[NOVEL] DQN Short Novel [SHORT] [PART II] (999)

1 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6818 11:58

Previously: http://4-ch.net/dqn/kareha.pl/1310158763/

Let the fun times continue!

Prologue: The Death of

2 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6818 14:13

DQN-kun's Motivation to Continue His Short Novel

3 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6818 15:41

No no no >>1 it's not a short novel if it needs a second thread to continue

unless you're writing a brand new story, in which case why bother linking to the previous one

4 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6818 15:49

>>3 disregard that i suck cocks, i just read the end of the thread
i've fucked up the thread graaaah fuck fuck fuck sorry
whips back
slashes wrist
cries
grovels

5 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6818 18:40

It was a beautiful day in Cambridge. The sun was shining, the birds were singing and a

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little girl was walking through the park, her name was Lucy.

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She was really pleased with the new choco-aisu hat Squeeks had given her!

8 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6819 07:55

Little did she know,

9 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6819 08:06

Beady Eyes

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was about to derail her beloved hat. However,

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neither of them realised that it wasn't actually made of chocolate ice cream.

And so began

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the grand tea party.

The palace's gates opened just a hair after dawn and the grounds were suddenly flooded with young girls (ranging from the ages of 8 through 12). The queen observed them from the top of her tower and laughed. "Ohohoho," she chortled. "It's begun!" And after the last little girl in the whole country had entered the castle, the gates slammed shut -- to never be opened again!

13 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6820 02:50

Chapter One: Love and

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TEA ON A BLACK AFTERNOON

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` Phantasmagoria of Indecent Degustation

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A sandwich

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can be eaten alone, in the same way tea can be drunk alone. But in the same way, it's much better with friends. I carefully put on my dress and looked over myself one last time in the mirror. Pretty. I look almost like a real little girl.

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But just then, it hit me --

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the narrative had been changed from third person past tense to first person present tense. Even more concerningly,

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you will become aware of a sudden shift to second person future tense. Your

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eyelids will feel very heavy... You will scarcely be able to stay awake... You will feel very sleepy indeed... By the time I finish counting to 10 you will be asleep.

1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... 9...

22 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6821 23:44

10.

You are asleep and dreaming. Your entire life is a dream. The only way out is to WAKE UP. In order to WAKE UP, you must KILL THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. I will tell you everything you need to know once you WAKE UP but first you need to KILL THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.

And now back to the DQN short novel.

In a cramped café in Paris, two young men were

23 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6822 00:55

just sipping some tea when their former lover walked in, in all her beauty, with a new man attached.

"Michelle!" Tom yelled. "Bertha!" shouted Daniel. And when they looked at each other, they both realized:

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the man who was with their former lover used to be Bertha's twin sister, now her brother, named Michael. Michael gave Tom a disdainful look for using his old name in the presence of all these

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Filipinos. As it happens, Daniel

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raped Lucy in the ass so hard that

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they BOTH died.

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The aforementioned Filipinos were not amused. In order to

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accomplish their world conquering goal they needed a

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break. In fact that was their reason for coming to the café. Unfortunately the café owner turned out to be

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a little girl. "More tea," she shouted! The Filipinos were seated, and shortly after, they were given more tea. Shockingly,

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the little girl had dropped six lumps of sugar into each cup without asking. Alarmed at this breach of etiquette, the Filipinos

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started to masturbate due to not being able to express themselves properly. This not-so-odd behavior in turn caused a chain reaction in Paris by causing every other Frenchmen to join the masturbation instantly when they were exposed to the Filipinos' facial expression dripping with human depth and enthusiasm. At the end of the day, after over ten thousand people ejaculated on Lucy's dead body and gave each other long, awkward looks, the event concluded peacefully. This social phenomenon was recorded in history books as "Filipino Circlejerk" and made France a much better place in general.

But there was just this tiny problem about it. After

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witnessing such atrocities, the little girl café owner was never the same again. She would shut herself in her room for days at a time,

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eating sandwiches. Alone. If only I could find a different way of having fun.

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" is the sort of thing she would mutter to herself. Ten years later, when the rest of the world had all but forgotten about the Filipino Circlejerk incident,

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Tom, the only other surviving direct witness to the event who was not involved in it, was hiding in Cambodia when he got an unexpected call. He picked up the phone and a vaguely familiar voice said

38 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6824 15:13

@@@@ @@@^άR@@@@
@@@@ @@/iœjiœj @@excuse me may i pass through here
@@@@ @@|@Δͺͺͺ²/@@@
@@@@ @@| /MΖƁL@@@@
@@@@ @ //@| |@ @@@@
@@@@ @‚t@ .‚t@ @
@_,,..-\'"ά"~P"~άήή"š@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
ή~,,,....-=-]γ"ήή‚s"~PY"ή=Π
‚s@@|@@ l,Q,,/_@,,/l@@|
,.-r '"l_,,j@@/@ |/@ L,,,/
,,/|,^_,/@,|__,i,,,/ ^
V_@,,/_,| @,,Θ,,|/

39 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6824 15:45

Tom slammed the phone down, his eyes wide open in terror. "Kaori!" he shouted. "Jump out the window!" He then remembered that he knew nobody by the name of Kaori, he was all by himself, and that his hideout was completely windowless. Tom spent the next half hour wondering what had prompted that nonsensical outburst.

40 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6824 17:00

Outside his abode, a sausage

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was slowly being pecked apart by a kolibri with an eating disorder.

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But this was no ordinary sausage;

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it was once a penis. The penis of the first King of Japan. But how did it get there? That will take some explaining.

CHAPTER 2: ROYAL JAPANESE SAUSAGE,

44 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6825 08:14

THE TIDAL "BORE", THE GREAT BEARS OF KADIAK, OLAF'S GREAT LESSON, and THE GRASP OF CIRCUMSTANCE: A weird series of tales of shipwreck and disaster, from the earliest part of the century to the present time, with accounts of providential escapes and heart-rending fatalities

To the silent Spices which season the double load and faces the loneliness undaunted.

To the Chef which, denied the skewer, takes up whatever weapon lies at hand and wields it valiantly.

To the Meat which "beareth all things, endureth all things," that in its "Royal Japanese Sausage" may be written a righteous destiny for the Nations, and the prophecy of a lasting peace.

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Cassandra was a shameless child. She would frequently

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fellate cucumbers

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, for the sole purpose of making

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light of her parents' religious prohibition of putting whole produce into one's mouth.

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Distressed by his daughter's illicit habit, Cassandra's father set out on a journey to find some sort of meaty replacement which Cassandra could fellate more piously.

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Little did he know that he carried a meaty replacement of his own within his pants.

51 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6825 16:03

( Gί„Dί) CHAPTER 2: ROYAL JAPANESE SAUSAGE, THE TIDAL "BORE", THE GREAT BEARS OF KADIAK, OLAF'S GREAT LESSON, and THE GRASP OF CIRCUMSTANCE: A weird series of tales of shipwreck and disaster, from the earliest part of the century to the present time, with accounts of providential escapes and heart-rending fatalities has become too lewd and will be shut down.

CHAPTER 3: HARRY UP and the Goblet of Beer.

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The entire population of

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Dogfisting, Inc

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was waking up and performing their daily (vEƒΦE)v‚€[I(/EƒΦE)/‚Ι‚α[I ritual.

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Today was unlike any other, for today would be the day that

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they all died. Nevertheless,

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they lived for the moment, which is all that mattered at the moment, for it was the very moment that the rest of this sentence - and perhaps even this paragraph, chapter or book - will spend describing.

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Without warning, the tranquil morning air was overwhelmed with a dull rumbling, clicking noise. Filled with trepidation, the Dogfisting populace glanced towards the distant hills, just in time to see an endless wave of zerglings swarming towards their humble encampment, chuckling to themselves "kekekekeke!"

The town's

59 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6826 19:45

only policeman tried to call the nearest army base for reinforcements, but his radio signal was being jammed. Or maybe his radio was out of batteries. He had never been good at this technical stuff, and from the looks of it there would be no time left for him to improve his skills before his inevitable dismemberment.

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And then they all died.

"Good lord!" exclaimed

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God.

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God then proceeded to visit his good friend Albert the Roboslayer, who was making tea. Outside, a storm of danmaku ravaged Albert the Roboslayer's

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miniature blender, which contained

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a magic Rubik's cube. This Rubik's cube had the ability to

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change its colours to any wavelength in the visible spectrum, which was not particularly useful but very pretty to behold.

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A nearby Clonepa chuckled to himself, confident that

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he was confident.

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He was wrong; he was in fact very uncertain but he didn't know it.

Alice

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wanted to tell Bob her secret, but Carol kept butting into their conversations.

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And with Mallory and Eve interfering, Alice and Bob knew that they

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had to enlist the help of Trent and Warden before Craig or Dave could learn where Merlin had imprisoned Dark Empress Trudy. Meanwhile, Peggy and Victor

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were about to launch

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a big huge phallus-shaped

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Missile aimed at Uranus

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Little did they know

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the Uranians already had a large projectile aimed straight at Earth, and the countdown to launch was already in the single digits.

77 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6831 11:40

"Oh fuck" said

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the entire population of Earth, simultaneously.

As it happens, the Uranians' "large projectile" was in fact

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the exclusive excrement of none other than the infamous Big Fat Butt. Shit was about to go down.

80 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6831 16:43

And shit did indeed go down. On impact, the monumental stool

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hardened due to being suddenly compressed by the impact and its momentum and then shattered, leaving a structure shaped like the Eiffel tower but 3 times bigger where it landed. Little did anyone know that the "projectile" did not shatter into this form by accident. It was actually planned by none other than

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Cassandra, who had shamelessly

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startSlideShowWithPresentationId

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. Her presentation consisted of nothing but a thousand pictures of

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‚Κ‚ι‚Ϋ

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, which confused that one guy who didn't bother to study the history of ‚Κ‚ι‚Ϋ before the presentation. This annoyed

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Michelle Obama

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's imaginary friend

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As a result, Michelle decreed the death sentence was to be

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replaced with

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public torture!

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3000 people were allowed to vote on the method of torture, and the majority had chosen to

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refill their ale, which caused a significant reduction in numbers. Because only a hundred or so were present for the vote,

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the decision was postponed indefinitely. Meanwhile, in Tajikistan,

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the pepper mines were filled with

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trinitrotoluene

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And all the miners all smoked cigarettes and wore clothing that attracted static electricity. This led to

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the mine management posting No Smoking signs on every visible vertical surface like the bunch of anally retentive killjoys they are.

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In order to get what they want, the miners chewed tobacco instead.

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But that wasn't enough nicotine for them because they were addict, so they started smoking cigarettes and chewing tobacco at the same time.

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"I'm late! I'm late for my 100 GET!" panicked

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the glorious leader of Corea.
@@@@@@@@@ m@(š)@n@@ ^PPPPPPPP
@@@@@@@@@ <˜€L„DM>@ƒ "Now I've missed it by two nida!"
@@@@@@@@^@@@@|@@@ _QQQQQQQQ
@@@@@@@/ @@@ @ .|@@@@@
@@@@@@ / "άR |.² |
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103 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6835 20:46

And then the miners got

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emphysema and decided to switch to nicotine patches.

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Also, it turns out that the trinitrotoluene was actually

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dry semen from old vietcong soldiers: a well-known substance used by

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American GIs to lure nicotine addicts into abandoned mineshafts.

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Naturally, the

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first thing Isaac Newton did upon setting foot out of his time machine was to

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fap, because in 1671 you could be sentenced to death penalty for masturbation. After that he

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broke out of character to remind kids reading this story not to drink or do drugs.

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He then was promptly raped by a jetpack-equipped bear before being thrown into the middle of the Pacific ocean.

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At that very moment, the jetpack-equipped bear realized that bears wouldn't be able to operate a jetpack. This revelation

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led to the death of

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a man who was standing 30 feet below the bear

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This happened only moments after the man had realized that he was standing on the water in the middle of the Pacific Ocean and had come to the conclusion that he was Jesus. However, he did not rise 3 days later as he was not Jesus. He actually just had strange, floaty feet.

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Thousands of years later, children around the world would eat pudding in memory of the man with strange floaty feet.

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This man's name was

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John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt, and he was extremely

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fat and had unkempt body hair

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. In fact, the body hair was extremely dense, and housed a family of Dokyuns. Nobody knows what happened to them after the incident, but

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nobody really cared.

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Meanwhile, in Oxford, a small group of tourists

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were constructing a bridge out of cinnamon cookies.

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This was illegal

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under the Oxford ordinances of 1664. The arrest and trial of the tourists sparked a lengthly legal debate on prescription rights reform, after the botched 1832 Prescription Act. Statutory prescription stood awkwardly beside common law prescription for 200 years, until

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a billionaire donated 1 million pounds to the election of someone who repealed the old laws and wrote new laws which include a provision for

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sentences which go on too long.

Two kittens

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were kittening around

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Kittentown. Sadly, they were the last two felines in the world, for seven months earlier, just before they were born, a mysterious and highly contagious disease had sterilized every cat in the world but them. Their curious immunity was due to

131 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6841 09:26

the fact that they were just too god damn adorable for words. This very adorableness is what led to

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the beginning of the next chapter.

Chapter 104: Return of the Great Sky Loli

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and Tharsh's Insatiable Appetite for Toast

There was an atmosphere of apprehension

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due to >>132-134 breaking the fourth wall, however

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it was quickly dispelled by the mewings of the two kittens, who were now playing with a bunch of cotton balls they had found nearby.

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A single slice of toast was selotaped to the back of one of the cats.

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The other promptly ate the toast.

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The toast was toasterific. The toast was toasted. The toast had once been bread. The toast had wandered. The toast was toasty.

The toast had crept through halls of unforgiven blacksmiths. They wore blindfolds and hammered sharks with their heads. The toast had held its breath as it lopped daintily between the smiths, taking care not to touch the hammer-headed hammerheads being hammer headed.

The toast had toasted into a monochromatic bird-fish forest. It heard digital cries which foretold of too much toasty tea with too little time. Tea growing cold and mold and untold and rolled and folding on itself, just as this narrative folds, just as the satin bedsheets had folded when Mr. Gray's mysterious lover had sat up in bed years earlier, rubbing her innocent eyes sleepily, unaware of the posterior-related hardships about to befall her.

And now, the toast-bearing cat

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unexpectedly came to the conclusion that it was actually not a cat at all; it was the Great Sky Loli, and - predictably enough - its companion was in fact Tharsh. Upon realising their true identities, the two of them exchanged

140 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6843 00:19

saliva

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samples for the purposes of DNA testing, just to prove that they really were who they thought they were.

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The DNA test revealed that Tharsh

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was exactly who he was supposed to be - himself. As for the Great Sky Loli,

144 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6846 12:35

she was also exactly who she was supposed to be, disappointing those who wished for some sort of a dramatic plot twist or something.

145 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6846 18:47

Perceived existential peculiarities aside, the two were ready to begin their holy quest: to

146 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6846 23:05

replenish

147 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6846 23:18

the tea.

148 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6846 23:19

the stock of Mountain Dew before their discount coupons ran out.

149 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6847 03:00

Presented with a multiverse,

150 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6848 10:19

the reader may now decide which universe they wish for the story to follow. Please enter your choice into the holographic input device below:

>

151 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6848 12:23

"Universe where all technology is made by Apple, and Mountain Dew is good for you and is on tap in every home"

152 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6848 15:53

Error 404000000: Universe not found. Please hang up and try again.

153 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6848 16:14

The great sky loli sighed. "Let's go to Gensokyo, then, maybe."

A young bird named Tokiko woke up one morning

154 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6848 16:40

and was promptly crushed to death under the massive - yet feathery soft - posterior of a giant loli teleporting in from an alternate universe.

"Huzzah!" exclaimed the GSL upon arriving. "Now

155 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6848 19:36

it all returns to nothing". Casting his arms wide as if to embrace universal nullity, GSL began the great

156 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6848 21:21

wondering of why she was male for a moment there. As it turns out, she was splitting in two; one half would remain as the Great Sky Loli while the other would be sent to an alternate universe to be the Great Sky Shota. This alternate universe would then be ignored for the rest of the story, or at least until

157 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6848 21:24

Andyland had finally been finished by an awful ravaging war in the dimension where the story (to this point) has taken place.

158 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6849 00:14

Fortunately, Andyland was destroyed moments later, thus the alternate universe no longer needed to be ignored.

Chapter 104-B: Return of the Great Sky Shota

159 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6849 02:23

Dr. Robotnik

160 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6849 04:33

was very angry

161 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6849 05:46

when he was having his morning tea

162 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6849 05:55

since Scratch and Grounder served him pancakes instead of eggs.

163 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6849 17:07

Gradually, over a period of months,

164 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6849 17:11

they had also been inserting subliminal snippets of gay imagery into his daily porno.

165 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6850 13:25

Dr Robotnik's pet iguana

166 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6850 13:45

was goggling silently at him as he

167 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6850 14:19

was transcending space and time

168 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6850 14:21

in a most illegal manner.

169 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6850 15:42

"STOP RIGHT THERE, CRIMINAL SCUM!" shouted the spacetime police. "YOU'VE BROKEN THE LAWS OF PHYSICS FOR THE LAST TIME!"

170 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6851 10:59

They then apprehended him and locked him up in a Faraday cage, where

171 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6852 01:49

He rubbed 2 sticks together

172 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6852 04:49

in a most erotic manner.

173 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6852 13:19

One of these sticks was

174 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6852 15:21

a piece of dynamite, but

175 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6852 18:37

my dick explode, what

176 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6852 21:08

happen? Someone set up us the bomb.

177 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6852 22:40

We get PINGAS.

178 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6853 01:41

Cut the monitors!

179 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6853 16:55

The nonsensical rambling coming from the wall-mounted speakers stopped abruptly. Everything went dark. The glow of the monitors had been the only source of light in the room, and now a heavy blackness weighed down upon the igunaa like a backpack full of unnecessary granola bars.

Now was his chance. The iguana used his fire-tongue to light the dynamite, and ran to the other corner of the Faraday cage. Boom! said the dynamite as it kindly opened an escape route, which the iguana quickly took, using his Robotnik-enhanced eyes to navigate through the darkness.

As the iguana scrambled into the air duct just as power returned and the alarms began to wail, he sent a telepathic message. "Robotnik, this is your iguana. I have escaped. I promise I will make it home one day."

Meanwhile,

180 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6854 13:07

everyone's favourite

181 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6854 13:57

Great Sky Shota

182 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6854 14:32

was flashing his tiny penis at everyone

183 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6854 17:56

while screaming "CRAAAAAAZY!" "nine nine nine nine BAKA!" because this Great Sky Shota wasn't just ANY Shota, he aws

184 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6854 20:26

Pico, returned to seek vengeance on toe forsaken land of

185 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6854 22:00

Fingers.

186 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6855 04:11

"Gentletoes and ladyfingers!" announced General Thumb in a commanding voice, inspiring bravery in the fleshy hearts of the trembling Digit Troopers.

"The day has finally come," he continued. "Pico has come for vengeance, as prophesied 9999 years ago in the Book of Shota. But we are not forsaken! We have had 9999 years to prepare, and prepare we did! Now let's show that Great Sky Shota that he's not so Gre-"

Suddenly, General Thumb's speech was interrupted by

187 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6855 05:49

the Great Sky Loli.

188 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6855 06:14

"Huzzah!" she exclaimed. "Now

189 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6855 07:47

you are in my power! WELCOME TO DIE!"

190 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6855 14:51

The GSL and the GSS then proceeded to have a danmaku battle, featuring

191 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6855 22:22

plenty of floral motifs, lasers and

192 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6855 22:31

androgyny. Unfortunately, Private Pinky found himself caught in the crossfire and

193 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6855 22:42

met Rainbow Dash who was

194 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6855 23:05

mutating hideously due to exposure of the highly toxic pollutants that contaminate the Toe Forsaken Land of Fingers.

195 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6856 00:27

The pollution was caused by

196 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6856 07:57

leftover fecal matter from the embarrassing Butthole Fingering Incident which had occurred a few years ago.

Thinking quickly, Private Pinky realized that the hideous mutant ex-pony could turn the tides of this horrible war.

"You there, hideous mutant ex-pony!" he shouted, "We need

197 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6856 12:26

a more tasteful subject matter for this novel!" He paused in thought. "Perhaps a story of psychological alienation in postwar France, told from the viewpoint of nihilistic Left Bank intellectual."

198 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6856 14:27

And thus everyone stopped fighting and gathered 'round to hear Private Pinky's twisted tale of La Rive Gauche.

199 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6856 14:40

"I'm so alienated," he said. "C'est fromage."

200 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6856 14:49

With those first few words, the audience was completely captivated. Pinky continued,

"So spoke a young Parisian boy as he pondered with idle fascination, wondering whether the betrayal in Barcelona was particularly troublesome that day.

201 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6856 17:54

"

"No, you fool!" shouted the deformed equine, "It was Venice, not Barcelona! Venice! Also, you dropped your 200GET."

Sure enough, Pinky's 200GET had dropped out of his pocket and was languishing in the dirt. The audience who had been so appreciative moments ago laughed, mocked him and threw

202 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6856 18:07

up all over each other.

Back in Poland,

203 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6856 21:45

Dr. Robotnik's iguana, hereafter known as Robuana, was lost. Lost in the eyes of an unexpected lover, that is. Her name was

204 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6856 22:26

Samus Aran

205 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6857 17:52

the girl with the gun who screams through time.

206 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6857 23:28

Meanwhile, an alienated Samus Aran cosplayer

207 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6858 00:01

was giving herself a vodka enema

208 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6858 00:36

and recording a video of it. Once the video was completed, it

209 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6858 00:54

was shown to the real Samus and Robuana. Robuana smiled and raised an eyebrow, but Samus said, "no, I'm not putting vodka in meazz " and was immediately teleported to the captcha/readability thread instead.

210 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6858 20:37

Robuana was saddened by the inexplicable disappearance of his companion, but decided to just forget about it and continue watching the video. Before he had a chance to, however,

211 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6858 22:49

a couch

212 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6859 00:52

sneaked up and placed itself furtively underneath his posterior. "Comfy," he thought.

213 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6859 16:40

And then, just when he least expected it, the couch

214 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6859 17:35

converted itself into the dreaded Comfy Chair.

215 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6861 18:39

"Heh, it's just a comfy chair; nothing to be afraid of!" thought Robuana. And then it ate him.

A pair of

216 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6861 20:39

mittens

217 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6861 22:20

was all that was left of him after this gruesome spectacle, leaving us to wonder:

218 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6862 02:27

where did Robuana go?

The answer was, of course, that Robuana had fused with the dastardly Comfy Chair. Having absorbed Robuana's power, the Comfy Chair snickered evilly and shot off into the sky. The time had come to seat his master. The prophesied Sitting was drawing near. Soon, a certain evil over-sized buttocks would sink itself into the Comfy Chair's plushy pads and the universe would tremble.

219 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6864 12:43

The corpse of

220 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6865 11:27

Tharsh

221 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6867 20:38

was being desecrated by a

222 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6867 20:54

feral platypus which

223 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6867 22:10

said "THAT IS IMPUDENCE!!!! U R SAYING IMPUDENCE 2 ME!"

224 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6869 12:00

Tharsh's untimely demise had come about as a result of his

225 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6869 12:39

impudence

226 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6869 20:36

. In the light of the setting sun, the platypus's matted fur was outlined in gold, casting a positively regal quality to the creature. This is exactly as it should be; the platypus was in fact the king of

227 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6869 23:01

impudence

228 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6869 23:28

. The platypus finished desecrating Tharsh to his satisfaction. Through this unholy act of impudence, the platypus had absorbed Tharsh's power. His platypusian veins coursed with his newfound toasty strength.

"I...I AM...THARSH!" he exclaimed.

Then Tharsh the platypus, king of impudence, set off in search of his next impudent victim:

229 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6869 23:42

the Great Sky Shota, who was

230 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6870 06:45

suffering from severe gender dysphoria.

231 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6870 14:30

As he had been raised in the belief that his twin sister would always be superior to him in every possible way, though, his wish to be the little girl instead was probably inevitable.

232 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6871 21:09

To Tharsh's horror, when he finally located the GSS,

233 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6871 21:42

he looked just like Kagamine Len wearing a Frank-N-Furter costume. "Don't judge me," sobbed the teary-eyed barely-teenager and

234 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6872 00:33

closet mycologist. Tharsh the platypus, king of impudence, just shook his head in disappointment. There was no impudence in this one. But just as Tharsh was turning to leave, the Great Sky Loli reared her tsundere head!

"Don't forget about me," she said. "I'm going to destroy this Toe Forsaken Land of Fingers and there's nothing you can do about it!"

Tharsh quivered in joy. Here was the impudence he had been searching for.

235 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6872 13:34

Naturally, Tharsh was forgetting about the GSL's innate ability to

236 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6873 18:13

spontaneously

237 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6873 20:45

combust, when she suddenly burst into flames. "Well, crap," thought Tharsh.

238 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6874 07:56

The spontaneous combustion of the GSL caused

239 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6874 08:13

the monitors

240 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6874 12:37

, that is to say, the small tribe of monitor lizards living nearby, to unhatch. They quickly formed protective layers of eggshell around their bodies to avoid getting scorched.

241 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6874 16:57

In a distant land, the nefarious Comfy Couch felt a tingling beneath his cushions. Robuana, whose power was still latent within the depths of the evil couch's folds, sensed that his brothers the monitor lizards had finally hatched. Perhaps there was still hope...

The comfy couch ignored the tingling and continued sofaing on toward his destination.

Back in the Land of Fingers, a fire was now spreading through

242 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6875 07:53

Tharsh's heart (metaphorically speaking). His

243 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6875 10:43

ass

244 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6875 11:00

had pimples.

245 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6875 13:47

Even these pimples had pimples. And these ass pimple pimples were, at this very moment,

246 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6875 14:30

getting carbuncles.

247 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6875 18:03

"Ow," he said.

248 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6875 21:53

Then,

249 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6875 23:31

proceeding to

250 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6876 04:45

some pretty good advice that he saw on TV last night the best thing to do was

251 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6876 06:02

to see a medical professional. So off he went to see his chiropractor, to fix what could only have been caused by subluxations.

252 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6876 10:23

As it happens, this chiropractor was none other than Mr Gray, making an unexpected return. After taking one glance at Tharsh's pimple pimple carbuncles,

253 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6876 11:42

he said "Ew. You need to see a dermatologist, dude. Also, you might want to put on a clean shirt, because they're gonna be taking pictures of you for the medical journals."

254 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6876 12:26

Tharsh swallowed his pride and

255 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6876 13:44

half a liter of semen, in order to improve the smell of his breath. He then

256 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6876 16:02

fished in his pockets for

257 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6876 16:03

his verification code.

"Fuck," he exclaimed upon finding it. "I wasn't expecting that!"

And by "that," Tharsh was referring to

258 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6876 20:15

the fact that his captcha was "tharsh". As the reader may or may not recall, Tharsh was originally born of a particularly interesting captcha. Thus

259 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6876 23:28

Tharsh remembered his true origins. No longer was he slave to the king of impudence. The power of captcha coursed through his body, and with a horrifying roar heard across the galaxy, Tharsh's original self siezed control from the impudent platypus. The mental change was reflected by a physical change, and Tharsh began to grow. He was transforming into a grotesque and terrifying platypus-mecha-hybrid version of his original human form, power armor and toast crumbs included!

"WHARRRGARBL! Toast for breakfast!" he cried, reciting his infamous catchphrase. If the GSL hadn't spontaneously combusted, she would have looked on and beamed with pride.

260 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6877 08:02

Thankfully, the GSL had had herself cloned a few days prior, just in case she happened to explode. But something had gone wrong! Her clone

261 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6877 08:13

did not have a delicious flat chest. Rather, she had developed a delicious somewhat-busty chest (B cup) and thus could hardly be called a loli, despite being otherwise identical to the GSL.

262 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6877 11:18

This enabled her to make a bit of money starring in teen porn videos on the side, though, so she got a lot more media exposure out of the cloning mishap.

263 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6877 15:46

@@@-]]- A
^@@@@@R
!@ !@l|,.iΙl_Ɂj
i @˜§-]@|! i@This clone wouldn't happen be an albino with red eyes
_R .U@- Ιƒm @and a pageboy hairdo, would she?
@@MMƒt@iL
@ @ / _ɁT
@@/__i |˜£!|
„ͺ„ͺ‚Β„ͺ‚Β„ͺ„ͺ‡‡‡========
==@@@THE REI'S NOVEL@@@@==
‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡

264 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6877 19:01

As it happens,

265 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6877 20:00

it wasn't.

266 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6878 22:38

And so it came to be that

267 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6878 23:04

many things did come to pass. For verily, events were eventuating as swiftly as ever, and time stoppeth for no man, not even for Great Sky Loli clones. Indeed, the only one it doth stop for is the maid at the Scarlet Devil Mansion, who does not appear in this story and never will. But I digress.

268 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6879 07:34

Tharsh inhaled deeply and quizzically. Something smelled like poop.

269 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6879 14:01

@@@@@@@l@@@@@
@@@@@@iQ_j@@@@
@@@@@ iQQj@@@
@@@@@i QQ j@@@@
@@@@@i@EΝEjDid someone mention poop?
@@@@@i“ρ“ρ“ρj
@ @ @ @ _ @^
@@@@ @ ‚‰L@@`i
PPPPPPPPPPP
.@@@@@ QQQ@@-squeek-
@@@@@i“ρ“ρ“ρj
@ @ @ @ _ @^
@@@@ @ ‚‰L@@`i
PPPPPPPPPPP

270 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6879 18:03

Meanwhile, in the Turquoise Angel Mansion, a maid by the name of

271 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6879 18:08

Youka Naebi i”ͺ“ϊˆή“ϊj

272 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6879 18:17

was pouring highly concentrated sodium hydroxide solution into one of the toilets, whose drain seemed to have been infested by some squeeky parasitic creatures. As usual, she did her work very slowly but with great care and precision.

273 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6880 07:58

Naebi's mistress was up to no good;

274 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6880 15:08

she started making trouble in my neighborhood.
We got in one little fight and my mom got scared, and said
"You're moving in with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air."

275 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6880 19:14

Luckily, this was >>274's only appearance in this story, and so Naebi merely waved goodbye and wished him well in his new home.
She then convinced her mistress to come back home before it got too dark.

276 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6880 21:12

After all, there was a grand tea party to prepare for -

277 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6880 21:13

and the Hatter would certainly be there.

278 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6880 21:49

Her mistress was certainly looking forward to the Hatter's gift of new headgear. After all, the old popular saying rang just as true today: hatters gonna hat.

279 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6881 08:00

CHAPTER 3 + 4i: Partially Imaginary Tea Party ON DRUGS

280 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6881 12:48

>>279 decided "I am going to have a tea party!" Preparations were now underway with the help of General Andrés Rodríguez Pedotti, who ensured only the finest teas and raw cocaine would be available for the guests.

281 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6881 18:37

As the bell tolled noon, the first guests arrived: the

282 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6881 18:47

Cuntaluffigus and the

283 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6881 22:34

bourgeois elite, followed by

284 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6883 11:31

the multicoloured platypi and pink elephants. After them came a veritable horde of

285 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6883 12:04

pastel-colored talking cartoon ponies

286 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6883 14:57

who were promptly denied entry and beat up by the bouncers outside.

287 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6883 21:27

"Just a goddamn minute," said one of the pastel-colored talking cartoon ponies. "Are we real or are we hallucinations? Because if we're the latter, you can't keep us ou--" Then all the pastel-colored talking cartoon ponies vanished in a puff of logic.

288 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6883 22:31

Meanwhile inside the hall housing the party, waiters and waitresses were

289 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6883 22:58

hallucinating pastel-colored talking cartoon ponies. Or maybe the ponies were real. With all the raw cocaine at the party, who can say? Perhaps the pastel-colored talking cartoon ponies were hallucinating the waiters and waitresses. "Damn straight," said one of the ponies, her pupils the size of caraway seeds, a thin line of blood streaming down from her left nostril, which bore a white ring of powder. "This is some good shit, I tell you what."

290 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6884 02:49

Suddenly a gigantic apelike nigger burst in and started bludgeoning them with his massive jungle-dick.

291 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6884 05:45

His dick tasted of reeds swaying on the golden summer banks of our imaginary childhoods.

292 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6884 06:39

Ah, the days of strawberries and cream eaten while sitting by the creek on our nan's estate in the Dorset countryside, while grandad used to tell us stories of his first motorcar.

293 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6884 06:49

It was a 2001 Opel Corsa that he bought used. Granddad was not an early adopter. Nor was he

294 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6884 06:54

"If nothing is real, then everything is real," we concluded meaninglessly, sipping our steaming cup of Bohemian Berry Bouquet and doing another line.

"Ah, but do not so quickly discount your memories." General Andrés Rodríguez Pedotti said, reclining in an impossibly admonishing leather seat. Illegible badges filled his broad chest.

"The dichotomy of true or false is a trap," he continued. "One quickly realizes that such polarities are as meaningless as the ridiculous names of these teas." The general sipped on Simmering Cinnamon Soufflé. "If you have any memory or vision, true, imagined or drug-induced, it must have some significance. It is only up to each individual to deduce the meaning within various contexts."

We stared, not understanding, but entranced by the General's luxurious lecture.

"Follow the clues. A symbol gains meaning not from any objective source, but from its relative connection, presentation and appearance within the work it is presented."

295 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6884 06:57

interested in British brands. No sir, steering wheels on the left had always been good enough for him. A shame that he also never liked to drive on the left-hand side ... then, at his funeral in the autumn of 2002,

296 Name: >>293.5 : 1993-09-6884 06:58

inane.

297 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6884 06:58

interested in British brands. No sir, a steering wheel on the left had always been good enough for him. A shame that he also never liked to drive on the left-hand side ... then, at his funeral in the autumn of 2002,

298 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6884 07:00

the timeline began to spiral in on itself like the cord on grandmother's phone.

299 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6884 07:02

grandpa rose from his coffin, appearing only to us. Nobody else could see him. He walked straight up to us and we could not move. We simply stared in horror as he said, "The tea is splitting. The narrative is splitting. There is no real thread. Nobody can piece together this novel...except perhaps...gray..."

In one horrifying moment we realized that grandpa was the General. Their lectures were simultaneous. Which thread to follow?

300 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6884 09:19

Mr. Gray awoke with a start. He had not hat a single paying customer since Tharsh, all those weeks ago. The recently enacted laws against pseudoscientific advertisements had been hard on chiropractors, who were now reduced to claims like "We'll listen to your complaints, then move your spine around until you either don't feel pain anymore or start to hemorrhage to death. It's very rarely both."

After sipping his strong black coffee sweetened with nothing but a >>300GET, he examined his strange feelings of déjà vu. Memories of the countryside in Dorset, a place he had never been to ... or indeed had existed since the short but extremely violent Anglo-Corean war of mid-September 1993. Clearly something needed to be done, and so he walked out into the

301 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6884 12:06

restaurant where Tharsh, Grandpa, and The General were arguing about which thread they were in. The pastel-colored talking cartoon ponies were beginning to look bored, and the drugs had run out some time ago.

302 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6884 13:24

"We can't stop here!" shouted Grandpa. "This is bat country!"

"No, it's rabbit country," said Beady Eyes, who had been hiding under a table all this time.

"It's duck season," said Tharsh.

"your silly," said the General.

"Your silly WHAT?" said the ponies.

"I need a drink," said the butler.

303 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6884 17:24

And then they all engaged in

304 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6884 18:05

a rousing game of Spin the Pickle, that quickly devolved into

305 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6884 22:26

a boring game of Spin the Pickle.

306 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6885 02:21

>>29 says that >>28 is still alive!

307 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6885 02:50

Which was most agreeable, as >>29 was not sure >>28 would make it out after waxing offensive to a horde of disgruntled Filpinos.

308 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6885 11:01

Speaking of which, who should burst in at that moment but

309 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6885 18:42

the Minute Earth Shota

310 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6886 00:29

, armed with a

311 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6886 07:13

treaty on gentrification and a

312 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6886 12:14

rather overripe banana. He thrust his banana into

313 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6886 15:32

the mouth of some sperg ranting about quotation marks to shut him up.

314 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6886 21:13

Every single guest attending the tea party

315 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6886 22:18

had a severe case of irritable bowel syndrome.

316 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6887 00:02

To relieve it, Pepto-Bismol was handed out.

317 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6887 01:59

However, every bottle had expired in the year

318 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6887 04:30

before it was issued, which did nothing at all to help everyone's explosive diarrhea.

319 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6887 04:49

Fortunately, everybody was too strung out on cocaine to really care anymore about the thin layer of shit that was beginning to flood the room.

320 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6887 08:05

Mr Gray's imaginary friend

321 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6887 11:35

had some fresher Pepto-Bismol but he was waiting for more people to demand it, so that he could sell it at a higher price. He was very cunning, as imaginary friends go.

322 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6887 14:23

Of course, the Pepto-Bismol itself was also imaginary.

323 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6887 17:04

Alas, the entire party descended into a drug fueled scene of chaos,

324 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6887 21:04

and they began an attempt to summon Vizier Maximus Schlong from the 69th circle of Hell.

325 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6888 00:55

But Vizier Maximus Schlong was not available at the moment, so they settled for his little brother Minimus Dingus.

326 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6888 01:21

Unfortunately, Minimus Dingus was known for his extreme bouts of rage fueled by jealousy towards his better-appreciated brother.

327 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6888 02:53

So instead, his twin sisters suddenly made an appearance.

328 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6888 16:06

The two of them sat down at a table and were served a cup of green tea and a tab of LSD each. They displayed delicate ladylike manners, which one wouldn't expect of denizens of the 69th circle of Hell.

The younger of the two sisters - better known as

329 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6888 16:10

Scanty, distracted her sister Kneesocks for a moment, then put both tabs of LSD in her sister's tea. Because that's just how demons are.

330 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6888 20:58

Meanwhile, outside in the garden, two

331 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6888 23:17

lunatics realized the necessity for reconstruction of their lives.

"Helen and I are going right after breakfast to see real estate agents about getting us a tenant, and Helen is going to purchase some cotton stockings. She still persists in sticking to the letter of her oath not to wear silk stockings until Daddy is home and well," said

332 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6888 23:37

After that an old Shaolin monk that was walking inside the garden said: follow the trips >>333

333 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6889 08:05

But nobody was listening. They were too busy

334 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6889 16:43

attempting to disprove the Riemann hypothesis. Unfortunately, they lacked

335 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6889 16:51

a thorough understanding of complex analysis and

336 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6890 07:54

, therefore, simply drank reckless quantities of tea, defaced playing cards and threw them at each other while shouting things like "Zeta function!", "Critical line!" and "Infinite summation!".

Before long, they made

337 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6890 08:01

time travel, which is probably irrelevant but might as well be mentioned anyway. And so,

338 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6890 11:04

the freshly-made time travel was eaten by the writing staff, who much appreciated their first meal in over a week.

339 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6890 11:57

However, the appreciation rapidly faded into disappointment, and then horror when they realized that eating time travel just makes your present self hungrier while slowly overfeeding and fattening your future self.

340 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6891 08:02

That very moment, the Norwegians

341 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6891 08:45

suddenly invaded and achieved world domination, as their viking blood demanded of them. This was

342 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6891 22:01

a signal that the tea party was about to reach its climax: the grand

343 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6891 22:07

. The grand was a ritual in which

344 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6892 01:09

10,000 live crocodiles

345 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6892 10:21

battled 5,500 tigers in custom-made armor. The immense stadium had been completed. The animals' eyes glistened behind the portcullis gates, ready to be let loose into the stadium to devour one another in an orgy of hungry violence. Outside the crowd was waiting, riled into a frenzy, chanting

346 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6892 15:51

"WEE A BOO! WEE A BOO! WEE A BOO!"

347 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6893 15:13

. This spectacle was, of course, merely to distract the crowd from the true purpose of the grand: opening

348 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6893 15:59

the vault of horrors

349 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6893 16:50

and reawakening Thursh from his long, cold sleep.

350 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6894 07:53

Thursh, for the purpose of an even more incoherent and cliché plotline, was Tharsh's evil twin brother. Upon his reawakening, Thursh

351 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6894 10:29

suggested that now might be a good time to start a new chapter.

352 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6894 21:58

To his dismay, the suggestion was ignored.

Back in Oxford IV, a large

353 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6894 23:55

pickle

354 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6895 07:58

processing facility was being demolished to make way for

355 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6895 09:51

a large pickle processing facility completely identical to the first. Needing no shame nor validation, Thursh

356 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6895 10:22

ate his brother's toast, then

357 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6895 18:45

threw

358 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6895 22:55

the crusts at his servant, demanding she "pick them up like the whore she is".

359 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6895 23:42

His servant picked up the crusts but did so begrudgingly, as she was the Great Sky Loli, living in hiding as a simple servant after faking her death. The reason she had faked her death and was hiding was

360 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6896 02:24

her desire to fake her death and go into hiding. So far it was going pretty well. The crusts

361 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6896 07:44

transformed

362 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6896 09:04

into

363 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6896 09:42

Squeeks! Poop on da head lol!

364 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6896 12:17

@@@@@@@l@@@@@
@@@@@@iQ_j@@@@
@@@@@ iQQj@@@
@@@@@i QQ j@@@@
@@@@@i@EΝEjDid someone call my name?
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365 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6896 19:46

The End.

366 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6896 21:34

Or perhaps a new beginning. A new beginning for the GSL, a chance to redo everything. She pulled Squeeks aside to discuss her plans.

367 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6896 22:28

@@@l@@@@@
@@iQ_j@@@@
@ iQQj@@@
@i QQ j@@@@
@i@EΝEj@ƒ My name is Squeeks and we don't have shift-JIS art of the GSL yet.
@i‚@@ ‚@
@b b@|@@@@@
@i_QjQj

368 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6897 01:22

Then suddenly: poof Squeeks vanished into thin air, never to be seen for another 64 weeks - Neptune Standard Time.

369 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6897 06:11

Meanwhile, the GSL decided to appear in shift-JIS form to appease the masses. Unfortunately, her representation was way too large to be used practically and needed to be split over two posts, so in the interest of keeping the novel readable it was probably the last time she would ever appear in such a form.
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370 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6897 06:11

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@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @ @ @ @ @ R::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::! l::::::::::::::::::::::::::,'::/
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ R:::::::::::::::::::::::::/@R:::::::::::::::::::::Y
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ _::::::::::::::^@@@_::::::::::^
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@` ]] '@@@@ @@ ~

371 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6897 06:41

_‚Ώ‚ε‚Αwwww–νŠC»‚Ά‚α[‚ρ^

372 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6897 07:57

said a nearby crowd of

373 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6897 08:37

Nico Nico Douga users, just before they collectively turned and ran after a passing stray cat among delighted cries of "‚Κ‚±ktkr" and "‚©‚ν‚δ‚’```".

374 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6897 10:10

Suddenly, seemingly random symbols, words and phrases of text began to scroll by in marquees, blinding everyone's possibility to see where and what they were doing. "Who's fucking idea was this?" shouted one angry gentlemen.

375 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6897 11:40

"It's whose, not who's!" shouted a man wearing pantyhose. He was then violently disemboweled by

376 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6897 11:48

an imaginary

377 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6897 11:50

.

378 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6898 09:45

The imaginary then lost interest in the scene and wandered off to

379 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6898 21:20

Youkai Mountain. Unfortunately, it got caught in a kappa's machines at the foot of the mountain and was never seen or heard from again. The GSL regarded this spectacle with a feeling of indifference. She then turned to Thursh and said

380 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6898 21:50

"Hey, isn't that an imaginary coming over towards us?"

381 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6898 22:44

However, it was not. It was instead

382 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6899 00:22

an irrelevant, which had nothing to do with this story whatsoever.

383 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6899 05:40

Just then, a wild complex appeared! Would it be as easily squared away?

384 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6899 06:14

"Let's square this baby," said the GSL confidently. She began her Loli Cute Dance, spinning around and frilling her skirt in preparation for Pretty Deluxe Square Beam The World.

Tharsh and Thursh stared in shock. The toe forsaken land of fingers fell quiet. Everybody put down their tea and drugs. Everybody was silent in anticipation. Would this act finally bring back the story into the realm of the real? Would the plot finally start making sense once it was firmly rooted in reality?

"Kyu kyuri kyu kyu puri nya!" the GSL nonsensically babbled, firing the Pretty Deluxe Square Beam The World directly at the complex.

Would it work? Would this mad partially imaginary tea party ever come to a merciful end?

Chapter -7 + 24i: Nope

385 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6900 12:25

On the morning of the 6900th of September 1993, a young panda by the name of

386 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6900 14:36

Eddie Murphy

387 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6900 21:16

awoke to find that his

388 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6900 22:08

clothes were all gone, his car stolen (he had his car keys), and a big black penis was drawn on his head in marker.

389 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6900 22:21

Most troublingly of all, his

390 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6901 01:29

own penis was gone. What mysteries have befallen Eddie Murphy this time?

391 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6901 02:46

Meanwhile, in the distant future in the year 1994, Eddie Murphy's penis, time traveler extraordinaire, was attending a meeting of the Intertemporal Association of Time Travelers, of which it was the current President. Eddie Murphy's penis was named

392 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6901 02:46

Jock Johnson

393 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6901 07:49

and its favorite thing to do while not traveling through time was

394 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6901 08:50

ejaculating. Which, honestly, is pretty cool.

395 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6901 13:11

He called the meeting to order.

"Gentlemen!" he began, "The time has come for

396 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6901 14:00

everything! We're fucking time travelers, ain't we?"
After a rousing cheer from the audience, he continued:

397 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6901 22:03

"Now, let's all go back in time and kill

398 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6901 22:10

one another, making sure to leave corpses in every single historical location ever featured in a textbook!"
Jock still hadn't quite gotten over that grudge against his seventh-grade history teacher.

399 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6902 00:45

The other time travellers were a little uncomfortable with the prospect of mass suicide, so, not wanting to hurt Jock's feelings, they

400 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6902 01:44

applauded politely and briefly before quickly turning their attentions to the snack bar.

401 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6902 04:13

Little did they know that Jock had laced the entire buffet with PCP.

402 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6902 04:15

Incidentally, he had also laced it with sperm. Hallucination-inducing sperm.

403 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6902 07:36

With that in mind (thought not in the minds of those unfortunate patrons), everyone began to imagine they were the cast of Legend of the Galactic Heroes.

404 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6903 00:45

This fanciful delusion was soon dispelled by the

405 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6903 02:46

miraculous

406 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6903 05:51

arrival of a naked Mr Gray, who was mysteriously teleported into the exact geometric center of the room. He gave a yelp when gravity had resumed its grip and he hit the floor, stopped sucking his own dick and looked around with bleary, confused eyes.
"... think 'm bleeding,", he mumbled sheepishly. "Anyone got a band-aid?"

Chapter 4 - i-210100: The Penis with a Thousand Lacerations

407 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6903 05:59

My name is Susan Yang.
There are seven people in my family.
My mother is very friendly and funny. She's like a friend.
My father is handsome, but a little bald.

Susan Yang.

Seven people.

Friendly and funny.

Handsome but bald.

408 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6903 12:00

Shkadoomph!

Suddenly,

409 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6904 18:13

Susan Yang and her entire family were crushed under a falling

410 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6904 22:05

blimp

411 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6905 13:37

- the very same blimp, in fact, that

412 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6907 06:16

once served as the Hindenburg's stunt double.

413 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6907 19:47

A nearby black cat licked its front paw, sniffed at the ground in front of it, and thought to itself "

414 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6908 05:27

This is bullshit. Cats don't think," as if realism was something the authors of this novel had been striving for. Everyone's a critic.

Anyway, said cat was promptly struck by a stray piece of debris from the stunt blimp, and died a slow agonizing death on the baking hot pavement. Let this be a lesson to aspiring literary critics.

Mr Gray had somehow managed to avoid death from blood loss by

415 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6908 18:53

thinking very hard about

416 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6908 20:10

prostate stimulation, and thus cutting off most of the blood flow to his injured member.

417 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6909 16:47

Mr Gray's good friend Francis Bacon

418 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6912 02:58

never ate bacon. He had developed a distaste for it due to people always making lame jokes about his name. This of course resulted in

419 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6912 14:29

the bacon manufacturing union kidnapping him and forcing him to

420 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6912 16:45

become their mascot. He found that wearing a big stuffed-animal version of himself oddly

421 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6913 15:41

comforting. Slowly, he began to realise that

422 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6914 16:28

he wasn't wearing a costume at all - he had actually

423 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6914 18:07

been hallucinating all this time. "My God!" he pondered.

424 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6914 23:35

"I've been hallucinating lately!"

He sighed and scratched his belly. After one too many hallucinations, he no longer cared what was real. All that truly mattered to him at this very moment was

425 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6915 04:35

the concept of prostate stimulation. "Why is ours in there of all places?" he silently questioned. Though such trivialities did not really matter to him in the end.

426 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6916 00:55

And thus, a star was born.

427 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6916 01:15

far off in another galaxy.*

*This has no relevance to our story yet, but will be a great driving force later on.

428 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6916 10:39

Francis looked

429 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6916 13:15

like shit.

430 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6916 22:35

This was hardly his fault; he had, after all,

431 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6917 01:46

been spending an insurmountable amount of time stimulating his prostate and

432 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6917 08:22

stimulating his fizzbuzz and

433 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6917 23:25

stimulating his avacado and

434 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6918 18:58

simulating his stimulation of the aforementioned stimulation targets in three different computer models on fifteen different cmputer architectures each. The vacuum-tube models had really been bogging him down.

435 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6918 21:10

Finally, after months of intense stimulation, he concluded that the

436 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6919 01:59

proper way to cook an onion is to cut it into tiny pieces, bury them under the ground all over the world, and ask a DQN how to cook an onion. However, this method was not feasible because, as we all know,

437 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6919 02:17

onions were wiped out in the disastrous

438 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6919 02:48

brunch but at least the orangutans were hungry

439 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6919 06:06

enough to invent an synthetic onion-like substitute called

440 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6919 06:22

noino. This was also useful as an aphrodisiac for baboons, but then, so is the sight of a concrete wall.

441 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6919 20:32

The noino possessed a DARK and TERRIBLE secret:

442 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6919 22:36

It was more than half cholesterol by weight, but battered and fried noino rings are just sooooooooooo delicious.

443 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6922 21:07

The only person who did not like noino rings was

444 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6924 10:09

Harold, the emperor of

445 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6924 11:44

everything. Everything was ruled by Harold, and Harold was ruler of everything. But the executives That Be had decided for an unwritten reason that Harold was unfit to be ruler of everything. They had no bravery for experimentation. A bean can full of robots exploded. Fake people decided that the previous paragraph's non sequiturs, which were butts developed by prostate exams must have been developed by CLONEPA seperate people. But online, they swabbed the Christmas and realized that one bummer exhausting poster to bill the winner of three wood tournaments was actually composed by a single poster shooting to schedule, under budget.

Harold opened the books. He wanted his power back.

"Stop."

Harold whipped his metaphorical head around (as supreme being, he had no true head) to see none other than

446 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6925 21:06

The Great Sky Shota, searching for his sister, who was, as we have already established, in hiding after faking her death.

"Have you seen a loli around here, looks a little bit like me, perhaps exuding godlike power?" asked the GSS.

Harold knew that he had only one good response for this. After taking some time for a dramatic pause, he said

447 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6925 21:34

"Eat a butt."

In the next instant, Harold was gone, as ephemeral as the

448 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6926 02:24

eaten butt. In Harold's absence, everybodysoon grew obese from eating noino rings, until

449 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6926 16:13

, inevitably, the noino rings ran out! Worse yet, there were

450 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6926 19:36

cheap noino ring knockoffs flooding the market, but none could truly satisfy

451 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6926 21:13

the craving desire in a young girl's heart for ‚s‚q‚t‚d`‚k‚n‚u‚d@and delicious snacks. However, knockoff noino rings did make for a good loofah in a pinch.

Meanwhile, the Grand Master of All Time and Continuity happened to glance at the DQN short novel and immediately

452 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6927 00:41

threw up. It should go without saying that he was

453 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6927 02:03

the ashamed owner of a big fat

454 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6927 10:16

poodle, whose tendency to howl showtunes in three-part harmony whenever he spotted an exposed buttock often unnerved him.

455 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6927 11:57

It was this harmony that triggered the vomiting, for they had spied the exposed buttock of

456 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6927 19:46

Mr. Gray, which had escaped its textile confines when

457 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6927 23:06

Grammar Dude, the guard of Mr. Gray's prison at the time, got distracted by the use of "which" to refer to a person. Later, Grammar Dude committed suicide by hanging himself off of a dangling participle.

Meanwhile, Mr. Gray attempted to explain the reason why his buttock was exposed.

458 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6928 00:22

>>457

>"which" was referring to the exposed buttock, which had escaped its textile confines, not Mr. Gray himself

459 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6928 00:36

And then the universe exploded.

460 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6928 01:10

and then it exploded again.

461 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6928 01:54

And then it exploded one more time, just to be sure.

462 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6928 01:58

It exploded a fourth time for no particular reason.

463 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6928 17:46

And then it un-exploded, because it wanted a change of pace.

Meanwhile, the rotting corpse of Grammar Dude, having committed suicide due to shame after correcting a mistake that was not truly a mistake, swung silently in the breeze at the end of a rope tied to a participle.

The participle in question was nailed to an awning on the mansion of Thrush, who could not find his humble servant (who was secretly the Great Sky Loli). Thrush's voice echoed through the halls as he called for her:

464 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6928 18:22

"Youjo! Youjo! Tsurupeta youjo!"

465 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6929 05:53

That was not Thrush's voice. It was the

466 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6930 07:34

Nico Nico Douga video he had loaded in the background.

467 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6930 13:31

Meanwhile, in a remarkably similar mansion just down the street, Tharsh and his evil twin brother Thursh (who were, of course, completely unrelated to Thrush) were plotting

468 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6930 14:02

an evil plot.

This evil plot consisted mostly of "like putting a like dragon dildo in that asshole's fridge" and "biotronic mechrofuusion of persons with commonly mixed-up names" for the purpose of "‚r‚g‚d‚m‚`‚m‚h‚f‚`‚m‚r."

469 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6930 16:12

Inevitably,

470 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6930 16:27

all good intentions

471 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6933 15:44

were feigned;

472 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6934 14:12

the plot went into action immediately and the results were horrible.

The two brothers broke into Thrush's mansion with a large draconian phallus and their mechrofuusion device in tow. They placed the plastic dragon dong in the fridge and attempted to abscond. However, their mechrofuusion device was switched on during the escape attempt and Thursh and Thrush were drawn into it.

15 minutes later, Thrursh emerged from the machine. The GSL watched from behind the bread crust receptacle and instantly decided

473 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6934 15:33

that her dress was not frilly enough and didn't have enough ribbons. Tharsh, meanwhile, was on

474 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6938 03:15

the midnight train going anywhere, and also PCP.

Everyone else on the train was

475 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6938 04:28

programming simple arcade games on their netbooks.

476 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6938 14:05

A sudden gust of wind swept through the carriage, and the lights went out! From the shadows, a

477 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6938 18:43

DQN

478 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6939 08:24

began his announcement: "Due to culinary restrictions, this train is no longer heading to anywhere. We have changed to a direct course to the Bamako Salt Mines. We apologize for any convenience."

The programmers all began to

479 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6939 15:23

wail uncontrollably -

480 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6940 15:47

how could the train not be heading to anywhere and be on a direct course to the Bamako Salt Mines‽

"Parse error!" shouted one. "Invalid syntax!" cried another. On the floor next to him, a programmer in the foetal position was rocking back and forth and mumbling "This DQN has performed an illegal operation and must be shut down" over and over again.

Then, just as

481 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6941 15:33

the train was about to crash, the entire scene froze.

With a frustrated 'pomf', the Great Sky Loli sat back in her strawberry-pink chair and frowned. She massaged her forehead, then after a moment and heavy sigh leaned forward again. Her Virtual Universe Machine's pause feature was admittedly quite useful, but its debugger was frustrating and archaic. She knew it would take at least 5 cups of peppermint tea before she could knock the kinks out of this one.

The

482 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6941 20:29

Chaos Dunk

483 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6941 20:49

of Doom

484 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6942 20:51

, better known as

485 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6942 22:35

Deborah,

486 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6942 22:56

was universally recognised as the worst

487 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6943 02:15

blitzball player in Besaid. However, this was not important. What was important was that the GSL hated blitzball and this whole Chaos Dunk business was really getting in the way of her fixing the universe so that she could go back to living in hiding as a simple maid. With a few quick keystrokes, she resetted the entire thing.

488 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6943 19:46

Chapter 5. The Dreaded Penis Flytrap

"Sweetness and light" she said to herself, replaying in her mind a conversation she'd had with

489 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6945 13:13

the screaming tentacle monster from the twelfth plane of torment. All things considered, the GSL

490 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6948 14:32

was quite traveled. She had tasted more sugary tentacles than the average young girl. She had heard more emotional screams than the typical heroine. Soft ideas flitted through her dainty head. Though a deity by profession and technician by action, she was an artist at heart.

She craved creative release. Taking a break from the business of the universe, she opened a word processor and began to type:

The Dreaded Penis Flytrap
by the GSL

Sweetness and light

491 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6948 16:19

are nowhere to be found on the twelfth plane of torment, where this tale of forbidden love triangles and tentacles takes place.

Pairings: Screaming Tentacle Monster/Muffled Screaming T.M./Grand Heavenly Little Lady
Trigger warnings: teeth-on-phallus, bloodplay, vore, bestiality, necrophilia

Prologue

It was a dark morning as usual on the twelfth plane, or P12 as its inhabitants affectionately called it, and the Screaming Tentacle Monster arose yawning in a pitch no higher than A'''. Lying next to him, still snoring peacefully (or as peacefully as one can snore with a tentacle blocking one nostril), was

492 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6949 00:22

a DQN with an attitude. The DQN woke up with a start and asked

493 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6949 03:16

"is there truly any freedom from the systems of control?" He prepared the heroin deftly.

494 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6949 05:09

"Prepare! Prepare! Prepare!"

495 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6949 12:24

screamed the screaming tentacle monster's tentacles.

Suddenly, the DQN's

496 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6950 13:56

internal organs

497 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6950 14:52

threw it on the ground, because you can never trust the system. This includes one's own cardiovascular and nervous systems.
And thus, the entire length of the DQN's blood vessels scuttled off down a dark nearby alley, cackling nefariously.

498 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6950 19:40

Meanwhile, on Holy Terra, the God Emperor of Man slowly began to shift on his Golden Throne...

499 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6950 21:00

he had waited 10,000 years for his 500 GET and he was damned well going to enjoy it. Little did he know,

500 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6951 01:37

Posting in the wrong thread is a good idee!

501 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6951 17:45

and his 500 GET was stolen from him, just like that.

--------------------------

The GSL stopped typing. These were not her words. This was not her keyboard. She wasn't even sure if these were her own hands.
She looked at the hands in front of her and traced the arms back to the body they were attached to. It was the Great Sky Shota, attempting to write his mindless drivel and publish it as the GSL's in order to

502 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6951 22:14

get on her nerves and thus disguise his budding crush for the young lady. Yes, the GSS had been quite tsundere for the GSL ever since

503 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6952 00:06

the Magic Butt had soared over the castle on a turbulent column of

504 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6952 09:22

oregano. As the GSL turned to glare at the GSS, he shouted out,

"I-it's not like I wrote this for y-you, y-you

505 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6952 15:06

FARGING BASTAGE!"
He then roughly grabbed her heaving shoulders, ripping off her thin

506 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6952 16:43

tin foil wrapping. After which he began to vigorously

507 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6952 20:24

whisk some eggs in preparation for

508 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6953 00:11

the Omelette Of A Lifetime contest. All his hopes rested on

509 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6953 01:02

his ability to

510 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6953 05:48

time the flip. You only got one chance, and it had to be perfect. According to his calculations,

511 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6953 08:00

2 + 2 did actually equal 5. Mathematicians everywhere proceeded to

512 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6953 08:44

tell him why he's an idiot.

513 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6953 09:11

Miraculously,

514 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6953 09:29

he managed to time the flip perfectly, despite the mathematicians' constant beration. The GSL watched in amazement as the eggy mass arced lithely and gracefully through the air, like a

515 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6953 12:36

wet grey sock limping through fields of wart-covered toads in the pungent springtime. At that moment,

516 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6953 14:27

the closest Mathematician gave him a hard shove, causing him to miss the falling omelette.

517 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6953 14:40

Instead, he embarrassingly landed face first in the GSL's

518 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6953 14:42

knee. He lost several teeth and

519 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6953 15:17

his cool.

"Thbfhat's it!" he blubbered, blood spewing from his frothing jaw. "Thfime to bweak out my secwet weapon:

520 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6953 16:34

a Calphalon waffle iron. He got it as a gift from his recently deceased

521 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6954 00:23

skin cell, Jack. Oh Jack, you will be missed..."

"Why are you referring to yourself in the third person?" demanded the GSL. The omelette was still falling. So was

522 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6954 11:03

the very soul of the GSS. This was it, it was all lost. He watched slowly as the omelette went closer and closer to the ground. But suddenly, out of nowhere...

523 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6954 12:06

a razorback hog rocketed into the kitchen and intercepted the omelette, swallowing it whole before it could touch the ground.

524 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6954 22:13

"Goscone, my hog!" exclaimed the GSS. "All is saved!" He tossed the Calphalon waffle iron. It spun and comically bounced off the mathematicians, the GSL and everybody else in the vicinity before swooshing back into the Shota's hand like a genocidal boomerang. He scooped up Goscone under his arm and left the crime scene hastily.

The first one to wake up was

525 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6954 22:35

the God Emperor. And, boy, was he pissed about missing his 500 GET after waiting 10,000 years for it. He called all of his soldiers together and said

526 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6954 23:15

"Fuck it, we goin' to jail!"

527 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6954 23:32

They then proceeded to fuck shit up. While shit was being upfucked, the Great Sky Shota and his trusty hog Goscone were busy

528 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6955 02:07

giving Goscone's giant, filthy Habitrail tubes and cages a thorough, much-needed scrubbing.

"Goscone," the GSS said, "you've got

529 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6955 18:23

to leave and never come back. I don't want to see your disgusting face anymore."

530 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6955 19:37

"Ha! I'm just kidding, you're great!"

Goscone barely even looked back at GSS's predictable teasing and got back to power-washing the interior of his giant pig ball.

531 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6955 19:37

Meanwhile,

532 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6955 20:14

in another thread:

(EΝE) words words words

533 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6956 18:10

But then,

( LƒΦ`) words words words

534 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6956 18:20

B^U

535 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6957 07:50

"No, you fool!" exclaimed yet another mathematician, "Don't you know any set theory at all‽ Surely it's obvious that you can't take anything to the power of a union!"

The mathematicians were becoming more and more troublesome. It

536 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6957 13:31

was time for them to disappear. The GSL snapped her fingers at them while winking and with an Akari~n, they were gone.

537 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6958 01:43

However, not even the GSL could violate the law of conservation of mass, though it certainly could violate her. In place of the vanished mathematicians, an equal amount of mass appeared in the hideous form of

538 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6958 01:55

a large, silver crow. It spread its

539 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6958 02:59

legs and invited the GSS in.

540 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6958 03:38

So she crawled up into its ass.

541 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6958 04:43

Francis Bacon also happened to be inside the crow's ass.

"Shove over, Francis," shouted the Great Sky Loli, "It's my turn to pilot this thing." She pushed Francis out of the way and sat down in the AssPilot seat.

'I DID NOT INVITE YOU I INVITED THE GSS' boomed the silver crow's internal voice.

"Whatever, my brother's too busy playing with his beloved razorback hog Goscone. N-not like I care about that b-baka brother of mine!"

Cheeks blushing a deep red, the ever-tsundere Great Sky Loli seized control of the Silver Crow and flew off into the sky, setting a direct course to

542 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6958 08:36

the past - or was it the future? At any rate, she intended to go back to about 150 posts ago and claim the 400 GET.

Her plan got off to a rocky start when

543 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6958 14:49

when she forgot to bring Rocky IV to play on her portable DVD player during the long ride.

544 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6958 18:24

Francis tried in vain to

545 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6958 22:42

masturbate furiously to works of classical art, but

546 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6958 23:15

the GSL had banned lewdness on the flight.

"Please keep your arms inside the vehicle and out of your pants at all times," said the moe deity.

547 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6959 12:16

Yet despite the lack of Rocky IV, the Silver Crow arrived soon enough, without incident, at >>391. (Somewhat miraculously, given the amount of twists so far.)

The GSL surveyed the situation. Appropriately, it seemed she was at a meeting for the Intertemporal Association of Time Travelers. She quickly tried to blend in the crowd, quietly poised to nab the 400 get in 9 posts.

548 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6959 18:52

Francis went to an unused meeting room and masturbated angrily.

549 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6959 19:44

The moment his semen touched the floor a low rumbling could be heard for meters. The meeting room had gained sentience. He said in his loud booming voice "Thank you for giving me life, now I will

550 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6959 22:40

celebrate with a generous donation of PCP and sperm for everybody to share!

551 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6959 23:50

Also I think the GSL is probably going to miss getting that 400GET so you should probably get out of her way in case she throws a tantrum or something."

552 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6960 00:10

Francis wondered what the room meant by "everybody." Did he mean everybody inside him? Well, that would just mean Francis and saying "everybody" in reference to one person is just silly. Did he mean everybody in the world? That would require way too much PCP and sperm, so that couldn't be it. Francis thought and thought and came to the conclusion that by "everybody" he meant everybody mentioned in the last few parts of the story.

553 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6960 03:51

However, Francis' masturbatory train of thought was soon rudely interrupted by Jock Johnson, also known as Eddie Murphy's penis, time traveler extraordinaire:

"Gentlemen!" he began, "The time has come for everything! We're fucking time travelers, ain't we?"

After a rousing cheer from the audience, he continued:

"Now, let's all go back in time and kill one another, making sure to leave corpses in every single historical location ever featured in a textbook!"

Jock still hadn't quite gotten over that grudge against his seventh-grade history teacher. The other time travellers were a little uncomfortable with the prospect of mass suicide, so, not wanting to hurt Jock's feelings, they

554 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6960 06:09

applauded politely and briefly before quickly turning their attentions to the snack bar, which had just been restocked by the sentient unused meeting room next door. Noticeably absent in the scene despite having made trip through time in the anus of a large metal bird specifically to be there at that place at that time was

555 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6960 09:26

the GSL. She had been distracted by the shiny golden 555 GET dangling from

556 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6960 09:40

a not so shiny 556 GET.

557 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6960 11:08

And so this trope was once again

558 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6960 19:47

interrup--

"Wait a minute," exclaimed the GSL. "That 555 GET was connected to a 556 GET, which in turn was connected to a 557 GET, 558 GET... Do you realise what this means?"

The time travellers were too busy hallucinating that they were the cast of Legend of the Galactic Heroes to respond, so she continued.

"This is all just a thread on the internet! Each post adds a new line or two, adding their own contributions to this absurd tangled mess of a story. We aren't real! We're just fictional characters!"

559 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6960 22:31

*Editor's note: Remove the last section

560 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6960 23:17

Francis unpinned the small rectangular note from the front of the refrigerator, and couldn't sleep that night for thinking deeply what the "last section" could refer to, and what would happen if he didn't remove it. He decided he would take it to band practice the next day. "Norman's usually good at this sort of thing" he thought. The next morning, rather predictably,

561 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6960 23:25

the sun rose.

562 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6960 23:38

Francis sleepily pulled on his teeth and brushed his trousers. With eyes 40% closed, he drifted aimlessly to the shower, which he ate slowly, and then down to breakfast, under which he stood while scrubbing his body. The commute was forgettable.

He arrived late to band practice due to an unfortunate incident which will be described in more detail in the next chapter, although somewhat metaphorically.

"Norman! We must remove the last section!" he cried, fearing he may be too late.

The band stopped playing. Norman lowered his conductor's wand like an angry magician, and turned with fiery eyes to glare at Francis.

"Bacon! You're late!"

"Remove the last section!" repeated Francis breathlessly. He wasn't sure how many more exclamation marks he could handle.

"What on earth are you talking about?" demanded Norman. "The last section is

563 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6960 23:45

on its way to Sheboygan already!"

564 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6960 23:51

Francis briefly wondered what a train conductor would need a wand for, and then

565 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6961 00:07

listened 2 nirvana n smoked a fat spliffff

566 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6961 01:38

with Norman while they waited for the End. He wasn't sure how one was supposed to spend what was most likely the last day of the universe, but this seemed a good idea as any.

And so the last section sped off to Sheboygan, due to arrive the next day. At this rate, it seemed there was no chance of stopping it, unless one had the power to somehow end the chapt

Chapter 6. Goscone the Razorback Hog and his Ridiculous Rumpus

567 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6961 02:01

Early one September morning in 1993, the GSS was having a conversation with Goscone, his beloved pet razorback hog.

"Time travel is stupid, just like that dumb sister of mine. She is dumb and stupid and doesn't smell nice at all. Her hair is not soft and she does not make me feel funny and kind of nice to be around so STOP SAYING THINGS LIKE THAT BAKA BAKA BAKA!" said the GSS. While he was talking, he was also working on focusing his godly abilities to remove >>557,558 from canon. The idea of being fictional was very frightening and confusing to him, so, rather than accept the truth and play along with the story, he wanted to make the realization something that never occurred, and perhaps even make it so that that was not in fact actually the truth? Understanding the effects of manipulating literature was not one of the GSS's talents.

568 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6961 02:25

Goscone, on the other hand, was

569 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6961 03:27

a razorback hog, and really didn't contribute much to the conversation beyond a few snorts and grunts.

570 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6961 07:45

But, suddenly, Goscone found a mysterious text. It read as follows:

"One day while Andy was masturbating, Woody got wood. He could no longer help himself! He watched as Andy stroked his juicy kawaii cock. He approached Andy which startled him and make him pee everywhere on the floor and on Woody too. Being drenched in his urine made him harder than ever! Woody: "Andy Senpai! I'm alive and I want to be INSIDE OF YOU." Andy: "Oh Woody Chan! I always knew you were alive! I want to stuff you up my kawaii ass!" Woody grabbed a bunch of flavored lube and rubbed it all over his head Woody: "Oh my! It's cherry flavored lube! Cherry is my favorite! Woody then stuffed his head up into Andy's tight ass! The other toys around the room watched intently as Woody shoved his head back and forth into Andy's nice ass, continuously making a squishy wet noise. The other toys also became aroused and they all gathered around Woody and Andy and started to urinate all over them, and then they started to masturbate. Andy: "Oh my goodness, Woody Chan! You are churning my insides up so well! Your nose is stimulating my prostate! OH YES! All the other toys became so aroused by this, that they could not help themselves anymore! They pushed Woody completely inside, and they all went inside. All of them wanted to be inside Andy's nice round ass. Andy: "No wait guys! My ass cannot hold this much! I'm getting so full! All the toys went inside of poor squirming Andy and pretty much, he was beyond full, and died from having his insides completely damaged. The mother came inside and found Andy, dead with a huge ass hemorrhage on his anus, with a HUGE belly full of toys."

571 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6961 09:24

Goscone was never the same again.

Suddenly, a fifty foot tall radioactive

572 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6961 09:28

butterfly

573 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6961 11:09

came all over

574 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6961 16:30

>>570
We need to get this thing off the front page, now.

575 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6961 17:05

And then the universe exploded.

576 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6961 19:50

And then it tried to explode again, but merely farted.

577 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6961 19:53

Although, technically speaking, it was less of a fart and more of a

578 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6961 22:36

n explosion.

579 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6961 22:53

Even more technically speaking, it was less of an explosion and more of a ten dimensional space tearing Calabi-Yau space transcending flop transition.

What this all really means, though, is that

580 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6961 23:07

it was an explosion.

581 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6962 01:17

An explosion that smelled like a universe-filling fart.

582 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6962 01:36

Meanwhile in 1970's Soviet Russia

583 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6962 02:21

Vlad I. Vostok looked up from his desk, sniffed, and then turned to his officemate.

"Anatoly, did you let one ripski?"

584 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6962 11:43

"Duuuuh I don't tink soze boss!" said Sodi Popinska

585 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6962 13:18

, who was actually just an actor hired to pretend to be a stereotypical dumb henchman. Then

586 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6962 14:06

the Kool Aid Man burst in through a wall going "OH YEAH!", and tore right through the Kremlin; hitting Sodi Popinska and killing him instantly, or so Vlad I thought.

587 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6962 20:37

As it happens, Popinska was actually just a mannequin with a tape player inside anyway, so he wasn't alive to begin with.

Two weeks later, every

588 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6962 20:51

one died.

Back in Oxford,

589 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6962 20:56

nobody died, apart from

590 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6962 22:58

the tourists who were executed for building a bridge out of cinnamon cookies. Their execution was

591 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6962 23:26

the best thing to happen to Oxford in years. However, the UN security council was gearing up for humanitarian aid and America was talking of "freeing" Oxford.

592 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6963 17:51

It is in the midst of this tense political ballet dance that the infamous Battenburg insurgency began.

Although Mr Gray may, at first glance, have seemed

593 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6963 22:29

likely to appear at this point in the narrative, he did not.

Thursh was

594 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6964 02:56

busy reading over the latest Golf Aficionado and Umbrella Fan magazine when he got a call.

595 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6964 14:01

It was from his future self in 1993.

"Don't build a mechrofuusion device," he said, sounding a little bit like Trush as well as himself.

However,

596 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6964 14:21

Thursh did not realize this second bit, because he had never met anybody named Trush (or Thrush). Despite having a confusingly similar name, he had no relation whatsoever to either Trush or Thrush. He was, however, the evil twin brother of Tharsh, who had died but managed to regain his life in the form of a platypus-mecha-hybrid.

Thursh turned to his platypus-mecha brother Tharsh and said,

"I just got a call from my future self. He says

597 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6964 15:18

he got a call from both our future selves concerning an event in the even further future with a likelihood of three standard deviations, which we ought not to be terribly concerned about, but should nevertheless take into account with respect to subsequent dealings."

598 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6964 17:06

"It is most inquisitive" Tharararsh said, pointing to the question mark hovering over

599 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6966 00:01

Thursursh's head. Thorsh chuckled deighly and slapped his friend Tarsh on the back, causing Trash to stumble forward into Tharush who was busy talking to Thurash, the brother of Thurush (no relation to Thrash or Thraush) and Thaush.

Then T[[rh]+[au]+]+sh decided to

600 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6966 00:16

fix the thresher, which had gotten all

601 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6966 03:36

thrashed up

602 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6966 04:36

by a thrashing thrash of threshing thrashers which included Thahahahsh, Thahahush, Thaharuahsh, Thahash, Thahaush, Thahrarahsh, Thahrarsh, Thahrash, Thahruararsh, Thahruhruhsh, Thahsh, Thahuhuarsh, Thahurarsh, Thahurash, Thahurursh, Thahush, Tharahruhsh, Tharahsh, Thararahsh, Tharararsh, Thararsh, Tharash, Tharauhsh, Tharaursh, Tharsh, Tharuarahsh, Tharuararsh, Tharuaraush, Tharuarsh, Tharuhash, Tharuhruhsh, Tharuhrursh, Tharuhursh, Tharuhush, Tharurahsh, Tharuraursh, Tharursh, Tharuruhsh, Tharurush, Tharush, Thash, Thauhahsh, Thauharsh, Thauhash, Thauhauharsh, Thauhrahahsh, Thauhsh, Thauhuahuhsh, Thauhuhrursh, Thauhurarsh, Thauhurauhsh, Thauhuraursh, Thaurarahsh, Thaurauharsh, Thaursh, Thauruahuash, Thauruarash, Thauruarauhsh, Thauruhahsh, Thauruhuhsh, Thauruhursh, Thaururahsh, Thaurursh, Thaurush, Thaush, Thrahahuahsh, Thraharuarsh, Thraharuhsh, Thrahash, Thrahaurahsh, Thrahauraush, Thrahrahruhsh, Thrahsh, Thrahurash, Thrahursh, Thrahurursh, Thrahush, Thrarahursh, Thrararaursh, Thrararsh, Thrararursh, Thraraurahsh, Thrarsh, Thraruarauhsh, Thraruash, Thraruharsh, Thraruhash, Thraruhaursh, Thrarursh, Thraruruahsh, Thrarurursh, Thrarush, Thrash, Thrauhruharsh, Thrauhsh, Thrauhush, Thraurahsh, Thraurahuhsh, Thrauraursh, Thraursh, Thrauruahursh, Thrauruharsh, Thraururash, Thraush, Thruahash, Thruahurahsh, Thruahursh, Thruarahahsh, Thruarash, Thruarsh, Thruaruhrush, Thruaruruash, Thruarush, Thruash, Thruhahauhsh, Thruhahsh, Thruhahuhsh, Thruhahursh, Thruhash, Thruhaursh, Thruhrauhuhsh, Thruhuhursh, Thrurahahsh, Thruraharsh, Thrurahrush, Thrurahsh, Thrurahursh, Thrursh, Thruruaharsh, Thruruararsh, Thruruarsh, Thruruhash, Thruruhrarsh, Thruruhsh, Thruruhuahsh, Thruruhuarsh, Thruruhursh, Thrururahsh, Thrurursh, Thrururuahsh, Thrurush, Thrush, Thuahahahsh, Thuahahash, Thuahahrarsh, Thuahahruhsh, Thuahahsh, Thuahahush, Thuaharsh, Thuaharuhsh, Thuahash, Thuahauhush, Thuahaursh, Thuahraruhsh, Thuahruharsh, Thuahrush, Thuahsh, Thuahuhahsh, Thuahuharsh, Thuahuhrash, Thuahush, Thuarahash, Thuarahuahsh, Thuarahush, Thuarararsh, Thuararsh, Thuararuhsh, Thuarash, Thuaraurarsh, Thuaraush, Thuarsh, Thuaruahuhsh, Thuaruaraursh, Thuaruhahsh, Thuaruharsh, Thuaruhrarsh, Thuaruhrursh, Thuaruhsh, Thuarurahsh, Thuarurarsh, Thuarurash, Thuarursh, Thuaruruahsh, Thuaruruhsh, Thuarurursh, Thuarush, Thuash, Thuhahrash, Thuhahrush, Thuhahsh, Thuhahuhsh, Thuharahsh, Thuharuhsh, Thuharursh, Thuhash, Thuhaurarsh, Thuhaurauhsh, Thuhauruahsh, Thuhaush, Thuhraush, Thuhruahuhsh, Thuhsh, Thuhuarahsh, Thuhuarsh, Thuhuash, Thuhuharsh, Thuhuhsh, Thuhurahsh, Thuhurarsh, Thuhurash, Thuhursh, Thuhush, Thurahahsh, Thuraharsh, Thurahruahsh, Thurahrursh, Thurahrush, Thurahsh, Thurahuhsh, Thurararsh, Thurarash, Thuraraush, Thurarsh, Thurarursh, Thurarush, Thurash, Thuraurahsh, Thuraurarsh, Thuraurash, Thurauraush, Thuraursh, Thursh, Thuruahsh, Thuruahuhsh, Thuruahursh, Thuruararsh,

603 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6966 04:36

Thuruarsh, Thuruash, Thuruhahsh, Thuruharsh, Thuruhraursh, Thuruhruhsh, Thuruhsh, Thuruhuhsh, Thuruhursh, Thuruhush, Thururahsh, Thururarsh, Thururauhsh, Thururaursh, Thurursh, Thururuahsh, Thururursh, Thururush, Thurush, Thush, Trahahahsh, Trahaharsh, Trahahrush, Trahahursh, Trahararsh, Traharash, Traharsh, Traharursh, Trahash, Trahauruahsh, Trahrahahsh, Trahrararsh, Trahrarash, Trahrash, Trahraurash, Trahruharsh, Trahruhsh, Trahruhursh, Trahruhush, Trahrurahsh, Trahrurarsh, Trahruruhsh, Trahrush, Trahsh, Trahuarsh, Trahuash, Trahuhrahsh, Trahurash, Trahursh, Trahush, Trarahahsh, Trarahaursh, Trarahrahsh, Trarahrursh, Trarahuhsh, Trararsh, Trararursh, Trarash, Traraurash, Trarauraush, Trarsh, Traruaharsh, Traruarsh, Traruaruhsh, Traruarursh, Traruharsh, Traruhauhsh, Traruhrarsh, Traruhsh, Traruhuhsh, Traruhursh, Traruhush, Trarurahsh, Trarurarsh, Trarurauhsh, Traruraursh, Trarursh, Traruruash, Traruruhsh, Trarurursh, Trarush, Trash, Trauharaush, Trauharsh, Trauhash, Trauhrahsh, Trauhrash, Trauhrurarsh, Trauhrush, Trauhsh, Trauhuharsh, Trauhurahsh, Trauhurash, Trauhurursh, Trauhush, Traurarsh, Traurash, Traursh, Trauruararsh, Trauruash, Trauruhahsh, Trauruharsh, Trauruhuhsh, Trauruhush, Traururahsh, Traururarsh, Traururash, Traururaush, Traururuhsh, Traururursh, Traurush, Traush, Truahahrarsh, Truaharsh, Truahash, Truahauhash, Truahaurahsh, Truahraraush, Truahruharsh, Truahsh, Truahuarahsh, Truahuhahsh, Truahuhrahsh, Truahuhuahsh, Truahurarsh, Truahush, Truarahauhsh, Truarahuhsh, Truararash, Truararauhsh, Truararsh, Truarash, Truarsh, Truaruarash, Truaruash, Truaruhahsh, Truaruhauhsh, Truaruhruhsh, Truaruhrursh, Truaruhursh, Truarurash, Truaruraush, Truarursh, Truash, Truhaharsh, Truhahash, Truhahursh, Truharahsh, Truharauhsh, Truhash, Truhauhsh, Truhauhuhsh, Truhrarahsh, Truhrarsh, Truhrash, Truhruhash, Truhruhsh, Truhrurarsh, Truhruruahsh, Truhruruhsh, Truhrush, Truhsh, Truhuahsh, Truhuaruarsh, Truhuharsh, Truhuhsh, Truhuhursh, Truhurahsh, Truhurarsh, Truhursh, Truhurursh, Truhush, Truraharsh, Trurahash, Trurahrash, Trurahruhsh, Trurahsh, Trurahuash, Trurahuhsh, Trurarahsh, Trurarash, Trurarauhsh, Truraraursh, Truraraush, Trurarsh, Truraruash, Truraruhsh, Trurash, Trurauhush, Truraurarsh, Truraush, Trursh, Truruahursh, Truruaruash, Truruarursh, Truruash, Truruharsh, Truruhash, Truruhauhsh, Truruhaursh, Truruhraursh, Truruhruahsh, Truruhsh, Truruhuash, Truruhursh, Trururahsh, Trururarsh, Trururash, Trururauhsh, Trururaush, Trurursh, Trururuahsh, Trururuhsh, Trururursh, Trurush and Trush (but not Tarsh or Tursh).

604 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6966 06:36

"Fuck

605 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6966 07:55

is a very naughty word, and you shouldn't use it unless

606 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6966 08:53

you fucking want to," said

607 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6966 12:20

Mr. Thrip-tip von Bagelshitter, also known as the thruauauauarshmaster supreme, who once wrestled a guy in a bear suit who was swinging around a stuffed alligator doll.

"That may be so, but I don't think that's quite important enough to interrupt the threshing," said the thresher. "I have an important job around here. People need threshers like me. You know, back in '57, I was known as..."

Mr. Thrip-tip von Bagelshitter could tell this was going to go on for quite a while, so he

608 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6966 12:46

leaped dramatically out the 40th story window and plunged to his

609 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6966 17:27

not particularly unexpected or memorable demise.

Then, just as everything seemed to be

610 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6966 17:55

all thrashed out, Vlad I. Vostok sniffed the air and said,

611 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6966 21:31

"Oh my shining stars and body!"

612 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6966 21:58

"I do believe someone farted!"

Chapter 8
Over the River and Through The Hair

613 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6966 22:26

Zaza-yalaraaa! Hossein, bubbu! Guya, guya!

614 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6967 00:18

The dreaded river wheel had returned, furiously tumbling and crushing everything in its path.

615 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6967 07:56

Suddenly, Cthulu

616 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6967 08:09

.

617 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6967 12:33

Additionally, Hastur. And Nyalathotep. And Cthugha. And perhaps maybe even a couple of shoggoths for some reason.

618 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6968 00:50

All of them, crushed by the river wheel.

619 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6968 01:21

And that wheel keeps on turning. Who knows where it goes?

620 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6968 03:21

Meanwhile, at the Galactic Core,

621 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6968 05:00

Billy was trying to find his glasses, which

622 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6968 06:39

is all that mattered at the moment, for it was the very moment that the rest of this sentence - and perhaps even this paragraph, chapter or book - will spend describing.

623 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6968 09:46

The glasses in question were in fact the very same spectacles

624 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6968 10:17

FUCK

625 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6968 12:52

wore when he slew the vicious SHIT of ASSTOWN in chapter 837 of the BOOK OF CUNT. It just so happens that

626 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6968 13:43

long ago, the BOOK OF CUNT used to be known as the DQN Short Novel. At that time, nobody dreamed that the short novel would ever reach such lengths, or come to be known by such a lewd name. Despite

627 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6968 13:44

squeeks laid down in his lonely bed, weeping lonely tears, hugging his lonely blanket, when suddenly

628 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6968 14:20

ten trillion angry Muslims burst through

629 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6968 16:07

his chest. "lately orthodox jews have been wearing burka's too! we are losing our cultural identity!" they shouted as they

630 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6968 21:04

abruptly came to the realisation that they were actually

631 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6969 02:44

a sinister swarm of nanobots.

632 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6969 03:34

Each one armed with a microscopic scimitar and AK-47.

633 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6969 17:18

Realising the social faux pas they had made by impersonating Muslims, they apologised profusely to everyone within earshot and sheepishly crawled back into Squeeks' chest.

Squeeks

634 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6970 01:01

briefly wondered at the mild itch on his chest, then scratched vigorously before turning around three times and going to sleep.

635 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6970 01:11

The next morning, Squeeks' mother

636 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6970 08:49

didn't bother him at all. She was too busy

637 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6970 11:09

doing motherly things. His father, however,

638 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6970 11:37

was busy getting drunk in the bar and fucking hookers.

639 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6970 14:35

Squeeks' father was a stern man, with a voice that could

640 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6970 17:30

mollify anyone due to the striking similarity it shared with Barry White's voice.

641 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6970 18:15

In contrast, Squeeks' mother presented a very loving character. It was no surprise the two had come together in mutual affection. Mutual, anyway, insofar as his father could find time to play the fatherly role between all that drinking and adultery. But, as expected, his mother was very forgiving, inhumanly so, perhaps, such that to say nothing of her husband's overt disregard for the bonds of a sound marriage, she would even venture so far as to forgive what copious abuse of commas the author had just employed.

642 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6970 20:35

Squeeks himself didn't particularly take after either of his parents. He was more the

643 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6970 22:21

fruitcake and cookies type. In other words,

644 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6971 02:08

he was an average "fruit".

645 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6971 02:44

Whenever he could afford to, he'd travel to conventions where fellow fruits would dress up like various kinds of fruit and have sex with each other. His parents didn't

646 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6971 11:13

partiularly care; after all, the entire world was going to come to an end

647 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6971 12:10

again. Meanwhile, in Liechtenstein,

648 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6972 05:48

Baron Von Scheiss was busy in his castle working on a new scat porn for Germans.

649 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6972 08:33

His butler, Theodore, was somewhat

650 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6972 14:07

constipated, so he

651 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6972 17:57

inserted something in his anus which was called

652 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6972 19:43

a "cell phone," whatever the fuck that is. He

653 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6973 01:00

reclaimed his hate for his enemy and began furiously gathering together an army of discarded cubicle cutlery and other eating utensils, including but not limited to long thin forks with a little bump on the end which looks more like a mistake than artistic design, short spoons which are just a little too wide to comfortably fit in one's mouth, long spoons which are just a little too thin to pick anything up, dull knives, plastic sporks whose fork tines have snapped off, and a confusingly extended pitchfork with teeth too wide to be practical.

Combining

654 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6973 01:36

all of these with his old, nearly dead dog and a damp

655 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6973 01:43

clone of his old, nearly dead dog, Theodore

656 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6973 09:29

prototyped his kernelsprite and entered the Medium, whereupon he

657 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6973 10:06

vanished and was never seen again.

The next day,

658 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6973 18:53

the cell phone rang.

659 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6973 19:13

CHAPTER 37
A LONG EXPECTORATED PARTY

660 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6973 19:16

The caller ID said that it was Richard Stallman calling,
but Baron Von Scheiss knew full well that

661 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6973 19:49

It was merely that fag running Apply nowa days. What's his name again? Whatever. Baron Von Scheiss guess you should see what he wants this time.
Baron Von Scheiss picked up and said hello, the macfag greeted him with

662 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6973 19:53

"Ha ha, your phone has shit on it!"

663 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6973 22:05

With a confident tone, Von Scheiss responded "It's premium shit, only a handful of people have it, since it's creator only made a limited quantity before vanishing". The macfag mumbled something incoherently and then hang up.

A week later, it was announced that Apple

664 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6973 22:38

that announced was it, later a week.

Up hang then and incoherently something mumbled the macfag.

"Vanishing before quantity limited a made only creator it's since, it have people of a handful only, shit, it's premium," responded Scheiss Von, tone with a confident.

665 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6974 08:40

"I shat on your phone!" laughed a mac user.

666 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6974 09:14

And then, Satan

667 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6974 14:35

, who had long ago repented, watched the sunrise from his double-wide mobile home in Heaven, and idly scratched his balls.

"It's going to be a good day!"

668 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6975 06:56

Little did he know, 10,000 metres below him, the world's

669 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6975 12:23

balls were also being scratched, so to speak.

670 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6976 09:39

That is to say, the Moon was colliding with the Earth.

People were, for the most part,

671 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6976 10:07

moving out of the way.

672 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6976 18:34

Not that it mattered; the

673 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6976 20:04

extensive mining operations had long ago completely hollowed out the moon to the point where its shell was only two centimeters thick at most.

674 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6977 09:46

Scientists devised a crack team of heroes - headed by Bruce Willis and the guys from Aerosmith - who could clean up all the dust once it hit.

675 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6977 10:42

However, the crack team worked in vain to clean up the 250 gigagrams of dust produced before the world was plunged into a nuclear

676 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6977 11:48

cake vortex, covering everybody with frosting and

677 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6977 13:23

lewd

678 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6977 13:40

desires. Mr Gray began to gently stroke his

679 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6977 16:03

priceless obsidian hammer. "I don't know what I would have

680 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6978 09:52

hit that rusted switch with if I hadn't found this in that treasure

681 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6979 08:44

chest behind the Chinese takeaway."

But then,

682 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6979 10:20

a strange thing happened. The sky turned blood red, the sun rose in the west, and the oceans became pools of boiling blood. This was only the beginning, for after this...

683 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6979 12:04

CHAPTER ei: The Moment After the Beginning

684 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6980 13:59

A pretty little flower pushed its way through the broken concrete, spread its petals to face the rising sun, and was promptly stepped on by

685 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6980 16:40

the great AQUALUNG who proceded to go down to the park and

686 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6980 16:46

perform their hit song "Brighter Than Sunshine" to a crowd of

687 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6981 04:50

sleeping hamsters.

688 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6981 06:53

The sleeping hamsters were owned by a crowd of slapping hipsters sliding in hampers, strapping hempsters sleeping in hammocks and stripping humpsters sleeping in heaps. The slapping hipsters, sleeping hamsters, stripping humpsters and strapping hempsters, collectively known as snipping hompsters, decided to

689 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6981 09:40

show their enthusiasm for Aqualung's performance by opening

690 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6981 13:14

then something happened

691 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6981 13:27

. Then Something Happened was the name of a new exciting restaurant, famous for its

692 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6981 16:37

confrontational performance artist waiting staff, and the unexpected ingredients used in

693 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6981 18:25

their most delicious soup, Souphellion - Extra Garlic type

694 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6981 19:34

B negative which, as indicated by its namesake, is very difficult yet strangely rewarding to consume.

695 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6982 07:51

The first customers were

696 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6982 07:59

The snipping hompsters accompanied their grand opening of Then Something Happened with a 150 yen-off sale. As a result,

697 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6983 09:26

everybody stopped giving a fuck because things got too complicated. There were outcries for a simple way of life. The person who was to lead this simplistic movement stepped out of the disgruntled crowd and said

698 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6983 16:06

"Excuse me may I pass through here"

699 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6983 18:26

The crowd did not take kindly to this, and they

700 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6983 18:40

disembowelled him.

Nestled within his thoracic cavity they found a 700 GET.

Even more shockingly, behind

701 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6986 13:11

the mannequin (which had suddenly and inexplicably appeared) stood none other than

702 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6986 20:48

Randy McNally, Cartographer of Love!

703 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6986 20:50

And his book of notes which contained

704 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6986 21:13

a lot of dick drawings interspersed with random phone numbers and

705 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6986 23:25

two tickets to paradise.

706 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6986 23:35

Eating the tickets, he

707 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6986 23:47

stabbed himself in the heart and died ungracefully. Unfortunately

708 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6987 00:42

the

709 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6987 03:37

tickets had expired. When

710 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6988 05:25

he reached the gates of paradise, the gatekeeper said,

711 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6988 06:01

"Grown men should never bite their tongue unless you eating pussy that smell like it's a stale plum."

712 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6988 17:11

What biting tongues had to do with anything or what pussies smelled like stale plums none dared to imagine.

713 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6988 21:14

The reader is now invited to

714 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6988 22:40

strike their fancy, if you know what I mean.

715 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6989 08:31

An enigmatic young lady by the name of Felicity Cotangent

716 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6989 15:08

came into the room and all eyes were drawn to her.

717 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6989 20:55

Irritated, she waved at the cloud of buzzing eyes until they dispersed. Behind her, Randy McNally, having returned from the dead, formulated a plan to deposit his sperm inside her.

718 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6990 00:08

But she was guarded by several imperial storm troopers, so Randy McNally would need to use all of his

719 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6990 02:20

throat drops to

720 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6991 01:01

distract them.

Felicity took

721 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6991 02:50

umbrage

722 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6991 03:04

to Cambridge, where

723 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6991 03:34

they proceeded to enter the castle, only to find that the princess was in another one.

724 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6991 05:41

Annoyed, Felicity began shouting an endless monologue of profanities

725 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6991 08:24

and compliments to the chef.

726 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6991 17:44

An entire cubic kilometre of

727 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6991 18:41

spaghetti fell out of Felicity's pockets.

728 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6991 19:31

Before any of it could hit the ground, a squealing blur deftly intercepted every piece. The tomato-sauce-splattered razorback hog skidded to a stop and looked admiringly at

729 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6992 01:38

muh dick

730 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6992 02:19

he then proceded to recite the entirety of http://dis.4chan.org/read/vip/1228352361/ (JEWS [Part 8]) backwards whilst

731 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6992 16:11

weeping for his runaway master, the GSS.

The GSS, who was in the middle of searching for his runaway sister, found himself in a Mars rover which was strapped to a gigantic

732 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6992 22:30

runaway boulder, which had fallen

733 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6993 07:23

off of a mountain years in the past due to a tumbling river wheel.

734 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6993 21:18

"JEWS!" He shouted into the cold night, lamenting

735 Name: : 1993-09-6993 22:28

the days gone by, when he would have gaysex with VIPPERS at all hours while the Universal Quantifier sang

736 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6993 22:40

Carmina Burana on repeat at quadruple-tempo.

Meanwhile, Gascone was

737 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6993 23:22

kissing her brother Goscone despite

738 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6994 19:47

Giscone being in the same room and looking mightily

739 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6994 22:04

aroused by the incestuous exchange. Guscone, on the other hand, appeared rather nonplussed by the whole thing.

740 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6994 23:11

The controversial directors Gescone and Gyscone (no relation to the aforementioned razorback hogs) were filming the entire experience for their upcoming independent unrated art film, titled

741 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6994 23:39

Gallscones II, the Gallening. Unfortunately,

742 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6994 23:42

due to budget cuts they

743 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6995 01:17

had to replace the whole class with clonepas and lolis, who they payed in

744 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6995 02:47

leftover government cheese and

745 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6995 02:52

insignificant GETS, such as >>745.

746 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6995 21:10

Predictably enough, the lolis soon

747 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6995 21:39

were swept up by Child Services vans, and whisked away to parts unknown. The Clonepas rejoiced, for

748 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6996 09:01

their clonekittens had returned once more

749 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6996 10:44

to duel with the rich people.

750 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6996 11:35

Thus shall end their tyranny. The duels resulted in

751 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6996 16:50

the government cheese being strewn about so violently, the place looked like a mozzarella volcano had hit it.

752 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6997 07:15

But this was not all. The lolis disappearing caught the attention of Ace Dilowitz, private detective, and he thought that something sinister may be happening. As it turns out

753 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6999 16:23

, there wasn't. At least, nothing sinister related to the aforementioned lolis was happening. However, there was one loli who was tangled up in all sorts of sinister plots. One very special loli known as the GSL.

Chapter 2x(NEET)-1^(cot y): In Which the GSL Gets All Tangled Up In A Bunch of Sinister Plots

754 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6999 18:55

"Oh golly gosh jeepers I sure hope I don't get all tangled up in a bunch of sinister plots!" said the GSL. Then, as if on cue,

755 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6999 22:06

A sinister plot came and tangled her up! Seeing this, Michelle Obama

756 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6999 22:21

was fat.

757 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6999 22:29

Chapter 37.9299292: Michelle Obama is Fat and Angry

The First Lady splayed her corpulent ass over the sofa and shoved another handful of Cheetos Puffs into her maw. Oprah was on TV, giving the business to

758 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7000 00:44

some author.

"Only pussies read books." Michelle sneered around a mouthful of Cheetos cud. "Bunch of

759 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7000 01:26

brainwashed sheep" while Phillip K. Dick was listening

760 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7000 02:07

to Eddie Harris playing the music of

761 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7000 18:52

some painfully obscure

762 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7002 20:02

indie band.

Suddenly, the Sun

763 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7002 22:57

was bright.

"Barack!" Michelle growled, "Close them damn shades!"

764 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7003 00:57

"Momma's tryin' to watch her stories!" Unfortunately, the shades remained stubbornly open, as President Obama was, once again, out golfing with

765 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7003 02:42

his best buddy Saddam Hussein, who never actually died. Saddam

766 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7003 03:11

scored a hole in one

767 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7003 03:18

because an earthquake shook the entire course and reshaped the green. That earthquake also damaged a nearby

768 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7005 16:54

bunker housing the weapons of mass destruction Michelle was hiding under the backyard of the White House.

769 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7006 09:07

The weapons detonated, killing everyone in a 50km radius, vapourising their bodies and also killing their ghosts and completely erasing them from history forever.

Meanwhile, on a desolate mountainside in Kazakhstan, a portal to

770 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7006 13:42

the Nether

771 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7006 17:17

Potassium refinery was entered by

772 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7006 17:47

a Nether Potassium ore transport truck. Driving this truck was the GSL, who was still trying to untangle herself from the sinister plot which had wrapped itself around her entire body. Fortunately, the GSL had brought the ultimate sinister-plot-detangler:

773 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7006 23:35

Called the plotestroyer, it was invented by the brother of

774 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7007 02:01

the other mother of

775 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7007 05:30

the non-existent child of the GSS and the GSL. Which is to say, it was invented by the GSS. Maybe. Probably. Perhaps. Unless, of course, it was not, which is entirely possible. But not very likely. Unless, of course, we're talking about the GSS. Which, of course, we are. Probably.

776 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7007 05:50

Anyway, booty gryphon.

777 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7007 09:01

Suddenly, a 777 GET tore out of the ground, splitting the mountain asunder!

"Good Heavens!" exclaimed

778 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7008 14:38

the newly sentient plotestroyer, shortly before succumbing to

779 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7010 17:15

the shock of simultaneously becoming aware of the concepts of life and death, which caused the plotestroyer to revert to a non-sentient state. Meanwhile, the GSL was still tangled up in a sinister plot, so she

780 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7010 18:28

put on a frilly dress and span around really, really fast - until suddenly

781 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7010 23:34

she slammed into the wall and broke her

782 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7010 23:57

ga-gantch

783 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7012 10:57

detector. This meant that she could no longer

784 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7012 15:29

detect ga-gantch without having to use her spare ga-gantch detector, which was a boring grey color unlike the broken one, which had been pink and had frilly lace and a floral pattern on it.

Just then, the sinister plot began to unravel.

785 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7012 16:49

It unraveled like a ball of yawn in the tiny yet evil paws of the world's cutest kitten.

786 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7013 04:27

Clouds of doubt fogged the weary detective's windshield as he navigated the rainy streets of

787 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7013 06:14

>>786
his own mind. "Give me a sign I'm not dreaming," he said in vain desperation, looking to the sky in an ironic gesture.

788 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7013 08:42

As it just so happens, a sign that said "SIPS CO." was floating in the night sky. The detective was

789 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7013 11:27

, however, too busy staring wistfully into the distance to notice it. The local

790 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7013 17:44

grump

791 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7013 22:00

turned 67 years old

792 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7013 22:34

. Two away from 69 which is funny because sex. Being a 12 year old transported to an old man's body by aliens, the grump was looking forward to turning 69. He was grumpy because he had just discovered masturbation before being put inside the body of a man with a non-functioning penis.

793 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7014 05:50

Spying the grump, the detective snapped out of his scotch-addled daydreams and barked a barely intelligible message into his intercom:

"Target acquired. We got the bait ready?"

794 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7014 05:52

However, no one was listening on the other side as there was a parade going on.

795 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7014 06:25

But not just any parade.

796 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7014 09:28

It was a honky-tonk parade. Bystanders likened it to a melody played in a penny arcade.

The detective saw straight through this

797 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7014 10:03

"Robitussin Flavored Ice-cream" scam.

798 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7014 19:56

However, none of that mattered, as the GSL rolled the sinister plot up before anyone could even begin to care about the delusional detective and his brain problems.

Unfortunately for the GSL, her recent acts of godliness had completely ruined her false identity as a simple maid, and pretty much everyone knew she was actualy alive now, except for

799 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7014 20:07

Baby Carpy

800 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7015 00:33

and Shibbledy-Sharply. Nobody ever told them anything.

801 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7015 01:53

TRANSMISSION BEGINS HERE

-----------------------

WE HAVE RECEIVED A #@$^#% MESSAGE FROM THE *#(@# SECTOR SEND HELP IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMED

-----------------------

TRANSMISSION ENDS HERE

802 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7015 04:46

Unfortunately, no one was at the computer or near any devices that could receive the transmission due to the parade

803 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7015 08:49

goers destroying all electronics to make their so-called ice cream.

Meanwhile, Goscone and the other razorback hogs were

804 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7015 09:58

Goscone.

805 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7015 10:28

That is to say, they had

806 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7015 10:59

capture a boy, who

807 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7015 13:07

was denaceing around a

808 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7016 01:01

golden statue of his godly sister. He hoped that his denace would be able to summon her so that she could sweep all those parade-goers back into the sinister plot she had just rolled up, and also so that her could give her her daily tsundere service. However, this boy, (who was of course none other than the GSS) would be unable to express his growing incestuous feelings today, since Goscone wanted to go for a walk and when Goscone wants to go for a walk you don't argue with Goscone.

809 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7016 08:45

By the time they returned from their walk, the GSL had

810 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7016 12:32

put the kettle on, done a merry jig, and

811 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7016 15:53

shot herself in the foot.

812 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7016 15:58

Thankfully, it was only with a water pistol.

Who should wander in at that moment but

813 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7016 17:46

a man with a .45 pistol. The GSL asked for the .45 then shot herself in the foot for real this time.

814 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7016 18:31

Of course, being a god and all, the bullet didn't do much. The sound of the gun going off, however, attracted the attention of

815 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7016 19:01

a donkey with a big butt

816 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7017 04:26

, named Ba-Donk-a-Donk.

817 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7017 04:57

Arriving in a duster, carrying an even larger pistol, he

818 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7017 06:14

collapsed under the combined weight of the pistol and his own butt and died.

The death of Ba-Donk-a-Donk just so happened to be one of the signals of the coming resurrection of hell's worst middle manager:

819 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7018 15:27

Beady Eyes. Beady Eyes wandered into the room,

820 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7018 16:52

the room wandered out.

821 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7018 18:50

"Where did they all go?" he pondered to himself.

822 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7019 01:24

Without warning, the entire

823 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7019 02:21

cast of the hit Broadway show

824 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7019 04:37

Orange Rhymes With Me

825 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7019 12:10

committed

826 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7019 13:56

one of the most heinous of sins:

827 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7019 14:22

posting on 4chan!

828 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7019 14:24

meanwhile

829 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7019 14:26

in the galactic core,

830 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7020 11:26

a man with a peculiarly shaped

831 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7020 11:59

ear chose this moment to open his briefcase and whip out a

832 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7020 12:33

Calaphon waffle iron

833 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7020 15:19

and a banjo.

834 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7022 11:02

"I'll do it!" he shouted, to nobody in particular. "Don't try to stop me! I've

835 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7022 13:55

done it!"

He did it. He really did it.

836 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7024 09:07

And there is really nothing more to say on the matter.

A century and a half later, in the deepest darkest corner of

837 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7024 10:07

the local curry joint,our hero

838 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7024 10:24

died.

839 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7024 11:11

While choking on curry, the GSL forgot she had powers to unchoke herself. Her body was immediately ground up by the cheap restaurant owner to be used in "vegetarian" curry.

840 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7024 11:20

Luckily, GSS rushed into the scene, and

841 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7024 12:17

bought a vegetarian curry.

842 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7024 12:38

The GSL regenerated just as the GSS was about to take his first bite - though while she was whole again, she did smell of curry sauce and had rice in her hair and undergarments. The GSS

843 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7024 12:57

ate her anyway because he paid for that fucking curry and he was going to eat it. After eating his stomach was heavy. His body ingesting the GSL was causing them to fuse. They fused into the GST (Great Sky Trap), a combination of shota and loli.

844 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7024 14:40

However, the GSS's incestuous feelings made the GST attracted to himself, which made the fusion unstable and they quickly separated, but each caught a glimpse of the other's thoughts and feelings while they were one. The GSL saw what the GSS was truly feeling about her and so she

845 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7024 14:46

made him some vegetarian curry.

846 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7024 21:17

"N-n-not like I made it for you because I love you or anything!" she said, blushing a deep red. "I just happened to have all these extra ingredients!"

"That tsundere act doesn't work at all since I just saw all your thoughts and feelings, you know," said the GSS with a knowing smile. "I know everything, including your fetish for

847 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7024 23:27

dressing up like yourself and acting like a total bitch!"

848 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7025 00:24

"Oh no, by saying that, you've activated-a my Italiano thing. That-a sentence turns-a me Italian! Mama mia!"

849 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7025 00:43

Then they turned into Mario and Luigi and went questing for the magic mushrooms.

850 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7025 00:46

However, the magic mushrooms they found were in fact de-Italianizing mushrooms and the godly duo were returned to their true forms.

Meanwhile, on planet ‚f‚iI, Patchouli Knowledge had perfected

851 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7025 00:59

the delicate art of subtly dropping Touhou references into short novels. Her first

852 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7025 01:03

penis

853 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7025 01:10

was abruptly cut o--

Chapter ”ͺ•S–œ: The Night of Endless Bifurcations

854 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7025 01:49

Little did the GSL know that her Italianitis was chronic. She became Italian again without warning. "Mama mia!"

855 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7025 02:12

Furthermore, a cut-off penis suddenly fell on her head.

856 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7025 02:53

"Pastafazool!" she swore, flinging the severed weenie at

857 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7025 03:28

JonTron and Egoraptor

858 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7025 21:56

. She missed.

"You know what, I don't think we're

859 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7025 22:03

who dodged it and subsequently fell out of the story. The disembodied penis

860 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7025 22:22

doesn't exactly fit here," muttered

861 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7025 22:58

the penis collector, who was trying to fit it into his anal passage.

862 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7025 23:28

Little did he know that this particular penis was capable of absorbing any ailment and turning it into a powerful elixir which could grant short-novel-ending powers. If the Great Sky twins could just get their hands on this penis, they could cure themselves of their chronic Italianitis! But the penis was dangerous, and if they did not get it before someone else, the short novel might end, and the only other known cure for Italianitis was a 999 GET.

863 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7026 05:54

But, oh no, the penis already got used up by the penis collector to cure him of his cystic fibrosis.

864 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7026 10:32

And double oh no, since it didn't fit into his anus, it didn't even work. He cast the now powerless penis aside and exclaimed,

865 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7026 11:32

"Hrrgwargwwreaggwrrrbgg" as the mucus filled his lungs.

866 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7026 14:17

The mucus surged out of his mouth, given life by the residual magic of the backfired spell, and proceeded to

867 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7026 14:32

continue surging out of his mouth. Meanwhile, famed scientist Crackers McPyjama was

868 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7026 14:36

peering into a microscope, under which

869 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7026 16:14

a tiny bacterium which could hold the secret to recharging any penis instantly was browsing DQN on a microscopic computer.

870 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7026 17:12

Crackers, exhausted and finally victorious, had found the answer.

871 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7026 17:59

And then he died, before he could make a note of it or anything.

872 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7026 19:48

The bacterium was oblivious to all this and

873 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7026 19:53

could not even read. He just browsed DQN for the ASCII art and silly faces.

Thrursh, on the other hand,

874 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7026 20:36

found comfort in being a razorback hog. "I often reflect on my

875 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7026 23:18

long-lost not-brother Goscone, who I have never met and probably never will. I don't even know who Goscone is, really. In fact, I'm not sure whether or not Goscone even exists and if they do I have no idea what they look like or anything else. Also, I want to make a SUPER-SHORT NOVELSONG.h

And so he posted:
>>878 title
>>923 first line
>>893 second line
>>890,940 third line
>>933 fourth (and final) line

It would be a while before the SUPER-SHORT NOVELSONG was finished, but it may or may not be worth it. In any case, it would sure be a WILD RIDE nida.

876 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7027 00:22

Please listen to the song at the following address while you continue to read the story:

877 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7027 01:26

The song is buffering. Please wait.

878 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7027 02:22

ADVERTISEMENT

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879 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7027 03:49

"I always enjoy the food at BERNIE'S FISH GROTTO!" Thrursh shouted, as if compelled by

880 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7027 06:11

the wonderful folk at #1BLITZ4U MARKETING AGENCY (tm).

881 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7027 23:11

Meanwhile, in a small villa in Catalonia,

882 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7028 00:31

3

883 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7028 01:35

.14

884 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7028 02:08

volts of electricity

885 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7028 11:40

were not enough to revive Walbert Smeth.

886 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7028 16:31

It was clear that something more potent than the hamster-run static electricity generator would be needed.

887 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7028 23:46

So rodent experts debated about what rodent species would be suitable for the task. In a 27 to 11 vote

888 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7029 01:48

they voted for capybaras in wool sweaters and ‚‚‰‚”‚”‚…‚Ž‚“. The capybaras were loaded into the generator and quickly

889 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7029 21:55

became engorged. The ‚‚‰‚”‚”‚…‚Ž‚“ started their magic and, eventually,

890 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7029 23:44

Produced more static energy than the largest Tesla generator ever could.

891 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7030 00:23

Walbert Smeth suddenly

892 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7030 04:33

rotted away into a pile of rotten flesh and

893 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7030 07:03

grew into Smoopy.

894 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7030 07:42

‚r‚‚‚‚‚™@i‚Žj@|@‚`@‚“‚‚‰‚Œ‚‰‚Ž‚‡@‚‡‚Œ‚‚‚@

895 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7030 13:30

that feasts on pastel colored ponies

896 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7030 13:50

and collects shiny pennies.

897 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7030 16:14

and poops poignant penises.

898 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7030 16:33

and posts prolix purple prose.

899 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7030 18:21

A young Malaysian girl wearing a bear costume

900 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7030 19:31

ran shrieking through the museum

901 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7031 01:24

museum, a Catalonian museum dedicated to showcasing the great museums of the world. She stumbled into the Smoopy and

902 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7031 10:16

found herself in

903 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7031 12:24

very little danger, because she was not a pastel colored pony. However,

904 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7031 17:35

suddenly finding herself in an exhibit hall dedicated entirely to ponies, she

905 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7032 01:36

whipped out her

906 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7032 01:39

GI Joe action figures and prepared them to battle the odious equines.

907 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7032 09:43

The claw came.

908 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7032 14:04

and slashed the young Malay girl at such speed and fierce which ruined her bear costume, leaving her injured and completely naked. She then fell down on the floor and as she was left shivering in fear and covering herself with what was left of the said costume, the claw then...

909 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7032 14:09

moved in for the kill, but the Smoopy, stirred from its torpor,

910 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7032 17:53

looked at both of them, said in a tired voice "Carry on." and then went back to sleep.

911 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7032 20:26

However, the claw was allergic to words and died on the spot.
So it goes.
The young girl crawled out of the exhibit hall and found herself in the exhibitionist hall, where she

912 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7032 20:43

immediately covered up and hid shyly in a corner.

913 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7032 21:58

Meanwhile, the Smoopy began to dream.

914 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7033 00:04

He dreamed he was falling and woke up. He went back to sleep.

915 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7033 00:29

That's the jingle bell

916 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7033 04:25

you hear, an omen of doom.

917 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7034 13:23

"Jesus

918 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7034 13:47

penis!" said

919 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7034 13:58

the priest, reverently setting down the reliquary containing the Holy Prepuce.

920 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7034 16:42

Prepuce totally sounds like a dirty word.

921 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7034 21:35

Without warning, the last chapter of this novel

922 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7034 23:51

was incinerated by Viking raiders and irrevocably lost.

923 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7035 00:13

Luckily, a detailed description of those events has been documented. Here is the director's cut:

924 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7035 00:58

So me'n dwayne was walking down the norldlands when dis big vikin went a popin out o da

925 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7035 01:18

long shit--I mean, long ship

926 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7035 17:53

, but I suppose that doesn't really matter. What you need to remember is that our

927 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7035 20:27

Holy Prepuce

928 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7036 03:53

demands further DQN-ness. And we shall deliver it.

Chapter dick: in which DQN attempts to deliver DQN-ness and struggles to do so.

929 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7036 05:50

( ߁Νί) What is the nature of DQN-ness, grandpa?

930 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7036 11:07

"To be DQN is to be all and nothing. It is to desire and be sated. It is to know all and know nothing. It is...", continued Grandpa McMick, but before he could finish revealing the great truth

931 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7036 11:16

he exploded.

932 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7036 23:45

It was a very disappointing, low budget explosion, at that.

933 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7037 02:25

Honestly, it was more a mediocre puff of smoke than an explosion.

934 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7037 03:16

In fact, the explosion was just Grandpa spitting a bunch of sunflower seeds at DQN.

935 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7037 04:24

However he was dead none the less, leaving both junior and beady eyes alone since his death brought end to the conlepas as well, however that void would soon be filled by

936 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7037 04:47

clonepa.

Meanwhile, the Malay girl was

937 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7037 05:33

also dead.

938 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7037 12:11

This was of course because this was the distant future year of 1994, where an army of clonepas was being raised by none other than

939 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7037 12:48

another clonepa, who had been sent back in time from the future where he had been raised.

940 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7038 05:17

"YOU HAVE DISPLEASED THE NEGUS" boomed

941 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7038 05:46

Boom Boom Boom Boom I Want You In My Room II, all the while

942 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7038 06:40

the narrative switched back to the present year of 1993.

943 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7038 09:13

The Malay girl, who was actually the GSL in disguise, began a campaign to

944 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7038 10:20

ensure a good ending to this novel; prefereably one involving

945 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7038 11:08

vivienne westwood bags. Well, I won't say Pink vivienne westwood wallet, you'll have to decide for yourselves vivienne westwood orb. Models sported bold cartoonish make-up vivienne westwood black ebury heart bag, painted over their red, green and yellow faces vivienne westwood jewellery, and fifties-inspired hairstyles vivienne westwood punk bags. A hot pink one-shouldered floor-length gown drew sighs from the crowd viviennewestwoodpunkstyle, as did an off-the-shoulder ditsy printed piece Vivienne Westwood Clutch Bags Black. Printed headscarves and embellished belts tightly cinching in models' waists also featured vivienne westwood bas orb earrings gold, along with wallpaper-inspired florals, glossy silk dresses with sequin detailing and ruching vivienne westwood scottish plaid.The designer herself wore a sequined hat, a white t-shirt emblazoned with her eco-slogan "Climate Revolution" and platform shoes vivienne westwood jewellery sale. She painted a moustache and circle around her eye in black during the finale of the show Vivienne Westwood Pirate Boots Light Apricot, in which Westwood and two models held up a Climate Revolution banner vivienne westwood sale uk.

946 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7038 13:02

However, Trursh appeared out of nowhere and took this moment to point out that the SUPER-SHORT NOVELSONG had been completed. And so he sang:

ADVERTISEMENT

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a song by Trursh of the DQN short novel volume 2, in association with the Elitist Superstructure of DQN

------------------------------------------------------------------
Luckily, a detailed description of those events has been documented. Here is the director's cut:

grew into Smoopy.

Produced more static energy than the largest Tesla generator ever could. "YOU HAVE DISPLEASED THE NEGUS" boomed

Honestly, it was more a mediocre puff of smoke than an explosion.

947 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7041 17:20

Meanwhile, in a place much less full of terrible music, the GSL and the GSS conferred. The GSS had recovered fully from his Italianitis, but the GSL had not, and it was beginning to progress into Malaysianitis. And if she could not get rid of her Malasianitis, she would be stricken with mortality, and the claw would come for her. She had seen the future, and it was horrible-- September would end, 1994 would come, and an army of clonepas would rise to take over the world. The only way to prevent this was to cure the GSL, saving the future (and the DQN Short Novel series) in the process. And so the GSS set out, riding on the back of Goscone, to either get a 999GET or find another cure for nationality-based diseases.

Chapter dick, episode 3: The Great Sky Shota's Quest

948 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7041 19:11

Dogs

949 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7042 00:24

Smoopy dog

950 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7042 15:28

was rappin' out some phat beats

951 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7042 17:05

. He was rapping about how he had no AA representation and that the yellow man was keeping him down.

952 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7042 22:32

And while he stood there, gently rapping,

953 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7042 22:47

a kitten laid at his feet, quietly napping.
But the Dogs Smoopy dog didn't notice his friend,
And kept on freestylin' without beginning nor end.

954 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7044 19:30

And that's when the Great Rap Battle of '93 started. And everybody around the world gathered in the streets to engage in the worldwide rap battle, but little did they know the horrors that they would soon unleash upon the world.

955 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7045 01:25

WINTER 1973
PRAGUE

Crowded into a small secret bunker, huddling over a rusty tin, the survivors passed the time quietly, holding up their mittened hands to the tin's warm lip.

"Fire's goin' out soon orange," said Jan.

"Got some timber from chopping up the church pews orange. God forgive us orange," Jakub replied.

They didn't wish to risk even the slightest rhyme. Not when they saw what it had done to their city. Jakub pulled out his foraged wood and tossed it into the smoky tin. Jan fanned the fire with an old newspaper to give it oxygen.

Rapping screams and gunshots rang out from the distance.

"Oh Jan orange," Vanesa lamented, "Will this horror ever end orange?"

956 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7045 01:29

"I don't know orange," Jan said, shaking his head. "But if we survive, we must tell the world orange. We must warn them so that such a tragedy never strikes again orange. We must prevent the horrors of a World Rap Battle from ever taking place!"

Jan's face turned white as he realized he had forgotten to say orange, but it was too late.

"We gotta tell the world, save the human race!" Jakub in reply helplessly. Tears streamed down his face, there was no helping it anymore.

"Gotta tell our children! Gotta tell our kids! If we don't tell them, they'll rap until they flip their lids!"

They were doomed. And the world may never know their plight...

20 YEARS LATER...

957 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7045 16:23

"My flow be stylin', I be ridin'..."

"Your flow be whack, now get the fuck back, you're fuckin' grime, that shit don't rhyme."

Indeed, the first rapper had a whack flow, and he could not rhyme worth shit. The second summoned his bombest flow, and the first was torn asunder by the righteous waves of swag. Across the battlefield, other rappers similarly slaughtered each other, gaining more power with every victory. But atop a hill surrounded by bodies, Dogs Smoopy dog still stood, undefeated, seeming not to even notice the raging battle around him. His kitten friend had feasted on the bodies and the swagger of the fallen challengers and was tranformed into a monstrous being which prowled hill on which Dogs Smoopy dog stood. The other rappers had long since given up trying to challenge him, aside from the odd young, naive soul every once in a while who became emboldened by a few victories and overestimated his own power. They all fell, and the beast that once was the kitten consumed them.

But on this battlefield, there was one who came not to battle-rap. He came seeking Dogs Smoopy dog, following a rumor he had heard, that a sample of the legendary rapper's essence could be refined into a potion of immense power--perhaps even the power to cure the kind of disease which could afflict an immortal. Riding on the back of a razorback hog, a young boy wandered about, looking for the hill surrounded by bodies, on which the beast prowled and the rapper rapped. Looking to the east, he saw

958 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7045 18:44

the sun because that's where the sun rises.

959 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7045 19:14

But just to the left of the Sun was the 999 GET, taking the form of a huge mushroom cloud exploding in slow motion.

There was no time. The GSS had to cure his beloved sister before the 999 GET caused the universe to explode. Again.

CHAPTER FINAL: A Wedding, a 999 GET and the Untimely Revival of

960 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7045 21:06

Ugly Baby the Almighty Overlord of

961 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7046 01:04

an Unfortunately Placed Thermometer Which Caused the World Much Trouble For Years to Come

962 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7046 01:10

who was capable of miscellaneous evil deeds including extortion, human trafficking, money laundry,

963 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7046 01:37

sweatshop dirty diaper production and black market croquet festivals.
in which the GSS and Goscone may or may not save the world, nanobots return for a friendly reunion, and a certain Big Fat Butt rears his ugly rear.

964 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7046 05:02

Ugly Baby's money laundry was

965 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7046 18:27

long abandoned. Piles of half-decomposed dirty diapers almost completely filled it leaving only a small empty space between a boarded up door and a dusty counter. Locals couldn't remember the last time when this establishment was open partially due to availability of cheap washing machines which made people lose interest in laundries.

It was a dark silent night when suddenly a cat hissed at

966 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7046 18:38

beady eyes

967 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7046 19:59

and his retarded baby brother

968 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7046 21:19

Boardy Ears, who was, technically, a potato. The cat took

969 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7047 01:26

umbrage

970 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7047 01:36

, and continued hissing for a good thirty or forty minutes. During this time, Beady Eyes

971 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7047 01:37

was slowly hauling a bag of dirty socks and blood-stained pants towards

972 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7047 03:12

his next target for derailment: the

973 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7047 04:14

Unofficially Official Best Thread Ever.

974 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7047 19:45

Before he could get there, however, the GSS and his trusty steed

975 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7047 22:58

burst in, shouting "Knock knock!"

Now, the two han't actually knocked, which was quite rude, but the baby and his henchmen never passed up a good knock-knock joke.

"Who's there?" they chorused.

"Interruption hog," said the GSS.

"Interruption hog wh-"

976 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7047 23:06

"What about me and my rap battler pile?" interrupted Smoopy.

977 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7047 23:12

Smoopy was then hauled off to Dogs Smoopy dog's hill as a sacrifice to the flow gods, for claiming to own the hill when it in fact belonged to Dogs Smoopy dog. It was torn asunder by the force of Dogs Smoopy dog's rhymes, and the gods were pleased.

Freed from this momentary distraction, the GSS, Goscone, the baby, and the henchmen all began to

978 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7048 00:42

ponder a sudden appearance of a strange person wearing a top hat. That was Honorable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII.

"I have returned to tell you how the story ends," he chuckled, "And answer all of your questions."

979 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7048 03:47

"The answers are: No, probably, 7379 days, only if you love her, yes, because it's winter, probably, no, no, no, 18 tears, it wouldn't be wise, they died a long time ago, yes, 76, nobody will ever know, Tuesday, candy canes, 9pm EST, yes you should, no he doesn't, next year, 1110101101101, and the password is 'leathershoe. I hope that helped, goodbye."

980 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7048 04:47

"What if Ron Paul went around and said 'muh dick' to people on the streets all day? What would happen?"

981 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7048 07:41

Asked Beady Eyes. But Honorable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII was already gone.

982 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7048 14:38

In his frustration, Beady Eyes derailed the floor, causing everyone on it to fall over. As they lay there, the 999 GET loomed ever closer.

983 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7048 16:54

The GSSiblings dashed towards it.

984 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7048 17:44

It was only fifteen posts until the 999 GET. Would they make it? and once they were there, would they be stuck on the back cover? Would they be able to apply the curing powers of the 999 GET when they got there, or would they have to pack it up and perform the ritual in the sequel, the DQN SHORT NOVEL PART 3?

985 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7048 18:38

In the meantime Espeon sneaked into a vidcon station.
"Everything that this story needs to end should be stored on one of the memodrives," he thought, "Hmm, I thought I disappeared without a trace in NCorea, how did I

986 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7048 19:11

-- urk!" Without warning, Espeon died and simultaneously vanished from the novel forever.

Speaking of dying, Goscone

987 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7048 21:01

accidentally twisted his ankle and asked the GSS to give him a lethal

988 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7048 21:26

sausage.

989 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7048 21:36

By the time Goscone dieded, DQN was laughing at him and at his sausage (no pun intended) and decided to walk away, while furiously masturbating to furry porn, as usual.
Later that day,

990 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7048 22:09

The coach's uncle found the sausage and started a sausage company with it. It was very successful. After his death he left the sausage with the coach.

991 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7048 22:14

the GSSiblings noticed they were still nine posts from the precious cure, and were now down one razorback hog.

992 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7048 23:25

It was time to call in some old friends.

"Hello?" the GSL said into her loliphone. "This is the GSL. We need your help."

"We'll be right there," replied the nanobots, followed by a click.

993 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7048 23:52

The nanobots created a stepladder below the 999 GET. The GSSiblings pushed down with a bit if force to see if it was stable. Everything checked out.

994 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7049 02:36

"Stop right there," sneered a sinister, familiar voice. "That's my 999 get."

A fleshy horror stood in the GSsibling's path. It was big. It was fat. It was a big fat butt.

"You!" exclaimed Mr. Gray (who had quietly been standing by this whole time) in surprise. "I never thought I'd see your ugly ass-face again!"

The BFB farted in response. Fortunately,

995 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7049 06:14

The young Dildo was there to do stuff the BFB's hole, immobilixing him temporarily.

"Make a break for it! You only have 4 posts left!" Yelled the young Dildo to the GSSiblings

996 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7049 08:13

The siblings looked into eachother's eyes with a mixture or fear and excitement.

"There's only one way we can make it in time, and that's the power of love," the GSS said to his sister confidently. "W-will you marry me?"

"I do!" the Great Sky Loli shouted triumphantly. Mr. Gray, who happened to be a licensed minister, said, "You may kiss the bride."

The Great Sky Shota pulled the GSL to his body and they pressed their lips together. As the two kissed, a beautiful tower of light rose up around them. Gravity had no more hold on the two young lovers and their clothes and hair began to levitate. Their incestuous embrace was so powerful that it now held it's own gravitational field, and instead of needing to run toward the 999get, the 999get was now being drawn towards the two kids, finally joined in holy matrimony.

997 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7049 08:44

Then the author wandered in from offscreen and suggested that now would be an excellent time for a tea party, especially considering the universe may or may not explode at >>999.

998 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7049 09:07

"No time for parties! I 2 posts till the 999 GET!"

999 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7049 09:09

The GSSiblings finally reached the 999 GET. They held onto it for several moments but nothing. They were still inflicted with the Italian disease. A dark shadow came over the GSSiblings' faces. This was no 999 GET. This was the 666 GET.

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