Previously: http://4-ch.net/dqn/kareha.pl/1310158763/
Let the fun times continue!
Prologue: The Death of
However, the magic mushrooms they found were in fact de-Italianizing mushrooms and the godly duo were returned to their true forms.
Meanwhile, on planet fiI, Patchouli Knowledge had perfected
the delicate art of subtly dropping Touhou references into short novels. Her first
penis
Little did the GSL know that her Italianitis was chronic. She became Italian again without warning. "Mama mia!"
Furthermore, a cut-off penis suddenly fell on her head.
JonTron and Egoraptor
. She missed.
"You know what, I don't think we're
who dodged it and subsequently fell out of the story. The disembodied penis
doesn't exactly fit here," muttered
the penis collector, who was trying to fit it into his anal passage.
Little did he know that this particular penis was capable of absorbing any ailment and turning it into a powerful elixir which could grant short-novel-ending powers. If the Great Sky twins could just get their hands on this penis, they could cure themselves of their chronic Italianitis! But the penis was dangerous, and if they did not get it before someone else, the short novel might end, and the only other known cure for Italianitis was a 999 GET.
But, oh no, the penis already got used up by the penis collector to cure him of his cystic fibrosis.
And double oh no, since it didn't fit into his anus, it didn't even work. He cast the now powerless penis aside and exclaimed,
"Hrrgwargwwreaggwrrrbgg" as the mucus filled his lungs.
The mucus surged out of his mouth, given life by the residual magic of the backfired spell, and proceeded to
continue surging out of his mouth. Meanwhile, famed scientist Crackers McPyjama was
peering into a microscope, under which
a tiny bacterium which could hold the secret to recharging any penis instantly was browsing DQN on a microscopic computer.
Crackers, exhausted and finally victorious, had found the answer.
And then he died, before he could make a note of it or anything.
The bacterium was oblivious to all this and
could not even read. He just browsed DQN for the ASCII art and silly faces.
Thrursh, on the other hand,
long-lost not-brother Goscone, who I have never met and probably never will. I don't even know who Goscone is, really. In fact, I'm not sure whether or not Goscone even exists and if they do I have no idea what they look like or anything else. Also, I want to make a SUPER-SHORT NOVELSONG.h
And so he posted:
>>878 title
>>923 first line
>>893 second line
>>890,940 third line
>>933 fourth (and final) line
It would be a while before the SUPER-SHORT NOVELSONG was finished, but it may or may not be worth it. In any case, it would sure be a WILD RIDE nida.
Please listen to the song at the following address while you continue to read the story:
The song is buffering. Please wait.
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the wonderful folk at #1BLITZ4U MARKETING AGENCY (tm).
Meanwhile, in a small villa in Catalonia,
3
.14
volts of electricity
were not enough to revive Walbert Smeth.
It was clear that something more potent than the hamster-run static electricity generator would be needed.
So rodent experts debated about what rodent species would be suitable for the task. In a 27 to 11 vote
they voted for capybaras in wool sweaters and . The capybaras were loaded into the generator and quickly
became engorged. The started their magic and, eventually,
Produced more static energy than the largest Tesla generator ever could.
Walbert Smeth suddenly
rotted away into a pile of rotten flesh and
grew into Smoopy.
r@ij@|@`@@@
that feasts on pastel colored ponies
and collects shiny pennies.
and poops poignant penises.
and posts prolix purple prose.
A young Malaysian girl wearing a bear costume
ran shrieking through the museum
museum, a Catalonian museum dedicated to showcasing the great museums of the world. She stumbled into the Smoopy and
found herself in
very little danger, because she was not a pastel colored pony. However,
suddenly finding herself in an exhibit hall dedicated entirely to ponies, she
whipped out her
GI Joe action figures and prepared them to battle the odious equines.
The claw came.
and slashed the young Malay girl at such speed and fierce which ruined her bear costume, leaving her injured and completely naked. She then fell down on the floor and as she was left shivering in fear and covering herself with what was left of the said costume, the claw then...
moved in for the kill, but the Smoopy, stirred from its torpor,
looked at both of them, said in a tired voice "Carry on." and then went back to sleep.
However, the claw was allergic to words and died on the spot.
So it goes.
The young girl crawled out of the exhibit hall and found herself in the exhibitionist hall, where she
immediately covered up and hid shyly in a corner.
Meanwhile, the Smoopy began to dream.
He dreamed he was falling and woke up. He went back to sleep.
That's the jingle bell
you hear, an omen of doom.
"Jesus
penis!" said
the priest, reverently setting down the reliquary containing the Holy Prepuce.
Prepuce totally sounds like a dirty word.
Without warning, the last chapter of this novel
was incinerated by Viking raiders and irrevocably lost.
Luckily, a detailed description of those events has been documented. Here is the director's cut:
So me'n dwayne was walking down the norldlands when dis big vikin went a popin out o da
long shit--I mean, long ship
, but I suppose that doesn't really matter. What you need to remember is that our
Holy Prepuce
demands further DQN-ness. And we shall deliver it.
Chapter dick: in which DQN attempts to deliver DQN-ness and struggles to do so.
( ίΝί) What is the nature of DQN-ness, grandpa?
"To be DQN is to be all and nothing. It is to desire and be sated. It is to know all and know nothing. It is...", continued Grandpa McMick, but before he could finish revealing the great truth
he exploded.
It was a very disappointing, low budget explosion, at that.
Honestly, it was more a mediocre puff of smoke than an explosion.
In fact, the explosion was just Grandpa spitting a bunch of sunflower seeds at DQN.
However he was dead none the less, leaving both junior and beady eyes alone since his death brought end to the conlepas as well, however that void would soon be filled by
clonepa.
Meanwhile, the Malay girl was
also dead.
This was of course because this was the distant future year of 1994, where an army of clonepas was being raised by none other than
another clonepa, who had been sent back in time from the future where he had been raised.
"YOU HAVE DISPLEASED THE NEGUS" boomed
Boom Boom Boom Boom I Want You In My Room II, all the while
the narrative switched back to the present year of 1993.
The Malay girl, who was actually the GSL in disguise, began a campaign to
ensure a good ending to this novel; prefereably one involving
vivienne westwood bags. Well, I won't say Pink vivienne westwood wallet, you'll have to decide for yourselves vivienne westwood orb. Models sported bold cartoonish make-up vivienne westwood black ebury heart bag, painted over their red, green and yellow faces vivienne westwood jewellery, and fifties-inspired hairstyles vivienne westwood punk bags. A hot pink one-shouldered floor-length gown drew sighs from the crowd viviennewestwoodpunkstyle, as did an off-the-shoulder ditsy printed piece Vivienne Westwood Clutch Bags Black. Printed headscarves and embellished belts tightly cinching in models' waists also featured vivienne westwood bas orb earrings gold, along with wallpaper-inspired florals, glossy silk dresses with sequin detailing and ruching vivienne westwood scottish plaid.The designer herself wore a sequined hat, a white t-shirt emblazoned with her eco-slogan "Climate Revolution" and platform shoes vivienne westwood jewellery sale. She painted a moustache and circle around her eye in black during the finale of the show Vivienne Westwood Pirate Boots Light Apricot, in which Westwood and two models held up a Climate Revolution banner vivienne westwood sale uk.
However, Trursh appeared out of nowhere and took this moment to point out that the SUPER-SHORT NOVELSONG had been completed. And so he sang:
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a song by Trursh of the DQN short novel volume 2, in association with the Elitist Superstructure of DQN
------------------------------------------------------------------
Luckily, a detailed description of those events has been documented. Here is the director's cut:
grew into Smoopy.
Produced more static energy than the largest Tesla generator ever could. "YOU HAVE DISPLEASED THE NEGUS" boomed
Honestly, it was more a mediocre puff of smoke than an explosion.
Meanwhile, in a place much less full of terrible music, the GSL and the GSS conferred. The GSS had recovered fully from his Italianitis, but the GSL had not, and it was beginning to progress into Malaysianitis. And if she could not get rid of her Malasianitis, she would be stricken with mortality, and the claw would come for her. She had seen the future, and it was horrible-- September would end, 1994 would come, and an army of clonepas would rise to take over the world. The only way to prevent this was to cure the GSL, saving the future (and the DQN Short Novel series) in the process. And so the GSS set out, riding on the back of Goscone, to either get a 999GET or find another cure for nationality-based diseases.
Chapter dick, episode 3: The Great Sky Shota's Quest
Dogs
Smoopy dog