[drama] How do I get closer now? [failure] (101)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-03-07 07:32 ID:fpkZXuEn This thread was merged from the former /love/ board. You can view the archive here.

I know just about nothing about Romance. So when I started liking this one girl, I tried to get closer to her, but all that happened was we became close friends. I'm not sure how to go for the romance angle now that we're such good friends, and it's the age-old cliche of "I don't want to risk losing our friendship."

All this developed only in the past month, but already we're close enough that I really don't want to lose her as a friend. Help!

2 Name: tokyojapan22 : 2007-03-07 15:56 ID:VEMxlnM4

hmm......i'd say that it'll be hard for you to get in the romance angle of things cause she probably will only think of you as a friend. just stay as a friend for now and when the time comes or when you feel it's right then tell her your true feelings of her.

3 Name: TEENAGER : 2007-03-07 17:28 ID:1fXdeh7C

I say you need to do some crash impact right now.

Also I haven't had a single successful relationship in my life, just fyi.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-03-08 04:28 ID:afBsraNM

5 Name: Kira : 2007-03-08 08:49 ID:FHD80iNi

Well do you truely love her? I know you came to us for the advice... But here's the the real answer... And that is within you. Ask your self that. Is your love for her that strong that you'll take a risk for it. Also to hint her that you like her... Use the body language... Girls can understand the body language really well. Plus you can try to show her that you are in love with her by giving her some attentions and such. Well I hope it goes well. Good luck.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-03-08 12:04 ID:iMEjRP2o


You are so afraid of losing her as a friend because you have romantic feelings for her too. You befriended her for the sake of your emotions and let me tell you this; getting amusing friendships is a fuckload of a lot easier than finding a good relationship.

Also, a good friendship is an excellent basis for a good relationship. You have only a friend to lose from trying, and if you lose one from trying it wasn't a good friend in the first place.

Trust me on this.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-03-08 18:54 ID:/dB1krN+

>>6 speaks truth, go for it!

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-03-09 23:41 ID:fpkZXuEn

Thanks for all the advice. I've been dropping hints left and right, and I think she's picking up on them. It's not like she's encouraging my advances, but she's not stopping or showing any signs of disliking them either, so I think that I might just going to go for it pretty soon. It's only a matter of finding a way to express my feelings without totally fucking up, which I know I'll do. I'll report how it goes.

9 Name: annonoyous : 2007-03-10 00:21 ID:CTGEaHwz

dont be shy son, go for it, you got nothing to lose!

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-03-10 00:35 ID:iMEjRP2o


Fuck up, it's awesome! Never act according to fear, it's the only thing that will make you seem like a loser. Even if you're scared, people will think you rock if you're daring. Well unless you do something really retarded but I know you're not planning on doing that.

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-03-16 04:09 ID:fpkZXuEn

Ahhh! I failed! I hate myself! We went out together, not really as a 'date' though. I came close to confessing but didn't say anything. I just dropped more hints. Aghh, I feel like I missed my chance!

I won't give up though. I'll definitely confess by the end of the month! Fucking high school drama.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-03-16 06:29 ID:ITFImYyf

I've been through this before so listen when I say this, there is no friendship if she turns you down. You can't be friends with someone if they have shat all over your heart, regardless of what you fool yourself into believing. With that said, just tell her. If you like her more than a friend, you can't go on just being her friend, now can you? But if she says no, you just have to move on, otherwise you're just hurting yourself by still being friends with her and wanting her, but not being able to get her.

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-03-17 21:14 ID:fpkZXuEn

Thanks for the advice. Another part of this is, after the school year ends and I graduate, we'll be going our separate ways. I'm not sure if I want to get into such a relationship only to have it end so soon...but I also don't want to regret not taking the chance when I had it. So I'm definitely going to keep trying. The bad thing is I never feel like it's the right moment to confess, and I'm not sure what I should say either. Just blurting out, "I like you" seems tacky.

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-03-17 22:38 ID:V35oJHck

Hmm... I have a similar situation. I've been in love with that girl for 2 years, and I still don't have the courage to confess. I have about one month left until graduation, then it'll be 'game over'... and I love her to the point I'm constantly thinking about her, yet I'm still too scared to say anything; just thinking whether she likes me or not... I hate myself.

15 Name: annonoyous : 2007-03-21 09:48 ID:Lt6R9zXc

I know how you feel man. I've gone through a lot and I mean a lot of relations ship problems so I've experienced majority of it all and honestly I can tell you that If you miss this chance you'll hate yourself for a very long time to come. Don't be scared cause if it works out you'll feel like you've died and gone to heaven and even it it doesn't then at least you'll know that you tried. So be a man and tell her. You've got very little to lose and a whole lot to gain.

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-03-21 11:56 ID:jCJ170VZ

Yet, don't go to her and confess your feelings. From what I have read, telling the girl how much you like her will only things worse. Acting laid back seems to be the way.Just keep dropping her hints like you've done but make them less subtle each time, she will pick it up. If she doesnt want it she will probably show it.

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-03-22 08:29 ID:GjCXCuhA

Sometimes you have to go out on a limb because that's where all the fruit is. Right guys? ...right?

But seriously, regret is awful. Be honest with yourself and be sincere with her. The worst case scenario is that you get rejected but gain courage for your next go 'round.

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-03-24 08:28 ID:fpkZXuEn

OP here. I'm not sure what to do at all. The other day, I spent around 6 hours just talking with her. Though we talked quite a bit this whole time, we somehow never talked about anything very serious. I'm not sure how to get past that screen of bantering and speak on more serious topics. I feel that we need to start talking more seriously with each other before we can get anywhere at all, and definitely before I confess to her. The problem is that we're both pretty non-serious type people, and both pretty shy when it comes around to it. We spend most of our time together just laughing at different silly things. I'm happy like this, I hope she is too, but I still pine for more depth and I'm not sure how to get there when our conversations are always on such a jocular level. Any tips?

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-03-25 20:04 ID:TZpYQCDi

I think the only way to successfully bring up something like that is in a "romantic" locale, such as dinner or a movie (or both...)

If you're hanging around & talking, "being friends", then naturally, that's all that's going to happen... But if you go to a movie or dinner, talk can then become serious, as the very fact that you invited her specifically naturally implies seriousness, I think...

20 Name: >>14 : 2007-03-25 21:15 ID:Rqy/Vh4J

...which brings up another problem - how to ask her out.

21 Name: OP : 2007-03-26 05:13 ID:fpkZXuEn

NOTE: Just read the first paragraph if you want to save time.

Ahhh, I don't know what to think! I asked her (online, I'm too shy in real life) in a really roundabout way if it would be OK for me to like her. And she said no, she didn't think so. Then we moved on to other subjects. What does this mean? I don't know how to interpret it. I guess it's really my fault for asking such an ambiguous question. Once again it's not really discouraging or encouraging me. Fuck.

I guess I'll just try to ask her out, as per >>19's advice. But I'm nervous as hell. I've never been on a date before. We've gone out together before, but it was really just as friends; someone asked us if one of our outings had been a date, and she adamantly said no. I'm not sure if this was a refusal of me, or just a reaction to an embarrassing question, but judging from her reaction, I'm pretty sure it's the latter. At least I hope so.

Anyway, if I do go on a date, what should I do? Do I pay for everything and argue with her if she tries to pick up the check? Should I suavely give her flowers when I pick her up? I really have been quite a social introvert until I met this girl, so I don't know much at all about these things. I don't go out with even my friends often at all.

God, my heart beats so fucking fast when I think about a date, though. I want to embrace her so badly. She's tall, has beautiful green eyes, and I can smell her shampoo when I get close enough. She's so beautiful, but my own face is covered with acne that I've tried to get rid of in a million ways. I wouldn't dare ruin such a pure complexion with a pimply kiss. I get nervous just getting close to her, I feel like it's so unnatural to have such beauty next to my ugliness. I don't know. I don't think she's the type to care so much about appearances that she'll reject me because of my ruined face. But I still worry.

22 Name: OP : 2007-03-26 05:14 ID:fpkZXuEn

Oops! I worded that first paragraph completely wrong! I asked her if it would be useless for me to like her. And she said no, she didn't think so. Just to clear that up.

23 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-03-26 11:46 ID:lqgUqJ2H

I would pay for everything beforehand, but don't argue if she wants to pay for anything... Naturally, that only causes feelings that you aren't letting her be kind as well...

I wouldn't go & give her flowers if it's not a "date" just yet... You can always ask, in some suave way later, "So, does this count as a first date??", and if it's yes, then say "I guess I should've brought some flowers, then; Oh, well, there's next time"...

It's a casual way of inquiring, directly from you to her, if this counts as a date, without the embarrassment of others being around & asking her; Also, you could always later open the way to a comment like "so does this mean we're a couple??"

24 Name: Frigid Onanoko : 2007-03-26 12:28 ID:0vgEDqqz

Hello! what a nice discussion, finally again someone who gonna be active. And this time, a guy who already goes outside his basement, yeh!

ok, so you need get appointment for lunch or dinner first. No worry about mentioning date-word, it confuse topic. You gonna need trick to get it though, there need to be an excuse so that both of you can say, it not a date. You should think of one. FO wanna give one example: You could tell that you found a restaurant and that you'd like to try out the food there. BUT, going alone is a pain, so, [casually] you wondered if she'd be interested in trying that food too, one of these days. (when you ask, make sure not to be in a 'begging position.') Of course, it bloody transparent, but that no matter - the invitation is perfectly legitimate. Both of you can now say, when asked "yeah, we found we both wanted to try this food, but its so uncomfortable to eat alone, so we just went together."

Now about the flowers. Frigid Onanoko laugh at suggestions above! nyahaha! Do you even understand symbolism of flowers? It suggest connection - for two young people together, always love. After you give the bouquet to her, stupid flowers gonna be on table. Then when she walk around, she have to carry them along. Everybody in town gonna think you and her in love (strongly.) You gonna turn date in one long ordeal of embarrasment for her. So don't do it, and if - definitely after several dates and good understanding of relation between each other - then bring them to her house. FO, personally, would ditch flowers if given at first 'date' and go away.

Well, that about flowers. Can really appreciate them though! For you, op, this future music, no? get to appointment first. Make it a goal, do suggest it in real life, you much better able to judge her response. (And then we no get impossible interpretation questions here)

Bye now!

ps, Frigid Onanoko pretty confident she already know you're into her. She probably quites supportive if you're careful. But don't be so careful that you cannot move. Girls hate guys that bring out umbrella even when sun is shining in wide blue sky!

25 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-03-26 15:52 ID:uxFah28M

Whenever I read a Frigid Onanoko post I imagine a fat, 40-year-old Neanderthal pounding away at her keyboard in her musty cave.

26 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-03-26 18:57 ID:GfAOfh+K

if you pick her up from her house, you could get away with bringing her some flowers. what i would do tho is pick a small bunch yourself from the local area (e.g. theres loads of daffodils blooming around my area atm so i would just pull some up) - just jokingly say when she greets you at the door something like "oh yeah and i stole these for you" and hand them over, not making a big deal out of them just laugh and move onto talking about something else

27 Name: Frigid Onanoko : 2007-03-26 20:00 ID:0vgEDqqz

>>25, don't. Except for the keyboard part, it very far from truth.

28 Name: Kira : 2007-03-27 08:08 ID:etAnFrac

Don't be afraid of losing friendship with her.... Just go for it and spend more times with her. Give out some hints... Then plan things out carefully... Well, try your best!!! Good luck!

29 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-06 01:27 ID:fKaClyo+

Ah...the days pass and I get nowhere...

30 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-07 02:14 ID:81jJZBvv


Pull the thumb, out of you..r...

Well I don't know I'm no expert on the subtle signals of social interaction, how do you sneak your way into someones heart, I have no fucking idea.

But if you want her to know and want to know how she would feel about it, JUST, TELL, HER. I mean for fucks sake you're already friends, you speak with eachother on a regular basis I get, you're on a level where you can be frank and straightforward. Just blurt it out.

You should know also that if you really like someone you're not bothered by things such as pimples.

31 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-07 05:30 ID:fKaClyo+

I told her in the simplest way I could that I liked her, and she said she liked me too. I did it over chat. Yes, I know that I'm extremely ultra-lame for doing it that way. Yes, you can kill me now. Just be glad I didn't say 'lol' or anything like that. I was to shy to tell her in person, even though just today I had the perfect chance when we were walking together in the sunshine...

Either way, I don't know what to do now. Where we go from here, I don't know. We're both shy. If I ever find a reason to ask her out, I'm sure she'll agree if it works with her schedule. But as for the rest, I don't know what will happen. Thanks for all the advice /love/, you gave me the push I needed, even if I didn't have the balls to do it properly. I'll stay on for more reports, of course.

32 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-07 09:46 ID:81jJZBvv


Shit..... I thought you were a smart guy... No wait I didn't, cowards are always morons lol!

If you are too chicken to follow this up the right way now, you will blow it ALL. Thats why you should never tell over the net, mail, phone, sms, whatever. Always face to face, don't ever do something out of sight that you wouldn't do face to face, thats always a good rule for everything, except taking a dump or a piss maybe but thats unrelated.

I don't know -since I'm not in your heads, where you must go from here, but if you do not it will turn really awkward and start to reek of insincerity. It's like telling someone you love them while drunk and then waking up the next day with monster regret and a half, trying hard to avoid what happened and you know why? Because you did something while not being the person you otherwise can, dare or even want to be. If you don't dare to initiate something properly you are not yet mature to see it through properly either.

Oh man......... Try this; First time you see her next time, tell her again to her face, just as if you never had that convo on the net. If you can pull that of it should proceed naturally from that point and you don't need to worry.

This might sound all neg and shit but God knows I'm rooting for you. Hopefully she will be very understanding no matter what happens, but girls tend to be ultrasensitive to all those subtle signals and signs, reading too much into everything and getting scared in vain. If worse comes to worse you will start down the same path as myself and that is not somewhere you want to be.

You need to grow a set of balls real fast my friend, grow into a man over a day. I hope you're up for it.

33 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-07 13:58 ID:JzgFviih

biggest douchebag on earth

34 Name: Josou : 2007-04-07 17:02 ID:yRgtveRI

I suggest telling in person as well, because either way it works out better. If it's a yes, well that's great. if it's a no, well then she'll probably be more gentle, because she knows she'll have to watch your heart break into a small pile of dust in front of her. (That said, don't be a crybaby about it, girls hate that.) She's more likely to be willing to give you a chance if she's on the fence as well, because she would otherwise have to watch you crumble. And girls, well most of them, don't like to destroy people. (Most people don't like to destroy people, unless there's a good reason.)


onnanoko means girl in Japanese. Onna means woman, ko means child. Personally what I have in mind, when I hear "frigid onanoko" is I think of a tsundere.

35 Name: TEENAGER : 2007-04-07 17:33 ID:WPjf75xQ

Come on, OP.

I know you can do it. Hell, if you'll call her now, she would be all over you.

36 Name: OP : 2007-04-12 03:00 ID:fKaClyo+

Well, I still didn't manage tell her in person. Fuck. I guess that's what the [failure] tag is for. My defense was that the mood wasn't right, so instead I just apologized for confessing to her online. She said she didn't mind, and the subject quickly changed.

I'm sorry for letting you down /love/, but the situation's not as dire as you might think. We're even closer now, despite my cowardice...all that's left really is to ask her out. The problem is I don't know any good restaurants around here, and I know that there aren't any movies out that either of us want to see.

I sense no danger of her saying no, at least. But I don't want to ask her out until I actually have somewhere to take her...

37 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-12 10:41 ID:a7d7dDct

Jesus Christ, what a wussbag

38 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-12 10:48 ID:bUR0S6xn

Well, i will stop helping you. That about the restaurant is such an excuse to yourself, you are being quite the sad one.

39 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-12 13:35 ID:0lT8KDtI

what a gaydick. you fucking retard

40 Name: TEENAGER : 2007-04-12 13:50 ID:hH9wI2MO


What the hell man.

If you sense no danger, then that's a huge sign reading HEY OP TAKE MY HEART.
Ask her out ANYWHERE. Man, you can even ask her for a walk around the town. And talk.

It's just like eating cookies; There is no wrong way to ask out a girl.
You will probably impress her just by gathering up the courage.

41 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-12 17:53 ID:u/UQ2it7

>You will probably impress her just by gathering up the courage.

It would certainly impress me, this guy's unbelievably sad.

42 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-13 03:12 ID:iMEjRP2o


Yeah you're even closer now but in what regard I ask you? How do you want to be close to this girl, are you forgetting that? You CONFESSED, and now you're moving like nothing in particular happened, just because you're chicken shit. That will be ok for a while but not for long, you need to break your emotions out of that bullshit faqade of yours. JUST DO IT! Stop filtering out your feelings to act only as a friend or it will be the end of your chances for good.

Why are you censoring yourself out, think you suck, that your love is revolting and unwanted? Your bullshit act is the only thing that sucks, and your whining and complaining about how much you suck is the icing on that shitcake so throw it in the bin TODAY. If you do that it will all be fine. Comprende mi amigo?

And don't talk about letting us down, the only ones you're letting down is yourself and this girl who likes you, she wants you to be her man, not a crybaby. Do you think she wants to hear or feel that her feelings for you are wasted, or that you are not worthy to love her by some retarded standard you've made up in that withdrawn little emo-dungeon you call your mind? You need to re-brainwash yourself because stuff like that gets old real fast and is a foolsafe way of driving people away.

You are still making excuses, you are still defending your lurking out of harms way...

Honestly, do yourself a favourand listen to me; stop listening to your mind, start listening to your feelings and just do, ACT! It will be fine, trust me.

43 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-15 01:18 ID:fKaClyo+

>>42 is probably the most accurate post about my situation so far. Thanks for spelling out so clearly what should have been obvious to me in the first place. I'll try to stop whining and coming up with excuses from now on. I'm a bit inept at social life, but that's no excuse since it's my own fault for having been a recluse in the first place.

Anyway, I went to a cafe with her today and asked if she would go out with me. She said yes. I still haven't come up with anywhere specific so we're just 'going out' in general now, I suppose.

44 Name: MEGA ORC : 2007-04-15 01:42 ID:TWQFIx4b

nigga you be trippin

45 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-04-15 14:44 ID:iMEjRP2o


This isn't nuclear research, everything doesn't have to be an exact science, it's not. Act on instinct, go out on a limb, don't be so careful. You know when you like someone, how everything they do is fucking awesome, brilliant and cool? It's like this here; if she likes you, it will be ok even if you think it was a total failure, you did it with good intentions and she will recognize that. If she doesn't like you, it will suck even if it was technically wounderbar, and your intentions won't matter for shit. Thats the science of love, it makes no sense because it's about feelings, not logic.

Now go and prove my theory, stop treating her like she is some highly instable substance that will blow you from the face of the earth for the slightest mistake. I mean, how is your tolerance level towards her? Pretty fucking high right? This "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" -thing works in this direction too. You want her to take a risk and prove her love for you, so prove yours to her. Don't wait for others to act for you, set things moving yourself. A woman shouldn't be ahead of the guy in this matter, it will not be good for the balance of the relationship.

All I'm saying is; You can pick things to do and places to go, and you can make moves on her etcetera. She wants you to, dumb-fuck and if you don't get your ass moving I'll find out where you live and take over for you, lucky bastard.

46 Name: TEENAGER : 2007-04-15 20:20 ID:WIuhtzmK


Man, it wasn't really that hard, now was it?

Good move, now you are on your own, because you should now know what to do. It will be easy from now on. Hopefully.

47 Name: Enigmatic Man : 2007-04-15 23:25 ID:2qt9oXOc

go for it..or you'll regret it

48 Name: OP : 2007-04-22 02:01 ID:fKaClyo+

We went for a dinner and a movie on Friday (Blades of Glory.) It was a first date, kind of. (I've been to movies alone with her before I'd asked her out or confessed online.) We got there a bit late, but she didn't mind. The date was still very friendly; I need to get the balls up to hand-hold and all that crap. But at least she's very forgiving when I'm clumsy and stupid, which is very often. But she was very relaxed, and it seemed like she had a good time.

49 Name: Seraphius : 2007-04-23 05:27 ID:GOjF5u4J

Just keep at it. No shame in becoming better friends with someone before feeling pressured into hand-holding and other such things.

50 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-05-04 01:48 ID:fKaClyo+

Update 2 (even if you don't really care)
We've begun to hug and hold hands since about last week. Friday night we're going out for dinner as a second date.

Question: Are gifts (like flowers) expected, a bad idea, or in between for a second date?

51 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-05-04 04:21 ID:A+c3CH0n


Oh lawd just surprise her(and us)! The question here isn't what people do but what you do; she likes you, remember that.

It's all about finding out what they like and give 'em that and at this stage you don't need to know so closely because noone is expecting you to, what you are expected to do is to be generous with yourself. Do you understand what I mean?

52 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-05-06 14:44 ID:fKaClyo+

Well, our second date was a failure. It rained and we got drenched, and so didn't spend long in the park. The restaurant we were going to go to was closed for Cinco De Mayo and we ended up just eating at Red Robin. But it was still great. It's such a wonderful feeling to be with someone who doesn't care how bad things are. I love her so much it hurts.

53 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-05-06 20:55 ID:A+c3CH0n


Sounds great, so I hope this isn't just some lonely persons fantasies; I hope this is really happening for you!

54 Name: argg : 2007-05-08 22:23 ID:CbG57Vs7


55 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-05-09 01:02 ID:fKaClyo+

Heh, if it were my fantasy, I'd come up with something a lot better. We're going out again on Saturday. I really, really don't want to go off to college now...

56 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-05-09 04:01 ID:R2MWqkWd

Don't worry about it. I am in freshman year and there is a (really hot) girl who still is in a relationship with her high school boyfriend. You can still be close, and if you drift apart you shouldn't be afraid to try again with your greater experience.

57 Name: TS : 2007-05-09 04:48 ID:03PCC9sq

you fool. you've struck gold. keep at it. going to college however, will test your relationship, especially if you guys will be far apart from each other. keep this in mind.

58 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-05-13 02:19 ID:fKaClyo+

I feel like we're progressing a lot slower than we would be if I wasn't such a coward. We're very close, as always, but I always find myself wishing for more but too afraid to ask. Nonetheless, I am happy, and I like to think that she is too. Sometimes I worry that she has lost her regard for me, but such paranoia is unfailingly proved groundless by the next meeting...I am a creature driven by fear, always haunted by fear of rejection and failure; nearly all of my other problems stem from fear, including being an annoying asshole that whines about himself on the internet.

Oh well! I'm so happy right now that I couldn't care less what other people think, or about the fact that I'm too slow and uninsightful to make the next move...

59 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-05-15 13:44 ID:ldjkyOuU


Obviously you do care about what people think, thats why you're still acting out of fear. You need to let it go. If you keep on being a coward you will lose her and everything else, if you take a chance you might lose something, but you may also win, and you will grow as a person.
Stop being a coward, just do things. Don't wait around, take initiative. It will be hard and painful but everything that is worth something comes at a cost of effort, everything that is good has a price.

I believe in you dude.

60 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-05-15 15:05 ID:UTg5mWvB

go for a boob grab! might be your last chance!!

61 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-05-16 12:54 ID:fKaClyo+

I do not care about what other people think, but I do care about what she thinks. Right now she's the most important person to me, and I don't want to do anything she doesn't like. So yes, my fear is of displeasing her, though not anyone else. Thanks for the advice; I'll keep on fighting!

62 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-05-16 22:55 ID:kF/hIxsZ

I hope for your sake it works out. I know the feeling of unrequited love for a friend all to well.. It's good that you got at least to dating. Most times it doesn't get so far. You're lucky.

Don't be afraid to move to the next step. That's gotten me dumped quite a few times. Just know that if you stay afraid than dreams of what could have been will haunt you.

I know what it's like to be so in love with someone you don't want to do something for fear of hurting them. If you've gotten thus far and every thing's been okay with her, push further it might be what she wants.

You can't make her happy if you don't try to move the relationship to the next level.

63 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-05-20 05:31 ID:fKaClyo+

I love her so much that it hurts. Should I tell her?

64 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-05-20 07:55 ID:Mi8QKf1r

Yes, I think she should know that.

65 Post deleted by moderator.

66 Name: 62 : 2007-05-21 21:20 ID:kF/hIxsZ

Yes, if she doesn't then how can you move forward? Plus if she doesn't how can you live with your feelings hanging over your head?

67 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-05-30 06:04 ID:fKaClyo+

I suppose it's time for another report. She knows I love her now, but it hasn't changed much. We're moving so slowly that it's driving me crazy. I didn't think my love could get much stronger, but as the days pass I only find myself more attached. And yet we still haven't even kissed, and we're still hardly physically (or even mentally) close at all. If I was playing it safe before, she's playing it even safer now. She's always been a shy person, so I can understand that it's difficult for her to open up (this is probably the first time anybody has ever gotten even this close to her, so I can feel special because of that.)

That's not to say I'm not making any progress. Slowly, but surely I am getting better at this whole real-life thing, and simultaneously gaining more courage and trying to take advantage of every opportunity I can to thoroughly woo her. We are getting closer, but God I wish it didn't take so long...and so much money...went to another movie+dinner yesterday, maybe I should stop insisting that I pay for everything.

68 Name: Touch of Ink. : 2007-05-30 13:52 ID:IbJw3xz6

Not that I'm one for relationships, but I do know a lot about making women like you in the right way.

The honest to God truth is, women draw their conclusions on you within the first couple of weeks. She might have seen you as romantic material the first times she saw you, but when you spend more and more time without any romance you get put as a friend and it's nearly impossible to get out of that.

69 Name: Touch of Ink. : 2007-05-30 13:53 ID:IbJw3xz6

It's not their fault either. Women have to generalize in order to keep sane with the amount of men that they have to put up with. They have to choose. Typically if you are close to them without sex that's what they're going to get used to. They're far easier to have sex with the first week or two and THEN they also try to get close to you spiritually.

Once you guys are 'friends', it's awkward to break out of. Except in one case. This is the advice I've got for you currently.

70 Name: Touch of Ink. : 2007-05-30 13:53 ID:IbJw3xz6

Create a new image of you. Now this doesn't mean don't be yourself, but you want her to feel for you then you've got to show what you have to offer her! Instead of just hanging out, take more initiative, say that you want to go to a specific place, hang out with OTHER women. If you get another girlfriend or potential girlfriend than you suddenly become this different man in HER eyes. It really wasn't that great an Idea to say that you Love her. True or not, it's best to let these things happen naturally. If you Love her, then it should be pretty obvious and you don't even have to say it. But if you take the initiative to show that you're boyfriend material and then suddenly don't show her that you Love her. That will draw the question "Didn't he Love me before? How come we're not together?". Never ever ever ever ever ever ever approach a woman like you're courting her, until she's chasing you. Until she wants it.

71 Name: OhNo789 : 2007-05-31 18:10 ID:FluKB0vi

Well it's good she knows now atleast that part is over with. The simple fact that she knows but isn't scared off is a good thing for you, now you can have faith and think with conviction that no matter what happens (or doesn't) she feels for you atleast a little bit.

I was in a situation that was similar only I was the person who was to shy to do anything. It might be that she is scared that any thing she does might mess something up, hence the relationship moving slower now, but what you need to do is to show her support and maybe make the first move so she knows it's okay.

Though I will say you should MAKE SURE THE TIMING IS RIGHT. You'll know it when it happens.

72 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-06-02 12:54 ID:iMEjRP2o


Your emotions are beautiful, don't be afraid to let them show, they will transform you in her eyes to glow like the summer sun. Just don't be afraid. If she is a real woman and not some form of cattle to herd with tricks, she can handle real confessions and real explanations. Give her your kisses, let her know how you feel her.


73 Name: Touch of Ink. : 2007-06-03 02:35 ID:Pd6FvZf0


That really touched me... In the end I do hope there are women like that...

But most of the time they're just cattle. So I sort of opt for the highest win ratio.

74 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-06-03 06:50 ID:4XspJ+fa

68 has it right. With some exception, a woman will make up her mind on how she feels about you within a few meetings. The great part of an established relationship is "being there" for someone, but if there's too much of that in the beginning, you'll drift into the dreaded friend zone.

What you want is to remain attractive on your own merit, just not by how much attention you pay to her whims or how much you complement her on whatever it is you like about her.

She'll want to hear those things, and sure chivalry is romantic, but more importantly... well hey, 70 says it well.

75 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-06-03 11:27 ID:iMEjRP2o


I know and you are right, but I'd rather be cut down in the open a thousand times to find that one woman who will complete me.... Rather than settle for a fucking knife that will slowly bleed me dry in the privacy of my own home.

76 Name: OP : 2007-06-03 17:48 ID:fKaClyo+

Wonderful advice from >>72 (as usual.) I'll take the other posts into consideration as well, thank you for all the advice. However, I no longer fear, as >>68 suggested, that I have been put as just a friend, because of something that she herself surprised me by saying to me this morning.

We were talking online, just about the war in Iraq or something, but we somehow ended up on the topic of relationships and she said something like, "Maybe you should stop torturing yourself by doing nothing."

My God, I love her.

Stunned and speechless, I stupidly replied with something like, "I know that, I'm trying but it's difficult." And she, always undeterred by my horridness, said that I need to have faith in myself.

Of all the people that could encourage me, I never imagined she would be one...if there was ever any indication that I should try and take it to the next level, this is it. I've been looking at it all wrong, as usual; her brief words have completely changed the way I see our relationship. So, I guess I was the more cowardly and shy one after all, in the end! Everything was prepared for me to go for it all along, I just couldn't see it. The next time I see her, I'm going for a kiss! I just pray I can do it...Thank God she's so encouraging and forgiving; I would have been dropped by anyone else in a second. Ah, Julia, I am such a fool! You should know that I don't deserve you...

77 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-06-03 19:06 ID:iMEjRP2o

>>Ah, Julia, I am such a fool! You should know that I don't deserve you...

Seriously dude don't be silly, don't ever say that to her. Ever.

You deserve her because she wants you, tell her that and you say; You're a moron for wanting me, stop it.

Obviously there is something good about you, perhaps everything but your fear and self-loathing. She is helping you to get over that now, so just happily accept her help and drop the degrading melodrama.

Tell her this instead, if anything: "You make me want to be a better person." or "You deserve the best that I can be." Something to that effect, cuz you know that shit is true dawg. Now go do this thing.

78 Name: Touch of Ink. : 2007-06-04 00:02 ID:kmSRGNWg


Oh my god... This... This is so beautiful!!!

I Love you guys. I Love you all in a totally non homosexual way.

It's true though as >>77 says. "I want to be the man that deserves you. I'll be the man that deserves you" or something to that effect. It's true though, self degrading melodrama is pointless if you're not beyond hope. And you're not beyond hope. Not by a longshot! Post what happens next!

On the reversal side, something like this happened to me in Highschool. And I got rejected anyway, the girl told me that I should never be afraid and never apologize for the way I feel. At the same time though she wanted to keep it slow.

...Can't I have both?

79 Name: Cake : 2007-06-04 04:10 ID:enIQzZ5U

Communication. It's all about communication. Don't keep things bottled up inside, if you love her, tell her. If you want to hold her hand, do it. If you want to kiss her, when the time is right, go for it.

I, myself, am a bit of a shy girl. In my last relationship, my guy didn't talk to me, he didn't communicate. That scared me, so i ended up shutting myself away too, and our relationship fell apart. Don't let anything like that happen to you, make sure she know's exactly what's going on in your mind, and your heart.

>>76 "said that I need to have faith in myself"

She's right, y'know. If you don't have faith in yourself, how can she continue to have faith in you?

80 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-06-05 17:39 ID:fKaClyo+

Thanks again for all the support. So, we kissed. Though they were not the most romantic or passionate lip-lockings, those brief moments were heavenly - but I won't bore you with ranting about how happy I am. She leaves for a three-week trip to her father's house in another state tomorrow. Cruel that we should finally kiss only to be immediately separated, but I should be able to survive the loneliness somehow.

Don't worry, I'm stupid, but not that stupid. I'm really only melodramatic in secret; I never lavish her with my self-loathing.

81 Name: Half Turned Pages : 2007-06-05 22:12 ID:Wc+8Wm6L

Ah, love stories.

Press on, and let love be your guide. Don't be afraid to make mistakes because if she really loves you it won't matter. Change, but change for the better do not forget yourself. If you do something, no matter how little do it because you love her. Breath as if you breath only because you love her. Live only to see her face once more. If you LOVE her she would be a fool not to love you.

82 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-06-06 04:51 ID:Heaven

What a half-assed 'love story'. What a clichèd teenage crush.

83 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-06-06 11:08 ID:iMEjRP2o


Bo ho, I don't wish I could share your pain.


Oh lovely! I hope the best for you guys.

And here is a tip for the road: If you like to lavish yourself in self-loathing in private, it will eventually spill over into your relationship, as it becomes more close and honest. So kill that side of yourself now.

84 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-06-06 20:57 ID:fKaClyo+

Haha, I feel like I'm reading an inspirational book. But thanks anyway.
I realize it's clichèd, and I won't pretend that what I feel is somehow more special than the millions of other passing teenage crushes out there, each one of them believing that they have discovered "true love." But I don't give a fuck; I've found happiness.
I'll start hacking away at it.

85 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-06-06 21:27 ID:iMEjRP2o


I'm glad you're sober about this thing but put your heart and back into this relationship and don't ever allow yourself to think that it might just be a passing thing. There is nothing saying you cannot make this last, it's all about what you put your mind to.

Let the cynics rot in their sorry world if they want to, but they don't set the rules thank God. Just have faith in the two of you, I do.

86 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-06-27 03:56 ID:fKaClyo+

Don't worry. I love her enough to risk getting hurt by persisting in our relationship even through college. I just know it will probably end badly, as all such relationships do, with me only probably being able to see her on weekends, but I still believe that it can work out somehow. Love can be blinding that way.

Anyway, she's back! Finally. Love her even more now - fucking distance makes the heart grow fonder. I'm going through every cliche in the book. She has given me full permission to do all sorts of coupley things with her, kissing and touching and the like, so now it's just a matter of me not being all awkward about it if I want to progress in our relationship. Since I'm not used to human contact, I can't easily do things like even put my arm around her. I force myself, and thus I'm learning, though very slowly. I believe in myself!

87 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-06-30 21:47 ID:qDLRC0IV


I feel jealous now and thats highly unusual.
I don't know why I get this picture of your girl being awesome because I'm usually such a cynical prick. I guess I believe you.

Anyway, you just need to learn to relax, forget about everything you've been taught and just be for a while. Just be with her, not all the voices in your head and her.

You don't have to be any more used to this than a baby needs to be of breathing, it will happen naturally if you only let it. I'm starting to sound like a broken record...

There is no past to ruin the present apart from what you commemorate and don't you worry about the future either because we create it through who we are. Worrying is half the loss because while you do it, it affects your words and actions. And those little doses of negativism over time grows to affect your life to become less and once you get to what was once "your future", you will have made all your worries a reality and you go like; "See!? I fucking knew it! This is just my luck!".

So stay positive and meet obstacles as an oppertunity to grow stronger with providing solutions. Nothing will end badly unless you make the two of you those typical sour asses who are the reasons things turn to shit in the first place.
Love isn't blinding, it should just be a natural part of life but we've made life a heap of unnaturally blinding bullshit. I mean we have even made pain beautiful so we can be pain junkies. What the fuck is that shit?
...So anyway, what is actually natural no longer fits in that pile of crap, that's what makes love so misleading to us. Together with parenthood, you know how that is supposed to be so hard but it really isn't. And sex, thats an entire fucking science by now but the less you know the better it gets, but now we are just afraid of all the wrongs we can make while we strive for that idea of perfection which is just a heap of oppinions about this and that.
Don't induldge in it, don't even fucking care, don't listen, don't look. Turn your eyes away from all the bullshit this world heaps over your heads you don't need any of it, it will only make your lives a burden.

88 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-01 01:25 ID:fKaClyo+

Thank you for the advice. I have been trying to just relax around her, and so far it's been great. I won't ramble on about all the laughs we have together, or the first time we made out while sitting on a grassy hill overlooking the night city, but I will say it has really been wonderful. It's given me a whole new perspective on not just love, but life, too. In movies characters will say to each other, "Have you ever been love before?" in order to prove a point, and now I can understand why. It really alters your take on things; for a brief example, I don't care all that much about sex or porn anymore. If we never have sex (we both know it's probably never going to happen) I don't really care. As long as I have her.

When I think back to the kind of person I was when I started this thread, I shake my head in shame. I think she really must love me to have put up with me over these past few months. I've grown so much, thanks mainly to her. (Thanks a bit to 4-ch, of course, too.) It feels great to know that I can make a complete fool of myself and still get away with it.

89 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-03 03:11 ID:zuNayAtM

4ch success story!

90 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-07 13:19 ID:pA94bl3w

You've one the first boss, but you've got some grinding to do before the second. Good going, Clyo!

91 Name: person : 2007-07-16 01:52 ID:gkZPtmjU

This is so awesome, this is like Densha Otoko forum on this site, and this guy is just so like him to, to now have girl that loves him. That it some crazy twist of fate

92 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-17 11:04 ID:YTPskY33

Personally I love this forum. I paste fake questions and fake advice, and the only risk is that someone sages a thread. Sometimes people take my advice and it actually works, and then I consider myself a failure.

93 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-18 00:34 ID:fKaClyo+

Wishful thinking - I'm no Densha. Just a foolish 17-year-old boy.

Anyway, we're still going strong, though as with all relationships there are a few rocky points. She can be very stubborn, and if we ever disagree on something she tries as hard as she can to change the subject, refusing to talk about it. And she is still very closed to me, especially about her past. It's impossible for us to get into an argument this way, but also leaves problems unsolved and both of us frustrated. (Advice on dealing with this part welcome...)

Of course, I make it sound worse than it is by listing only the bad things. And there are plenty of good things. I'm not giving up on her any time soon!

94 Name: OP : 2007-07-30 05:17 ID:fKaClyo+

Update, in case anybody cares.
We are still having great times together. I somehow feel closer now than ever before. I feel like I'm finally getting places! I keep repeating this, but it's hard to believe how much I've changed since posting >>1. At the point I'm at now, even if I somehow lose her (God forbid) I won't be completely lost. I'm no longer desperate. This relationship really started as desperation, looking back. I would have been crushed had she rejected me, I'm just really lucky she didn't. But the point is that now I am no longer weak. We love each other!

95 Post deleted by moderator.

96 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-09-04 06:24 ID:PlCD5saf

Obligatory update for the millionth time: We are still going out. I love her so much!

97 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-09-05 01:01 ID:S3Oepikl


Thats great to hear mate. Obligatory best wishes for the millionth time. :)

98 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-09-05 11:27 ID:+oi5Lg07

This deserves a thread.

99 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-09-05 13:57 ID:Heaven

I hate you and all you stand for. But continue to make bombing runs, my shelter is actually getting pretty solid now.

100 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-09-05 19:18 ID:S3Oepikl


You keep coming here through?

101 Name: Secret Admirer : 2020-12-15 10:07 ID:Heaven

OP here with a 13-year-old update.

Looking back on this thread, I realize how immature and self-centered I was. I thought I was in love, when really I was just desperate to be in love (and also horny) and thus prepared to fall in love with whoever showed some interest in me. And as our relationship went on, I went from shy and awkward to dominating and demanding; both sides really stem from self-centeredness.

In retrospect she was much more emotionally and socially mature than I was. Really, she was an angel to have put up with all my bullshit for so long. Around 2009, after some time in a long distance relationship, we parted ways; although I was the one that suggested it, I secretly regretted it and went through a very embarrassing and stereotypical "crazy breakup" phase, getting angry at her for no good reason. She forgave me though, and we remained distant friends, although the rift never quite healed, and also I think she must have started to realize in hindsight what an asshole I was (as did myself). Our online chats gradually grew less frequent, and so we drifted away...

We don't talk anymore, but judging by social media she seems to be doing well for herself. As for me, I think I've grown a lot as a person. I am now happily married to a woman whom I deeply love. Honestly everything still worked out pretty great in the end. My only regret is that I wished I could have apologized to my first love back when it would have meant something, for everything I put her through. I could apologize now, but I think it would come off as inappropriate and tone deaf if I said it now.

Anyway, thanks, /love/ for all your help.

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