[NOVEL] DQN Short Novel [SHORT] [PART II] (999)

1 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6818 11:58

Previously: http://4-ch.net/dqn/kareha.pl/1310158763/

Let the fun times continue!

Prologue: The Death of

732 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6992 22:30

runaway boulder, which had fallen

733 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6993 07:23

off of a mountain years in the past due to a tumbling river wheel.

734 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6993 21:18

"JEWS!" He shouted into the cold night, lamenting

735 Name: : 1993-09-6993 22:28

the days gone by, when he would have gaysex with VIPPERS at all hours while the Universal Quantifier sang

736 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6993 22:40

Carmina Burana on repeat at quadruple-tempo.

Meanwhile, Gascone was

737 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6993 23:22

kissing her brother Goscone despite

738 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6994 19:47

Giscone being in the same room and looking mightily

739 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6994 22:04

aroused by the incestuous exchange. Guscone, on the other hand, appeared rather nonplussed by the whole thing.

740 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6994 23:11

The controversial directors Gescone and Gyscone (no relation to the aforementioned razorback hogs) were filming the entire experience for their upcoming independent unrated art film, titled

741 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6994 23:39

Gallscones II, the Gallening. Unfortunately,

742 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6994 23:42

due to budget cuts they

743 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6995 01:17

had to replace the whole class with clonepas and lolis, who they payed in

744 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6995 02:47

leftover government cheese and

745 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6995 02:52

insignificant GETS, such as >>745.

746 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6995 21:10

Predictably enough, the lolis soon

747 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6995 21:39

were swept up by Child Services vans, and whisked away to parts unknown. The Clonepas rejoiced, for

748 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6996 09:01

their clonekittens had returned once more

749 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6996 10:44

to duel with the rich people.

750 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6996 11:35

Thus shall end their tyranny. The duels resulted in

751 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6996 16:50

the government cheese being strewn about so violently, the place looked like a mozzarella volcano had hit it.

752 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6997 07:15

But this was not all. The lolis disappearing caught the attention of Ace Dilowitz, private detective, and he thought that something sinister may be happening. As it turns out

753 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6999 16:23

, there wasn't. At least, nothing sinister related to the aforementioned lolis was happening. However, there was one loli who was tangled up in all sorts of sinister plots. One very special loli known as the GSL.

Chapter 2x(NEET)-1^(cot y): In Which the GSL Gets All Tangled Up In A Bunch of Sinister Plots

754 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6999 18:55

"Oh golly gosh jeepers I sure hope I don't get all tangled up in a bunch of sinister plots!" said the GSL. Then, as if on cue,

755 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6999 22:06

A sinister plot came and tangled her up! Seeing this, Michelle Obama

756 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6999 22:21

was fat.

757 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-6999 22:29

Chapter 37.9299292: Michelle Obama is Fat and Angry

The First Lady splayed her corpulent ass over the sofa and shoved another handful of Cheetos Puffs into her maw. Oprah was on TV, giving the business to

758 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7000 00:44

some author.

"Only pussies read books." Michelle sneered around a mouthful of Cheetos cud. "Bunch of

759 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7000 01:26

brainwashed sheep" while Phillip K. Dick was listening

760 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7000 02:07

to Eddie Harris playing the music of

761 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7000 18:52

some painfully obscure

762 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7002 20:02

indie band.

Suddenly, the Sun

763 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7002 22:57

was bright.

"Barack!" Michelle growled, "Close them damn shades!"

764 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7003 00:57

"Momma's tryin' to watch her stories!" Unfortunately, the shades remained stubbornly open, as President Obama was, once again, out golfing with

765 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7003 02:42

his best buddy Saddam Hussein, who never actually died. Saddam

766 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7003 03:11

scored a hole in one

767 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7003 03:18

because an earthquake shook the entire course and reshaped the green. That earthquake also damaged a nearby

768 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7005 16:54

bunker housing the weapons of mass destruction Michelle was hiding under the backyard of the White House.

769 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7006 09:07

The weapons detonated, killing everyone in a 50km radius, vapourising their bodies and also killing their ghosts and completely erasing them from history forever.

Meanwhile, on a desolate mountainside in Kazakhstan, a portal to

770 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7006 13:42

the Nether

771 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7006 17:17

Potassium refinery was entered by

772 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7006 17:47

a Nether Potassium ore transport truck. Driving this truck was the GSL, who was still trying to untangle herself from the sinister plot which had wrapped itself around her entire body. Fortunately, the GSL had brought the ultimate sinister-plot-detangler:

773 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7006 23:35

Called the plotestroyer, it was invented by the brother of

774 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7007 02:01

the other mother of

775 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7007 05:30

the non-existent child of the GSS and the GSL. Which is to say, it was invented by the GSS. Maybe. Probably. Perhaps. Unless, of course, it was not, which is entirely possible. But not very likely. Unless, of course, we're talking about the GSS. Which, of course, we are. Probably.

776 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7007 05:50

Anyway, booty gryphon.

777 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7007 09:01

Suddenly, a 777 GET tore out of the ground, splitting the mountain asunder!

"Good Heavens!" exclaimed

778 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7008 14:38

the newly sentient plotestroyer, shortly before succumbing to

779 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7010 17:15

the shock of simultaneously becoming aware of the concepts of life and death, which caused the plotestroyer to revert to a non-sentient state. Meanwhile, the GSL was still tangled up in a sinister plot, so she

780 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7010 18:28

put on a frilly dress and span around really, really fast - until suddenly

781 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7010 23:34

she slammed into the wall and broke her

782 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7010 23:57

ga-gantch

783 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7012 10:57

detector. This meant that she could no longer

784 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7012 15:29

detect ga-gantch without having to use her spare ga-gantch detector, which was a boring grey color unlike the broken one, which had been pink and had frilly lace and a floral pattern on it.

Just then, the sinister plot began to unravel.

785 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7012 16:49

It unraveled like a ball of yawn in the tiny yet evil paws of the world's cutest kitten.

786 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7013 04:27

Clouds of doubt fogged the weary detective's windshield as he navigated the rainy streets of

787 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7013 06:14

>>786
his own mind. "Give me a sign I'm not dreaming," he said in vain desperation, looking to the sky in an ironic gesture.

788 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7013 08:42

As it just so happens, a sign that said "SIPS CO." was floating in the night sky. The detective was

789 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7013 11:27

, however, too busy staring wistfully into the distance to notice it. The local

790 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7013 17:44

grump

791 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7013 22:00

turned 67 years old

792 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7013 22:34

. Two away from 69 which is funny because sex. Being a 12 year old transported to an old man's body by aliens, the grump was looking forward to turning 69. He was grumpy because he had just discovered masturbation before being put inside the body of a man with a non-functioning penis.

793 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7014 05:50

Spying the grump, the detective snapped out of his scotch-addled daydreams and barked a barely intelligible message into his intercom:

"Target acquired. We got the bait ready?"

794 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7014 05:52

However, no one was listening on the other side as there was a parade going on.

795 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7014 06:25

But not just any parade.

796 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7014 09:28

It was a honky-tonk parade. Bystanders likened it to a melody played in a penny arcade.

The detective saw straight through this

797 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7014 10:03

"Robitussin Flavored Ice-cream" scam.

798 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7014 19:56

However, none of that mattered, as the GSL rolled the sinister plot up before anyone could even begin to care about the delusional detective and his brain problems.

Unfortunately for the GSL, her recent acts of godliness had completely ruined her false identity as a simple maid, and pretty much everyone knew she was actualy alive now, except for

799 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7014 20:07

Baby Carpy

800 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7015 00:33

and Shibbledy-Sharply. Nobody ever told them anything.

801 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7015 01:53

TRANSMISSION BEGINS HERE

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WE HAVE RECEIVED A #@$^#% MESSAGE FROM THE *#(@# SECTOR SEND HELP IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMEDIATELY IMMED

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TRANSMISSION ENDS HERE

802 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7015 04:46

Unfortunately, no one was at the computer or near any devices that could receive the transmission due to the parade

803 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7015 08:49

goers destroying all electronics to make their so-called ice cream.

Meanwhile, Goscone and the other razorback hogs were

804 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7015 09:58

Goscone.

805 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7015 10:28

That is to say, they had

806 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7015 10:59

capture a boy, who

807 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7015 13:07

was denaceing around a

808 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7016 01:01

golden statue of his godly sister. He hoped that his denace would be able to summon her so that she could sweep all those parade-goers back into the sinister plot she had just rolled up, and also so that her could give her her daily tsundere service. However, this boy, (who was of course none other than the GSS) would be unable to express his growing incestuous feelings today, since Goscone wanted to go for a walk and when Goscone wants to go for a walk you don't argue with Goscone.

809 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7016 08:45

By the time they returned from their walk, the GSL had

810 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7016 12:32

put the kettle on, done a merry jig, and

811 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7016 15:53

shot herself in the foot.

812 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7016 15:58

Thankfully, it was only with a water pistol.

Who should wander in at that moment but

813 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7016 17:46

a man with a .45 pistol. The GSL asked for the .45 then shot herself in the foot for real this time.

814 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7016 18:31

Of course, being a god and all, the bullet didn't do much. The sound of the gun going off, however, attracted the attention of

815 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7016 19:01

a donkey with a big butt

816 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7017 04:26

, named Ba-Donk-a-Donk.

817 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7017 04:57

Arriving in a duster, carrying an even larger pistol, he

818 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7017 06:14

collapsed under the combined weight of the pistol and his own butt and died.

The death of Ba-Donk-a-Donk just so happened to be one of the signals of the coming resurrection of hell's worst middle manager:

819 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7018 15:27

Beady Eyes. Beady Eyes wandered into the room,

820 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7018 16:52

the room wandered out.

821 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7018 18:50

"Where did they all go?" he pondered to himself.

822 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7019 01:24

Without warning, the entire

823 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7019 02:21

cast of the hit Broadway show

824 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7019 04:37

Orange Rhymes With Me

825 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7019 12:10

committed

826 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7019 13:56

one of the most heinous of sins:

827 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7019 14:22

posting on 4chan!

828 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7019 14:24

meanwhile

829 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7019 14:26

in the galactic core,

830 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7020 11:26

a man with a peculiarly shaped

831 Name: ( ˃ ヮ˂) : 1993-09-7020 11:59

ear chose this moment to open his briefcase and whip out a
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