In the beginning I am running in the forest naked as fast as I can, as if I'm escaping from something. I encounter big swarms of aggressive bees recklessly stinging me on the road but it doesn't stop me. Then I get to a branch and realize that all but one of the stings were actually nails. Strangely, those nails are actually reversed, pointing up with the head inside my skin.
Suddenly, an empty cinema room. I'm standing there, examining the only one of those stings that isn't a nail, and vomitting on it in order to neutralize the poison. The nails are expulsed out of my skin, the scars and the vomit disappear, I take a seat, and people start getting inside the room.
The film starts, and I know even before its beginning it's a sequel to a show I really like (Kaamelott). But that film is fucking terrible, and the only scene I remember is some guy running ejecting nails out of his skin.
Suddenly, I'm in a medieval Europe-styled market next to the forest and a railroad. Someone is with me and goes on the railroad. I tell that person what ey's doing is dangerous and ey comes back. I look at an arcade game in the market and decide to play it. The screen shows a cylindric tower slightly to the left in front of a blue sky with a few clouds, and there are ghosts with their tongues out represented exactly by the same sprite as in the Touhou games for PC-98.
And then I wake up.

A bully from my childhood had a mental breakdown in front of me while waiting for a massage in an airport waiting lounge.

I was at work. I was very tired and couldn't focus on anything. My boss started talking about something on the inside of my mouth, and then she reached in with some sort of tool and started scraping it away. I noticed that she was suddenly very ugly. I left work and started driving away from my house. It was dark and my eyes wouldn't stay open. I turned on the headlights, and that helped a little. I came to the first stop sign, pulled out to the middle of the road, and noticed another car coming, but I didn't have the energy to back up.

I was at some kind of political rally. It turned out to be a bunch of people supporting Vegeta from DBZ for president. They later found out that he was ineligible to be president since he is a space alien and not born in the US.

I remember I sold a book called "Hangul For Men With Yellow Fever" and I was on tour signing autographs. Guys were sharing all kinds of stories of success with Korean women.

I saw some big bullshit

I was moving into a new house. It was a large, old, two story farmhouse in a forested area, overgrown with ivy. I was late and all the good rooms had already been taken because I found a tiger at the front gate and stopped to give it a tummy rub.

Remember the "Guess that Pokemon" segment on the TV show?

Somebody created a similar segment called "Guess that Touhou"

When the image was filled in by about 50%, I said Reimu and I was right.

>>141 Write that book and I'll buy it.

I remember flying, and the closer to the ground I was, the faster I could go. I was rocketing along these grassy hills, and then got on a highway and brought myself down to half a centimeter off the road and almost broke the sound barrier when I had to suddenly climb to avoid traffic. I ended up about 20 stories up and barely able to go forward. It was frustrating.

I dreamt I was in a simulation which was oxymoronic

I was working on paving a driveway when someone in the house yelled "hey (*ﾟーﾟ) who's that behind you?" and for some reason I answered in Japanese: "知るか？働かなきゃ！”(who cares? I have to get back to work!). But then my middle school crush who turned out to be a lesbian appeared behind me and was gushing over how it had been so long and we should exchange phone numbers, so we did, and then she gave me a hug that would have been uncomfortably long if it had been from anyone else even though I didn't have a shirt on and I was all sweaty from working on the driveway. Later she kept texting me faster than I could respond about some crap I didn't really care about.

I was playing some strange SNES political simulator game.
first, i was winning with Bill Clinton. i can't actually remember any of the mechanics except it showing their portrait and areas won as results came in. i was playing as bill for a while getting more and more obscene wins, and i think bill's sprite did some strange things like getting really drunk. i blacked out in-dream anyway.

Then when my memory started working again it turned out i had won an election either in 1981 or 1983 as Donald Trump. I can't remember how stylized he was, I think he was thinner but not younger than in our 2016. I won it so well that he even took Cuba as a district or whatever, which is apparently a US state in this alternate universe.

I was in some sort of college library trying to find a bad guy. I took an elevator that was actually a couch four stories up, but when I tried to tilt it to let me down I ended up lowering it again.

I guess I was living in the Scooby Doo universe, as a lot of it was run down and severely depopulated, and it was always dusk. I moved around from empty apartment to apartment as I worked for some agency doing something I can't remember. What I do remember clearly is I had the latest Samsung note phone and every time I picked it up, I'd accidentally bend it and the screen would crack all over, and it pissed me off that Samsung would build such a fragile product and sell it for $700.

Also, when it cracked, a thick crystal-clear gel-like fluid would seep out of the cracks.

>>150
Hey, I dream about accidentally breaking phones too. Weird.

take various chicken parts
add to pan with vegetables
add spices
bake
transfer contents of pan to large pot with rice and water
boil
eat

whups i thought this was the current thoughts thread

vc: hebe

>>151
I hate those dreams. Oddly, I've never actually cracked a phone screen yet.

I jumped off a cliff wearing nothing but a dressing gown, and glided around as though it was a wingsuit.

I was being chased by a man who was trying to slit my throat with scissors, although I also had a pair of scissors that I could block his with. I realized that I was inside a video game, specifically a vn set in high school created by 4chan. Also, the school had a team of an alternative sport (name written in unrememberable dream writing but it started with the letter B) which apparently was a meme on /asp/ when the game was made. Playing that game was one of the paths you could take in the game. (I don't think it was the path that I had taken though). But no matter which path you took, you would always end up with the scissors guy chasing you. Eventually, I reasoned that since this was a video game, getting my throat slit wouldn't hurt. At that point I was being chased by a fat teenager who was scissors guy's minion, and he had a wire coming out of his scissors. So, having realized that it wouldn't hurt, I stopped resisting and let scissor minion fat kid prick my throat with his scissor-wire. Then I woke up, but not really. I ran around my house a little while, thinking of it as also fake and a video game. Then I woke up for real.

What do you think it means? It seems rather Gnostic to me...

There was a music festival coming up, and as a promotion Subway was selling special sandwiches based on the songs of one of the bands - each day they had a different sandwich. My friend and were really excited, so we went every day and got every sandwich, but when the festival actually came it sucked. There was only one band, and they only had one show, and they didn't even play any of the songs the sandwiches were based on.

>>150
>>151
>>154
I just cracked my screen. What a bummer.

I had this bad dream where the CP spammer of image boards took over the entire internet.

I had to get to an airport in Cloud City and the only way there was a terrifying curvy road high up in the air. I drove there and decided that next time I would choose a different airport.

There was a movie based on a true story about a large American Christian family that created a worldwide scandal by turning nudist. It was presented as both a comedy and a drama, kind of like Boogie Nights. In an iconic turning-point scene, the whole family had now adopted a daily ritual of climbing up and down a flight of stairs in a circle, intimately embracing each family member as they passed, sometimes kissing them, and asking them some hippy question about how they were doing. It wasn't intended to be sexual but looked pretty bad from the outside.

During this scene, an instrumental hip-hop remix of Final Fantasy "prelude" music played. It was really good and I could swear I had heard it before, but after I woke up I searched all over the internet for something like it and couldn't find anything good.

Anyway, during the staircase scene, a child that was part of the family's booming daycare business stumbled into the unlocked house early. She cried out, "Mommy, what are they doing?" Mommy came in and saw everything, and was appalled. As mommy announced she was going to tell the world and began to storm off, the mother of the Christian nudist family shouted after her, "Sure, go ahead and tell everybody! And forget all about what our family did for the Jewish community during the war!"

I was in a library. In the next room over, Nanahira was signing autographs and I really wanted to go get one and to talk to her, but I was too nervous.

I had a dream I had enough money to buy a case for my phone.

I was in the neighbourhood I grew up in. First, I was at the shop. I can't remember what I was doing there. I walked down the street into a grassy area down the side of the neighbourhood. I was wearing metal roller skates or had a bike or something. [I don't think the dream kept it consistent, it was something "special" though, so don't exist. My memory is fuzzy but I may have stolen them with my father within an earlier part of the dream.]

A kid who lived near me as a kid appeared behind a fence and being a sadistic little child, pointed a cruise missile at me. I ran away until I had reached a wall to a different area of houses which kids used to climb on when he fired the missile. I managed to take one metal thing off, threw it aside and ran again. The missile crashed short of the metal thing in the grass, then flipped onto it's nose. I think I ran into some trees when the engine came back on, but speeding through the grass it lost control and went away.

Then I talked to my father. I can't remember what about, but it was in the front garden of our old house. I walked along the road a bit past some parked cars, and then went up past the houses to a [much expanded from real life] grassy area. Actually, everything was expanded, roads were longer and wider, etc, but everything was in proportion. [so no giant houses.]

I had a dream where I was the star of a movie. This movie was similar to Smokey and the Bandit and Dukes of Hazzard. I drove a 1997 Camaro and a 1987 Mazda RX-7.

I was at some kind of supernatural lake area. There was a giant squid and an unidentified sea monster, but both were frozen in the lake. I drove a semi truck with faulty brakes backwards through the woods for a while before ending up at a girl's house and talking to her through the window. She told me not to offer to take her to the lake, so I didn't, and she looked disappointed. Then she told me not to ask to use her shower. I caught on and asked her. The dream ended with me in the shower.

I had just gotten a new job working directly with the millionaire owner of some nebulous business along with a bunch of suckups. This millionaire dude had a flair for the dramatic, and on hearing that two of his other employees were getting married, put all us newbs to work to make that wedding the most romantic thing possible.

Everyone else put out, hiring the horse & buggy, finding the perfect band, and all that shit. He was elated with all of them, and then asked me what I did. I said, "My job." and pointed to a wall of screens showing off a new, fully automated web security system fending off a huge cyberattack from somewhere in China.

Fucker fired me for not being a romantic like him. I woke up as I was on my way out to burn his mansion down.

I had a dream I was at an arcade, and at the back of the arcade there was a hockey themed slot machine. After using the machine multiple times I won a magical hockey stick. It was a glowing radioactive green, and was incredibly heavy. The next thing I knew I was in a hockey arena, and was playing hockey with the stick. I scored a lot, and all my goals involved me doing some sort of trick. After the game I ate some bad cheese and crackers, and got food poisoning.

I had this dream where I was making fun of Two-Face from Batman comics. I created a Joker with half of Ceaser Romero's face and half of Heath Ledger's face.

I was attacked by a flock of undead geese. They were the Dwarf Fortress variety, that is to say, they were just white "g" characters. They must have been from before the zombie nerf update because they killed me almost immediately.

My dog was sentenced to life in prison for premeditated murder.

I dreamed that I had listened to a song from Batman vs Superman on some streaming site a while ago, and this gave a telemarketer access to my cell number. The caller ID gave him away, but he would say things like, "Hello, is Mr. Anon there? This is his boss. It's urgent." And then when I told him it was me, he said, "Seen Batman vs Superman yet?" and I made fun of him for advertising a failure of a movie. I tried to google it to see if this was happening to anybody else, but my keyboard had pictures of arms instead of letters and I couldn't get the whole thing typed out before waking up. My boss is a woman, too.

My home was converted into a debtor's prison, where I was held for failing to pay a debt that I didn't remember incurring. All the other prisoners were my age or younger. I joined a group of them trying to get through a crowd to put a specifically colored box in a specific place, then the wardens made us sleep outside in the rain.

I was wandering around an office or high school or similar building and met Carlos Santana's daughter, who had one arm and still managed to rock out on electric violin and we talked about some charity she was fronting. While she did that, I wrote out a little jazzy melody that worked with the secret Carlos Santana Chord Changes for her. She loved it. Later in the dream I heard her playing it on Sirius XM and found out she'd make millions off my song and sent me nothing.

I wish I could remember the melody now that I'm awake.

There were so many butterflies in my room that they started forming little piles on the floor.

I lived in a city where instead of bike lanes there were kayak lanes, people would kayak to work and try to catch fish on the way to eat for breakfast.

There was a new AAA Bionicle game released to the public, which I managed to get my hands on. It played a whole lot like Armored Core 4.

I was back in college and was feeling extremely tired and thought about how I still had years ahead of me before finishing, but then I felt the sensation that it was going to be so worth it once I finished, since I would receive my master degree, and also I was actually enjoying studying once again. And despite the long, sleepless night that was ahead of me, I smiled at the setting horizon thinking that what I was doing was good and fulfilling.

Then I woke up and realized that I had a long day ahead doing shit I hate and felt just as tired as I was in my dream but a lot less motivated.

I dreamt I was helping my ex shop for new furniture, and we were looking at TVs, and there was this mad Sega TV for sale; it was pretty big and black, and the back was all chunky ridges a bit like the Japanese Mega Drive cartridges, and it was backlit with dazzling blue light. It had a big Sega logo on the front, as well as big sort of handrails/pipes. I woke myself up saying out loud "so what kind of TV are you looking for" but she wasn't there.

Dad came by and told me he loves me.

Woke up feeling pretty good after that.

There was a baby elephant in the back garden and my dog and it were chasing one another around gleefully.

I was receiving vigorous anal sex while dressed as a girl.

Woke up with an erection.

I dreamed that I was in Manhattan NY. I was in a taxi cab. I was naked and looking for any clothes I could find in the taxi cab. The cab stopped and I woke up at that moment.

I keep dreaming about my ex ( ._.)

I dreamt I was walking through a corridor in a church parish hall. I passed by a room where children musicians were practicing. There was a violinist, a bassist, and a pianist. They weren't virtuosic, but it was very easy to believe they would attain virtuosity in their adult lives. I began to wish, in the way you can only wish against reality in a dream, that I would go back in time and start over with the knowledge that if I only practiced as a child every day, I could have been a good violinist.

I woke up in the middle of my nap to a buzzing sound. When I rolled over, there was a small RC helicopter in the shape of a cube on my bed. I grabbed it and realized that it had been recording me for a while. It tried to get away, so I pressed a button that turned the rotors off, then pressed the button again and let it go. My roommate walked in a few minutes later and I asked him, "Did you fly a drone into my room to watch me sleep?" He said, "Yeah." I asked why. He laughed and said, "Just think of what we can learn!" I wanted to interrogate him further, but he glitched out of the room.

I had a dream my bed was trying to hit on me and had a female text to speech voice and said it was gonna wear lingerie and stuff. And there was like a sexy nightgown thing on laying on the bed.

A game that I backed on Kickstarter in 2012, which drained all of its budget away with poor management and staffing, leaving it funded out of pocket and still not released got a release date announcement trailer.

My apartment building installed some metal grate which could only be opened from the inside and nearly left me locked out.

Then I met the Counter Strike dev team.

I was swimming in the ocean with my family, when I was attacked by a great white shark. It came up from underneath, swallowed me legs-first, and bit in deep around my midriff. Then it dragged me under the surface. I struggled but the teeth were sunk in deep and my movements were somehow sluggish and weak. I realised that I was going to die. Without the slightest hesitation, I just accepted my fate and stopped struggling.

A bunch of pale, lifeless, naked bodies, some covered in blood and most were dismembered, they were lining a house. I was there, and people were taking pictures. I think it was an art exhibit.

I was going to post on DQN but my alarm woke me up before I could make a post. I wonder what I was going to write?

>>193

prolly ''deez nuts lmfao''

I had a dream I hugged a cucumber and then fell down a flight of stairs. Odd.

A dream where I was being choked, then I was humping someone against the locker I had in middle school. Dreams where I'm having conversations that I plan on having in a few days.

I was breakdancing at work, I did the worm.

I had a nice satisfying dream about feeding my dog and doing the dishwasher.

I was at a christmas party at my grandma's house. I was trying to fall asleep on the couch but some loud niggers were there so I went outside to try to sleep on the porch swing but the niggers followed me there. Then I was playing League of Legends and it was being narrated by the loud niggers. In my dream they kept saying that it was LoL but it looked suspiciously like Warsong Gulch from a really old version of World of Warcraft. I'm not sure if the "LoL" match was a dream within a dream when I finally fell asleep in my dream or if it was taking place within the same layer of dream and was just a random venue change.

I've been dreaming a lot about going blind.

I had a dream I was reading a sort of autobiography written by an ex before she killed herself. (She is probably still alive IRL.) It read more like an inventory, and the last thing I remember reading was the first two lines from a section titled "Sexual activity."

I had a dream where I witnessed the creators of My Little Pony ask the staff of DC Comics to give them all epic origin stories.

I wondered how they could do it, given how many origin stories are based on huge tragedies.

A sadistic old cat slipped into my home and would act friendly and then try to bite my fingers off. Meanwhile, a small horde of rapidly mutating bugs were devouring everything in the kitchen and getting bigger by the second.

I woke up while I was out looking for a can of gasoline so I could burn my house down and kill those gross-ass fucks.

ｇａｙ  ｓｅｘ  ｐｌｓ！

I was some kind of Cory Doctrow billionaire character who had nothing to do and just rented things to entertain me but never really held on to anything. I went to New York to see the unveiling of President Trump's first cloned T-Rex.

I remember making a documentary about Chinese women. It was a discussion about fresh off the boat vs westernized women.

A strong breeze picked me up and blew me away like a leaf.

I had a dream where I was at some comic book convention. Someone was selling genuine Usagi Tsukino style school uniforms. I wanted to buy one, but it was $345, and I couldn't afford it.

I made myself a Christmas card full of pictures of my face and posted a short video of it on Facebook:

>"Who could have gotten me this thoughtful card?"
>open card, revealing note from myself

I got a job as a gun runner, but instead of something cool like delivering guns to rebels in Africa or some PMC I would deliver guns and ammo to old people who were too sick to leave their house. They would call me and tell me what they wanted and I would go to wal-mart and buy it and deliver it to them.

I was back in school and had forgotten to study for a computer science test. The test was in latin and I had to conjugate some verbs for some reason but I didn't know how to conjugate them. I knew I was going to get a 29% on the test.

I was playing scrabble with a Japanese girl. She misspelled "Antarctica" as "Anticarpenter".

I remember meeting a group of people trapped in a building. Someone of them said to me "We have to use magic." My response was "Do I look like Harry Potter? I don't know magic."

This enchantress type broad had a guy tied to a big wooden pole on a beach. She was squatting down in front of him, drawing an elaborated pattern in the sand and placing small weird shaped metal objects on the pattern. I suggested to the guy that he not look at the pattern and he said he wouldn't, but all three of us knew he would, so I palmed one of the metal thingies and hid it.

She got all mad about it and chased me around yelling until I woke up.

I was trying to make some kind of light up disc invention. I couldn't get the pieces to adhere together and the lighting implements were too dim and unreliable.

I remember seeing a news video about a revolver with a square cylinder which held 4 cube-shaped bullets. My only thought was "How is that supposed to work?"

dreams about burgs all the time and im vegetarian, or dreams about lolis

While trying to befriend some kittens I happened to meet a childhood friend I haven't seen in years. His imouto hugged me and kissed me on the forehead, and then he and I took a bath together in the hull of a canoe that was at the side of the room while he talked about how hard it is to get a bathtub installed.

>>218

> Dreams about lolis

I'm jealous.

My research group and I were making fresh spaghetti.

I remember being in the passenger seat of a 1996 Corvette. I couldn't see the driver, but I could see that we were going 180 MPH.

I had a dream that I was living with a German family through some exchange program, and that they had a bunch of completely bizarre unspoken rules that they were very strict about enforcing, and that weren't written down anywhere. I'm not talking about the usual stuff you hear from Germany, I mean arbitrary shit like "don't use a computer at specific times of the day", which, come on, nobody is going to be disturbed if I use my laptop in the middle of the day. I can't really remember any specific examples other than that one, but the basic premise in itself stuck with me.

I dreamed that I was sucking my own dick, I sucked really hard and my bladder collapsed. I woke up having to pee urgently.

Mark Zuckerberg was giving a speech somewhere about how awesome globalism is for everybody but white people. He was wearing a pink bunny suit and had grown a fairly obvious hitler 'stache. Someone in the audience, might have been me, yelled "But you're white!" and he got mad and said "NO I'M JEWISH AND RICH YOU IDIOT GET HIM OUT OF HERE" and then continued his speech.

Then I was alone in the back seat of an old station wagon careening dangerously down an empty expressway and thinking I should probably get up front and drive this thing.

My mother told me about a recent piece of research claiming that you should aim to have at least three hugs per day.

I was a high ranking Nazi officer/Hitler's personal pilot. At some point, Hitler wanted to throw a cat out the back door of the plane, and I wrestled with him until he changed his mind. Later we were sitting in a two-seater variant of the Su-47 (with a tiny forward window instead of a proper canopy) and flying to a farm, where he wanted me to meet my future wife. We landed outside the farmhouse but as I approached it, it caught fire, and we helped evacuate the residents.

>>223
I've had dreams like that, except my bladder didn't collapse and I woke up wet and sticky.The worst part was realizing I couldn't actually suck my own dick.

I had a dream where somebody left several snakes outside my front door. They were blue and looked like they had sapphires for scales. I turned around to get away from the snakes, but I found that there were more sapphire snakes behind me. I didn't know where I could go to avoid the snakes and I was afraid of getting a deadly snake bite when I would try to escape.

I was inside a building that needed to be demolished. I didn't have any explosives or heavy machinery, so I had to do something different. I collected several microphones, amps, and big speakers. I pointed the microphones at the speakers, ran from the building, and remotely turned the amp to 11. I didn't see or hear if the building was demolished.

I was reading some french texts that blended into each other, and someone told me: "you are allowed to overcome things"

>>227
You're not missing much except for having a dick in your mouth, and it's not somebody else's. It feels bigger than it looks.

If you want to try, do it at the end of the day rather than just after waking up, and start by letting gravity do the work: lie on your back, then throw your legs over your head, resting mostly on your shoulders with your elbows only propping you up (hands on hips, helping keep your ass in the air if needed), and try to keep your legs close to the floor without touching it. After a few minutes you'll have adjusted to the stretching and will be able to get your dick closer to your face, because for some reason that's what you want. Uncurl yourself slowly. Do this several days in a row for more effect. Don't fart because it might not just be gas with this level of thoracic compression.

In real life last night I saw a pic my ex posted being lovey-dovey with her new boyfriend. Then I had a dream that I met her at a shopping mall. She introduced a nerdy Asian guy and said, "Meet my boyfriend, Wee Ping." I thought "haha, that sounds like small penis!" I woke up within the dream and told her about the dream on Facebook. In response she sent me a picture with a list of the "Top 10 OK things" about our last month together as a couple, alongside a picture of a 2D girl comforting a guy between her boobs. But they weren't just OK things, they were all really sweet and she clearly still had feelings for me. I felt like crying. She demanded I tell her 10 OK things in return. I wanted to do it right then, but my wife was around and I couldn't risk getting caught so said I'd have to reply later.

Then I woke up for real, left with the reality that my ex's new boyfriend is actually super hot, and I'm sure she is not thinking about me nearly as much as I'm thinking about her, even though I'm the married one.

I dreamed that I really needed to pee, but Yui Igarashi was sitting on my legs and said "Not until I give you permission." She said "Igive you permissions now" and she left me alone. I immediately woke up and peed.

>>235
You have dreams about specific JAV actresses? I'm slightly jealous.

I was at a Japanese high school and I was playing basketball with some of the kids out in the yard. For some reason no one found it odd that a white guy in his mid 20s was there, but they all thought I didn't understand Japanese. Later we went inside to watch a video for class and had to sit cross-legged on the floor, I accidentally bumped shoulders with one of the male students and without thinking I said "ah, suman" and suddenly they all started crowding around me like "UWAA SUGOI GAIJIN-SAN HONTOU NI NIHONGO SHABERERU?".