Does there exist true love? (46)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-07 02:23 ID:ITbJyHo0 This thread was merged from the former /love/ board. You can view the archive here.

I read an article about love a while ago. Where it said that the phrase "til death do us part", was created in a time where the spouses didn't survive longer than about twenty years.
The answer that remain, meant that love doesn't exist, and that the grim statistics reveled the true reality of marriage and love.

I felt a little discouraged when I read this, since I'm alone, and my parents are divorced.
I feel that the general public is quite naive about love, in a sense that they belive that they can't live without it.
Also that sex is the only thing that really matters, since trust is insufficient to sustain relationships these days.

This may sound a bit cynical, but I should mention that I truely would like to meet someone, but is discouraged by the fact that it may just be a whim of emotions or hormones.
Or even the harsh reality, that I'm too childish for my age, or immature.

So what's your opinion about this?
Does our society really contain real love, or is it just a childish and naive whim of emotions and hormones?

I'm really serious about this, so I would be grateful if any of you could refrain from being sarcastic or just plain mean.

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-07 02:36 ID:zQCV5IDq

whatever it is you cant change anything, face reality and wait till you die

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-07 03:47 ID:xKGanAH2

sadly enough, ive thought about it this way too, alot of love is just, superficial....have you been in a relationship before? i havent either, and when ive brought this up with people, they just tell me, youve never been in a relationship before, so, i gotta check it out for myself

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-07 05:52 ID:jwRjiHtO

I do not really question these sorts of things because whatever I am feeling feels really good. Whether it is love or just a "childish and naive whim of emotions". If it feels right and it makes you happy, what does it matter if love exists or not?

5 Name: Not a Secret Admirer : 2006-03-07 06:27 ID:Heaven

Love is not "til death do you part". Marriage is. Or rather, it's supposed to be, according to the vows.

Also, the general public is naive about love. But then, the general public is naive about a lot of things.

True love exists. Just don't wager your whole life on finding it.

6 Name: 1 : 2006-03-07 10:03 ID:ITbJyHo0

You're right about that.

Doesn't seem like you ever had any moral doubts about things in your life?

Sorry I should've pointed it out that I meant marriage and not love.

I also wonder if it really necessary to have love to survive.
I belive it's more important to have experienced love in order to survive, than have an abundance of appreciation from alot of people.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-07 23:11 ID:tgs1LoKO

It exists, just don't expect it to solve any of your problems.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-08 00:16 ID:Heaven

People write their own vows these days anyway, and that clause isn't always in there. It's certainly in the fixed Christian one which people use if they have no creativity of their own.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-08 02:21 ID:jwRjiHtO

I think love exists, but it does not always last.

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-08 06:49 ID:jDWRyVMz

Well, it's easier to survive if you never had a relationship before. Once you had one, even if it's plainly superficial

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-08 06:50 ID:jDWRyVMz

Crap... stupid new computers ( perfect? I think not )... anyways, this is what I meant:


Well, it's easier to survive if you never had a relationship before. Once you had one, even if it's plainly superficial, can really screw up the way you have lived before. If you are... numb isn't the right word, but hey... enough, it won't mess with you, but usually ( as far as I can tell with my own paltry existence ) it does leave a longing within yourself. "Ignorance is bliss."

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-08 06:57 ID:jDWRyVMz

Well, it's easier to survive if you never had a relationship before. Once you had one, even if it's plainly superficial

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-08 07:29 ID:jDWRyVMz


Damn you, Safari! ( stupid user accounts, and network homes, and whatever nonense for other stuff ). pouts

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-14 07:21 ID:tT7pR896

True love is nothing more than a very powerful literary device.

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-14 07:27 ID:Xkk5ONis

Yes, it does contain real love. Though it is more rare.

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-15 02:59 ID:3Lso7I5h

A chemical imbalance induced by the reptilian brain to increase the likelyhood of bonding to a seed carrier. The subject often displays symptoms similar to those of insanity, ranging from mild mania to extreme delusions

17 Name: 1 : 2006-03-16 04:02 ID:ITbJyHo0


tHank yOU I love YoU.

"What is love anyway? From my new vantage point, I realize that love is nothing more than a messy conglomeration of need, desperation, fear of death and insecurity about penis size."

Most humans are not capable of feeling real love, just imitations of it. And those who do, dies miserably alone in despair.

And just for the sake of it, "Sic transit gloria mundi"

18 Name: Aquilo : 2006-03-16 04:55 ID:rZT1F4Mq

"Ignorance is bliss."

I actually have to agree its much easier to survive before you had a relationship compared to after you had one.

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-16 08:27 ID:w2uD0hQa


You sound bitter because you aren't loved by anyone and have to talk down the thing you can't receive. You're a pretty sad case.

20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-16 14:02 ID:PT+0QxMP



21 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-17 12:29 ID:P+sxR1o2

there really is. and it's easy to find.
all you need is to look for it.
then you will find it.

it's just there aren't many people who are
truly looking for it. you gotta be strong.

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-17 16:24 ID:3Lso7I5h

hahaha oh wow
This is not true at all :(

23 Name: SynthL0rd : 2006-03-17 18:06 ID:giUgqdzf

I've been dating my gf for about a month now, and we've been ending all our conversations with "I love you <3" be it online or the phone. Now, in most of my what I call "potential" relationships I would obsess about the person the ENTIRE day, and would wait anxiously for them to come online, and when they do I would wait as long as I could for them to message me and if they didn't I'd ALWAYS be the first to do it. Now that I'm in an actual relationship, I don't think about her as much as I did with all my previous crushes, I have a large amount of care and compassion for her, she comes to me every night in my dreams (except last night for some reason) and she ALWAYS messages me first. At first I questioned if this really was "love" and if I truly do "love" her, I don't know what love is really, but I think it might be something to do with the feelings we have for one another. Maybe love is obsession for a person, minus the compulsive need to know where they are all the time and once you're done work you can't wait to be with them in the night :).

24 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-17 23:18 ID:Xkk5ONis

Excessive clinginess tends to mostly be a sign of that the person is feeling rather insecure about the relationship.

25 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-18 13:56 ID:iAKA5x8b

Don't worry, it's always like that with the first love. One day she'll leave you because of that and then you'll be more experienced. I can tell you that it's very important to trust in the other person and don't worry too much cuz it'll eat you in the end. Doubts only leads to some more doubts and in the end you'll find yourself spying her, and you may discover something you wouldn't really want to know. Anyway, just try to trust the one you love.

26 Name: 1 : 2006-03-22 03:11 ID:ITbJyHo0


The thing is that I don't have the endurance to put a mask on myself. I am a bit depressed, and confused.
A person like you just make me realize that I am of no need to anybody, since I am only bothering them with my anxiety of everything, and the possibility of being anlone forever, like my mother.
I realize that I am somewhat emotionally dependant of my mother, or other women who fit into the "caring" character. I feel betrayed when they can't put out with me, and I start to blame people around me for being dishonest and distrustful. But not bluntly.
Yes I know that i have issue that needs to be dealt with.
Don't worry I am in the process of trying to get a therapy contact, which i hope can help me.

But I am just disillusioned about how I can't socialize and be relaxed among large groups of people. Sometimes I wish I could be gone. But my logical awareness is too large, in order for me to carry out any suicide attempts.

I am just a fool who is despise by his society.

27 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-24 10:07 ID:mDxFnD0U

Cheer up emo kid.. ahem hug memes aside, I can relate a lot. Except for that i don't feel betrayed when they can't put up with me, as i expected nothing less :-p Well, except for the fact that i've been working on my issues for a decade. (cynism and pessimism got me in as early as kindergarten, i'm in my early 20's now) And you should also give cognitive therapy a try.
True love does exist, I've seen it on many, many occasions, and I'm in a such a relationship right now.
The question is only if you can let yourself experience that (this is really the most important bit), and a matter of finding the right person.

Oh, random. you probably also want to read - it's a site about personal development how-to. Rather good, in my opinion.

28 Name: 1 : 2006-03-27 02:40 ID:ITbJyHo0


I know you're right about love, but I have so much doubt about myself. That I even consider myself a bad person, since I do bad things like not going to bed in good time, or messing my life up.
I often hear that I shouldn't be harsh towards myself, but it's just that I have my doubts, and it's sometimes also a way for me to avoid of being too presumptious.

I have also realized that I had alot of negative experience of mean, over-ambitious demanding teachers in school. My father and grandmother had a very negative attitude about things also.
I was also very negative when I was young, but I try very hard to avoid, and have reduced my negative now. But mainly towards people and things around me, and obviously not about myself.

I had so-so grades in school, despite of being smart. I know that I only can blame myself of not having more perseverance.
I maybe don't really feel betrayed by people, when they are fed up with me.

Now I just feel alot of doubt, even though I'm not aware of it.

Yes I would like to have some nice sex with a girl, but I doubt about myself alot, and feel anxiety when people expect me to be fun or friendly. And I honestly don't like to be around alot of people, while a few people is better.

I try alot to be openminded and nice to people, but the only reaction is that they either are mean or avoidant, especially girls. I even try to confront those who are avoidant, but they blame me of being too depressive.

That's when I realize that I have failed at everything, school, social interaction and my personal improvement. It feels like I have an obssesion of being negative about myself.

But I feel I have recently improved my friendship with my close buddy, whom I spend most of my social-time with. Which is about twice a month nowadays.

Even though I won't really admit it. I'm really scared of being alone.But I'm often insecure if I should trust other people than my mother. I know I should, but I'm in the process of obtaining a therapy through a nearby hospital.

I know I could maybe help myself by writing a blog about myself, but I am a bit sensetive of criticism of my person.
Sorry if I'm bothering you with my doubts and wants.
But I often don't feel in the right mood of doing things that I know can help me.

I also know that I long for a real lady, a beautiful woman.
but my doubts always prevents me from obtaining what I'm yearning for.

29 Name: 1 : 2006-03-27 03:05 ID:ITbJyHo0

I should maybe also mention that I also doubt if I'm mature enough. I feel childish of not being able or have the real courage to help myself, and being dependence of my mother.
My mom have tried to have me read self-improvement books, but I have agreed to try, but haven't had the time or being too tired of trying to read.
I have tried to read fictional books, to maybe find something to identify myself or be excited by. But I only read one book that I could identify to myself at least. Dostoevsky's "Crime and Punishment", mainly through the sufferings and doubts of Raskolnikov.
It's liberating to see someone's thoughts. I'm actually very intressted of seing what thoughts can come out of a human mind.

I somewhat wish to write something great as this noval, but I realize the hard work it takes to accomplish something like that, and the genre is also out of date. Making it hard to make a career of it.

Now realized that I was negative about myself, but I really can't stop being like that. I always try, but I always end up in my own traps of being harsh about myself.

30 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-27 03:31 ID:8rjiYqXu

Does our society really contain real love, or is it just a childish and naive whim of emotions and hormones?

I think our society does contain real love, as love comes in different forms. If, however, you are strictly talking about love on a relationship level outside of that of the family and friend realm, then I would still have to say yes.

If would really like to meet someone but are "discouraged by the fact that it may just be a whim of emotions or hormones", then you have either two options: 1. attempt to ignore the idea and learn to trust the other person or 2. forget about meeting someone altogether. To mature and gain wisdom is to live and experience life itself, and not be afraid to take control and make mistakes. Mistakes happen and they allow people to learn from them if they so wish.

What >>23 has gone or is currently going through is one example of experience. I had gone through this stage during my first relationship as a teenager and learnt that saying "I love you" all the time lost its meaning after awhile. I had dated that boy for almost three years, and by the second year we were just saying "I love you" to fill the space. In my current relationship, we do not do this but have more open discussions and interactions that are much more meaningful.

Having learned from the past relationship, I knew I wanted more substance and to be able to really trust my current boyfriend. Of course, I couldn't do that unless I took a chance. That chance took our relationship as a couple for about five years now and is still going strong. We have not had sex, we do not always say "I love you", but we are always there to support and learn from each other. Our relationship is not boring by any means, and many people have complimented us on being a very cute and ideal couple. Especially when we joke around and tease each other.

Our love is not determined by what others say or think, but what we feel is "love"- being able to trust and depend on the other, love the other despite their shortcomings, and to support them through good times and bad. A few of my friends determine their love for a man by how they are able to support them, their job, and so on. I could care less as long as I am able to trust and depend on the guy as well as be able to laugh, smile, and be myself. Guys who supress that side of me just aren't worth my time and are someone I cannot say I truly love because they will be unable to accept the whole me and only part.

31 Name: Mireille guy : 2006-04-11 09:53 ID:deDuXgCF

i really liked what >>1 and >>7 said.
>>1 "Also that sex is the only thing that really matters, since trust is insufficient to sustain relationships these days."

most of the rest... wrong wrong wrong. wrong!

Truly, not everyone finds love. I come from a christian background and imho the bible describes in easy words what love is. Read very carefully the whole letter if possible. Imho the writer of the letter (Apostle Paul) knew what love was. Taken from 1st letter to Corinthians ch13.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

32 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-04-11 10:07 ID:Heaven


33 Name: 1 : 2006-04-14 04:50 ID:ITbJyHo0

I know all that you say is true and right about love.
But I can't stop doubting, I sincerly can't really feel safe with other people than my mother.
I always fear that people will manipulate me or be just plain mean.
I know that all I fear is sometimes without reason, but I can't feel relaxed since I'm aware that mean and dumb persons are everywhere.

But I'm actually carving the intimacy of someone else. But I'm not searching for a one night stand. I'm just wanna have a sexual relationship.
But I feel that I have inhibitions of sexual desire. But my reason for not realizing my desires. Is that I'm fastidious about things, that I sometimes feel really afraid of getting wild and crazy, and act a bit depressed and reserved.

I'm really depressed everytime I'm thinking of all the things I made wrong. But I try and try to think positive about myself, but it's the bad memories that I feel reminded by often.
I sometimes wish that I could mutilate myself. Just to get the attention from people.

I regulary dream of horrible things, where my or someones else body is sliced or mutilated. I actually don't like sharp things for the matter, but I fantasize about slicing people.
I'm not a dark-haired boy who dress in black.
I dress myself in ordinary clothes, I look very ordinary.
Maybe I'm too ordinary in order of being noticed by people.
No, it's not it. I'm not ordinary, I listen to chiptunes, love culture, and tries make a serious business of studying old anime-robot series.

It's actually gotta be that I need to trust myself, and show myself to the world, despite my queer interest.
I should give a damn about what others think about me.
Bu the hard part is how to do it without being plain mean to people.
I don't like being mean to people, but i know it can't be avoided sometimes, even though I wish it would.
I wish I was just dumb and naive sometimes.

34 Name: 1 : 2006-04-14 04:52 ID:ITbJyHo0

Who am I fooling of course you people won't read my reply. It's too long. Just give a damn about if you want.

I think he is marking the line numbers from the Bible.

35 Name: 27 : 2006-04-14 20:00 ID:mDxFnD0U

Ah, damn.
So, we need to talk.
Got AIM, ICQ or MSN?

36 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-04-15 03:57 ID:yh3l/UAj

What country / language is your native? You've got an interesting way of writing, but it isn't unpleasant.

You remind me of me, a bit. Also, you may have a social phobia / social anxiety / anxiety problem. Talk to a doctor and maybe get some medication for it. Paxil?

I was going to write something else, but I forgot it.

37 Name: Wanderer : 2006-04-19 10:21 ID:wiJV9hkr

True love is a lie...wait...ALL love is a lie.
Your telling me that there's just this...connection that makes you want to be together..nope.

just like the rest of society "love" is sex or people wanting a wife/husband to act like their mom/dad and take care of their lazy selves.Its all an act the closest thing their is to love is friendship. So pretty much get some friends..that are girls/guys..whatever and marry your best friend of the opposite sex. Thats as close as you will ever get.

38 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-04-19 22:25 ID:/hLLNk30

I don't think english have separate words for these, but oh well... I read in some sience magazine that "Just-fell-in-love"-love is believed to be a psychosis while "old love" is reason.

After seeing my friends and my brother (I have never fallen in love myself) fall in love, I'm ready to believe the psychosis part. True love exists, if you aren't overly mentally stable. Also, it will pass.

39 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-04-21 03:22 ID:8l+xYb+2

Although I definitely don't agree that love is a lie, I must say that I agree with you about marrying someone who can be a best friend. My relationships have always stemmed from someone who was a friend at first, then best friend, then girlfriend. But I can't say they were nothing more than best friends.

40 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-04-23 22:36 ID:mDxFnD0U

I'm in the same boat as >>39

All my relationships stemmed from very good friendships. And same applies to the one I'm now engaged with, was my best friend for two years before we started going out.

41 Name: 1 : 2006-04-25 03:29 ID:ITbJyHo0

I'm swedish.
I'm already seeing a doctor, I got recently a medicine called Zoloft it's anti-depressive. But it takes a while for it to properly work, said the doctor.

I like you alot, too be honest.
You are a nice person. Smart and emotional.

I maybe doubt about my sexuality.
I don't know what my sexual preference is.
I only know what I sexually desire.
Either I'm just curious about sexuality or I'm experimental.


I am the center of the world.
All life flows from me.
The sexuality is my tool to empower the people.
I am the Prometheus of our time.
I am the Epimetheus of our time.
The sexuality is my weapon to expel the people.
All life is drained by me.
I am the splinters of the world.

The cries will echo...

42 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-08 04:23 ID:15FFt3by

I can't say that it does or doesn't exist. It depends on how much you believe in your love with another person.

43 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-08 20:41 ID:Heaven

Why do people reccomend medicine for these natural anxieties and neuroses? Only through discussion and introspection can we solve our most intrinisic and personal problems; pills lead to a chemical imbalance that either forces you into dependency or further warps your brain.

44 Name: Secret Admirer : 2014-01-04 10:00 ID:bYVM1F2w

maria serious love you posseble marred

45 Name: Secret Admirer : 2014-01-09 09:23 ID:bYVM1F2w

I will go and meet as soon as possible If you think Mary, would like to meet maria
i wont meet you

46 Name: Secret Admirer : 2014-01-09 09:35 ID:bYVM1F2w

As much as possible, get to work to make money fast

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