(Continued) But after being in special education my whole education it effected my education. None of this was relized at the time. My brother and I wss at his aptment when I was 12. And my dad kept tring to page me I seemed annoyed my brother said I shouldn't act like that. Whenever he called the house my father just past the phone to my mom that dad hated him I told him that dad didn't hate him I thought it was guilt. I talked to my dad and after that my brother asked if I said something to him because out of nowhere he asked how he was the last time he called. I told him I hadn't said anything. I am surprised I understood relationships so young. So at about 25 I started reaching out to my siblings I was depressed and my night terrors and sleep apnea returned I had to explain to my brother what the terror thing was. They just stopped answering after that. started thinking of suicide and two years after that I turned to herrion right after that I purposely od. they dont know but my parents had to give me cpr for about 3 mins to bring me back. I talked to my parents and told them about the depression and heroin. Now im clean but none of it matters im a recovered heroin addict and if I went to my brothers and sisters well I hate to say but shadenfreuden. I haven't talked to my brother and sisters in a little over 6 years. That night terrors and overwhelming feeling of despair is why. I choose not to have kids even though I know I would never let them be harmed I'm extremely emotional. Like cry at cartoons and commercials emotional so they Would probably get messed up one way or another.