2. CHANGES
- v4.6: made header logo cooler
- v4.5: corrected stats for Moe Glasses
- v4.4: updated FAQ to reflect game patch v1.666
- v4.3: typo corected
- v4.2: answered the question of life, the universe and everything
- v4.1: how to unlock super-secret harem ending
- v4.0: restarted FAQ on a secret TOR node following DMCA takedown notice
3. WEAPONS
Weapons come in several types and may be enchanted. Base type determines what primary stat is used in the damage formulae.
Strength base types: hammer, sword, mace, chainsaw, spear
Dexterity base types: dagger, whip, bare hand, gentleman's cane
Charisma base types: S&M paddle, dildo, feather duster
Perception base types: pistol, shotgun, monocle (through which to glare disapprovingly)
3.1 Prefix enchantments
- Useless: weapon does triple damage. The name is just to throw you off.
- Slayers': double damage and increases goofiness rating of your adventure for the duration that it is used.
- Sexy: adds charisma bonus and intelligence penalty.
- Nerdy: adds intelligence bonus and charisma penalty.
- Glowing: lights up Ramón's surroundings and slowly irradiates him for as long as it is carried. Look for vodka to offset the effects.
- Metal: covered in spikes for extra damage and causes strange grinding and growling sounds when striking. Wear the "corpse paint" makeup to increase the effect.
- Lulzy: increases adventure goofiness rating and decreases intelligence. Random chance of permanent intelligence decrease if in(v)oked to cause humorous effects.
- Disney's: Ramón may randomly burst into sentimental song, increasing his morale but alerting nearby monsters.
- Lovecraft's: enemies struck by this must make a successful saving throw or go insane. Not that most of them weren't already.
3.2 Suffix enchantments
- of speed: increases agility threefold. May cause addiction making it impossible to unwield without a scroll of rehab.
- with lace: increases charisma and femininity.
- of the Dongoloid: sets Ramón's intelligence to 1 but doubles his strength and constitution.
- of dignity: increases gentlemanliness.
- of the monk: disables lust meter (Ramón will no longer need to pause his adventure for clandestine masturbation)
- of the trap: allows Ramón to wear dresses without the accompanying penalties.
- of Lulz: random chance to polymorph a struck enemy into a cat that wants cheeseburgers. Cat will follow Ramón as an ally and pester him every 25 turns.
3.3 Legendary Weapons:
- bag of hammers: you can (t)hrow this an infinite number of times to throw a hammer from the bag. Thrown hammers are identical to the regular Carpenter Hammer. Melee strikes with the bag do massive damage against normal enemies.
- ginormous phallic spear: you can only wield this if you have 30 or more strength and are equipped with the "spiky-haired douche bag" hairstyle. Performs well against all enemies except Sigmund Freud.
- sword +1 of troll slaying: forces any internet prankster to treat you politely when struck.