravity and friction for a few glorious seconds.

The third and fourth choruses pass as though in a dream, strobe lighting and atmospheric fog appearing and blending into the scene as though they had always been there.

You realise the end is swiftly approaching. You fill your lungs with air, preparing for the grand finale. You finish with a cry so filled with force and emotion it shakes the very room itself.

"PIIIIIINGAAAAAAAAAS!!!"

~~~~

"My name is Squeeks and I guess this was all just a big misunderstanding."

All of you are sitting around (or on) the table discussing how this could have gone so much worse, and telling amusing anecdotes between sips of green tea. 2-Amino-3-(1H-indol-3-yl)propanoic acid-chan turns to you and gives a comment which you believe sums it up perfectly.

"We couldn't have done it without your PINGAS!"

THE END

52 Name: DQN Storyteller : 1993-09-6522 01:18 [No]

!!! WARNING !!! The following scenario requires moderately intimate knowledge of the Touhou Project to be fully understood.

[X] Check party to properly prepare equipment and skill sets before battle.

Unsure of exactly why you are doing it, you check your party.

> CYOA Protagonist (class: warrior)
> 2-Amino-3-(1H-indol-3-yl)propanoic acid-chan (class: mage)
> Reimu Hakurei (class: miko)

...Wait, what?!

You turn to face the suddenly very obvious shrine maiden, who stares back at you with heavy lidded, world weary eyes. She speaks with lips which look better suited to a smoking cigarette.

"What do you want?"

Despite the fact you feel you should be used to dealing with young women appearing out of nowhere by now, you still only manage to blurt out the first vaguely sensible thing that comes to mind.

"I... um... well y'see there's this pack of youkai over there and..."

She lunges forward before you have even finished speaking, her gohei raised over her head and her face contorted in the start of a savage battle cry.

"No! Wait! I have to properly prepare our party's equipment first!"

The look she gives you says more than words ever could.

> CYOA Protagonist - Equipment:
>> Plot armour
>> Encyclopedic knowledge of organic chemistry

> 2-Amino-3-(1H-indol-3-yl)propanoic acid-chan - Equipment:
>> Plot armour
>> Power of love

> Reimu Hakurei
>> Gohei
>> Spellcard (x6)
>> Sexy miko armpits

"My name is Squeeks and are you sodding well done yet?"

"N- no, I, um, still have to check the skill sets..."

The hesitant revelation is greeted with a chorus of tutting, sighs and rolled eyes.

> CYOA Protagonist - Skill set
>> Strength: 7
>> Agility: 4
>> Wisdom: 12
>> Charm: 5

"You know what, I don't fucking care any more."

The ribbon clad woman practically spits the words at you, before lunging forwards once more, aiming straight at the Prismriver sisters. The table denizen locks eyes with your lover and you face the remaining enemy - Squeeks. Seeing how the battle is turning out, you decide to try to land the first punch.

You ready your fist and swing it wildly towards his ridiculous face, hoping to god you don't end up sinking your hand into his shit-hat. Before the blow lands your vision is filled with a huge image of Reimu smirking and the text "Dream Sign 「Evil Sealing Circle」".

As you flinch backwards in the least manly way imaginable, 2-Amino-3-(1H-indol-3-yl)propanoic acid-chan shouts at you to "Get the fuck out of the way". You dive backwards only to see her struggle into a black and white frilled witch's dress, before donning a laughably oversized pointed hat. She takes out her hakkero, mutters to it softly and thrusts it forwards with a shout;

"Love Sign 「Master Spark」!"

~~~~

Even so many decades later, the image remains etched in your mind of the five meter wide laser tearing through the air in front of your beloved's face. That night you may have lost your sight, but you also lost something much more important.

2-Amino-3-(1H-indol-3-yl)propanoic acid-chan - or should I say Marisa Kirisame - did apologise. She apologised for permanently blinding you, for lying to you about her identity, for taking advantage of your obsession with organic chemistry, for vaporising six people and half your kitchen, but in the end a betrayal this deep cannot be nullified with mere words.

Your innocence stripped from you, you grow to be a bitter blind old man. You never read, hear or speak about organic chemistry again.

THE END

53 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6522 09:20 [No]

>>51,52
( ；∀；)ｲｲﾊﾅｼﾀﾞﾅｰ

54 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6522 12:04 [No]

>2-Amino-3-(1H-indol-3-yl)propanoic acid-chan - or should I say Marisa Kirisame

BULLSHIT!

55 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6522 19:50 [No]

>>52
moar liek !!! WARNING !!! The following scenario requires eye protection, amirite guise? Also, what happened to the plot armor?

56 Name: DQN Storyteller : 1993-09-6522 21:56 [No]

>>55 Plot armour? Well she was still alive at the end of it, wasn't she?

[X] Attempt to disbelieve

Your five adversaries advance, grins of sadistic glee on each of their faces. You lower your head, close your eyes, and mutter to yourself in much the same way the criminally insane often do.

"This isn't real. This isn't real. This isn't real. This isn't real."

2-Amino-3-(1H-indol-3-yl)propanoic acid-chan tugs at your sleeve once more. The feline led armada begins to descend upon you and your lover. You take the opportunity to pinch yourself, inducing a sharp burst of pain and little else. Merlin Prismriver grips your lover's arm roughly and a desperate scream splits the air.

"Onii-chan, do something!"

"Well I'd love to, but the problem is that you aren't real. Sorry."

It seems perfectly reasonable to you, yet the young girl still has the audacity to look offended. You don't have a chance to see her reaction as she is carried away by Merlin. You are still muttering to yourself when you feel a blow to your stomach.

"This isn't real. This isn't real. This isn't r-- erk!"

You open your eyes to see Lunasa smirking at you, one hand still balled into a fist. You have been knocked backwards onto the table and Tablecat has taken up residence on your legs, immobilising them. The two remaining Prismrivers pin down your arms, leaving you horizontally crucified.

With a rush of panic, you realise this might very well actually be real. The colour runs from your field of vision, you feel light headed and spots of light dance before your eyes. You notice your breathing rate appears to have increased dramatically. Unsure what the best course of action is, you simply resume your mantra.

"This isn't real. This isn't real. This isn't real."

Squeeks climbs onto your still sore chest, sinking his lumpy feet into your solar plexus. He leans over you, his faeces adorned face mere inches from yours. There is not even a hint of mercy in those cold black eyes. You close your eyes against this unholy behemoth and prepare to resume chanting.

Half your face goes momentarily numb, your nerves seemingly dead. A metallic taste leaks into your mouth and something feels wrong with your teeth. You try to run your tongue over them but for some reason it won't respond. It is only once the pain sets in that you realise you have been punched in the face by Squeeks. For a man with hiragana for hands, he certainly can fight well.

You find your head tilted to the left, your uninjured cheek flat against the table. Staring straight ahead you see your former lover being held against the wall by her neck, her head drooping forwards and her limp blonde hair covering her face. You tell yourself she wasn't real anyway, but it sounds more like an insult than a consolation.

Agonisingly, you turn back to face your tormentor, Squeeks. This time you see the fist coming.

Time seems to slow down. The fist descends on its terminal trajectory with a dreadful beauty, like a train about to crash. It seems to grow larger as it comes closer, blossoming before your eyes. You know that once it hits your last vestiges of consciousness will flee. You almost will it onwards, hoping for a respite from this torturous existential crisis.

Domf.

~~~~

...You slowly return to consciousness, your gummed up eyes peeling apart like tectonic plates.

As you begin to make sense of the blurry and indistinct world around you, you see something that makes you groan like a bear kicked in the groin. Inches from your face, framed in that familiar short brown hair, your mother's half lidded eyes stare back at you.

"Wake up honey, it's time for school." She says, her voice thick with artificial enthusiasm

"No, fuck you Mom! This is the worst ending ever!" You roll over and bury your face in the unsympathetic rolls of duvet.

THE END

57 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6523 01:40 [No]

I'm g;ad that was a dream because the Marisa twist was BULLSHIT

58 Name: ^_^ : 1993-09-7847 04:30 [No]

Interesting :D

Btw, here are some links you should check out!

- Japanese Word of the Day (http://www.japanesepod101.com/japanese-phrases)

Learn one Japanese word a day! The word comes along with its picture, pronunciation, translation and sample sentences. Learning one word takes nothing but your Japanese will build up over time without any hard work.

- Japanese Vocabulary List (http://www.japanesepod101.com/japanese-vocabulary-lists/)

This is your non-stop source of new and relevant Japanese words to learn as new words keep being updated! These lists are based on holidays, current events, practical topics, which are extremely useful for real-life conversations.

- Japanese Core 100 Word List(http://www.japanesepod101.com/japanese-word-lists/)

Learn the most basic 100 words with this list. Simply review the words, listen to the audio pronunciation and repeat out loud. These words are must-know for basic conversations.

Hope this helps!

59 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7847 05:21 [No]

penis

60 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7847 15:59 [No]

It would take you around 35 years to get a working vocabulary of 10,000 words at one word per day.

61 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7847 16:42 [No]

>>60
But do you really need this much for a casual conversation? I think you can be a decent writer at 10000 words. A decent slashfic writer, that is.

62 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7847 17:22 [No]

Well you can carry on extremely basic conversation in any language with just a hundred or so words, but 10,000 words is about the level of the average native gradeschooler. Educated native adult English speakers typically know around 40-50 thousand.

63 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7847 17:42 [No]

>>62
How does that compare to other languages, though? English tends to pack in a lot of redundant or nearly-redundant words from varying root sources (Germanic vs. Romance, etc.)

64 Name: (*ﾟーﾟ) : 1993-09-7847 20:03 [No]

Oh no; this was, I think, about the first or second thread I ever started. I'm cringing so hard I can't read.

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